MIL ‘taking back’ Thanksgiving hosting

[Anonymous]

MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

[Anonymous]

Flying at Thanksgiving is the worst. It’s a hard sell to get everyone to come to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flying at Thanksgiving is the worst. It’s a hard sell to get everyone to come to you.

You should read the whole OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flying at Thanksgiving is the worst. It’s a hard sell to get everyone to come to you.

And the first response is the person who didn't read OP's post. OP and her MIL basically live in the same place.

OP, stick to your guns. If MIL wants to compete, that's her prerogative. Everyone else can make their own choices.

But you need to be prepared for a sparse crowd if a lot of them fear MIL's wrath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

What are you “torn” about. You have a nice home where you’ve never had Thanksgiving. It’s okay to want to stay home. Send out your message about opening your home to whomever wants to come. Be okay if 30 people say they’re coming, and be okay if none come.

[Anonymous]

Stand your ground! They come or they dont, but either way you are starting family memories in your new home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A

What are you “torn” about. You have a nice home where you’ve never had Thanksgiving. It’s okay to want to stay home. Send out your message about opening your home to whomever wants to come. Be okay if 30 people say they’re coming, and be okay if none come.

What if you offer to house some family over thanksgiving? Could you then go to MIL house for Thanksgiving and then you have a gathering before or after for houseguests?

[Anonymous]

I like your approach. To make it work, though, you’re going to need to work behind the scenes. If you can get your aunt (MIL’s sister?) on board with how exciting it will be for you to host Thanksgiving, your plan will have much higher odds of success. If people don’t hear directly from you, they will default to your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flying at Thanksgiving is the worst. It’s a hard sell to get everyone to come to you.

And the first response is the person who didn't read OP's post. OP and her MIL basically live in the same place.

OP, stick to your guns. If MIL wants to compete, that's her prerogative. Everyone else can make their own choices.

But you need to be prepared for a sparse crowd if a lot of them fear MIL's wrath.

Then who is checking flights? Flying at Thanksgiving sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flying at Thanksgiving is the worst. It’s a hard sell to get everyone to come to you.

And the first response is the person who didn't read OP's post. OP and her MIL basically live in the same place.

OP, stick to your guns. If MIL wants to compete, that's her prerogative. Everyone else can make their own choices.

But you need to be prepared for a sparse crowd if a lot of them fear MIL's wrath.

Then who is checking flights? Flying at Thanksgiving sucks.

The people who don't live near MIL/OP. Read!

[Anonymous]

If you can’t convince people to come to you, you won’t win in a show down. So if you put out an ultimatum be prepared to lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flying at Thanksgiving is the worst. It’s a hard sell to get everyone to come to you.

And the first response is the person who didn't read OP's post. OP and her MIL basically live in the same place.

OP, stick to your guns. If MIL wants to compete, that's her prerogative. Everyone else can make their own choices.

But you need to be prepared for a sparse crowd if a lot of them fear MIL's wrath.

Then who is checking flights? Flying at Thanksgiving sucks.

The people who don't live near MIL/OP. Read!

Yeah I did and OP is being very vague. If its all the same difference then why does anyone care what house they are having dinner at? It doesn't change anything. Stressing distance, prices, equidistance would be totally irrelevant. Do you comprehend the words you read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flying at Thanksgiving is the worst. It’s a hard sell to get everyone to come to you.

And the first response is the person who didn't read OP's post. OP and her MIL basically live in the same place.

OP, stick to your guns. If MIL wants to compete, that's her prerogative. Everyone else can make their own choices.

But you need to be prepared for a sparse crowd if a lot of them fear MIL's wrath.

Then who is checking flights? Flying at Thanksgiving sucks.

The people who don't live near MIL/OP. Read!

Yeah I did and OP is being very vague. If it's all the same difference then why does anyone care what house they are having dinner at? It doesn't change anything. Stressing distance, prices, equidistance would be totally irrelevant. Do you comprehend the words you read?

OP is clearly saying that people coming from far away don't have further to travel to come to her place than MIL's. So there is no logistical reason to have MIL host the meal.

Apparently MIL cares about what house they are having dinner at, because she's "taking back" the meal from OP, who was this year's agreed upon host.

And OP cares because she was the agreed host this year, and she wants to remain the host.

You're talking like they're choosing between Applebees and Olive Garden in the same strip mall. This is typical family drama -- it isn't logical, it's emotional.

- Team OP

[Anonymous]

This will all end in tears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.