Weird situation with new neighbor from high school - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Yeah, bullies very rarely remember their victims or what they did to them. They are shocked or confused when adults are still psychotically affected. OP gave us her own version of High School. I believe she was cruel to her neighbor. Her neighbor is obviously damaged and could use therapy. But OP needs to face the fact that she was mean to someone in High School and had a real effect on this person's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only takeaway from this thread is that many of you need your dosages increased. Some of you are legit insane, but words like "gaslighting" and "mean girls" give you cover for being crazy outcasts who I can understand why nobody wants to be bothered with. You are too much for anyone normal to want to deal with--- take ownership. You likely weren't bullied people just don't like you.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the mind of a real life bully.

How is that a bullying statement? NP Here.

Look, maybe OP was "bullied." But it is equally likely she is focused on a few small slights or bit--y interactions and built it up in her mind. True bullying is something more and I have a hard time that OP wouldn't remember intentionally targeting, repeatedly, the OP.

People remember and focus on things that others don't remember. And time alters that. I had a couple of recent interactions with people from my HS (I've been out 30 years) that I simply remember differently or don't remember at all. One was a "kid" a couple years behind me, later bloomer type, kind of "dorky." He came up to me recently and thanked me for being so nice to him as I was (in his words) "popular." (NOTE: I don't think I was. I was just "visible" in my activities.) I, literally, don't ever remember interacting with him but I must have said something nice to him at one point and that's what he remembers.

Another situation, the ONE and only girl that I absolutely LOATHED in HS (and she me, I am quite sure) friended me on social media, including me on the "how much I loved everyone in HS", and other posts/messages. She and I, quite literally, had pretty nasty interactions. I had no love for her. So this was odd. I unfriended her a short time later for reasons not relevant and not due to any interaction we had on SM. But, it was so strange that she was including me in these touchy/feely posts. How can she not remember our HS interactions?

In short, peoples' memories fade, amplify, change things. Slights get bigger over time, sometimes. But even if this is bullying that OP's neighbor remembers . . . spilling the tea to the whole neighborhood is petty, bullying in its' own right, and reflects pretty poorly on the neighbor. I'd think she is awkward and rude, frankly. If she wants to work it out directly with OP, fine.

OP, I'd apologize ONCE for whatever she thinks you did to her. Offer to move on and try to be friendly. And then ignore. And if neighbors ask, just say "I have no recollection of what she's saying. But, I apologized to her for whatever I did. I find it odd she's telling the whole neighborhood instead of moving on. But, there's nothing I can do about that."

[Anonymous]

NP. I was one of nearly 800 classmates in my graduating class.

I did not know the student sitting behind me at graduation. I am still meeting classmates for the very first time over 30 years later at reunions, at work, through mutual friends.

Perhaps precisely because I had such a huge grad class, I have kept on very close touch with a relatively small group of 4 friends from HS.

My class had SO many cliques and even for example, we had “popular partiers” and “popular athletes” and “popular school leaders” and subgroups to include “popular band kids” or “popular theatre kids”

All that said, if I had a situation like OP described, o could quite honestly say that I didn’t remember this person but I’d likely talk to my classmate directly and explain this and apologize for my immature behavior. I’d expect to be forgiven and would be alarmed if the situation escalated or continued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. I just read this whole thread and whether or not the OP bullied this neighbor, neighbor was WAY out of line approaching the kids and saying what she did. How are some not seeing how wrong this is??

Maybe the OP should approach the other woman's children and apologize to them. See how crazy that sounds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Helpful NIH article about what bullying is and the long term effects:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4552909/

And helpful advice from the Lion King on dealing with the past:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF39O_OQm6M

[Anonymous]

Everyone needs to get over high school. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

I do think this neighbor needs therapy, as she is probably trying to bully OP to get back for how she was bullied in high school.

I would apologize OP, it would probably mean a lot. And I say this as a person who graduated with a class of 80 (not 800, like one of the pps). The smaller your school, the bigger the effects of the bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whole lot of pathetic 30 and 40-something professional victims here still clinging to perceived high school slights. As an orange imbecile would say, sad.

And before you clap back with the idiotic HARRR HARRR FOUND THE MEAN GIRL BULLY, I was in the arts in a huge high school and other than sitting next to them in English or math class, I never interacted with any kid in my high school who wasn’t in my arts discipline, so no, I was neither “popular” in the larger school nor a “bully”

Maybe, but you also don’t state that you were bullied. Until you have experienced that, you don’t have a leg to stand on.

NP. I was bullied throughout high school by a particular girl a year older than me. My friends and I joke that she was born mean. She’s now a pastor’s wife. For real. But I would NEVER approach her husband, let alone her minor kids and tell them their wife/mom was mean to me 30 years ago. It’s one thing to approach the person you have an issue with, it’s completely different to approach the person’s family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whole lot of pathetic 30 and 40-something professional victims here still clinging to perceived high school slights. As an orange imbecile would say, sad.

And before you clap back with the idiotic HARRR HARRR FOUND THE MEAN GIRL BULLY, I was in the arts in a huge high school and other than sitting next to them in English or math class, I never interacted with any kid in my high school who wasn’t in my arts discipline, so no, I was neither “popular” in the larger school nor a “bully”

Maybe, but you also don’t state that you were bullied. Until you have experienced that, you don’t have a leg to stand on.

NP. I was bullied throughout high school by a particular girl a year older than me. My friends and I joke that she was born mean. She’s now a pastor’s wife. For real. But I would NEVER approach her husband, let alone her minor kids and tell them their wife/mom was mean to me 30 years ago. It’s one thing to approach the person you have an issue with, it’s completely different to approach the person’s family!

+1 Yup. Approaching a person's kids and complaining about something that was done 30 years ago is bat**** crazy. You don't visit the sins of the father on the son (assuming the OP has sinned, which we're not even sure about).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, bullies very rarely remember their victims or what they did to them. They are shocked or confused when adults are still psychotically affected. OP gave us her own version of High School. I believe she was cruel to her neighbor. Her neighbor is obviously damaged and could use therapy. But OP needs to face the fact that she was mean to someone in High School and had a real effect on this person's life.

Pretty sure that was a typo, but actually more correct.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty pathetic to approach someone from high-school about bullying you. Even worse having that person not remember you. Grow up, get therapy, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Did you ever see the movie Ma with Octavia Spencer? Same scenario. Octavia's character was bullied in High School and she strikes up a friendship with the bully's kids. It doesn't end well. I'd be careful if I were you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whole lot of pathetic 30 and 40-something professional victims here still clinging to perceived high school slights. As an orange imbecile would say, sad.

And before you clap back with the idiotic HARRR HARRR FOUND THE MEAN GIRL BULLY, I was in the arts in a huge high school and other than sitting next to them in English or math class, I never interacted with any kid in my high school who wasn’t in my arts discipline, so no, I was neither “popular” in the larger school nor a “bully”

Maybe, but you also don’t state that you were bullied. Until you have experienced that, you don’t have a leg to stand on.

NP. I was bullied throughout high school by a particular girl a year older than me. My friends and I joke that she was born mean. She’s now a pastor’s wife. For real. But I would NEVER approach her husband, let alone her minor kids and tell them their wife/mom was mean to me 30 years ago. It’s one thing to approach the person you have an issue with, it’s completely different to approach the person’s family!

I disagree. It's weird AF to approach anybody about something that happened 30 YEARS AGO! The window of opportunity/statute of limitations has long since passed. Get over it or risk seeming crazy for approaching the person with 30 year-old news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever see the movie Ma with Octavia Spencer? Same scenario. Octavia's character was bullied in High School and she strikes up a friendship with the bully's kids. It doesn't end well. I'd be careful if I were you!

This doesn’t make your case the way you think it does. This isn’t even funny if that is what you are going for. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. I just read this whole thread and whether or not the OP bullied this neighbor, neighbor was WAY out of line approaching the kids and saying what she did. How are some not seeing how wrong this is??

Agree. I was bullied in school so I know how hurtful it is.

If the neighbor truly feels victimized by OP and needs to say something, then she should do it in a 1:1 communication.