Reply to A middle aged man's (actual) list of desired qualities

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Widowed man and I'm looking for her now.  Have been on about 15 dates.  Didn't want any second dates so far.  It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods.  No ex baggage at all-none.  Grown kids who don't live with her.  Not allergic to cats.  Adventurous and expects the same in me.  Willing to try new things.  Bonus if she has a nice a$$.[/quote]

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.[/quote]You're close.  You say that like it's a bad thing.[/quote]

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table [/quote]

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, [b]but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.[/b][/quote]

So who do they date?  If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard.  Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't.  The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids.  This. [/quote]

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy [/quote]

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men. [/quote][/quote]I'm not retired.  I plan to work until I'm about 70.[/quote]

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.[/quote]You can't travel while you're still working?  Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life.  I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.[/quote]

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors [/quote]I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast. [/quote]

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s,  you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time. [/quote]oh give it a break lady.  Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children. [/quote]

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise. [/quote]

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would  support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me [/quote]Good to know.  Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after. [/quote]

Then you should date post menopausal women 50+ because a sexually attractive and sexually active 40+ woman with normal periods, shiny hair and youthful  skin is likely still in heat. [/quote]

Speak for yourself lady. ~52 yo pre-menopausal woman with great skin, natural 
lube and a high drive who doesn’t want another pregnancy or baby[/quote]

Winter is coming for both of you. Maybe lose the withered crone trope, it’s internalized misogyny and makes you look dumb and trashy.[/quote]

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