Hate having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. There was no reason to post. People obviously do not have adult children who are responding. Your responses are judgmental and making stuff up. Stop responding. If you have adult children, feel free to respond. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to keep piling on with assumptions about me or my kids. They are fine. I'm not worried. I worry about my happiness--not theirs. If you don't have the perspective of being an adult with children who did not find raising kids joyful, there is literally no reason for you to comment except to make yourself feel better about yourself and to put me down and my assumptions about me. My kids are happy. I'm not. I can say this anonymously. Stop projecting it is something worse. I only was seeking feedback from people with adult children who have wisdom to offer. If you have kids at home, you don't fit the criteria for even responding.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, they are inextricably linked.

No, they are not. People can compartmentalize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay. There was no reason to post. People obviously do not have adult children who are responding. Your responses are judgmental and making stuff up. Stop responding. If you have adult children, feel free to respond. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to keep piling on with assumptions about me or my kids. They are fine. I'm not worried. I worry about my happiness--not theirs. If you don't have the perspective of being an adult with children who did not find raising kids joyful, there is literally no reason for you to comment except to make yourself feel better about yourself and to put me down and my assumptions about me. My kids are happy. I'm not. I can say this anonymously. Stop projecting it is something worse. I only was seeking feedback from people with adult children who have wisdom to offer. If you have kids at home, you don't fit the criteria for even responding.

I posted a few times. I have two adult children 21 & 19. I said I do not enjoy parenting, but I love my kids. I enjoy time with them now much more than I did when I constantly had to parent. Parenting is not fun, I found it exhausting.

I also posted the article from 2010 about other parents who really do not enjoy parenting. It's not a utopia of happiness.

Still I love my kids fiercely, even when I did not love their attitudes or actions (teen years were tough with the oldest). It will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP.

You are my mom. She had an arranged marriage and had 4 kids and spent our entire childhood (and adulthood) that it wasn't her choice, she didn't want to be a mother, if she could go back in time she would not have had kids etc.

I get it. I get your pain and I get the feeling of helplessness and endlessness of parenthood.

But please, please, please know that your kids know how you feel about them. They feel your resentment. And its going to haunt them for the rest of their lives. They are going to have a hard time with their own parenthood and those hard days will be much harder when they start repeating the same things they heard you say growing up. Ask me how I know.

Do you really want your suffering now to be all for naught? Or are you setting out to be one of those old ladies with "good for nothing kids who never visit."

I don't think OP really cares how her kids turn out.

My background is very similar to yours. I know my mother didn't want me. It was obvious. I'm willing to bet that she experienced marital rape herself. She also comes from a poor, immigrant, background where women had zero choices.

I feel badly for her, knowing what she has had to endure. She's 80 now The stress, resentment and anger that's built up in her life has impacted her health. She now has dementia and a host of other physical ailments.

Fortunately for her, we all take care of her. I am not so sure what will happen to OP when she's old.

I try really hard to not be like my mother, but I do see cracks. I probably could've used some therapy growing up. Hopefully, my kids will break that cycle especially since women now a days have more choices, at least in the blue states where abortion is still legal.

You have no basis for saying that. If I did not care, I'd abandon them. That is not the case. Of course I care how they turn out. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. There was no reason to post. People obviously do not have adult children who are responding. Your responses are judgmental and making stuff up. Stop responding. If you have adult children, feel free to respond. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to keep piling on with assumptions about me or my kids. They are fine. I'm not worried. I worry about my happiness--not theirs. If you don't have the perspective of being an adult with children who did not find raising kids joyful, there is literally no reason for you to comment except to make yourself feel better about yourself and to put me down and my assumptions about me. My kids are happy. I'm not. I can say this anonymously. Stop projecting it is something worse. I only was seeking feedback from people with adult children who have wisdom to offer. If you have kids at home, you don't fit the criteria for even responding.

I posted a few times. I have two adult children 21 & 19. I said I do not enjoy parenting, but I love my kids. I enjoy time with them now much more than I did when I constantly had to parent. Parenting is not fun, I found it exhausting.

I also posted the article from 2010 about other parents who really do not enjoy parenting. It's not a utopia of happiness.

Still I love my kids fiercely, even when I did not love their attitudes or actions (teen years were tough with the oldest). It will get better.

Thank you. That is all I wanted to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. There was no reason to post. People obviously do not have adult children who are responding. Your responses are judgmental and making stuff up. Stop responding. If you have adult children, feel free to respond. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to keep piling on with assumptions about me or my kids. They are fine. I'm not worried. I worry about my happiness--not theirs. If you don't have the perspective of being an adult with children who did not find raising kids joyful, there is literally no reason for you to comment except to make yourself feel better about yourself and to put me down and my assumptions about me. My kids are happy. I'm not. I can say this anonymously. Stop projecting it is something worse. I only was seeking feedback from people with adult children who have wisdom to offer. If you have kids at home, you don't fit the criteria for even responding.

I posted a few times. I have two adult children 21 & 19. I said I do not enjoy parenting, but I love my kids. I enjoy time with them now much more than I did when I constantly had to parent. Parenting is not fun, I found it exhausting.

I also posted the article from 2010 about other parents who really do not enjoy parenting. It's not a utopia of happiness.

Still I love my kids fiercely, even when I did not love their attitudes or actions (teen years were tough with the oldest). It will get better.

Also, I did not need therapy or medication. My kids turned out fine. At different points I was depressed, especially when my son was making terrible choices with his life. We weathered on together and got through it. I found raising a difficult teenager very isolating. DCUM will talk about it a little in the teen forum, but there's always a pile on about how the mom is a terrible parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. There was no reason to post. People obviously do not have adult children who are responding. Your responses are judgmental and making stuff up. Stop responding. If you have adult children, feel free to respond. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to keep piling on with assumptions about me or my kids. They are fine. I'm not worried. I worry about my happiness--not theirs. If you don't have the perspective of being an adult with children who did not find raising kids joyful, there is literally no reason for you to comment except to make yourself feel better about yourself and to put me down and my assumptions about me. My kids are happy. I'm not. I can say this anonymously. Stop projecting it is something worse. I only was seeking feedback from people with adult children who have wisdom to offer. If you have kids at home, you don't fit the criteria for even responding.

I posted a few times. I have two adult children 21 & 19. I said I do not enjoy parenting, but I love my kids. I enjoy time with them now much more than I did when I constantly had to parent. Parenting is not fun, I found it exhausting.

I also posted the article from 2010 about other parents who really do not enjoy parenting. It's not a utopia of happiness.

Still I love my kids fiercely, even when I did not love their attitudes or actions (teen years were tough with the oldest). It will get better.

Thank you. That is all I wanted to hear.

Except you cannot bring yourself to type that you love your kids, let alone that you love them fiercely. So you and PP are not the same. IMO. You are preemptively resenting future grandchildren as burdens when you have a 10 year old. It is just...worse.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. I hope you find peace

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. There was no reason to post. People obviously do not have adult children who are responding. Your responses are judgmental and making stuff up. Stop responding. If you have adult children, feel free to respond. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to keep piling on with assumptions about me or my kids. They are fine. I'm not worried. I worry about my happiness--not theirs. If you don't have the perspective of being an adult with children who did not find raising kids joyful, there is literally no reason for you to comment except to make yourself feel better about yourself and to put me down and my assumptions about me. My kids are happy. I'm not. I can say this anonymously. Stop projecting it is something worse. I only was seeking feedback from people with adult children who have wisdom to offer. If you have kids at home, you don't fit the criteria for even responding.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, they are inextricably linked.

No, they are not. People can compartmentalize.

If you were really an expert on mental health, you would know that "Compartmentalization is a defense mechanism in which people mentally separate conflicting thoughts, emotions, or experiences to avoid the discomfort of contradiction." (Psychology Today)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. There was no reason to post. People obviously do not have adult children who are responding. Your responses are judgmental and making stuff up. Stop responding. If you have adult children, feel free to respond. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to keep piling on with assumptions about me or my kids. They are fine. I'm not worried. I worry about my happiness--not theirs. If you don't have the perspective of being an adult with children who did not find raising kids joyful, there is literally no reason for you to comment except to make yourself feel better about yourself and to put me down and my assumptions about me. My kids are happy. I'm not. I can say this anonymously. Stop projecting it is something worse. I only was seeking feedback from people with adult children who have wisdom to offer. If you have kids at home, you don't fit the criteria for even responding.

I posted a few times. I have two adult children 21 & 19. I said I do not enjoy parenting, but I love my kids. I enjoy time with them now much more than I did when I constantly had to parent. Parenting is not fun, I found it exhausting.

I also posted the article from 2010 about other parents who really do not enjoy parenting. It's not a utopia of happiness.

Still I love my kids fiercely, even when I did not love their attitudes or actions (teen years were tough with the oldest). It will get better.

Thank you. That is all I wanted to hear.

The ^PP probably doesn't resent their kid like you do. I'm also assuming that ^PP didn't only *sometimes" love their kids.

Other people have stated that they don't enjoy parenting. I've posted this myself numerous times. I find parenting exhausting, too.

All this for you to hear one poster state that they enjoy their adult kids more now than when they were little? You really needed an anonymous poster to tell you that some people find adult kids to be more fun than little kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one getting troll vibes from this whole thread?

OMG. but if this is real, for god's sake, I'll take her kids and try to raise them. She's miserable and horrible and the kids will be better off with ANYONE else at this point. There have to be signs in them already that their family, their mother is f'ed up


but it's likely not real, and she is getting some great responses and is just getting a laugh from all of us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. There was no reason to post. People obviously do not have adult children who are responding. Your responses are judgmental and making stuff up. Stop responding. If you have adult children, feel free to respond. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to keep piling on with assumptions about me or my kids. They are fine. I'm not worried. I worry about my happiness--not theirs. If you don't have the perspective of being an adult with children who did not find raising kids joyful, there is literally no reason for you to comment except to make yourself feel better about yourself and to put me down and my assumptions about me. My kids are happy. I'm not. I can say this anonymously. Stop projecting it is something worse. I only was seeking feedback from people with adult children who have wisdom to offer. If you have kids at home, you don't fit the criteria for even responding.

I posted a few times. I have two adult children 21 & 19. I said I do not enjoy parenting, but I love my kids. I enjoy time with them now much more than I did when I constantly had to parent. Parenting is not fun, I found it exhausting.

I also posted the article from 2010 about other parents who really do not enjoy parenting. It's not a utopia of happiness.

Still I love my kids fiercely, even when I did not love their attitudes or actions (teen years were tough with the oldest). It will get better.

Also, I did not need therapy or medication. My kids turned out fine. At different points I was depressed, especially when my son was making terrible choices with his life. We weathered on together and got through it. I found raising a difficult teenager very isolating. DCUM will talk about it a little in the teen forum, but there's always a pile on about how the mom is a terrible parent.

Your kids probably knew and felt that you loved them unconditionally, nor felt that you resented them. OP's situation is different.

I'm not the greatest parent. I have teens. I have made and still make a ton of mistakes. But, they know I love them unconditionally, even when I'm not happy with them.

I don't think OP's situation is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one getting troll vibes from this whole thread?

OMG. but if this is real, for god's sake, I'll take her kids and try to raise them. She's miserable and horrible and the kids will be better off with ANYONE else at this point. There have to be signs in them already that their family, their mother is f'ed up


but it's likely not real, and she is getting some great responses and is just getting a laugh from all of us

+1
From,
Not Exactly Mother of the Year

[Anonymous]

https://www.drpsychmom.com/2018/04/23/cant-bond-with-baby/

"When You Can't Bond With Your Baby" by a psychologist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one getting troll vibes from this whole thread?

OMG. but if this is real, for god's sake, I'll take her kids and try to raise them. She's miserable and horrible and the kids will be better off with ANYONE else at this point. There have to be signs in them already that their family, their mother is f'ed up


but it's likely not real, and she is getting some great responses and is just getting a laugh from all of us

I am the OP. My mom is effed up. I'm not. I am just being honest about my feelings and the circumstances. My kids have a great childhood and are absolutely fine. They do not have a childhood like I had in the slightest. Stop making it worse than it is. I'm unhappy. My kids are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.drpsychmom.com/2018/04/23/cant-bond-with-baby/

"When You Can't Bond With Your Baby" by a psychologist

I liked having babies. I still did not want to raise kids. I did not have bonding issues whatsoever.