MIL ‘taking back’ Thanksgiving hosting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans are so unhinged when it comes to thanksgiving lol.

Are you brave enough to list the culture you most identify with, or is this just taking potshots at Americans? All cultures have weird unhinged bits.

Canadian. We have thanksgiving but no one is this… strict? Dedicated? I’m not sure what the word is. People are literally talking like this will tear the family apart. It’s cooking a turkey and making mashed potatoes.

Yea, well, different traditions. You folks are cheap and lousy tippers. We’re not gonna pick up that tradition either.

Lol ok. Our servers are paid much higher so perhaps we aren’t used to covering their wage as much? Should scale appropriately, when in rome and all that.

But cmon you gotta admit that this thread is totally unhinged, whatever side you are on. MIL is either going to die not getting to host or OP is ripping the family apart, creating a thanksgiving gladiator fight to the death on whose house guests will go to.

I love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans are so unhinged when it comes to thanksgiving lol.

Are you brave enough to list the culture you most identify with, or is this just taking potshots at Americans? All cultures have weird unhinged bits.

Canadian. We have thanksgiving but no one is this… strict? Dedicated? I’m not sure what the word is. People are literally talking like this will tear the family apart. It’s cooking a turkey and making mashed potatoes.

Are you okay with a list of Canadian crazy things, or would that be rude? I live up North for 16 years and loved the culture, but you are definitely peculiar in your own way.

Oh I totally agree! I’d love to hear your list, maybe another thread idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

BS. I'm not waiting until everyone in the generation above me can no longer lift a turkey to have my own Thanksgiving.

There’s the Thanksgiving spirit!

Hoarding certainly isn't. Again, learn to share.

That’s not how this works. The husband and his family have traditions and customs. It's awfully presumptuous to come along and make trouble over it. OP won’t win this the MIL and aunt have much more sway here.

The husband has a new family with OP and they are starting their own traditions and customs.

That's exactly how this works.

That’s no what OP is doing. She and the DH are trying to force everyone come to their house. The MIL and aunt don’t want to share or change, they already have their way of doing things.

Yea, this. OP is free to say “we’d like to have our Thanksgiving in our own home this year, and everyone is welcome. Please let us know.” But it’s not cool for her to insert herself into her in law’s thanksgiving tradition by insisting she now be part of the rotation. Yea, I know - they’re the in laws so by definition they are evil and are only on this earth for the purpose of derision and ridicule. But still.

OP here. You seem to forget that I have a husband. He is the one who started this conversation. Then everyone was on the same page. All were very supportive, most especially DH’s aunt.

At any rate, aunt just confirmed she will be at our house as planned.

I’m a little giddy 🍿

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans are so unhinged when it comes to thanksgiving lol.

Are you brave enough to list the culture you most identify with, or is this just taking potshots at Americans? All cultures have weird unhinged bits.

Canadian. We have thanksgiving but no one is this… strict? Dedicated? I’m not sure what the word is. People are literally talking like this will tear the family apart. It’s cooking a turkey and making mashed potatoes.

Are you okay with a list of Canadian crazy things, or would that be rude? I live up North for 16 years and loved the culture, but you are definitely peculiar in your own way.

Oh I totally agree! I’d love to hear your list, maybe another thread idea

Agreed! I will start a new thread at some point, and you are more than welcome to join, but only if it suits.

My lingering most cherished memory was the Ethiopian cuisine in Winnipeg, where the immigrant culture was strongly represented. (But -- Winnipeg. Egads. -40 is just a thing.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does MIL have to give it up forever? Just say that, since everyone agreed, you are now taking a turn in the rotation. If she wants, MIL can host next year, and Aunt can host the year after that.

OP here. No one ever said MIL or DH’s aunt couldn’t host again. We all agreed to a rotation that now includes the home that DH and I have. I’m not sure where you got the impression that anyone had to “give it up forever.”

Down girl, no need to be defensive, I'm on your side. Your OP was not clear, and emphasizing that you were only talking about this year, and MIL can take her turn next year, would probably help other people understand your position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her have it. Timing Thanksgiving dinner is the worst--if my brother didn't host it each year, I'm not sure I would even celebrate it. It's so much work.

I love hosting Easter though--maybe you can take that one?

NP. It’s really not that much work, if you are a good planner. I planned/timed it out once and refer back to that same guide every year that I host, with variations on the themes of course. Some of it is made the day before, some of it is brought by others if they volunteer, but DH and I get a Thanksgiving or Christmas on the table with everything at the right temperature within 15 minutes of goal time, every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

OP here. Please tell me how it was disrespectful to anyone to start a conversation saying we wished to do something someday, and then everyone said it would be great to do Thanksgiving next year (meaning this upcoming Thanksgiving). Could you please tell me about how talking to people and saying we had a wish was disrespectful to anyone?

At any rate, thank you all. We just replied to the whole group text where this is discussed saying our plan is to stay in our home this Thanksgiving and host whomever would like to spend the holiday with us. It’s OK if that is no one, we’ll have a nice Thanksgiving here and—if we get no family attendees—invite some friends and neighbors.

Damn. Seems rude. We don’t roll that way in my family.

NP. So in your family, you don’t have discussions and you don’t make decisions together? Got it. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

It’s 2023, Boomer. There aren’t “matriarchs” anymore. Just because you cowered in a corner and did what some old lady told you to do for years doesn’t mean that we are going to play that game. Sorry you were banking on having a “turn” at being a dictator, but not gonna happen. Adults of every age and generation are to be treated with respect, and if you can’t handle that, stay home and sulk. You will not be missed.

[Anonymous]

“Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.”

The above is fine. Or, "We have planned on staying at our house this year and happy to have anyone who would like to come." A little less strident. Either way - you stay home.

[Anonymous]

If you want to host, make sure you are a good cook or catering. If your MIL makes a fantastic meal, then defer to her unless yours is just as good! No one wants a rotation for Thanksgiving that has lousy food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to host, make sure you are a good cook or catering. If your MIL makes a fantastic meal, then defer to her unless yours is just as good! No one wants a rotation for Thanksgiving that has lousy food.

In threads like these over the years, there is always some slightly smug, warning Auntie who comes in with this type of content. Linda, I hate to break it to you, but it really isn’t that hard to cook the traditional Thanksgiving meal. If you are an inept hostess who gets stressed out over mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, that’s fine, but realize that it’s really not that complicated for those of us who are good cooks and know how to plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

OP here. Please tell me how it was disrespectful to anyone to start a conversation saying we wished to do something someday, and then everyone said it would be great to do Thanksgiving next year (meaning this upcoming Thanksgiving). Could you please tell me about how talking to people and saying we had a wish was disrespectful to anyone?

At any rate, thank you all. We just replied to the whole group text where this is discussed saying our plan is to stay in our home this Thanksgiving and host whomever would like to spend the holiday with us. It’s OK if that is no one, we’ll have a nice Thanksgiving here and—if we get no family attendees—invite some friends and neighbors.

Damn. Seems rude. We don’t roll that way in my family.

NP. So in your family, you don’t have discussions and you don’t make decisions together? Got it. Yikes.

Nope. My mother always hosts and it’s wonderful, we all go and enjoy good food, wine etc. Some years I can’t attend, and that’s fine too, but I’d never try to “steal” the hosting from her LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to host, make sure you are a good cook or catering. If your MIL makes a fantastic meal, then defer to her unless yours is just as good! No one wants a rotation for Thanksgiving that has lousy food.

Say this louder for the people in the back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

OP here. Please tell me how it was disrespectful to anyone to start a conversation saying we wished to do something someday, and then everyone said it would be great to do Thanksgiving next year (meaning this upcoming Thanksgiving). Could you please tell me about how talking to people and saying we had a wish was disrespectful to anyone?

At any rate, thank you all. We just replied to the whole group text where this is discussed saying our plan is to stay in our home this Thanksgiving and host whomever would like to spend the holiday with us. It’s OK if that is no one, we’ll have a nice Thanksgiving here and—if we get no family attendees—invite some friends and neighbors.

Damn. Seems rude. We don’t roll that way in my family.

NP. So in your family, you don’t have discussions and you don’t make decisions together? Got it. Yikes.

Nope. My mother always hosts and it’s wonderful, we all go and enjoy good food, wine etc. Some years I can’t attend, and that’s fine too, but I’d never try to “steal” the hosting from her LOL

Would she ever extend a welcome to join in, if you showed interest?