A middle aged man's (actual) list of desired qualities

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

Just faced this exact scenario and it’s true.

Did you face it with your partner ? Just curious why you got into this relationship if it was nothing for you?

Honestly I just wanted to find someone I clicked with and was more open on age than I’ve been in the past. I didn’t think through this aspect of things until months in.

Oh I see. Women should approach dating just like men: younger is better. There is no reason why men should always get younger parters: in fact it should be the opposite. Professional women live longer and you want to have about same projected work span as your partner. Unless he’s super wealthy and can make up for you not working when he’s retired.

Right exactly. He earns well (about $300K) but is not super wealthy because of divorce and prior family obligations and he will only be working probably another 6-7 years at most. I do really like him but it was a bit odd hanging out with his retired on fixed income friends. He was pretty thrifty.

I can only imagine his boring that was ! These are different generation folks, nothing in common. My exH and his friends were like that: only talks about their brokerage accounts, wine tasting and next cruises

I’d be fine with that. It was more like medical problems, what upcoming free events were happening, and how to split the check.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

Good to know. Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after.

Then you should date post menopausal women 50+ because a sexually attractive and sexually active 40+ woman with normal periods, shiny hair and youthful skin is likely still in heat.

Speak for yourself lady. ~52 yo pre-menopausal woman with great skin, natural lube and a high drive who doesn’t want another pregnancy or baby

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

Good to know. Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after.

Then you should date post menopausal women 50+ because a sexually attractive and sexually active 40+ woman with normal periods, shiny hair and youthful skin is likely still in heat.

Speak for yourself lady. ~52 yo pre-menopausal woman with great skin, natural lube and a high drive who doesn’t want another pregnancy or baby

Right, by 50 most women get over baby fever. Thus men who don’t want kids should date older women

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

Just faced this exact scenario and it’s true.

Did you face it with your partner ? Just curious why you got into this relationship if it was nothing for you?

Honestly I just wanted to find someone I clicked with and was more open on age than I’ve been in the past. I didn’t think through this aspect of things until months in.

Oh I see. Women should approach dating just like men: younger is better. There is no reason why men should always get younger parters: in fact it should be the opposite. Professional women live longer and you want to have about same projected work span as your partner. Unless he’s super wealthy and can make up for you not working when he’s retired.

Right exactly. He earns well (about $300K) but is not super wealthy because of divorce and prior family obligations and he will only be working probably another 6-7 years at most. I do really like him but it was a bit odd hanging out with his retired on fixed income friends. He was pretty thrifty.

I can only imagine his boring that was ! These are different generation folks, nothing in common. My exH and his friends were like that: only talks about their brokerage accounts, wine tasting and next cruises

I’d be fine with that. It was more like medical problems, what upcoming free events were happening, and how to split the check.

Oh that’s awful

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

Good to know. Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after.

Then you should date post menopausal women 50+ because a sexually attractive and sexually active 40+ woman with normal periods, shiny hair and youthful skin is likely still in heat.

Speak for yourself lady. ~52 yo pre-menopausal woman with great skin, natural
lube and a high drive who doesn’t want another pregnancy or baby

Winter is coming for both of you. Maybe lose the withered crone trope, it’s internalized misogyny and makes you look dumb and trashy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

Good to know. Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after.

Then you should date post menopausal women 50+ because a sexually attractive and sexually active 40+ woman with normal periods, shiny hair and youthful skin is likely still in heat.

Speak for yourself lady. ~52 yo pre-menopausal woman with great skin, natural
lube and a high drive who doesn’t want another pregnancy or baby

Winter is coming for both of you. Maybe lose the withered crone trope, it’s internalized misogyny and makes you look dumb and trashy.

Hi hi go back to your book club, bro

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

Good to know. Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after.

Then you should date post menopausal women 50+ because a sexually attractive and sexually active 40+ woman with normal periods, shiny hair and youthful skin is likely still in heat.

Speak for yourself lady. ~52 yo pre-menopausal woman with great skin, natural
lube and a high drive who doesn’t want another pregnancy or baby

Winter is coming for both of you. Maybe lose the withered crone trope, it’s internalized misogyny and makes you look dumb and trashy.

Hi hi go back to your book club, bro

That was a blistering rejoinder. 👏

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

Just faced this exact scenario and it’s true.

Did you face it with your partner ? Just curious why you got into this relationship if it was nothing for you?

Honestly I just wanted to find someone I clicked with and was more open on age than I’ve been in the past. I didn’t think through this aspect of things until months in.

Oh I see. Women should approach dating just like men: younger is better. There is no reason why men should always get younger parters: in fact it should be the opposite. Professional women live longer and you want to have about same projected work span as your partner. Unless he’s super wealthy and can make up for you not working when he’s retired.

Right exactly. He earns well (about $300K) but is not super wealthy because of divorce and prior family obligations and he will only be working probably another 6-7 years at most. I do really like him but it was a bit odd hanging out with his retired on fixed income friends. He was pretty thrifty.

I can only imagine his boring that was ! These are different generation folks, nothing in common. My exH and his friends were like that: only talks about their brokerage accounts, wine tasting and next cruises

Huge age gap with my gf, and we have five hour and longer conversations about interesting topics: music, rap music, film, politics, religion, psychology, agriculture (we both have farming backgrounds)....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

Just faced this exact scenario and it’s true.

Did you face it with your partner ? Just curious why you got into this relationship if it was nothing for you?

Honestly I just wanted to find someone I clicked with and was more open on age than I’ve been in the past. I didn’t think through this aspect of things until months in.

Oh I see. Women should approach dating just like men: younger is better. There is no reason why men should always get younger parters: in fact it should be the opposite. Professional women live longer and you want to have about same projected work span as your partner. Unless he’s super wealthy and can make up for you not working when he’s retired.

But it's not the opposite for the most part, is it. There is no rule that women can't date younger men so why is the opposite much more common?

Because two 30 year old men would rather share one 20 year old woman than have a 60 year woman all to themselves. And because when their friends find out they are with an older woman, they'll be mocked mercilessly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don’t aim to date younger, but about same age as myself. It is in most cases 50+ men who brag about sleeping with 20+ women. Whatever, if he’s willing to pay! I don’t pay to 20 something lovers to be with me for fine dining or free housing, even though I could

There you go. No 50 year old guy in this thread has even mentioned dating women in their 30s, much less 20s. I said I prefer anywhere from 45 to my age of 58 and the harpies already have me on a cruise ship while the women I like all still have baby fever. Seriously, some of you are insane.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

Good to know. Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after.

Then you should date post menopausal women 50+ because a sexually attractive and sexually active 40+ woman with normal periods, shiny hair and youthful skin is likely still in heat.

I haven't met one single woman in her 40s who wants to have a baby. Most all of them have children already and aren't looking to do that again.Where do you come up with this nonsense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

And again, not one guy in this thread has said anything about that large of an age gap. Not even close.