Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

You people know OP is a troll who stole this from the Rules Revisited site, don't you?

That doesn't mean the OP isn't correct, because they are; but this is just copied and pasted. OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. If I'd read the OP post when I was 25 I would have laughed, shrugged and been vaguely disgusted by the 1950's anti-feminist mentality of it all.

But having lived through it by the end of my 20s I would say there is a grain of truth in it.

As for the 35 year old guy - I am sure you're a real catch. I expect you were living off your sugar-mommy which is why you hung around freeloading for an extra 2 years. Nice.

[Anonymous]

It gets really tough I your late twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP says it all.

Gals, if you're young.. Or not young, get the hell out early,

I've wasted 11 years. No children, no ring, and the only career that has thrived is his as I've allowed myself to be the "trailer" during a relocation.

I did it for love, but truth is, he gives a flying fuck. From the gals perspective: Don't do it. Now, extracting myself means paying the dues I've lost, without realizing all (or any) of dreams I had.

Don't be an idiot. He doesn't put a ring on it? Give yourself 2 years. Then get the fuck out. It will hurt less, and you will have less invested.

+1000

This. But make it one year. A guy dating a woman for more than a year with no ring offered is a form of abuse. He is stealing her fertility & dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's an interesting scenario. I've actually been in a relationship with a woman who was 37 when I was 32. Clearly I had the time advantage on my side (no biological clock, etc.). However, at one point in the relationship she did some really unfair stuff to me (including us going sexless for 1 year). Rather than break up with her, I stuck around for 2 extra years just to make sure she lost something (time) too. Seemed fair to me. I was in no rush to move on and we got along as friends, just our sex life had gone to crap. So I basically waited her out. She realized I wouldn't propose when the sex life didn't come back. And she also realized she was about to turn 39. I feel like it was fair.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

This lady figured out a proven method:

https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating?language=en

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

+1000

I made this mistake.

This. DH wanted me to move him while he attended law school out of state. I told him I would not live in sin. He proposed. Happily married 11 years now.

[Anonymous]

Sex matters.

Guy spends close to decade with woman who won't give oral or anal or whatever and he tries to convince himself that he loves her (and might actually love her), but is not willing to never have oral and anal... A very real reason to not marry a woman. Sorry.

Then he gets with th next woman who is an oral/anal fiend and he marries her to keep that sex (which doesn't always work out either).

But yeah, no... No ring for the "only vaginal sex" women, as far as I'm concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people know OP is a troll who stole this from the Rules Revisited site, don't you?

That doesn't mean the OP isn't correct, because they are; but this is just copied and pasted. OP is a troll.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's an interesting scenario. I've actually been in a relationship with a woman who was 37 when I was 32. Clearly I had the time advantage on my side (no biological clock, etc.). However, at one point in the relationship she did some really unfair stuff to me (including us going sexless for 1 year). Rather than break up with her, I stuck around for 2 extra years just to make sure she lost something (time) too. Seemed fair to me. I was in no rush to move on and we got along as friends, just our sex life had gone to crap. So I basically waited her out. She realized I wouldn't propose when the sex life didn't come back. And she also realized she was about to turn 39. I feel like it was fair.

Fair? Good grief. Do you have any idea what a jackass you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with this post. Your 20s are for getting to know yourself, establish your career.

I think love and romance are just as important as "establishing a career." Sometimes I think the DC mindset is seriously f*cked. There's more to life than your resume!

I think you should establish yourself careerwise and financially before deciding you've found the right person to marry and procreate with. Love and romance can wait. I met my husband at 27; it's not like I put it off forever.

This made me smile I didn't meet my husband until I was 38! I had a very established career and even scaled down to a lower paying job with far less travel and fewer hours. I have no regrets that I didn't get married until I was 40. In any case, you cannot plan on anything. You may find your husband at 15. You may not find him until you're 55. Just be sure it's the right guy. I totally get where the OP is coming from and actually agree with her. But I also agree with you in that establishing yourself careerwise and financially is also important when you are in your 20s. As my mother told me, "A woman should always have a way to support herself (and her children) financially, regardless of who she marries. Anything can happen -- he could leave you. He could get hit by a bus. He could become unable to work." Even though I'm a mostly SAHM now who freelances, I know that I have the skills and experience to go back to FT work when it is time to or if it becomes necessary financially while my kids are still young. In any case, you can't really plan for love and romance. But you can have control of your career and financial future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's an interesting scenario. I've actually been in a relationship with a woman who was 37 when I was 32. Clearly I had the time advantage on my side (no biological clock, etc.). However, at one point in the relationship she did some really unfair stuff to me (including us going sexless for 1 year). Rather than break up with her, I stuck around for 2 extra years just to make sure she lost something (time) too. Seemed fair to me. I was in no rush to move on and we got along as friends, just our sex life had gone to crap. So I basically waited her out. She realized I wouldn't propose when the sex life didn't come back. And she also realized she was about to turn 39. I feel like it was fair.

Fair? Good grief. Do you have any idea what a jackass you are?

what a clever scheme, you really showed her.

God forbid you have an ounce of backbone to just end it when it was no longer working out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed!

I have a 36 year old girlfriend down in the dumps because her (same aged) boyfriend "isn't sure" about marriage and children. She spent her twenties and thirties partying and now she has nothing to show for it.

I know you will probably get flamed (hard) for this, but I agree with you wholeheartedly.

I actually see both sides here and have been on both sides as well. You have to really know the guys intention is to marry. An ounce of hesitation means he isn't ready and you were just going to be strung along. I moved in with my now husband before we were engaged. I was comfortable doing so because he was always talking about getting married and the wedding and was just waiting a bit more time to save for rainy and make sure we were compatible. I knew he really wanted to get married and really wanted to get married to me. In a previous relationship I never moved in with a guy yet he kept telling me I was his soulmate ETc. He didn't want to lose me but also wasn't ready for marriage. I could see it wasn't going to work out and ended it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This lady figured out a proven method:

https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating?language=en

This is actually a sound strategy, as long as you have access to a large population and don't mind internet dating.

It's sort of the female analog to pick-up artists. Ruthless efficiency in playing numbers, but it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies: if you are interested in getting married, you need to be well aware of the fact that you are probably most attractive sometime in your mid- to late-twenties. This means that your mid- to late-twenties are the years in which you are most likely to attract the highest quality man you can get. And while maximizing your attractiveness is key, it all counts for nothing if you aren't single when the right guy comes along, or if you aren't putting yourself out there because you are involved with someone who is only half-committed to you. So in addition to looking your best, you need to make sure you aren't spending time in dead-end relationships.

Time and time again I see or hear about girls who allow a guy to date them for three or four years in their twenties without proposing. This blows my mind. I understand that these girls are holding out in the hope of eventually getting a proposal, but they don't give enough consideration to the possibility that they'll be strung along for another two or three years, only to have him decide that he wants someone else - or worse yet, someone younger. Combine this with a girl's reduced odds of finding someone (let alone someone better) once she begins to age and things begin to fall into perspective; it seems crazy to consider dating someone for more than a year without a very strong confidence about the direction in which the relationship is heading.

Ladies: don't give a guy your most eligible years with nothing to show for it. This is bullshit. If you ultimately want to get married and your current relationship isn't constantly growing stronger (i.e. approaching something permanent), then you need to start asking questions. And if you aren't getting satisfactory answers, it is time to look elsewhere. The clock is ticking.

Furthermore, your time is your responsibility - not his. For better or worse, men will not make commitments that aren't required of them. If he isn't taking things to the next level when you think it is appropriate, break up with him. You can do this nicely, and you should explain your reasoning clearly, but you should still break up with him. More easily said than done? Probably. But it is the best move nonetheless. If he really wants you, he will try to get you back; but if he doesn't, remember: during your most eligible years, you are better off being back on the market than tied up in a dead-end relationship.

this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

i am 42, married for a long time, and when i look around i think every single guy i ever had even a minor crush on is married with kids. there basically nobody left that i would have interest in if i had to look around. good stuff moves fast.