Lazy, careless DH stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

And you need to freaking relax. It's not like OP emailed all their friends and her husband's co-workers and said "Jeremy was such a jerk, here's what he did!" She posted on on anonymous forum looking for sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have no problem with my DH venting about the little annoying things I do or don't do to his closest friends in an anonymous message board. It is normal and healthy to vent in this way. If he were trashing me by name on social media that would be weird and awful.

I don't have an expectation that DCUM posts be a holistic examination of a person or a marriage. That would be a bizarre expectation to have. You are taking OP's post way too seriously.

Your post is confusing and complicated to apply to the topic. Do you mean that it is normal for your DH to vent to his closest friends about "little annoying things" you do? I agree. Would calling you lazy and careless to these friends be more than venting? Yes.

OP's post creating a thread titled "Lazy, careless DH stories" is trashing him on social media. The fact that she did not name him does not make it less weird and awful.

Someone comes to this website and calls her husband lazy and careless. If the genders were reversed (a DH posted about how lazy and careless his DW is), this board would light up for days. By suggesting that I (and many other posters) am taking the post too seriously, you are attempting to diminish rude behavior by implying it is not serious. In other words, you cannot excuse awful manners (as shown by the OP) by saying "you are taking this too seriously."

Just go find another post to troll since you don't have any stories about lazy and/or careless husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

Don't you see? Your husband works hard! You should not be seeking validation for your annoyances with his behavior. You should be trying to understand how you are the underlying cause of them. I mean, I know many of you work outside the home and bring in as much or more income than your husbands, but that is because you are selfish shrews that hate your children.

s/

You seem very invested in the correctness of insulting your husband on message board. You are also a big fan of hyperbole or misunderstanding differing posts.

You seem weirdly invested in convincing women not to vent to each other about their husbands. Literally women venting to each other about their drunken husbands is what spurred the women's rights movement which is why you have a right to own property, vote, and get divorced from an abusive husband. Women won't stop doing this so keep on screeching into the wind.

Again, I’m not preventing you from venting. But I’ll comment on it just like any other topic around here.

Ps - you sound like a dope comparing this suffrage and other productive movements. I don’t think anonymously trashing your husband on a message board is the foundation of any social movement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

And leaving a partially cut up gigantic watermelon in the fridge for your wife to deal with also isn't a kind thing. But let's make this about the wife, shall we?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Literally women venting to each other about their drunken husbands is what spurred the women's rights movement which is why you have a right to own property, vote, and get divorced from an abusive husband. Women won't stop doing this so keep on screeching into the wind.

I think it was Elizabeth Cady Stanton who said:

"Your husband's inconsideration and laziness are tolerable, provided you remember to vent on DCUM."

[Anonymous]

I just came here for the lazy, careless Dh stories - please share or go away if you're not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it.

I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution.

I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet. I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me one and other .

Hmmm, except that OP DID communicate to her husband that she did not want him leaving the watermelon in the fridge in that state and HE DID NOT CARE. So who's the inconsiderate one here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

Don't you see? Your husband works hard! You should not be seeking validation for your annoyances with his behavior. You should be trying to understand how you are the underlying cause of them. I mean, I know many of you work outside the home and bring in as much or more income than your husbands, but that is because you are selfish shrews that hate your children.

s/

You seem very invested in the correctness of insulting your husband on message board. You are also a big fan of hyperbole or misunderstanding differing posts.

You seem weirdly invested in convincing women not to vent to each other about their husbands. Literally women venting to each other about their drunken husbands is what spurred the women's rights movement which is why you have a right to own property, vote, and get divorced from an abusive husband. Women won't stop doing this so keep on screeching into the wind.

Screeching. Interesting that in reality you are the one using sexist language not the posters who you accuse of the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Many men have vented about their wives on these boards and have not gotten attacked any more than this OP has. OP described a humorous, annoying, careless and lazy behavior by her DH. She communicated directly to him about that behavior, and he declined to address it. You are offended that she has anonymously relayed that story on these boards. Why does that trigger you so much?

She did not call his behavior in this one circumstance lazy and careless; she used the story to support the idea that he is lazy and careless. And then she invited others to help her by posting stories of their husbands being lazy and careless. Her point is that her husband is lazy and careless and that you (gentle reader) should affirm that this is a common condition in men by posting similar stories.

Trying to say that someone is triggered is glossing over the inherent bigotry of this thread. Bigotry bothers me. It should bother you.

Are you for real? How about the inherent misogyny of all the replies saying that OP is the problem rather than OP's husband being the problem. Not one of you "venting is bad behavior" posters have said that her husband should look at his actions and consider his communication and think about his role in all of this. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just came here for the lazy, careless Dh stories - please share or go away if you're not interested.

My husband is so careless and lazy, he married a women who vents on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it.

I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution.

I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet. I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me one and other .

Hmmm, except that OP DID communicate to her husband that she did not want him leaving the watermelon in the fridge in that state and HE DID NOT CARE. So who's the inconsiderate one here?

He's inconsiderate.

DH: I don’t have time and there are no containers that fit it.
Me: exactly.

I would not have responded with "exactly" and turned to the internet to vent. I would have addressed this by asking for consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Many men have vented about their wives on these boards and have not gotten attacked any more than this OP has. OP described a humorous, annoying, careless and lazy behavior by her DH. She communicated directly to him about that behavior, and he declined to address it. You are offended that she has anonymously relayed that story on these boards. Why does that trigger you so much?

She did not call his behavior in this one circumstance lazy and careless; she used the story to support the idea that he is lazy and careless. And then she invited others to help her by posting stories of their husbands being lazy and careless. Her point is that her husband is lazy and careless and that you (gentle reader) should affirm that this is a common condition in men by posting similar stories.

Trying to say that someone is triggered is glossing over the inherent bigotry of this thread. Bigotry bothers me. It should bother you.

Are you for real? How about the inherent misogyny of all the replies saying that OP is the problem rather than OP's husband being the problem. Not one of you "venting is bad behavior" posters have said that her husband should look at his actions and consider his communication and think about his role in all of this. Why is that?

DP The husband's behavior has been characterized as inconsiderate several times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Many men have vented about their wives on these boards and have not gotten attacked any more than this OP has. OP described a humorous, annoying, careless and lazy behavior by her DH. She communicated directly to him about that behavior, and he declined to address it. You are offended that she has anonymously relayed that story on these boards. Why does that trigger you so much?

She did not call his behavior in this one circumstance lazy and careless; she used the story to support the idea that he is lazy and careless. And then she invited others to help her by posting stories of their husbands being lazy and careless. Her point is that her husband is lazy and careless and that you (gentle reader) should affirm that this is a common condition in men by posting similar stories.

Trying to say that someone is triggered is glossing over the inherent bigotry of this thread. Bigotry bothers me. It should bother you.

Are you for real? How about the inherent misogyny of all the replies saying that OP is the problem rather than OP's husband being the problem. Not one of you "venting is bad behavior" posters have said that her husband should look at his actions and consider his communication and think about his role in all of this. Why is that?

No poster has excused a DH’s behavior. The lazy DHs are not here. Why would we say anything to them? We are addressing the person who is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Many men have vented about their wives on these boards and have not gotten attacked any more than this OP has. OP described a humorous, annoying, careless and lazy behavior by her DH. She communicated directly to him about that behavior, and he declined to address it. You are offended that she has anonymously relayed that story on these boards. Why does that trigger you so much?

She did not call his behavior in this one circumstance lazy and careless; she used the story to support the idea that he is lazy and careless. And then she invited others to help her by posting stories of their husbands being lazy and careless. Her point is that her husband is lazy and careless and that you (gentle reader) should affirm that this is a common condition in men by posting similar stories.

Trying to say that someone is triggered is glossing over the inherent bigotry of this thread. Bigotry bothers me. It should bother you.

Are you for real? How about the inherent misogyny of all the replies saying that OP is the problem rather than OP's husband being the problem. Not one of you "venting is bad behavior" posters have said that her husband should look at his actions and consider his communication and think about his role in all of this. Why is that?

No poster has excused a DH’s behavior. The lazy DHs are not here. Why would we say anything to them? We are addressing the person who is here.

You are addressing multiple people none of whom are being persuaded that we should just stfu and reflect on how we are terrible wives who are hurting our children by venting on an anonymous message board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

And to further add: it’s socially acceptable to vent a little. It’s not socially acceptable to say “my DH doesn’t give a sh-t about me or the kids but I’m stuck until they’re more independent or I’m more financially independent.” That’s isolating. Let people vent here, sheesh.

It’s not socially acceptable to call your spouse lazy and careless. That’s what many of us are telling you.

Right, which is why people are anonymously venting on an anonymous Internet forum.

Unless social niceties and pretenses now apply to DCUM?

We can still tell you your posts are harmful, not helpful. You can post what you want. Everyone else gets to react.

np
Another reason why venting on the internet is a bad idea.