Lazy, careless DH stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it.

I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution.

I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet. I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me one and other .

Hmmm, except that OP DID communicate to her husband that she did not want him leaving the watermelon in the fridge in that state and HE DID NOT CARE. So who's the inconsiderate one here?

He's inconsiderate.

DH: I don’t have time and there are no containers that fit it.
Me: exactly.

I would not have responded with "exactly" and turned to the internet to vent. I would have addressed this by asking for consideration.

Oh, please wonderful and great and important man, could you please grant me consideration and possibly cut up the watermelon but only if it won’t impede your free time or erode the patriarchy?

/s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it.

I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution.

I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet. I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me one and other .

Hmmm, except that OP DID communicate to her husband that she did not want him leaving the watermelon in the fridge in that state and HE DID NOT CARE. So who's the inconsiderate one here?

He's inconsiderate.

DH: I don’t have time and there are no containers that fit it.
Me: exactly.

I would not have responded with "exactly" and turned to the internet to vent. I would have addressed this by asking for consideration.

Oh, please wonderful and great and important man, could you please grant me consideration and possibly cut up the watermelon but only if it won’t impede your free time or erode the patriarchy?

/s

I can see why you have difficulty in your interpersonal relationships.

[Anonymous]

And you need to freaking relax. It's not like OP emailed all their friends and her husband's co-workers and said "Jeremy was such a jerk, here's what he did!" She posted on on anonymous forum looking for sympathy.

C'mon. She called her husband lazy and careless, and invited the entire group to join in bashing their husbands as well. And for what? An affair? He lost all their money in the market or by being a coke fiend?

Nope. He left a drippy watermelon in the fridge.

No one in their right mind is supposed to feel sympathetic. Contempt, maybe. But not sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just came here for the lazy, careless Dh stories - please share or go away if you're not interested.

My husband is so careless and lazy, he married a women who vents on DCUM.

My husband is so careless and lazy he’s now my ex husband.

[Anonymous]

You are addressing multiple people none of whom are being persuaded that we should just stfu and reflect on how we are terrible wives who are hurting our children by venting on an anonymous message board.

You are a terrible wife. But not because you are posting here.

Honey, this is a public website. Every post is addressing multiple people because you are addressing everyone who reads the thread.

You know that multiple people have called you out for your wackiness, although (so far) they have all had the good manners not to tell you to STFU.

[Anonymous]

My husband is so careless and lazy, he married a women who vents on DCUM.

My husband is so careless and lazy he’s now my ex husband.

And he is much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are addressing multiple people none of whom are being persuaded that we should just stfu and reflect on how we are terrible wives who are hurting our children by venting on an anonymous message board.

You are a terrible wife. But not because you are posting here.

Honey, this is a public website. Every post is addressing multiple people because you are addressing everyone who reads the thread.

You know that multiple people have called you out for your wackiness, although (so far) they have all had the good manners not to tell you to STFU.

Wait how am I a terrible wife? I'd just love to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just came here for the lazy, careless Dh stories - please share or go away if you're not interested.

My husband is so careless and lazy, he married a women who vents on DCUM.

My husband is so careless and lazy he’s now my ex husband.

DP As he should be.

Did the process involve action, meaning a legal proceeding and follow through? Or did you anonymously vent until, magically, you were divorced and able to pursue happiness with a considerate and respectful partner?

You took action. Good on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just came here for the lazy, careless Dh stories - please share or go away if you're not interested.

My husband is so careless and lazy, he married a women who vents on DCUM.

My husband is so careless and lazy he’s now my ex husband.

DP As he should be.

Did the process involve action, meaning a legal proceeding and follow through? Or did you anonymously vent until, magically, you were divorced and able to pursue happiness with a considerate and respectful partner?

You took action. Good on you.

DP it's hilarious how you have spent so much time insisting it is horrible to vent about your husband and it all rests on the absurd notion that people who vent are not taking action to solve their problems.

[Anonymous]

DP As he should be.

Did the process involve action, meaning a legal proceeding and follow through? Or did you anonymously vent until, magically, you were divorced and able to pursue happiness with a considerate and respectful partner?

You took action. Good on you.

DP it's hilarious how you have spent so much time insisting it is horrible to vent about your husband and it all rests on the absurd notion that people who vent are not taking action to solve their problems.

DP - You are responding to one post. However, the idea that it is awful to complain about your husband in derogatory terms has been advanced by several other posters, including me.

You seem to excuse using derogatory language (e.g., "lazy", "careless") about your husband by calling it "venting". What does this mean, exactly? Are you a steam engine, such that venting is a regular part of your day-to-day operations? Venting implies that a system has built up enough pressure that, unless the pressure is released, the system will be damaged.

Most likely, you do not have control of your emotions and need to lash out when you are upset. Calling it venting makes it easier to justify, since the implication is that your DH caused all of the problems you need to "vent" about and you can blame him (or others) for your lack of emotional control.

[Anonymous]

Quick update: I don’t think the raccoons were happy about the watermelon. It got pushed down the yard with a few nibbles out of it and abandoned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I don’t think the raccoons were happy about the watermelon. It got pushed down the yard with a few nibbles out of it and abandoned.

Who was responsible for disposing the watermelon?

Who ended up disposing the watermelon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You are addressing multiple people none of whom are being persuaded that we should just stfu and reflect on how we are terrible wives who are hurting our children by venting on an anonymous message board.

You are a terrible wife. But not because you are posting here.

Honey, this is a public website. Every post is addressing multiple people because you are addressing everyone who reads the thread.

You know that multiple people have called you out for your wackiness, although (so far) they have all had the good manners not to tell you to STFU.

Wait how am I a terrible wife? I'd just love to know.

No answer? So you are the type of person that just shouts incoherent insults at people? Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I don’t think the raccoons were happy about the watermelon. It got pushed down the yard with a few nibbles out of it and abandoned.

Who was responsible for disposing the watermelon?

Who ended up disposing the watermelon?

DH is still on his work trip so it’s me, OP/DW, who put the watermelon outside. It was kind of mealy and not good anyway so I didn’t feel badly about it in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DP As he should be.

Did the process involve action, meaning a legal proceeding and follow through? Or did you anonymously vent until, magically, you were divorced and able to pursue happiness with a considerate and respectful partner?

You took action. Good on you.

DP it's hilarious how you have spent so much time insisting it is horrible to vent about your husband and it all rests on the absurd notion that people who vent are not taking action to solve their problems.

DP - You are responding to one post. However, the idea that it is awful to complain about your husband in derogatory terms has been advanced by several other posters, including me.

You seem to excuse using derogatory language (e.g., "lazy", "careless") about your husband by calling it "venting". What does this mean, exactly? Are you a steam engine, such that venting is a regular part of your day-to-day operations? Venting implies that a system has built up enough pressure that, unless the pressure is released, the system will be damaged.

Most likely, you do not have control of your emotions and need to lash out when you are upset. Calling it venting makes it easier to justify, since the implication is that your DH caused all of the problems you need to "vent" about and you can blame him (or others) for your lack of emotional control.

What OP's DH did was lazy and careless. Those are accurate words to describe his actions.

There are mountains of research showing that women spend more time on childcare and housework than fathers and less time in leisure activities. I get that you just want to blame the women for this for not communicating effectively or whatever, but the rest of us respect ourselves enough to know we are not here to parent our husbands. It takes a lot of time to "communicate" to people that the way they were raised is not going to work in a modern household. In the meantime, you bet I am going to find humor and solidarity with other women who experience similar ridiculous behaviors from our husbands. Sorry (not sorry) you don't like that.