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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Hate having kids
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Anonymous
| Please tell me that this improves when they are adults because 10 years in and I still can’t stand it. |
Anonymous
| I don't think that's going to change if it hasn't changed in 10 years. Why do you hate having kids? |
Anonymous
| Why did you have kids? How did you now know this, before you had kids? |
Anonymous
|
What do you hate about it (I love having kids overall but also hate it a lot of the time and have periods I just want to scream and run away)
Have you tried things to create spaces in your life that aren’t oriented around your kids? Someone once pointed out to me that historically and even currently globally the wealthy are presented with their kids for an hour a day (or they’re sent to boarding school in England at 10 and only come home on breaks) and that that is a valid model to raise kids. I don’t raise mine that way but in the US/dcum we have culturally decided that is horrid - yet a lot of the world does it when they can afford it and they believe it’s the ideal model to raise great kids |
Anonymous
Was not the plan. Not going into further details. I never liked kids in general and when I was 12 years old I knew I didn’t want them. I find it to be all work and annoyance and no joy at all…and I just can’t stand dealing with it. It’s exhausting and thankless and annoying and it consumes way too much time and money. |
Anonymous
That’s such an unhelpful question - being around kids is soooo different than having your own and it’s kind of a crap shoot how you’ll respond to parenting. My husband looooved being around kids and was great with them yet chafes with a lot of being a parent and struggles with it more. I don’t enjoy being around kids (and still don’t enjoy most kids and find them obnoxious) yet have blossomed being a parent and even though I can objectively tell my kids are as obnoxious as everyone else’s I don’t experience it the same way |
Anonymous
| Why is this in the relationship section? |
Anonymous
You’re right. Sorry. Posted in the wrong section. |
Anonymous
This is not helpful, but you never should have had them. My brother never had them by choice and neither did a cousin. I really respect them since there was a lot of family pressure at first, but they knew themselves. They are great as an Aunt and Uncle, btw. Very close and good with their nephews. I really hate when people settle, settle in marriage or settle in having kids they don't want. My mom pressured about getting married and having kids--but I did it on my own timetable and only when I was 100% in love and then another 7 years before I without a doubt wanted kids. It's just too much of an investment to go in half-*ssed. People take more time deciding on what kind of car to buy or toothpaste to use than they do about procreating. |
Anonymous
|
I'm not a kid person either OP. I had them because my spouse really wanted them. The best you can do is be as good of parent as you possibly can. If you need breaks in the summer look into sleep away camps.
It does get better once they are adults. Teenage years were still tough though, so buck up. |
Anonymous
Not really. It gives you an idea of how you'll respond to the demands of parenting, dealing with different personalities, acknowledging that it's a crapshoot BEFORE you have kids. I don't know how anyone can spend lots of time around kids, and then be surprised about how much work it is or then realize how you hate having kids... until after you have them, Unless you lived a charmed life of never interacting with kids except briefly here and there. Because it's really not a surprise. |
Anonymous
Well not to be pedantic, but the parents in this case are not "raising" the kids. This is like saying "lots of people outsource house cleaning to other people and this is a valid way to clean your house." I mean, yes, sure it is. But then you aren't cleaning your house, your housecleaner is. You can give me tips on hiring a house cleaner, but I'm not taking your advice on scrubbing the shower, a think you never do, because you'd have no idea what you were talking about. Also, the idea that hiring people to raise your kids is a "great model" relies on the idea that there is and will always be a ready workforce of people who will raise other people's kids for them. Wealthy people can pay these people very well. The rest of us cannot. If this is an amazing model, then how do you scale it without either exploiting an underpaid workforce or short-changing your kids? You can't. So the reason people are dismissive of this as a model is not because they are so obsessed with hands on parenting, but because it is simply not economically feasible to raise generations of children this way. Also some people like their kids and find parenting rewarding, but OP apparently doesn't, so I guess that's off topic for this thread. |
Anonymous
Fascinating I’m explaining that this was in fact both my and my husbands experience and yet even after hearing that you can’t fathom this could be someone’s experience bc it wasn’t yours |
Anonymous
Well, your kids are here now and they had no say in being born. Do your job and raise them well till they’re 18 at least. Go to therapy if you need to. |
Anonymous
| I disliked it until my youngest (of 3) was around 7 or so. Now they are teens and I am a much better mom. |