Is wife being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

I dislike you so much. I feel sorry for your wife and kids. You get the asshole of the year award.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

The fact that your mother gave YOU money for Christmas and gave HER a much smaller amount on a gift card for Christmas, and the fact that you seem to think this is all totally normal, is very telling.

You're married and you have kids together. Good grief.

A normal married couple, if they receive money from their parents, get it as a combined gift. Not "here's a big cash gift for YOU, my darling, oh and here's a little token gift card for you".

Your wife is right. There's something really wrong with your parents. And all of DCUM can see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

DP That is the way it works in our family, on both sides. We would think it was extremely weird if we received a joint gift. Who wants that? We're separate people. I appreciate it when I receive a gift that is given with my interests in mind, and so does my husband.

PP, you are having a very strong reaction to something you can't control (other people giving gifts to you). Why is that?

I think the practice of my family is very common to our social set. I cannot think of any couple that receives a "joint" gift from either set of parents. That just seems odd.

Anyway, clearly you are outraged about OP. I just wanted to chime in that the gift-giving thing is actually pretty normal in my family and in our social set.

OP is talking about money, not individual gifts tailored to their individual interests. His parents aren't treating them as a married couple and he's apparently ok with that. I'm thinking his wife should take him up on that.

[Anonymous]

If my MIL suggested I’d harmed my unborn child by drinking and that I was lazy and eating bad food while I was pregnant, she would not be seeing me or her grandchildren until she profusely and abjectly apologized. I am a big believer in family and think cutting people off is an absolute last resort but those comments are beyond “rude”, they are pretty vicious. Suggesting your wife harmed your child? OMG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s so easy why don’t you bring the 2 year d yourself? He can be the ring bearer and your wife stays home with the newborn.

Let me guess, when you’re the one who has to do it, there’s a million reasons why it’s not so easy?

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

The fact that your mother gave YOU money for Christmas and gave HER a much smaller amount on a gift card for Christmas, and the fact that you seem to think this is all totally normal, is very telling.

You're married and you have kids together. Good grief.

A normal married couple, if they receive money from their parents, get it as a combined gift. Not "here's a big cash gift for YOU, my darling, oh and here's a little token gift card for you".

Your wife is right. There's something really wrong with your parents. And all of DCUM can see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

DP That is the way it works in our family, on both sides. We would think it was extremely weird if we received a joint gift. Who wants that? We're separate people. I appreciate it when I receive a gift that is given with my interests in mind, and so does my husband.

PP, you are having a very strong reaction to something you can't control (other people giving gifts to you). Why is that?

I think the practice of my family is very common to our social set. I cannot think of any couple that receives a "joint" gift from either set of parents. That just seems odd.

Anyway, clearly you are outraged about OP. I just wanted to chime in that the gift-giving thing is actually pretty normal in my family and in our social set.

OP is talking about money, not individual gifts tailored to their individual interests. His parents aren't treating them as a married couple and he's apparently ok with that. I'm thinking his wife should take him up on that.

More than OP being okay with it, he's outraged that his wife has the audacity to be offended by it.

That's IF any of this is real at all. And I'm really hoping it's not. The wife clearly made some bad decisions to stay with such a horrible guy, but now there are apparently two innocent little kids in the mix.

I feel like divorce isn't going to really solve these issues. Can you even imagine what OP is going to be like during a divorce? He'll demand 50/50 custody even though he clearly has no interest in or ability to raise kids independently (the "and of course I'll support my wife to handle the toddler in any way necessary on the trip" - all while he's boozing it up as best man at a wedding and his wife is also struggling to handle a newborn all by herself away from home surrounded by people who constantly insult her - kind of gives that away... competent fathers would take full responsibility for the toddler when forcing the wife to go on a trip she doesn't want to go on with a newborn, not just try to support her when he felt like it!). And then with 50/50 custody the kids will be exposed even more to all the offensive insanity of his extended family.

Pretty sad really.

[Anonymous]

Guys, there is no way this isn't a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

The fact that your mother gave YOU money for Christmas and gave HER a much smaller amount on a gift card for Christmas, and the fact that you seem to think this is all totally normal, is very telling.

You're married and you have kids together. Good grief.

A normal married couple, if they receive money from their parents, get it as a combined gift. Not "here's a big cash gift for YOU, my darling, oh and here's a little token gift card for you".

Your wife is right. There's something really wrong with your parents. And all of DCUM can see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

DP That is the way it works in our family, on both sides. We would think it was extremely weird if we received a joint gift. Who wants that? We're separate people. I appreciate it when I receive a gift that is given with my interests in mind, and so does my husband.

PP, you are having a very strong reaction to something you can't control (other people giving gifts to you). Why is that?

I think the practice of my family is very common to our social set. I cannot think of any couple that receives a "joint" gift from either set of parents. That just seems odd.

Anyway, clearly you are outraged about OP. I just wanted to chime in that the gift-giving thing is actually pretty normal in my family and in our social set.

OP is talking about money, not individual gifts tailored to their individual interests. His parents aren't treating them as a married couple and he's apparently ok with that. I'm thinking his wife should take him up on that.

More than OP being okay with it, he's outraged that his wife has the audacity to be offended by it.

That's IF any of this is real at all. And I'm really hoping it's not. The wife clearly made some bad decisions to stay with such a horrible guy, but now there are apparently two innocent little kids in the mix.

I feel like divorce isn't going to really solve these issues. Can you even imagine what OP is going to be like during a divorce? He'll demand 50/50 custody even though he clearly has no interest in or ability to raise kids independently (the "and of course I'll support my wife to handle the toddler in any way necessary on the trip" - all while he's boozing it up as best man at a wedding and his wife is also struggling to handle a newborn all by herself away from home surrounded by people who constantly insult her - kind of gives that away... competent fathers would take full responsibility for the toddler when forcing the wife to go on a trip she doesn't want to go on with a newborn, not just try to support her when he felt like it!). And then with 50/50 custody the kids will be exposed even more to all the offensive insanity of his extended family.

Pretty sad really.

I'm the PP who thinks the joint gift is odd. Usually both sets of our parents give us physical gifts but there have been times when my inlaws have given money. It has happened twice. Both times my inlaws gave my husband $5k and they gave me something like a $250 gift card to a store I like. I would have thought it extremely odd if they gave us each the same amount. He is their son for crying out loud. I don't know why they gave him that amount, we weren't having $ problems or anything, but as gift-givers it is their prerogative. My FIL even joked the second time after my husband opened the box that my husband better hand the check to me so he wouldn't lose it. They know their son!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

The fact that your mother gave YOU money for Christmas and gave HER a much smaller amount on a gift card for Christmas, and the fact that you seem to think this is all totally normal, is very telling.

You're married and you have kids together. Good grief.

A normal married couple, if they receive money from their parents, get it as a combined gift. Not "here's a big cash gift for YOU, my darling, oh and here's a little token gift card for you".

Your wife is right. There's something really wrong with your parents. And all of DCUM can see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

DP That is the way it works in our family, on both sides. We would think it was extremely weird if we received a joint gift. Who wants that? We're separate people. I appreciate it when I receive a gift that is given with my interests in mind, and so does my husband.

PP, you are having a very strong reaction to something you can't control (other people giving gifts to you). Why is that?

I think the practice of my family is very common to our social set. I cannot think of any couple that receives a "joint" gift from either set of parents. That just seems odd.

Anyway, clearly you are outraged about OP. I just wanted to chime in that the gift-giving thing is actually pretty normal in my family and in our social set.

OP is talking about money, not individual gifts tailored to their individual interests. His parents aren't treating them as a married couple and he's apparently ok with that. I'm thinking his wife should take him up on that.

More than OP being okay with it, he's outraged that his wife has the audacity to be offended by it.

That's IF any of this is real at all. And I'm really hoping it's not. The wife clearly made some bad decisions to stay with such a horrible guy, but now there are apparently two innocent little kids in the mix.

I feel like divorce isn't going to really solve these issues. Can you even imagine what OP is going to be like during a divorce? He'll demand 50/50 custody even though he clearly has no interest in or ability to raise kids independently (the "and of course I'll support my wife to handle the toddler in any way necessary on the trip" - all while he's boozing it up as best man at a wedding and his wife is also struggling to handle a newborn all by herself away from home surrounded by people who constantly insult her - kind of gives that away... competent fathers would take full responsibility for the toddler when forcing the wife to go on a trip she doesn't want to go on with a newborn, not just try to support her when he felt like it!). And then with 50/50 custody the kids will be exposed even more to all the offensive insanity of his extended family.

Pretty sad really.

I'm the PP who thinks the joint gift is odd. Usually both sets of our parents give us physical gifts but there have been times when my inlaws have given money. It has happened twice. Both times my inlaws gave my husband $5k and they gave me something like a $250 gift card to a store I like. I would have thought it extremely odd if they gave us each the same amount. He is their son for crying out loud. I don't know why they gave him that amount, we weren't having $ problems or anything, but as gift-givers it is their prerogative. My FIL even joked the second time after my husband opened the box that my husband better hand the check to me so he wouldn't lose it. They know their son!!!

Well your inlaws are a bit odd too then, sorry. As the PP said, they're not respecting the fact that you guys are married. It's okay for there to be one check. And then to hand it to one of you (it doesn't have to be their son) and say "Happy Christmas, we couldn't think of anything that you guys needed this year but we heard you talking about a kitchen remodel and we thought this might come in handy."

Giving checks for the same amount is also not respecting the fact that you're married, and I'd think that was strange too.

[Anonymous]

OP please get into counseling if you love your wife. Your lack of self awareness and awareness of how your parents have and continue to behave is mind boggling. The Christmas gift thing is just so obvious. The fact that you can't see it and call her ridiculous for being offended is just sad. Be a grown up. Stand up to your parents and put your wife and children first.

I say this as someone who loves my in laws and frequently takes the children to see them without my DH. This kind of relationship was built because my in laws have always been warm, accepting and welcoming. Your parents may have torched that bridge but trying to repair it starts with you and them changing NOT your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Okay this will probably be my final post. I cannot give every single detail about everything that has happened. The very strong reactions indicate I have not accurately portrayed the situation. The few people I have discussed this situation with IRL can see the merit to my point of view so I will just leave it at that. I am not going to pressure my wife to attend the wedding. She can stay home wth the kids. You guys have helped me to realize that it would be a tremendous amount of work having Munoz toddler there. He is extremely active and always wants to be running around on his feet. I can only imagine how much more adventurous he will become in another 7 months.

I love my wife and I want to support her. I work hard so that she can stay home and raise our children. I have worries that if I just give in and agree with her about my parents being jerks, then she will demand we cut them off, at least from our children. That is not an acceptable option for me so I find myself reluctant to agree with her.

Look. If your parents are willing to be cut off from their grandchildren rather than apologize to your wife over, then that is their decision. Don’t feel guilty about it. You jumping in the middle of it is probably making it worse on both sides.

And yeah. You are both working extremely hard and are resentful the other isn’t pulling his/her weight. Welcome to parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

OP. Listen.

Your first obligation is to your children and your wife. Everyone else in your life is a distant second.

It is not in your newborn's best interest to go on an airplane at 6 weeks old. In fact, it is high-risk.

It is not in your healing wife's best interest to go on an airplane at 6 weeks postpartum, while trying to establish breastfeeding and a sleep routine.

It is not in your toddler's best interest to go on an airplane during flu season. Not as risky as it is for the newborn, but certainly not in his best interest.

Everything else is secondary, tertiary, or beyond. What you want is secondary to what your children and postpartum wife need. What your parents desire is not part of the equation. What your wife's relationship with your parents is like is not relevant.

What part of this do you not understand?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

The fact that your mother gave YOU money for Christmas and gave HER a much smaller amount on a gift card for Christmas, and the fact that you seem to think this is all totally normal, is very telling.

You're married and you have kids together. Good grief.

A normal married couple, if they receive money from their parents, get it as a combined gift. Not "here's a big cash gift for YOU, my darling, oh and here's a little token gift card for you".

Your wife is right. There's something really wrong with your parents. And all of DCUM can see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

DP That is the way it works in our family, on both sides. We would think it was extremely weird if we received a joint gift. Who wants that? We're separate people. I appreciate it when I receive a gift that is given with my interests in mind, and so does my husband.

PP, you are having a very strong reaction to something you can't control (other people giving gifts to you). Why is that?

I think the practice of my family is very common to our social set. I cannot think of any couple that receives a "joint" gift from either set of parents. That just seems odd.

Anyway, clearly you are outraged about OP. I just wanted to chime in that the gift-giving thing is actually pretty normal in my family and in our social set.

OP is talking about money, not individual gifts tailored to their individual interests. His parents aren't treating them as a married couple and he's apparently ok with that. I'm thinking his wife should take him up on that.

More than OP being okay with it, he's outraged that his wife has the audacity to be offended by it.

That's IF any of this is real at all. And I'm really hoping it's not. The wife clearly made some bad decisions to stay with such a horrible guy, but now there are apparently two innocent little kids in the mix.

I feel like divorce isn't going to really solve these issues. Can you even imagine what OP is going to be like during a divorce? He'll demand 50/50 custody even though he clearly has no interest in or ability to raise kids independently (the "and of course I'll support my wife to handle the toddler in any way necessary on the trip" - all while he's boozing it up as best man at a wedding and his wife is also struggling to handle a newborn all by herself away from home surrounded by people who constantly insult her - kind of gives that away... competent fathers would take full responsibility for the toddler when forcing the wife to go on a trip she doesn't want to go on with a newborn, not just try to support her when he felt like it!). And then with 50/50 custody the kids will be exposed even more to all the offensive insanity of his extended family.

Pretty sad really.

I'm the PP who thinks the joint gift is odd. Usually both sets of our parents give us physical gifts but there have been times when my inlaws have given money. It has happened twice. Both times my inlaws gave my husband $5k and they gave me something like a $250 gift card to a store I like. I would have thought it extremely odd if they gave us each the same amount. He is their son for crying out loud. I don't know why they gave him that amount, we weren't having $ problems or anything, but as gift-givers it is their prerogative. My FIL even joked the second time after my husband opened the box that my husband better hand the check to me so he wouldn't lose it. They know their son!!!

your in-laws are weird.

[Anonymous]

Reading this has made me so glad for my husband. OP, if you are real. I feel so sorry for your wife. You’re sad product of your parents. I am so sorry for your wife. I hope she has close friends and family who can help her see how messed up you and your family are hopefully gain some perspective and eventually distance from all of you.

[Anonymous]

Take your 2 year old, leave wife and newborn at home. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Okay this will probably be my final post. I cannot give every single detail about everything that has happened. The very strong reactions indicate I have not accurately portrayed the situation. The few people I have discussed this situation with IRL can see the merit to my point of view so I will just leave it at that. I am not going to pressure my wife to attend the wedding. She can stay home wth the kids. You guys have helped me to realize that it would be a tremendous amount of work having Munoz toddler there. He is extremely active and always wants to be running around on his feet. I can only imagine how much more adventurous he will become in another 7 months.

I love my wife and I want to support her. I work hard so that she can stay home and raise our children. I have worries that if I just give in and agree with her about my parents being jerks, then she will demand we cut them off, at least from our children. That is not an acceptable option for me so I find myself reluctant to agree with her.

I'm sure your friends mean well, but consider that people are usually more (brutally) honest when they can tell you something anonymously or without being face to face with you and risking seeing your hurt reaction. Assuming you aren't a troll, please consider that there is a real reason you are getting the responses that you are on this post, and that it's not because you haven't "accurately portrayed" the dynamics between your wife, family and yourself.