Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.

In much of America you rarely see 40 year old parents but 40 something grandparents are common.

Maybe later 40s. 43 would be pushing it. Regardless, if you look at the original post the man was not super dialed in socially to begin with.

You're wrong. There are many, many parts of the country where the average age for women having their first child is 22: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html And if you know anything about averages, there will be a lot of families where the mom is younger than 22. A 43yo grandma may be uncommon in the DC area but it's not at all atypical in some areas.

That means there is a ton of teenagers having kids.. I’m completely OK with being wrong but cycle breaking is not a harmful thing. Many young parents can really rock it and pull everything together be successful. But that’s not going to ge the case for all.

The point is that a 43 y/o mother of a baby is going to look like a grandmother.

Eh, the earlier you start having kids, the faster you appear to age. Just imagine how much older she would look by 43 if she'd had kids at 18.

No, it’s just that poor people both look older and also tend to have kids younger. Rich people who had kids young don’t age any worse than the old moms. This is evident in any DC area UMC enclave.

Why yes. Just look at how well Bristol Palin has aged.

I have no idea what you’re referencing but I know she’s had a ton of surgeries. Which DC UMC enclave does she live in?

[Anonymous]

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lol

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.

In much of America you rarely see 40 year old parents but 40 something grandparents are common.

Maybe later 40s. 43 would be pushing it. Regardless, if you look at the original post the man was not super dialed in socially to begin with.

You're wrong. There are many, many parts of the country where the average age for women having their first child is 22: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html And if you know anything about averages, there will be a lot of families where the mom is younger than 22. A 43yo grandma may be uncommon in the DC area but it's not at all atypical in some areas.

That means there is a ton of teenagers having kids.. I’m completely OK with being wrong but cycle breaking is not a harmful thing. Many young parents can really rock it and pull everything together be successful. But that’s not going to ge the case for all.

The point is that a 43 y/o mother of a baby is going to look like a grandmother.

Eh, the earlier you start having kids, the faster you appear to age. Just imagine how much older she would look by 43 if she'd had kids at 18.

With a little effort your body quickly bounces back in your 20s. It doesn’t in your late 30s. Then in pyour 40s chasing a primary schooler around makes your face look old and tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would gently correct, with a syrupy “aww, thanks, that’s my son, not my grandson. Have a nice day.” And then they can sputter…but maybe they’ll stop assuming.

It’s not you, it’s them. They are not polite - trying to be friendly but are actually rude. The polite thing to do would have been to assume mom or sister and be corrected, implying that the person looks younger than they are, or best yet, not to assume any relationship at all.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.

In much of America you rarely see 40 year old parents but 40 something grandparents are common.

Maybe later 40s. 43 would be pushing it. Regardless, if you look at the original post the man was not super dialed in socially to begin with.

You're wrong. There are many, many parts of the country where the average age for women having their first child is 22: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html And if you know anything about averages, there will be a lot of families where the mom is younger than 22. A 43yo grandma may be uncommon in the DC area but it's not at all atypical in some areas.

That means there is a ton of teenagers having kids.. I’m completely OK with being wrong but cycle breaking is not a harmful thing. Many young parents can really rock it and pull everything together be successful. But that’s not going to ge the case for all.

The point is that a 43 y/o mother of a baby is going to look like a grandmother.

Eh, the earlier you start having kids, the faster you appear to age. Just imagine how much older she would look by 43 if she'd had kids at 18.

No, it’s just that poor people both look older and also tend to have kids younger. Rich people who had kids young don’t age any worse than the old moms. This is evident in any DC area UMC enclave.

I disagree. The whitest people usually age the fastest. I am white (though not super fair) and I have more wrinkle than my Indian bestie who is 10 years older than me! I also have less wrinkles than other moms my age that are whiter than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would gently correct, with a syrupy “aww, thanks, that’s my son, not my grandson. Have a nice day.” And then they can sputter…but maybe they’ll stop assuming.

It’s not you, it’s them. They are not polite - trying to be friendly but are actually rude. The polite thing to do would have been to assume mom or sister and be corrected, implying that the person looks younger than they are, or best yet, not to assume any relationship at all.

Why do women insist on this farce? Being old is not an insult or a failing. Don’t insult me with some patronizing “I thought you were sisters!” BS. Most people mean well and are just trying to connect. The polite thing to do is assume the best of their Intentions. Not everything in this world is about you or how you perceive it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.

In much of America you rarely see 40 year old parents but 40 something grandparents are common.

Maybe later 40s. 43 would be pushing it. Regardless, if you look at the original post the man was not super dialed in socially to begin with.

You're wrong. There are many, many parts of the country where the average age for women having their first child is 22: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html And if you know anything about averages, there will be a lot of families where the mom is younger than 22. A 43yo grandma may be uncommon in the DC area but it's not at all atypical in some areas.

That means there is a ton of teenagers having kids.. I’m completely OK with being wrong but cycle breaking is not a harmful thing. Many young parents can really rock it and pull everything together be successful. But that’s not going to ge the case for all.

The point is that a 43 y/o mother of a baby is going to look like a grandmother.

Unless you’re Asian

I married into a south Asian family and everyone looks their age. No one in their 40s would be mistaken for more than 5 years younger.

Not referring to you guys

[Anonymous]

I don't personally know anyone who became a grandmother before 60. And that's a young one.

does the OP look 60?

[Anonymous]

I am 62 and my kids are 20 and 18. Weird to think I could be a grandmother. We are an athletic fmaily so maybe that's what happens -- fatter folks always look older, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 62 and my kids are 20 and 18. Weird to think I could be a grandmother. We are an athletic fmaily so maybe that's what happens -- fatter folks always look older, IMO.

disagree- in people over 40, fat is a great wrinkle filler so plump looks younger.

https://www.couriermail.com.au/news/fat-people-over-40-look-younger-say-researchers/news-story/006f4023e3d2e623bca7455501e5ac2f

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 62 and my kids are 20 and 18. Weird to think I could be a grandmother. We are an athletic fmaily so maybe that's what happens -- fatter folks always look older, IMO.

My mom is 62 and a grandma to 3, oldest is 10 so weird to me that that’s weird to you!

No idea what you might mean about athleticism. My mom’s currently working as a personal trainer and is absolutely ripped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 62 and my kids are 20 and 18. Weird to think I could be a grandmother. We are an athletic fmaily so maybe that's what happens -- fatter folks always look older, IMO.

disagree- in people over 40, fat is a great wrinkle filler so plump looks younger.

https://www.couriermail.com.au/news/fat-people-over-40-look-younger-say-researchers/news-story/006f4023e3d2e623bca7455501e5ac2f

She could some fat on her face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 62 and my kids are 20 and 18. Weird to think I could be a grandmother. We are an athletic fmaily so maybe that's what happens -- fatter folks always look older, IMO.

My mom is 62 and a grandma to 3, oldest is 10 so weird to me that that’s weird to you!

No idea what you might mean about athleticism. My mom’s currently working as a personal trainer and is absolutely ripped.

Did your mom have you when she was 20?

[Anonymous]

Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 62 and my kids are 20 and 18. Weird to think I could be a grandmother. We are an athletic fmaily so maybe that's what happens -- fatter folks always look older, IMO.

My mom is 62 and a grandma to 3, oldest is 10 so weird to me that that’s weird to you!

No idea what you might mean about athleticism. My mom’s currently working as a personal trainer and is absolutely ripped.

Did your mom have you when she was 20?

No, 24.