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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You sound like a despicable person.  Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser.  10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy[/quote]
Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that. [/quote]

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him. [/quote]
I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.[/quote]

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit . [/quote]
So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?[/quote]

This is why you need to educate yourself on limerence and seek help. You know nothing about him and you even admit he seems stoned, you hate his wife without knowing anything , the complete fantasy is disrupting your life , etc. It’s not healthy and that’s not love. Like someone said upthread you sound like a completely unhinged mess of a person and it likely impacts your daily life. That isn’t love. It’s something you need to fix about yourself. [/quote]
Then, I don’t know how to give or receive love from a significant other, I feel indifferent toward my dh, limerance feels better than indifference. [/quote]

Limerence is kind of like a drug addiction, it’s a way for your brain to comfort itself and avoid thinking about difficult topics, like instead of thinking about how your marriage is not working out, you fantasize about this married guy.  Unfortunately, this is not healthy, and you’re not going to feel good about it for long.[/quote]
I understand this and it just makes me feel inadequate or not good enough, insecure. I feel like if he doesn’t hit on me I am somehow not good enough. So, in turn I try harder to better myself, by getting in shape, exercising, making more money, becoming a better parent, etc. I feel like if I become the absolute best I can be, it will be hard for him to resist. This sounds crazy and it’s exhausting. [/quote]

What exactly do you want to hear?  It’s clear you need some therapy or counseling and you need to work on yourself.  Your feelings for this guy will eventually fade but your larger problems will not go away.[/quote]
I feel like I am lacking something because I have never been in love with my dh, or if I felt chemistry or attraction toward someone it wasn’t reciprocated. I have felt limerence in the past but not real love because it was unrequited. I really just feel like i missed my window of opportunity to find a more suitable partner, I should have been out there in my 20s pursuing men but I wasn’t. All of my good friends met spouses in college, I didn’t, I went a different route than they did. I lacked the social networking that their college experience provided, I had a very limited social network. I regret this so much, and I realized this 20 years ago. By then it was already too late. I had severe social and was unable to live away at college, I had to commute to school while living with my parents. I should have been medicated and receiving therapy then and maybe I would be in a better place today. [/quote]

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