"Fast" kids -- how do they get that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor parenting.

I had fantastic parents, and I still did a ton of partying when I was young and loved every minute of it.
My siblings were nothing like me. It really just comes down to innate personality characteristics.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

Is this for real? A 15 year old having sex with a same age peer she's been in a long term relationship with is very much the definition of age appropriate. Sure, we as parents would like them all to wait until 18, but did any of us wait that long by choice?

Uh, I was barely past the "boys are gross" phase at 15. I had my first crush at around 16. My first kiss at 18. Had sex at 22.
Do fifteen year old girls even orgasm?

What? You think orgasms only occur past a certain age? You are a weirdo.

Why are people on this board so rude? My comment is based on the very sad statistics about women and orgasms. I know plenty of women who were sexually active for years or even decades before they had one.

You talk with your girlfriends about orgasms and masturbation?

Yes. I think adults talking to their friends about sex is far more common than fifteen year olds having great sex, but apparently I’m the weirdo here.
In addition, there is a lot of literature about female sexuality.

NP. I'm a 42 woman who has plenty of times spoke with gfs about whether they had sex with a new guy or if they enjoyed it but I have never asked or been asked anything about orgasms. And I would be very offended if they inquired.

Why?! I talk to my friends about sex. It was pretty shocking to me to find out that a lot of American women cannot orgasms from PIV.

"American" women? This is a nationality problem, not a physiological one? LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor parenting.

I had fantastic parents, and I still did a ton of partying when I was young and loved every minute of it.
My siblings were nothing like me. It really just comes down to innate personality characteristics.

Good parenting evolves for each child, you may have needed something your siblings didn't/ Though I agree sometimes parents can do their best for any given child, and that child still makes poor choices.

[Anonymous]

Birth order. Having an older sibling even if just two years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was way too permissive as a parent. My son was popular from the day he entered kindergarten, I went thru a traumatic divorce when he was in 8th grade and hardly functioned when he was in 8th thru 10th grade. Our house was the hang out house. The combination of popularity plus permissiveness did not go well.

How is your son doing now? How has his life turned out?

[Anonymous]

I think some parents completely underestimate how much impact peers have with teens and in turn, overestimate how much influence they (parents) have. It's why kids from the same family can have very different experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor parenting.

I had fantastic parents, and I still did a ton of partying when I was young and loved every minute of it.
My siblings were nothing like me. It really just comes down to innate personality characteristics.

Same. In fact I had extremely attentive parents who wouldn’t even let me walk to the bus stop that was outside our house alone until I was in high school. They didn’t want me driving, getting my license was not an option. I was never left at home alone, my grades were watched closely, I was not allowed to date. I still found ways to sneak out at night to party. They never even knew. My younger sibling had no interest in partying ever.

We are both fairly buttoned up, boring adults now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor parenting.

I had fantastic parents, and I still did a ton of partying when I was young and loved every minute of it.
My siblings were nothing like me. It really just comes down to innate personality characteristics.

Same. In fact I had extremely attentive parents who wouldn’t even let me walk to the bus stop that was outside our house alone until I was in high school. They didn’t want me driving, getting my license was not an option. I was never left at home alone, my grades were watched closely, I was not allowed to date. I still found ways to sneak out at night to party. They never even knew. My younger sibling had no interest in partying ever.

We are both fairly buttoned up, boring adults now.

That deosnt sound like very good parenting to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some parents completely underestimate how much impact peers have with teens and in turn, overestimate how much influence they (parents) have. It's why kids from the same family can have very different experiences.

+1

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Innate personality plus money,.in many cases.

If the kids are "popular" in middle school, those are usually the ones to watch out for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of parenting

Yup. And no supervision, guidance or accountability. Ask me how I know.

In some instances parents encourage their kids to be this way because they want them to be cool and popular. These are the same parents who give their kids phones without rules/boundaries in elementary school (usually under the pretense that they think having a phone keeps their kids safe from school schootings, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Whether I am right or wrong, I believe that the number one thing that you can do for your child (outside of providing for their needs and loving them) is to teach them to believe in themselves and to like who they are. Of course, most kids want to fit in and want to be liked, but...outside of that, teach your kids to really think for themselves. To always be kind. To remember that at the end of the day, they have to be happy with the choices they make. Teach them to say no and to say it forcefully. Teach them to value themselves and to be proud of the person that they are. How did my parents do this? How did I do this with my kids? I think it comes down to spending a lot of time with them. To talking things through when they are young. To showing them how to make good choices. To supporting them when they make tough decisions and to letting them know that they are loved and they are enough as they are. I think that you have to embrace each child for the person they are and let them know you believe in and support them. I wish I could better put this into words, but I believe that the relationship you have with your kids, and how they see you live your life, goes a long way. Of course, if there is trauma or perhaps some severe mental health issues, this can only go so far. But, really listen to your child, and let them know that you are always there for them. It makes a huge difference in the choices that they make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lack of parenting

It is 100% this.

[Anonymous]

I was this way. I grew in a very adult world.