Do you wish you had your children younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've only read the first few and the last few pages, but I'm offended that a lot of posters seem to think anyone who has children in their 20s is immature and unable to handle parenting. Sure there are some who are, and sure there are people in this age group who had kids before they were ready or who didn't pick the fathers well or whatever. There are others of us for whom it's worked out great. I graduated from college, got a master's degree while working full-time and then I got married and bought our first house at 24, had my first a little over a year later at 25. Bought a second house at 27 (we kept the first and rent it out) and had our second when I was 28. We both still work full-time (had au pairs and my mom's help when the kids were young) and make over $200,000 now (which yes, I'm not bragging that this is fantastic for this area, but I feel like at 30 with two kids, we do pretty well).

The kids are both great, well-behaved kids (of course, you can choose not to believe that). DH and I have had our struggles of course with two young kids, but now that they are both out of diapers, etc, our relationship is back to being great. We travelled and did fun things before we had kids, took a break when the kids were babies and then started traveling and exploring with the kids. Our social lives of course have been scaled back, but we still go to concerts once a month or so (which was something we used to really like) and now have made friends with other families with kids, so we tend to do all the fun stuff we used to do with them and the kids.

We purposely bought in a good school district through high school, so no need for private school money. We do all those financially responsible things like maxing out our 401ks and saving for college. We got a 15-year mortgage with our second house, so it will be paid off when the oldest is a junior in high school. We live within our means but we don't have money worries.

I think the main reason I love being a young mom is that the kid's grandparents are still young - both young 50s. We're fortunate that we have lots of date nights and even weekends off every few months because they have the energy to take the kids. If we'd waited 10-15 years, maybe we wouldn't (or maybe we would - I get that everyone's situations are different).

The main thing I regret about not waiting is more time to get to know my husband and do things with just him. Presumably though, we'll get to do that when the kids go off to college - we'll be mid-40s.

So maybe I'm in the 1% of 20-something moms who aren't narcisstic fuck-ups (thanks PP!). It hurts my feelings to think that when people see me and my kids and figure out that I'm 30 that they might be immediately dismissing me in this way. Please remember that it's life situation and not age that necessarily determine how much of a fuck-up you are.

Congratulations, I guess. But everyone has some doubts and regrets, and not everyone has great parents who volunteer to babysit their grandchildren. You are indeed fortunate to have that support.

[Anonymous]

I think what we younger Moms need to understand is that most Moms over 40 wished they'd had their kids earlier. They can spin it however they want (career, travel, etc), but the fact is that some of them envy younger Moms their youth. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting it.

While having a great career and being financially comfortable is wonderful, not all 40+ Moms are rolling in the dough. In fact, many are probably living paycheck to paycheck like a lot of other folks. To assume that most older Moms are these accomplished women who are world travelers with hundreds of thousands in the bank is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so tired of all you old bitches acting like anyone under age 40 is incompetent as a mother. Jesus Christ. I don't care that your hair looks like shit, I don't care that you now have three asses instead of one, I care that you sneer at me because even though our kids are the same age, I'm under 30 and you think that makes me a piece of white trash.

Point taken. So where DID you get your MBA, and how DID you manage to get that and have a career while still having two kids by age 25?

Oh no, I don't have an MBA, I should go hang myself right now. What could I ever possibly contribute to society without an MBA?

No, I don't think you're white trash just because you don't have an MBA or other advanced degree, but boy, your jealousy of women who are professionally accomplished and had children over age 35 is not becoming. Not as bad as white trash, but yet not flattering to you.

hahah, 7 figures had kids at 25, and advanced degree 30 now and C level at a company. You should try harder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't actually know anyone who "chose" to wait more than a couple of years after marrying to have kids, and most of them didn't wait more than a couple years to marry once they found the guy. So let's drop that BS right now about choosing our careers over kids in our child-bearing years. Most of us had babies late because we had to, not because we chose to. The alternative would have been to have babies as single moms (which sets off the smug married types) or marry the wrong guy just to have kids, which drives the "should I divorce my asshole hubby?" posts. Instead we chose to make the best of the reality we're in, and we are looking at the positives of having kids late. What the hell good does it do to sit around saying, "oh, i should have had kids at 25 so I can be a grandma by 55." ugh.

Look, having kids young is no guarantee you'll ever see your grandkids. My mother met my father at 18 or 19 and married him at 21. He was her first and only lover, and she had me at 25. And she died at 41, when I was 16. She never saw her grandkids. I might meet my grandkids or not. I could follow my mom's lead and die at 41, there's no way of knowing. Or I could live to be 86, like most of the women in my family, and see my daughter have kids or not. (she'd be 50 at that point.) "living to see my grandkids" is kind of a weird reason to have kids young or to criticize someone for not having kids young. (and frankly, that puts a lot of pressure on your kids to have their own kids. that should be a decision they make independently of you.)

Haven't read this entire thread, but a couple people have posted things like this, which is just silly. I got married at 25 but we had our first child when I was 34--by our choice, not a fertility problem. I didn't even think I wanted kids for a really long time. When i changed my mind, we had kids. Now that I have them I would like to be younger, yes, but at the time, I didn't want children.

Why in the world do you find it hard to believe that people can choose to have children later?

[Anonymous]

Who needs an MBA to be a mother?

Maybe some 40 year old nuerotic with a child care manual in the armpit
You really do look ridiculous when you read and do everything according to the manual

Do you ever have the energy to take the kids to the park to play and kick a ball with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so tired of all you old bitches acting like anyone under age 40 is incompetent as a mother. Jesus Christ. I don't care that your hair looks like shit, I don't care that you now have three asses instead of one, I care that you sneer at me because even though our kids are the same age, I'm under 30 and you think that makes me a piece of white trash.

Point taken. So where DID you get your MBA, and how DID you manage to get that and have a career while still having two kids by age 25?

New poster, here, but HUH? I have a MA in economics from Georgetown and had two children before my 30th birthday. I actually finished my masters program when my first was 4 months old. I'm still a FT working mom. Having children at a "young" age has not at all hurt or held back my carrer as women like to zealously imply here. We are living in the new Millennium and I can have my cake and eat it too!

Please take a step back from the early 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so tired of all you old bitches acting like anyone under age 40 is incompetent as a mother. Jesus Christ. I don't care that your hair looks like shit, I don't care that you now have three asses instead of one, I care that you sneer at me because even though our kids are the same age, I'm under 30 and you think that makes me a piece of white trash.

Point taken. So where DID you get your MBA, and how DID you manage to get that and have a career while still having two kids by age 25?

New poster, here, but HUH? I have a MA in economics from Georgetown and had two children before my 30th birthday. I actually finished my masters program when my first was 4 months old. I'm still a FT working mom. Having children at a "young" age has not at all hurt or held back my carrer as women like to zealously imply here. We are living in the new Millennium and I can have my cake and eat it too!

Please take a step back from the early 80s.

+1 and the reason I could do this IS because of my younger age and higher energy, it's science

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've only read the first few and the last few pages, but I'm offended that a lot of posters seem to think anyone who has children in their 20s is immature and unable to handle parenting. Sure there are some who are, and sure there are people in this age group who had kids before they were ready or who didn't pick the fathers well or whatever. There are others of us for whom it's worked out great. I graduated from college, got a master's degree while working full-time and then I got married and bought our first house at 24, had my first a little over a year later at 25. Bought a second house at 27 (we kept the first and rent it out) and had our second when I was 28. We both still work full-time (had au pairs and my mom's help when the kids were young) and make over $200,000 now (which yes, I'm not bragging that this is fantastic for this area, but I feel like at 30 with two kids, we do pretty well).

The kids are both great, well-behaved kids (of course, you can choose not to believe that). DH and I have had our struggles of course with two young kids, but now that they are both out of diapers, etc, our relationship is back to being great. We travelled and did fun things before we had kids, took a break when the kids were babies and then started traveling and exploring with the kids. Our social lives of course have been scaled back, but we still go to concerts once a month or so (which was something we used to really like) and now have made friends with other families with kids, so we tend to do all the fun stuff we used to do with them and the kids.

We purposely bought in a good school district through high school, so no need for private school money. We do all those financially responsible things like maxing out our 401ks and saving for college. We got a 15-year mortgage with our second house, so it will be paid off when the oldest is a junior in high school. We live within our means but we don't have money worries.

I think the main reason I love being a young mom is that the kid's grandparents are still young - both young 50s. We're fortunate that we have lots of date nights and even weekends off every few months because they have the energy to take the kids. If we'd waited 10-15 years, maybe we wouldn't (or maybe we would - I get that everyone's situations are different).

The main thing I regret about not waiting is more time to get to know my husband and do things with just him. Presumably though, we'll get to do that when the kids go off to college - we'll be mid-40s.

So maybe I'm in the 1% of 20-something moms who aren't narcisstic fuck-ups (thanks PP!). It hurts my feelings to think that when people see me and my kids and figure out that I'm 30 that they might be immediately dismissing me in this way. Please remember that it's life situation and not age that necessarily determine how much of a fuck-up you are.

Congratulations, I guess. But everyone has some doubts and regrets, and not everyone has great parents who volunteer to babysit their grandchildren. You are indeed fortunate to have that support.

Not asking for congratulations and I hope I didn't sound in my post as if I think all that I have is 100% my choice or due to my hard work. I feel very lucky that I have a good job, that our first house didn't lose value after we bought it, that my parents want to help us, that I met the man I wanted to marry at 21, etc. The only point I was making with my post is that to assume anyone who had kids in their 20s is a bad parent or not financially ready or still acts like a "narcissistic fuck-up" is just plain not true. I don't think poor parenting and bad decisions are age related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what we younger Moms need to understand is that most Moms over 40 wished they'd had their kids earlier. They can spin it however they want (career, travel, etc), but the fact is that some of them envy younger Moms their youth. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting it.

While having a great career and being financially comfortable is wonderful, not all 40+ Moms are rolling in the dough. In fact, many are probably living paycheck to paycheck like a lot of other folks. To assume that most older Moms are these accomplished women who are world travelers with hundreds of thousands in the bank is absurd.

Me too. It was a choice. Younger moms need to realize the workplace in 1995 when I entered is much different than it is today in 2012. I am a FEd and none of the flexibiility or telework was available back then. Flash forward to when I had my first child in 2005---I WAH 100% on a flex scheudlce--any hours M-Sat btwn 5:30am-10pm. This allowed me to stay full-time in a job while being physically around my kids to a degree I felt comfortable.

I do think women are beginning to have kids younger directly as a result of family-friendly policies over the past 10 years. So--instead of being young b*tches---you can thank the old b+tches for lobbying to get you these perks. I was one of the committee members that made this happen at my agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what we younger Moms need to understand is that most Moms over 40 wished they'd had their kids earlier. They can spin it however they want (career, travel, etc), but the fact is that some of them envy younger Moms their youth. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting it.

While having a great career and being financially comfortable is wonderful, not all 40+ Moms are rolling in the dough. In fact, many are probably living paycheck to paycheck like a lot of other folks. To assume that most older Moms are these accomplished women who are world travelers with hundreds of thousands in the bank is absurd.

Then there are moms who had all their kids in their 20s who are now almost 40 and still don't have any idea what they want to do with their lives. I had my kids at 34 and 36, by the way, so I have no personal dog in this fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so tired of all you old bitches acting like anyone under age 40 is incompetent as a mother. Jesus Christ. I don't care that your hair looks like shit, I don't care that you now have three asses instead of one, I care that you sneer at me because even though our kids are the same age, I'm under 30 and you think that makes me a piece of white trash.

Point taken. So where DID you get your MBA, and how DID you manage to get that and have a career while still having two kids by age 25?

New poster, here, but HUH? I have a MA in economics from Georgetown and had two children before my 30th birthday. I actually finished my masters program when my first was 4 months old. I'm still a FT working mom. Having children at a "young" age has not at all hurt or held back my carrer as women like to zealously imply here. We are living in the new Millennium and I can have my cake and eat it too!

Please take a step back from the early 80s.

Oh really? Do you make a lot of money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what we younger Moms need to understand is that most Moms over 40 wished they'd had their kids earlier. They can spin it however they want (career, travel, etc), but the fact is that some of them envy younger Moms their youth. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting it.

While having a great career and being financially comfortable is wonderful, not all 40+ Moms are rolling in the dough. In fact, many are probably living paycheck to paycheck like a lot of other folks. To assume that most older Moms are these accomplished women who are world travelers with hundreds of thousands in the bank is absurd.

Then there are moms who had all their kids in their 20s who are now almost 40 and still don't have any idea what they want to do with their lives. I had my kids at 34 and 36, by the way, so I have no personal dog in this fight.

Me too. Though 35 and 37 and I thought I was being called old mom?

[Anonymous]

See, this is why I waited so long to have kids. I was dating these annoying and smug 20-something women. Who needs all that insecurity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what we younger Moms need to understand is that most Moms over 40 wished they'd had their kids earlier. They can spin it however they want (career, travel, etc), but the fact is that some of them envy younger Moms their youth. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting it.

While having a great career and being financially comfortable is wonderful, not all 40+ Moms are rolling in the dough. In fact, many are probably living paycheck to paycheck like a lot of other folks. To assume that most older Moms are these accomplished women who are world travelers with hundreds of thousands in the bank is absurd.

Me too. It was a choice. Younger moms need to realize the workplace in 1995 when I entered is much different than it is today in 2012. I am a FEd and none of the flexibiility or telework was available back then. Flash forward to when I had my first child in 2005---I WAH 100% on a flex scheudlce--any hours M-Sat btwn 5:30am-10pm. This allowed me to stay full-time in a job while being physically around my kids to a degree I felt comfortable.

I do think women are beginning to have kids younger directly as a result of family-friendly policies over the past 10 years. So--instead of being young b*tches---you can thank the old b+tches for lobbying to get you these perks. I was one of the committee members that made this happen at my agency.

Applause, applause. And my DH wouldn't have dreamed of using paternity leave in 1994 even if it had been available, but he used the full 13 days offered in 2001.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what we younger Moms need to understand is that most Moms over 40 wished they'd had their kids earlier. They can spin it however they want (career, travel, etc), but the fact is that some of them envy younger Moms their youth. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting it.

While having a great career and being financially comfortable is wonderful, not all 40+ Moms are rolling in the dough. In fact, many are probably living paycheck to paycheck like a lot of other folks. To assume that most older Moms are these accomplished women who are world travelers with hundreds of thousands in the bank is absurd.

This is not necessarily true. I'm an older mom who didn't want to marry in my 20s. I had two opportunities and turned them down. Maybe they weren't the right ones exactly, but I'm sure there are plenty of "young" ones who see divorce right around the corner. I have three friends who married in their 20s who are now divorced - single moms, in fact.

So I have no regrets.

I did indeed do what I wanted - w/o the hassle of handling logistcs, of setting up childcare, of saving money for tuition, etc. At this point, I don't have any sudden urges to travel the world. In fact, a trip to the beach with my husband and two kids is just fine for me, as is spending lazy days at the pool.

And no, we don't live paycheck to paycheck b/c we live w/in our means.

So you should avoid making inaccurate generalizations, PP. Didn't they teach you that in English class?