Do you wish you had your children younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, the women who had children young on this board don't sound successful at all. They sound petty and resentful. End of story.

First child at 24 and second at 29. I am the bread winner and extremely successful in my carreer. My husband stays home with the kids (4 and 9). It was tough being the only one of my friends with a kid in my 20's. Admittedly I counted in my head how old I would be when my first would turn 18 and that helped me through the tough times. Now that they are so big I really regret wasting precious energy counting the years like it was a prison sentence. The reality is most kids leave home way later than 18. Complacency is my new middle name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids in your 20s, (or 15) you were probably had a crappy job with no prospects and let's face it, no career ambition. Having kids was not a "choice"- it was either an accident or default because you had no ambition. You weren't sitting around strategically thinking ahead at your life and decided when was the best time to have kids. Funny how years later you look back and it seems like you were sooo smart.

Nope, you're wrong. The difference is that for younger Moms having a family TRUMPS having a high-powered position.

But you're right. When I'm 45 and an empty-nester and have as much (or as little) time as I want to devote to whatever strikes my fancy, I will feel "sooo smart".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, the women who had children young on this board don't sound successful at all. They sound petty and resentful. End of story.

Sorry, but it's usually the older Moms who start in with the "I had my fun in my 20s" BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, the women who had children young on this board don't sound successful at all. They sound petty and resentful. End of story.

Sorry, but it's usually the older Moms who start in with the "I had my fun in my 20s" BS.

It's not BS.

The majority of my friends who married early are either separated or divorced.

So there's something to be said about "sowing your oats" early on.

Wait and see . . . wait and see!

[Anonymous]

Let's list some other things to worry about that can't possibly be fixed.

My son is benefitting from the wisdom and patience I acquired while running around the globe living my life. My parents were young and self-absorbed. Yeah, I probably won't be able to run around with my grandkids, but my son's turning out pretty well.

[Anonymous]

What a lot of judge bitches on this thread! Some nice, thoughtful comments but a whole lot of nasty. Let's stop pretending we all have the same financial, social, family situations! The original question was " do you wish you had your children younger," not what do you think of other women who made different choices or lives different than you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a lot of judge bitches on this thread! Some nice, thoughtful comments but a whole lot of nasty. Let's stop pretending we all have the same financial, social, family situations! The original question was " do you wish you had your children younger," not what do you think of other women who made different choices or lives different than you?

You're dense.

The question was loaded from the start.

Do you WISH you had your children YOUNGER? So it's already aimed at "older" mothers. And who's responding? youngish moms with superior attitudes

What do you expect from a slanted question?

[Anonymous]

In a perfect world we would have all kids by 35, but we live in a self absorbed society

[Anonymous]

Damn, old Moms are bitter and defensive. Glad I'm not one of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids in your 20s, (or 15) you were probably had a crappy job with no prospects and let's face it, no career ambition. Having kids was not a "choice"- it was either an accident or default because you had no ambition. You weren't sitting around strategically thinking ahead at your life and decided when was the best time to have kids. Funny how years later you look back and it seems like you were sooo smart.

Nope, you're wrong. The difference is that for younger Moms having a family TRUMPS having a high-powered position.

But you're right. When I'm 45 and an empty-nester and have as much (or as little) time as I want to devote to whatever strikes my fancy, I will feel "sooo smart".

Don't women determined to be young moms often settle for a husband whom they wouldn't have settled for otherwise? I didn't even meet my DH until I was 27. If I had been determined to procreate, I would have picked the wrong dad. And btw, even those of us who had kids in our 30s value them more than our high powered positions (but some of us are lucky to have both ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a lot of judge bitches on this thread! Some nice, thoughtful comments but a whole lot of nasty. Let's stop pretending we all have the same financial, social, family situations! The original question was " do you wish you had your children younger," not what do you think of other women who made different choices or lives different than you?

No, I don't. 34 was plenty young enough for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a perfect world we would have all kids by 35, but we live in a self absorbed society

Ok I was done by 36. Close enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a perfect world we would have all kids by 35, but we live in a self absorbed society

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids in your 20s, (or 15) you were probably had a crappy job with no prospects and let's face it, no career ambition. Having kids was not a "choice"- it was either an accident or default because you had no ambition. You weren't sitting around strategically thinking ahead at your life and decided when was the best time to have kids. Funny how years later you look back and it seems like you were sooo smart.

Nope, you're wrong. The difference is that for younger Moms having a family TRUMPS having a high-powered position.

But you're right. When I'm 45 and an empty-nester and have as much (or as little) time as I want to devote to whatever strikes my fancy, I will feel "sooo smart".

Don't women determined to be young moms often settle for a husband whom they wouldn't have settled for otherwise? I didn't even meet my DH until I was 27. If I had been determined to procreate, I would have picked the wrong dad. And btw, even those of us who had kids in our 30s value them more than our high powered positions (but some of us are lucky to have both ).

Nope, actually you probably have that backwards.

When folks marry young, they usually do it for love. Sometimes it works out great, sometimes that love changes and divorce happens.

What I find is that as women age, they get more desperate. Once their careers are set or they're done "finding themselves" they have an "Oh shit" moment and realize they better get on the ball to find a mate. Traits that were once unacceptable are now deemed "good enough" and they settle because their biological clocks are ticking. When women marry after 35, you're likely to find that they get (or try to get) pregnant right away.

DCUM is littered with older women who can't stand their husbands and are only with them for stability. Many are counting down until the kids are out of the house so that they can divorce. Many also seem unhappy at their new life and long for their once carefree days. Some have even asked "Do you miss your childfree days? and/or Do you regret having children?".