MIL ‘taking back’ Thanksgiving hosting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

OP here. Please tell me how it was disrespectful to anyone to start a conversation saying we wished to do something someday, and then everyone said it would be great to do Thanksgiving next year (meaning this upcoming Thanksgiving). Could you please tell me about how talking to people and saying we had a wish was disrespectful to anyone?

At any rate, thank you all. We just replied to the whole group text where this is discussed saying our plan is to stay in our home this Thanksgiving and host whomever would like to spend the holiday with us. It’s OK if that is no one, we’ll have a nice Thanksgiving here and—if we get no family attendees—invite some friends and neighbors.

Damn. Seems rude. We don’t roll that way in my family.

NP. So in your family, you don’t have discussions and you don’t make decisions together? Got it. Yikes.

Nope. My mother always hosts and it’s wonderful, we all go and enjoy good food, wine etc. Some years I can’t attend, and that’s fine too, but I’d never try to “steal” the hosting from her LOL

Would she ever extend a welcome to join in, if you showed interest?

I don’t understand the question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to host, make sure you are a good cook or catering. If your MIL makes a fantastic meal, then defer to her unless yours is just as good! No one wants a rotation for Thanksgiving that has lousy food.

In threads like these over the years, there is always some slightly smug, warning Auntie who comes in with this type of content. Linda, I hate to break it to you, but it really isn’t that hard to cook the traditional Thanksgiving meal. If you are an inept hostess who gets stressed out over mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, that’s fine, but realize that it’s really not that complicated for those of us who are good cooks and know how to plan.

It’s great you’re a good cook! That’s the point. Not everyone is. I’m a lousy cook so when I host, I hire a caterer. As a guest, I love all my family, but please let us go to the house with the better cook when it comes to Thanksgiving!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to host, make sure you are a good cook or catering. If your MIL makes a fantastic meal, then defer to her unless yours is just as good! No one wants a rotation for Thanksgiving that has lousy food.

Say this louder for the people in the back.

I have a cousin who has been telling my (hosting) Aunt for the past five years that she’s a vegetarian just to get out of eating her Turkey. This is a real problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to host, make sure you are a good cook or catering. If your MIL makes a fantastic meal, then defer to her unless yours is just as good! No one wants a rotation for Thanksgiving that has lousy food.

In threads like these over the years, there is always some slightly smug, warning Auntie who comes in with this type of content. Linda, I hate to break it to you, but it really isn’t that hard to cook the traditional Thanksgiving meal. If you are an inept hostess who gets stressed out over mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, that’s fine, but realize that it’s really not that complicated for those of us who are good cooks and know how to plan.

It’s great you’re a good cook! That’s the point. Not everyone is. I’m a lousy cook so when I host, I hire a caterer. As a guest, I love all my family, but please let us go to the house with the better cook when it comes to Thanksgiving!

Maybe you’re a crap cook because your parents and other family members were too busy keeping their iron grip on hosting and never passed on recipes, techniques, traditions and lessons on how to be a good host. All the more reason we should be encouraging everyone in our families to take part in holiday meals and planning and hosting and fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

BS. I'm not waiting until everyone in the generation above me can no longer lift a turkey to have my own Thanksgiving.

Agree. Once your children own their own home or rent as adults or have children it’s their turn to host if they want to. Selfish boomers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

It’s 2023, Boomer. There aren’t “matriarchs” anymore. Just because you cowered in a corner and did what some old lady told you to do for years doesn’t mean that we are going to play that game. Sorry you were banking on having a “turn” at being a dictator, but not gonna happen. Adults of every age and generation are to be treated with respect, and if you can’t handle that, stay home and sulk. You will not be missed.

The “Boomer” namecalling is gross. I get it, you're a millennial rebelling against Mommy. It’s just really ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

OP here. Please tell me how it was disrespectful to anyone to start a conversation saying we wished to do something someday, and then everyone said it would be great to do Thanksgiving next year (meaning this upcoming Thanksgiving). Could you please tell me about how talking to people and saying we had a wish was disrespectful to anyone?

At any rate, thank you all. We just replied to the whole group text where this is discussed saying our plan is to stay in our home this Thanksgiving and host whomever would like to spend the holiday with us. It’s OK if that is no one, we’ll have a nice Thanksgiving here and—if we get no family attendees—invite some friends and neighbors.

Damn. Seems rude. We don’t roll that way in my family.

NP. So in your family, you don’t have discussions and you don’t make decisions together? Got it. Yikes.

Nope. My mother always hosts and it’s wonderful, we all go and enjoy good food, wine etc. Some years I can’t attend, and that’s fine too, but I’d never try to “steal” the hosting from her LOL

Would she ever extend a welcome to join in, if you showed interest?

I don’t understand the question?

I know you expressed no interest in hosting in your thread, but if you gently broached to her that it looked like fun (even if a lot of work) and someday you'd want to try hosting yourself, would she welcome that, or would she shut it down?

[Anonymous]

^^OOPs! "hosting Thanksgiving," not "your thread"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to host, make sure you are a good cook or catering. If your MIL makes a fantastic meal, then defer to her unless yours is just as good! No one wants a rotation for Thanksgiving that has lousy food.

In threads like these over the years, there is always some slightly smug, warning Auntie who comes in with this type of content. Linda, I hate to break it to you, but it really isn’t that hard to cook the traditional Thanksgiving meal. If you are an inept hostess who gets stressed out over mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, that’s fine, but realize that it’s really not that complicated for those of us who are good cooks and know how to plan.

It’s great you’re a good cook! That’s the point. Not everyone is. I’m a lousy cook so when I host, I hire a caterer. As a guest, I love all my family, but please let us go to the house with the better cook when it comes to Thanksgiving!

Maybe you’re a crap cook because your parents and other family members were too busy keeping their iron grip on hosting and never passed on recipes, techniques, traditions and lessons on how to be a good host. All the more reason we should be encouraging everyone in our families to take part in holiday meals and planning and hosting and fun.

Nope, I’m just impatient and can’t work a stove. And that’s ok, because I hire other people to do it. Good entertaining means acknowledging the food should be good especially on a holiday like Thanksgiving. If all your guests love MIL’s food, you’re fighting an uphill battle trying to snag a spot in the rotation. Guests vote with their feet. Maybe hold your ground on a different holiday. And vice versa - if MIL is a rotten cook, everyone will thank you for insisting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to host, make sure you are a good cook or catering. If your MIL makes a fantastic meal, then defer to her unless yours is just as good! No one wants a rotation for Thanksgiving that has lousy food.

In threads like these over the years, there is always some slightly smug, warning Auntie who comes in with this type of content. Linda, I hate to break it to you, but it really isn’t that hard to cook the traditional Thanksgiving meal. If you are an inept hostess who gets stressed out over mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, that’s fine, but realize that it’s really not that complicated for those of us who are good cooks and know how to plan.

It’s great you’re a good cook! That’s the point. Not everyone is. I’m a lousy cook so when I host, I hire a caterer. As a guest, I love all my family, but please let us go to the house with the better cook when it comes to Thanksgiving!

Maybe you’re a crap cook because your parents and other family members were too busy keeping their iron grip on hosting and never passed on recipes, techniques, traditions and lessons on how to be a good host. All the more reason we should be encouraging everyone in our families to take part in holiday meals and planning and hosting and fun.

Nope, I’m just impatient and can’t work a stove. And that’s ok, because I hire other people to do it. Good entertaining means acknowledging the food should be good especially on a holiday like Thanksgiving. If all your guests love MIL’s food, you’re fighting an uphill battle trying to snag a spot in the rotation. Guests vote with their feet. Maybe hold your ground on a different holiday. And vice versa - if MIL is a rotten cook, everyone will thank you for insisting!

So you’re a crap cook. Got it. And what are you talking about? I’m not OP and my family has a big rotation that I am part of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

It’s 2023, Boomer. There aren’t “matriarchs” anymore. Just because you cowered in a corner and did what some old lady told you to do for years doesn’t mean that we are going to play that game. Sorry you were banking on having a “turn” at being a dictator, but not gonna happen. Adults of every age and generation are to be treated with respect, and if you can’t handle that, stay home and sulk. You will not be missed.

You've got some Mommy issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will all end in tears.

because women cry at everything. /s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

OP here. Please tell me how it was disrespectful to anyone to start a conversation saying we wished to do something someday, and then everyone said it would be great to do Thanksgiving next year (meaning this upcoming Thanksgiving). Could you please tell me about how talking to people and saying we had a wish was disrespectful to anyone?

At any rate, thank you all. We just replied to the whole group text where this is discussed saying our plan is to stay in our home this Thanksgiving and host whomever would like to spend the holiday with us. It’s OK if that is no one, we’ll have a nice Thanksgiving here and—if we get no family attendees—invite some friends and neighbors.

Damn. Seems rude. We don’t roll that way in my family.

You're insane. It's rude to let everyone know you plan to stay home for a holiday and have gone the extra step to invite others. No, you're just not grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

Matriarch? WTH? We don't do this crap anymore. There are no kings or queens who get to rule over everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

It’s 2023, Boomer. There aren’t “matriarchs” anymore. Just because you cowered in a corner and did what some old lady told you to do for years doesn’t mean that we are going to play that game. Sorry you were banking on having a “turn” at being a dictator, but not gonna happen. Adults of every age and generation are to be treated with respect, and if you can’t handle that, stay home and sulk. You will not be missed.

You've got some Mommy issues.

Not pp but she is right and you with this matriarch crap are the one with mommy issues. Seriously girl. What the hell is "home training"? It sounds like something no woman in 2023 wants to be a part of.