Reply to Lazy, careless DH stories

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?[/quote]

This poster wrote a fantastic response:  [quote]Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.
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My response ([quote]However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.[/quote]) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.
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Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?[/quote]

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents.  Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues. [/quote]

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless. [/quote]

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

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I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.[/quote]

And to further add: it’s socially acceptable to vent a little. It’s not socially acceptable to say “my DH doesn’t give a sh-t about me or the kids but I’m stuck until they’re more independent or I’m more financially independent.” That’s isolating. Let people vent here, sheesh. [/quote]

It’s not socially acceptable to call your spouse lazy and careless. That’s what many of us are telling you.[/quote]

Right, which is why people are anonymously venting on an anonymous Internet forum.

Unless social niceties and pretenses now apply to DCUM? [/quote]

We can still tell you your posts are harmful, not helpful. You can post what you want. [b]Everyone else gets to react.[/b] [/quote]

np
Another reason why venting on the internet is a bad idea.

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