Do you wish you had your children younger

[Anonymous]

Having children has really made me realize my own mortality for some reason. I don't think I'm considered a young mom but I guess compared to most of the women here I am. I went to law school and practiced for a few years before having my first child at 28 and my second at 30. Sometimes I wish I would have had my first at 26.

Was I less mature at 28 than I am now? Sure, but I'll be even more mature at 60...that doesn't mean having kids at 60 is a plan. We grow and mature as our children grow and mature. Life is a huge learning experience that never stops.

[Anonymous]

If you had kids in your 20s, (or 15) you were probably had a crappy job with no prospects and let's face it, no career ambition. Having kids was not a "choice"- it was either an accident or default because you had no ambition. You weren't sitting around strategically thinking ahead at your life and decided when was the best time to have kids. Funny how years later you look back and it seems like you were sooo smart.

[Anonymous]

As someone who is TTC right now, I think you are all a bunch of major whiny judgy 3itches. YOU ARE BLESSED to have a kid, and you act like it was a choice when you can have them. Well, I could have "decided" to have them early or "waited" to have them late, I probably would be in the same place I am now - no kids. You should all really count your blessings and MYOB when it comes to other people's choices. Why are women so mean to each other?

[Anonymous]

probably most posters aren't trying to be mean, maybe they're just contemplating their decisions.

[Anonymous]

First child at 38, second at 41 yes I wish I had my children younger. I also wish I married younger and someone wealthier, but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids in your 20s, (or 15) you were probably had a crappy job with no prospects and let's face it, no career ambition. Having kids was not a "choice"- it was either an accident or default because you had no ambition. You weren't sitting around strategically thinking ahead at your life and decided when was the best time to have kids. Funny how years later you look back and it seems like you were sooo smart.

Because DCUM skews on the side of bitter 40+ FTM with a high powered career and a major shoulder chip, you'll get responses like this.

Some successful people just want kids young. Some don't. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Nope, the women who had children young on this board don't sound successful at all. They sound petty and resentful. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, the women who had children young on this board don't sound successful at all. They sound petty and resentful. End of story.

And how old are you?

I think both sides sound a bit petty here, but the younger women are definitely in the minority in this forum, so of course they are going to be defensive. And of course the older women are going to be defensive, because who like being called old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 26 and still single. X and I almost married, but realized we would not have a good marriage and now co-parent between 2 households. We are def paycheck to paycheck but still solidly middle class. I will start graduate school later. Travelled the world after DC was born (with and without DC) and still doing so. Daycare bill ends this Fall! I had DC at the perfect time for me. I might end up an younger and older mom, since I am single and looking for a marriage-minded guy. I am from the area, so I have lots of family support and "me" time. I save for emergencies, retirement, and college, have my own home, and make well under 100K. Even if I had been married, I wouldnt have waited until I had $$$ to have kids. I come from a working class background and never felt deprived.

I feel fortunate that DC and my parents (late 40s) are extremely close (she's with my mom now), that my grandparents are still around to see DC regularly, and that I was able to have a child.

Blaming women for waiting is just useless. Life happens. More men are opting to marry later. What are women supposed to do, marry themselves? Many of us wont meet the right guy til later. If X and I had married, we'd no doubt have two kids already and be done by 30. But it would be a dysfunctional marriage. I'm just thankful we've both turned out to be good parents. In an ideal world, I'd have married at 25, first kid at 26, second at 29, and another at 32. I'm happy with my life today.

This is me too (only without the house). I'm 27, and divorced with a 3yo. Sometimes I wish I would have waited, since I picked a loser to marry and reproduce with and financially it's been extremely difficult. I don't have the experience or credentials to make more than $50K and don't have the time or money to go to grad school right now. We're going to be living paycheck to paycheck for quite a while. Having an established career and more money would definitely make my life easier.
On the other hand, having DC early kind of woke me up. Being a mother gave me the strength to leave his abusive father (who was just one in a string of losers), get my act together, get out of debt and start planning for the future instead of just floating along. I've never had overwhelming professional ambition, so clawing up a career ladder has never appealed to me. DC doesn't lack for anything, he has all the necessities and plenty of frivolous things. Money would make my life easier, but we're happy without it too.

My life doesn't look like I thought it would at 27 and it doesn't look like what I imagined when I thought about motherhood. But that's okay, because while it's harder than I ever dreamed, it's also much more fulfilling.

This is me, almost exactly, I am the same age as you but my ex and I were never married and I make more money than you. I also have a full-time nanny and some family help so I am in a position where life is frankly pretty easy. I am glad you got out of the abusive relationship, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids in your 20s, (or 15) you were probably had a crappy job with no prospects and let's face it, no career ambition. Having kids was not a "choice"- it was either an accident or default because you had no ambition. You weren't sitting around strategically thinking ahead at your life and decided when was the best time to have kids. Funny how years later you look back and it seems like you were sooo smart.

Foreign Service Officer here. Having a kid at 26 didnt deter my dreams (quite the opposite). Still go out regularly thanks to having young grandparents and greatgrandparents around to help us out. Is it harder? YES! But parenting makes everything harder and is a challenge I happily accepted. I have a chance to retire at a fairly young age and be a big help to my grandkids (should I be blessed to have any).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is TTC right now, I think you are all a bunch of major whiny judgy 3itches. YOU ARE BLESSED to have a kid, and you act like it was a choice when you can have them. Well, I could have "decided" to have them early or "waited" to have them late, I probably would be in the same place I am now - no kids. You should all really count your blessings and MYOB when it comes to other people's choices. Why are women so mean to each other?

Because women have very different philosophies when it comes to having children - plan their whole lives around childbearing or raising, or fit it in among your other priorities in life. Both sides think the other philosophy is nuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First child at 38, second at 41 yes I wish I had my children younger. I also wish I married younger and someone wealthier, but it is what it is.

LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First child at 38, second at 41 yes I wish I had my children younger. I also wish I married younger and someone wealthier, but it is what it is.

Hey - You're a year ahead of me with your second!

girl, then boy

you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First child at 38, second at 41 yes I wish I had my children younger. I also wish I married younger and someone wealthier, but it is what it is.

Almost the same scenario here.... I met husband at 34, married at 37, had baby at 38 and now pregnant after trying for a year and will give birth when I am 41. I definitely settled for less with a younger guy that i have nothing in common with and also wish I had married someone that made more than 60k but he is a good dad and he is handsome and still puts it down in the bedroom and my clock was ticking. As I look at friends who are still looking I don't regret it. I just stopped believing you can have it all...storybook marriage with best friend good looking good character well to do educated spouse with no kids and settled for good looking good character educated with no kids who wanted to be married and have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what we younger Moms need to understand is that most Moms over 40 wished they'd had their kids earlier. They can spin it however they want (career, travel, etc), but the fact is that some of them envy younger Moms their youth. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting it.

While having a great career and being financially comfortable is wonderful, not all 40+ Moms are rolling in the dough. In fact, many are probably living paycheck to paycheck like a lot of other folks. To assume that most older Moms are these accomplished women who are world travelers with hundreds of thousands in the bank is absurd.

This nails it on the head for me. I'm an older mom (1st at 37 and lost 2nd at 5 months, age 39, in a very traumatic loss) and actually never thought I'd even want kids. That and I simply wasn't mature/ready/established enough at a younger age to have children. It is one of my two regrets in life. Maybe the grass is always greener, but that's my perspective.