MIL ‘taking back’ Thanksgiving hosting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

It’s 2023, Boomer. There aren’t “matriarchs” anymore. Just because you cowered in a corner and did what some old lady told you to do for years doesn’t mean that we are going to play that game. Sorry you were banking on having a “turn” at being a dictator, but not gonna happen. Adults of every age and generation are to be treated with respect, and if you can’t handle that, stay home and sulk. You will not be missed.

You've got some Mommy issues.

Not pp but she is right and you with this matriarch crap are the one with mommy issues. Seriously girl. What the hell is "home training"? It sounds like something no woman in 2023 wants to be a part of.

I wasn't the person who made the comment, but "home training" is the training that your family gives you in kindness, manners and social etiquette.

In this case, it means displaying kindness by deferring to an older relative who has only a few holidays left on the planet. If cooking is difficult for her, offer to help with cooking.
OP's MIL has been devoted to her family for decades and will not be with the family for much longer. She is 85 and definitely won't be able to host Thanksgiving in the near future. The kind thing to do is to let the old lady have the holiday because it may be the last one she will ever hold. The sensible thing to do is recognize that starting a family fight over a holiday is unnecessary and stressful.

Instead, you all are doubling down on "You're not the boss of me," like a bunch of defiant 14 year old girls. It's a bad look on a grown woman.

NP. I’m sorry, you know how old MIL is, how? If MIL had DH when she was 25, and OP/DH are 25-30, MIL is 50-55. I think a lot of readers here would be insulted if they heard you say that they should get to do whatever they want for holidays because—at the ripe old age of 50, 55, 60, or 65, they “only have a few holidays left on the planet.”

I knew when I was 14 never to let anyone pull the “my way because I’m going to die someday” crap. My grandmother used to do that to my parents and my aunt and uncle when she was in her late 60s/early 70s, and that old bird lived to be 93. That’s more than 20 years of holding the spectre of her death over their heads. No way that’s happening to me, or to any smart woman.

Another bitter woman on DCUM. Hardly a Man Bites Dog story.

I know guilt and manipulation are the only cards you have to play, so get as much use out of them as you can. Beats being lonely, I suppose.

Not lonely in the slightest. I feel sorry for you. Carrying around all that anger and bitterness must be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

Gross. What era of human is still using the phrase matriarch?

Also, no one of any age is owed the automatic right to host a holiday every year.

Do you live in that much of a bubble?? The grandmother of a large family is important pretty much across all cultures. It you’re thinking of it as a negative word, then I feel sorry for you because you don’t know the pleasure of being from a family that respects, enjoys and cherishes the grandmother.

Well considering each person has 2 grandmothers meaning a married couple could have 4 combined grandmothers, and then add in great aunts or whoever if it’s a large family get together, exactly which grandma is supposed to dictate where the holidays are held?

My grandmothers were loved and respected, but they didn’t boss everyone around, so yeah I enjoyed that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

Gross. What era of human is still using the phrase matriarch?

Also, no one of any age is owed the automatic right to host a holiday every year.

Do you live in that much of a bubble?? The grandmother of a large family is important pretty much across all cultures. It you’re thinking of it as a negative word, then I feel sorry for you because you don’t know the pleasure of being from a family that respects, enjoys and cherishes the grandmother.

Well considering each person has 2 grandmothers meaning a married couple could have 4 combined grandmothers, and then add in great aunts or whoever if it’s a large family get together, exactly which grandma is supposed to dictate where the holidays are held?

My grandmothers were loved and respected, but they didn’t boss everyone around, so yeah I enjoyed that

NP. Same. I am grateful that my grandmothers growing up were happy to share hosting duties with everyone who wanted to host. I can’t imagine one or two people ruling holidays with an iron fist, and mocking their adult children for daring to want to host.

Tell me, when your sons and daughters were getting married and registered for china and other nice things, what did you think all that stuff was for, Mildred?

[Anonymous]

Half the posters on here have PSTD from major family issues. I get it. Don’t celebrate the holidays with your family. But some of us have wonderful holiday celebrations with amazing food. If my 70 yo mother likes hosting, and does a damn good job at it, call me happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

Gross. What era of human is still using the phrase matriarch?

Also, no one of any age is owed the automatic right to host a holiday every year.

Do you live in that much of a bubble?? The grandmother of a large family is important pretty much across all cultures. It you’re thinking of it as a negative word, then I feel sorry for you because you don’t know the pleasure of being from a family that respects, enjoys and cherishes the grandmother.

Well considering each person has 2 grandmothers meaning a married couple could have 4 combined grandmothers, and then add in great aunts or whoever if it’s a large family get together, exactly which grandma is supposed to dictate where the holidays are held?

My grandmothers were loved and respected, but they didn’t boss everyone around, so yeah I enjoyed that

Who said anything about “bossing” around?? My mother is our family matriarch, and she is very ‘live and let live.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

It’s 2023, Boomer. There aren’t “matriarchs” anymore. Just because you cowered in a corner and did what some old lady told you to do for years doesn’t mean that we are going to play that game. Sorry you were banking on having a “turn” at being a dictator, but not gonna happen. Adults of every age and generation are to be treated with respect, and if you can’t handle that, stay home and sulk. You will not be missed.

You've got some Mommy issues.

Not pp but she is right and you with this matriarch crap are the one with mommy issues. Seriously girl. What the hell is "home training"? It sounds like something no woman in 2023 wants to be a part of.

I wasn't the person who made the comment, but "home training" is the training that your family gives you in kindness, manners and social etiquette.

In this case, it means displaying kindness by deferring to an older relative who has only a few holidays left on the planet. If cooking is difficult for her, offer to help with cooking.
OP's MIL has been devoted to her family for decades and will not be with the family for much longer. She is 85 and definitely won't be able to host Thanksgiving in the near future. The kind thing to do is to let the old lady have the holiday because it may be the last one she will ever hold. The sensible thing to do is recognize that starting a family fight over a holiday is unnecessary and stressful.

Instead, you all are doubling down on "You're not the boss of me," like a bunch of defiant 14 year old girls. It's a bad look on a grown woman.

The issue with these boomers is that they’ve been hosting since their children were school aged, and now that their kids are 30ish, they won’t hand over the reigns. How is that fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

It’s 2023, Boomer. There aren’t “matriarchs” anymore. Just because you cowered in a corner and did what some old lady told you to do for years doesn’t mean that we are going to play that game. Sorry you were banking on having a “turn” at being a dictator, but not gonna happen. Adults of every age and generation are to be treated with respect, and if you can’t handle that, stay home and sulk. You will not be missed.

You've got some Mommy issues.

Not pp but she is right and you with this matriarch crap are the one with mommy issues. Seriously girl. What the hell is "home training"? It sounds like something no woman in 2023 wants to be a part of.

I wasn't the person who made the comment, but "home training" is the training that your family gives you in kindness, manners and social etiquette.

In this case, it means displaying kindness by deferring to an older relative who has only a few holidays left on the planet. If cooking is difficult for her, offer to help with cooking.
OP's MIL has been devoted to her family for decades and will not be with the family for much longer. She is 85 and definitely won't be able to host Thanksgiving in the near future. The kind thing to do is to let the old lady have the holiday because it may be the last one she will ever hold. The sensible thing to do is recognize that starting a family fight over a holiday is unnecessary and stressful.

Instead, you all are doubling down on "You're not the boss of me," like a bunch of defiant 14 year old girls. It's a bad look on a grown woman.

The issue with these boomers is that they’ve been hosting since their children were school aged, and now that their kids are 30ish, they won’t hand over the reigns. How is that fair?

This. Right. Here.

[Anonymous]

Here’s an idea, OP;

go away for Thanksgiving!

Don’t make a huge deal - just announce in November that you’ll be away and will celebrate with your immediate family.

We are splitting up our family for the first time ever after 20 years of (nearly) forced family togetherness involving both sides of our local families. I will take 2DC to celebrate the holiday at a sibling’s house while DH and DC can go to IL’s - one DC has a sport commitment and can’t travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s an idea, OP;

go away for Thanksgiving!

Don’t make a huge deal - just announce in November that you’ll be away and will celebrate with your immediate family.

We are splitting up our family for the first time ever after 20 years of (nearly) forced family togetherness involving both sides of our local families. I will take 2DC to celebrate the holiday at a sibling’s house while DH and DC can go to IL’s - one DC has a sport commitment and can’t travel.

I can’t imagine *choosing* to be away from my nuclear family on a major holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s an idea, OP;

go away for Thanksgiving!

Don’t make a huge deal - just announce in November that you’ll be away and will celebrate with your immediate family.

We are splitting up our family for the first time ever after 20 years of (nearly) forced family togetherness involving both sides of our local families. I will take 2DC to celebrate the holiday at a sibling’s house while DH and DC can go to IL’s - one DC has a sport commitment and can’t travel.

I can’t imagine *choosing* to be away from my nuclear family on a major holiday.

If you do not have a breadth of experience of how family members can be, both positive and negative, then perhaps it would be better for you not to judge by implication about things you don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s an idea, OP;

go away for Thanksgiving!

Don’t make a huge deal - just announce in November that you’ll be away and will celebrate with your immediate family.

We are splitting up our family for the first time ever after 20 years of (nearly) forced family togetherness involving both sides of our local families. I will take 2DC to celebrate the holiday at a sibling’s house while DH and DC can go to IL’s - one DC has a sport commitment and can’t travel.

I can’t imagine *choosing* to be away from my nuclear family on a major holiday.

If you do not have a breadth of experience of how family members can be, both positive and negative, then perhaps it would be better for you not to judge by implication about things you don't understand.

NP. If they are so bad, why aren’t you and DH just celebrating with your own, nuclear family? There’s not a world where I would willingly be away from either of my children on a major holiday when they are young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

And what if your peers think it’s a strange hill to die on (we’re not boomers)…? Did you not get any home training? You don’t cause family strife over something small. Respect the matriarch on thanksgiving (unless she’s awful, which doesn’t sound like the case)

It’s 2023, Boomer. There aren’t “matriarchs” anymore. Just because you cowered in a corner and did what some old lady told you to do for years doesn’t mean that we are going to play that game. Sorry you were banking on having a “turn” at being a dictator, but not gonna happen. Adults of every age and generation are to be treated with respect, and if you can’t handle that, stay home and sulk. You will not be missed.

You've got some Mommy issues.

Not pp but she is right and you with this matriarch crap are the one with mommy issues. Seriously girl. What the hell is "home training"? It sounds like something no woman in 2023 wants to be a part of.

I wasn't the person who made the comment, but "home training" is the training that your family gives you in kindness, manners and social etiquette.

In this case, it means displaying kindness by deferring to an older relative who has only a few holidays left on the planet. If cooking is difficult for her, offer to help with cooking.
OP's MIL has been devoted to her family for decades and will not be with the family for much longer. She is 85 and definitely won't be able to host Thanksgiving in the near future. The kind thing to do is to let the old lady have the holiday because it may be the last one she will ever hold. The sensible thing to do is recognize that starting a family fight over a holiday is unnecessary and stressful.

Instead, you all are doubling down on "You're not the boss of me," like a bunch of defiant 14 year old girls. It's a bad look on a grown woman.

When all else fails, pull the guilt card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s an idea, OP;

go away for Thanksgiving!

Don’t make a huge deal - just announce in November that you’ll be away and will celebrate with your immediate family.

We are splitting up our family for the first time ever after 20 years of (nearly) forced family togetherness involving both sides of our local families. I will take 2DC to celebrate the holiday at a sibling’s house while DH and DC can go to IL’s - one DC has a sport commitment and can’t travel.

I can’t imagine *choosing* to be away from my nuclear family on a major holiday.

If you do not have a breadth of experience of how family members can be, both positive and negative, then perhaps it would be better for you not to judge by implication about things you don't understand.

NP. If they are so bad, why aren’t you and DH just celebrating with your own, nuclear family? There’s not a world where I would willingly be away from either of my children on a major holiday when they are young.

You are not responding to the same poster who made a comment about herself and DH's choices. "Anonymous" covers many posters, not just one.

I can see that you cannot imagine many things. Again, and to you this time, I would hazard that you are not in a position to judge other people's choices if you can't even imagine them. Perhaps you should keep your hands ot yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s an idea, OP;

go away for Thanksgiving!

Don’t make a huge deal - just announce in November that you’ll be away and will celebrate with your immediate family.

We are splitting up our family for the first time ever after 20 years of (nearly) forced family togetherness involving both sides of our local families. I will take 2DC to celebrate the holiday at a sibling’s house while DH and DC can go to IL’s - one DC has a sport commitment and can’t travel.

I can’t imagine *choosing* to be away from my nuclear family on a major holiday.

If you do not have a breadth of experience of how family members can be, both positive and negative, then perhaps it would be better for you not to judge by implication about things you don't understand.

NP. If they are so bad, why aren’t you and DH just celebrating with your own, nuclear family? There’s not a world where I would willingly be away from either of my children on a major holiday when they are young.

You are not responding to the same poster who made a comment about herself and DH's choices. "Anonymous" covers many posters, not just one.

I can see that you cannot imagine many things. Again, and to you this time, I would hazard that you are not in a position to judge other people's choices if you can't even imagine them. Perhaps you should keep your hands ot yourself.

Are you and DH divorcing? Or you just need a break from a certain one of your kids? Oh I’m imagining…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s an idea, OP;

go away for Thanksgiving!

Don’t make a huge deal - just announce in November that you’ll be away and will celebrate with your immediate family.

We are splitting up our family for the first time ever after 20 years of (nearly) forced family togetherness involving both sides of our local families. I will take 2DC to celebrate the holiday at a sibling’s house while DH and DC can go to IL’s - one DC has a sport commitment and can’t travel.

I can’t imagine *choosing* to be away from my nuclear family on a major holiday.

If you do not have a breadth of experience of how family members can be, both positive and negative, then perhaps it would be better for you not to judge by implication about things you don't understand.

PP quoted who suggested splitting up and or traveling for Thanksgiving-my DC are young adults (college and college graduates) a I’m not talking about leaving my infant and toddlers home with DH while I visit my sibling for thanksgiving.

And, if you’ve done as I have for 25 years of wedded bliss-being expected to split Christmas and Thanksgiving with both sets of parents-you may decide to just do your own thing! Whatever works for our nuclear family.

We decided we didn’t want to drive back and forth so we hosted - but hosting over 30 family members (both sides) is challenging and exhausting. One year we all went out to dinner but it was oddly lacking and impersonal and felt rushed.