Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

Yes & you all look like grandmothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

This is what you get for going against nature.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.

In much of America you rarely see 40 year old parents but 40 something grandparents are common.

Ok

Maybe later 40s. 43 would be pushing it. Regardless, if you look at the original post the man was not super dialed in socially to begin with.

You're wrong. There are many, many parts of the country where the average age for women having their first child is 22: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html And if you know anything about averages, there will be a lot of families where the mom is younger than 22. A 43yo grandma may be uncommon in the DC area but it's not at all atypical in some areas.

That means there is a ton of teenagers having kids.. I’m completely OK with being wrong but cycle breaking is not a harmful thing. Many young parents can really rock it and pull everything together be successful. But that’s not going to ge the case for all.

The point is that a 43 y/o mother of a baby is going to look like a grandmother.

Eh, the earlier you start having kids, the faster you appear to age. Just imagine how much older she would look by 43 if she'd had kids at 18.

No, it’s just that poor people both look older and also tend to have kids younger. Rich people who had kids young don’t age any worse than the old moms. This is evident in any DC area UMC enclave.

I disagree. The whitest people usually age the fastest. I am white (though not super fair) and I have more wrinkle than my Indian bestie who is 10 years older than me! I also have less wrinkles than other moms my age that are whiter than me.

Ok Jan keep eating those potato chips

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

Are you educated enough to understand selection bias?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

What kind of “education” was this that compelled you to wait until you are almost 20 years out of college to have a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

What kind of “education” was this that compelled you to wait until you are almost 20 years out of college to have a child?

Yeah, that’s not it. I’m a lawyer and still managed to have kids at 28, 32, and 36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 62 and my kids are 20 and 18. Weird to think I could be a grandmother. We are an athletic fmaily so maybe that's what happens -- fatter folks always look older, IMO.

disagree- in people over 40, fat is a great wrinkle filler so plump looks younger.

https://www.couriermail.com.au/news/fat-people-over-40-look-younger-say-researchers/news-story/006f4023e3d2e623bca7455501e5ac2f

Sure Jan keep stuffing your face wuth Pringles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

What kind of “education” was this that compelled you to wait until you are almost 20 years out of college to have a child?

Yeah, that’s not it. I’m a lawyer and still managed to have kids at 28, 32, and 36.

Gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

What kind of “education” was this that compelled you to wait until you are almost 20 years out of college to have a child?

Yeah, that’s not it. I’m a lawyer and still managed to have kids at 28, 32, and 36.

Gross

sorry soccer granny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

What kind of “education” was this that compelled you to wait until you are almost 20 years out of college to have a child?

Yeah, that’s not it. I’m a lawyer and still managed to have kids at 28, 32, and 36.

Well there’s some person here who thinks the kids born after 30 are “unnatural” sooooo better just put those kids back where they came from I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree fatter = looks older. Unhealthy generally = older, not younger.

62 is not old. Educated people often have children in their 40s, including me and pretty much all my friends.

What kind of “education” was this that compelled you to wait until you are almost 20 years out of college to have a child?

Yeah, that’s not it. I’m a lawyer and still managed to have kids at 28, 32, and 36.

Well there’s some person here who thinks the kids born after 30 are “unnatural” sooooo better just put those kids back where they came from I guess.

Well that’s as dumb as blaming “education” for not having kids until middle age. Lots of coping around here I guess.

[Anonymous]

My 20 y/o DD worked with 38 year old waitress at a restaurant last summer. The 38 year old became a grandmother at 36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.

In much of America you rarely see 40 year old parents but 40 something grandparents are common.

Maybe later 40s. 43 would be pushing it. Regardless, if you look at the original post the man was not super dialed in socially to begin with.

You're wrong. There are many, many parts of the country where the average age for women having their first child is 22: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html And if you know anything about averages, there will be a lot of families where the mom is younger than 22. A 43yo grandma may be uncommon in the DC area but it's not at all atypical in some areas.

That means there is a ton of teenagers having kids.. I’m completely OK with being wrong but cycle breaking is not a harmful thing. Many young parents can really rock it and pull everything together be successful. But that’s not going to ge the case for all.

The point is that a 43 y/o mother of a baby is going to look like a grandmother.

Eh, the earlier you start having kids, the faster you appear to age. Just imagine how much older she would look by 43 if she'd had kids at 18.

With a little effort your body quickly bounces back in your 20s. It doesn’t in your late 30s. Then in pyour 40s chasing a primary schooler around makes your face look old and tired.

Typical primary grade kids don't need chasing. But if you're talking about kicking a ball around with your 2nd grader, I'm not sure what your point is. Are you bragging about not exercising in your 40s because your kids are off to college already? Or do you feel like you're too old now to throw a frisbee?

[Anonymous]

When I see a 40+ year old with a baby, I assume she had multiple abortions along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 62 and my kids are 20 and 18. Weird to think I could be a grandmother. We are an athletic fmaily so maybe that's what happens -- fatter folks always look older, IMO.

disagree- in people over 40, fat is a great wrinkle filler so plump looks younger.

https://www.couriermail.com.au/news/fat-people-over-40-look-younger-say-researchers/news-story/006f4023e3d2e623bca7455501e5ac2f

Sure Jan keep stuffing your face wuth Pringles

If you have objections to the scientific study that looked at this take it up with the authors.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19337100/