Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Woman here. I just wanted to offer support.

5'6" I am now 140 pounds and attractive. I've been 185 pounds. It was not a good look. I was a blob with low energy and I had a lot of fatigue.

On a shorter woman the extra 40 pounds really is not a good look.

There is a lot in the news about those with some extra weight being high risk during times of Covid.

Maybe start a conversation with that.

Lol. But he’s clearly not concerned about her health. He’s concerned that she’s less f*ckable (to him). She will see through his concern trolling in a nanosecond.

+1 The lady knows what kind of man she is married to.

Why are women so offended by what normal men find attractive? You seem to understand and be willing/able to do this before marriage. Watch her lose 50 pounds within weeks of their divorce.

"Normal" men honor their vows and do not feel disgusted by their wives. Op is the one with the problem, actually.

What vow? A man cannot help what he is attracted to. As we all know, most men are not attracted to overweight women. It's not like marriage somehow changes that fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

Agree. This is not caused by OP. Forty extra pounds on a short woman is unattractive. Mom is modeling poor eating patterns to the children. OP did not force the food into OP's wife's mouth.

Being disgusted by the mother of his children because of her weight doesn’t seem like a great example to me, but maybe you and op are looking to raise superficial jerks who can’t keep their promises?

Nobody promised to be attracted to you no matter what happens to your body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness for my wonderful husband. I’m fatter than OP’s wife and DH still loves me and still wants to have sex with me. Or fakes it well. I’m working on it but anxiety makes me eat and anxiety med make me gain weight. Exercising like crazy though and losing weight veeerrrrry slowly.

I guarantee you that there is a point at which your DH will no longer want to have sex with you. That point may not be set at 40 pounds but it exists. Stop pretending you can will yourself into finding someone attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness for my wonderful husband. I’m fatter than OP’s wife and DH still loves me and still wants to have sex with me. Or fakes it well. I’m working on it but anxiety makes me eat and anxiety med make me gain weight. Exercising like crazy though and losing weight veeerrrrry slowly.

I guarantee you that there is a point at which your DH will no longer want to have sex with you. That point may not be set at 40 pounds but it exists. Stop pretending you can will yourself into finding someone attractive.

True, we can’t all be balding old guys whom younger women find stunningly attractive (due to their bank accounts and political connections).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Woman here. I just wanted to offer support.

5'6" I am now 140 pounds and attractive. I've been 185 pounds. It was not a good look. I was a blob with low energy and I had a lot of fatigue.

On a shorter woman the extra 40 pounds really is not a good look.

There is a lot in the news about those with some extra weight being high risk during times of Covid.

Maybe start a conversation with that.

Lol. But he’s clearly not concerned about her health. He’s concerned that she’s less f*ckable (to him). She will see through his concern trolling in a nanosecond.

+1 The lady knows what kind of man she is married to.

Why are women so offended by what normal men find attractive? You seem to understand and be willing/able to do this before marriage. Watch her lose 50 pounds within weeks of their divorce.

"Normal" men honor their vows and do not feel disgusted by their wives. Op is the one with the problem, actually.

What vow? A man cannot help what he is attracted to. As we all know, most men are not attracted to overweight women. It's not like marriage somehow changes that fact.

Love, honor and cherish....in sickness and health... There is a difference between not feeling attracted to your spouse because they gained weight and being disgusted (op's word) by your spouse. There is more going on here with op, but you hate overweight women so much it's easy to blame her for his moral failings.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who has struggled with their weight knows that it’s not as simple as calories in-out. Once you gain weight, it’s very hard to keep it off. Your body becomes more efficient. Haven’t you read about the study done on The Biggest Loser contestants?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2016/05/02/health/biggest-loser-weight-loss.amp.html

You have to eat much less than a person who never gained weight does to keep it off—which people can do, but it gets very hard to maintain that.

Also, exercise is great. But you don’t really lose weight from exercise. I regularly exercise and have been fat most of my life. A lot of people who start exercising just eat back the calories they burn.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t try. Extra weight isn’t healthy. I’ve been trying my whole life—up and down, up and down. And I actually don’t blame someone for not being attracted to their partner if their body really changes. You can’t really help what you are or aren’t attracted to. But, of course, everyone is going to change as they age. I miss my husband’s hair.

The truth is that it’s unlikely your wife’s body will ever look like it did before kids. Exercise is fine and good for you but won’t do much for weight. If your wife is on board, hire a meal service. Or you do the shopping, meal planning. But know that even if she loses it, it’s likely to return. There are lots of guys who like or don’t mind bigger women. I should know, since I’ve been one most of my life. If it’s really a dealbreaker, it’s probably better to let her find someone who desires her how she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

Agree. This is not caused by OP. Forty extra pounds on a short woman is unattractive. Mom is modeling poor eating patterns to the children. OP did not force the food into OP's wife's mouth.

Being disgusted by the mother of his children because of her weight doesn’t seem like a great example to me, but maybe you and op are looking to raise superficial jerks who can’t keep their promises?

Nobody promised to be attracted to you no matter what happens to your body.

Good thing people choose their mates for many reasons. Following your logic, your spouse (if you have one) will become disgusted by you because you dared to reach 50 years of age. He'll probably puke his guts out when you turn 60 and sh1t himself when you turn 70.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who has struggled with their weight knows that it’s not as simple as calories in-out. Once you gain weight, it’s very hard to keep it off. Your body becomes more efficient. Haven’t you read about the study done on The Biggest Loser contestants?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2016/05/02/health/biggest-loser-weight-loss.amp.html

You have to eat much less than a person who never gained weight does to keep it off—which people can do, but it gets very hard to maintain that.

Also, exercise is great. But you don’t really lose weight from exercise. I regularly exercise and have been fat most of my life. A lot of people who start exercising just eat back the calories they burn.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t try. Extra weight isn’t healthy. I’ve been trying my whole life—up and down, up and down. And I actually don’t blame someone for not being attracted to their partner if their body really changes. You can’t really help what you are or aren’t attracted to. But, of course, everyone is going to change as they age. I miss my husband’s hair.

The truth is that it’s unlikely your wife’s body will ever look like it did before kids. Exercise is fine and good for you but won’t do much for weight. If your wife is on board, hire a meal service. Or you do the shopping, meal planning. But know that even if she loses it, it’s likely to return. There are lots of guys who like or don’t mind bigger women. I should know, since I’ve been one most of my life. If it’s really a dealbreaker, it’s probably better to let her find someone who desires her how she is.

There is a kernel of truth in what you're saying in that not everyone is born to be stick thin. But you've been fat most of your life. OP's wife hasn't. He has described some habits that are definitely contributing to her weight gain. So changing her behavior should result in weight loss.

[Anonymous]

OP didn’t get the memo about what marriage is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Good thing people choose their mates for many reasons. Following your logic, your spouse (if you have one) will become disgusted by you because you dared to reach 50 years of age. He'll probably puke his guts out when you turn 60 and sh1t himself when you turn 70.

I didn't say a 50-year body is disgusting, you made that part up.

Forty pounds of fat on a short body isn't attractive. A guy is allowed to think that. He's not a jerk for thinking this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness for my wonderful husband. I’m fatter than OP’s wife and DH still loves me and still wants to have sex with me. Or fakes it well. I’m working on it but anxiety makes me eat and anxiety med make me gain weight. Exercising like crazy though and losing weight veeerrrrry slowly.

I guarantee you that there is a point at which your DH will no longer want to have sex with you. That point may not be set at 40 pounds but it exists. Stop pretending you can will yourself into finding someone attractive.

True, we can’t all be balding old guys whom younger women find stunningly attractive (due to their bank accounts and political connections).

Power and wealth in a man is attractive, don't pretend that it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Good thing people choose their mates for many reasons. Following your logic, your spouse (if you have one) will become disgusted by you because you dared to reach 50 years of age. He'll probably puke his guts out when you turn 60 and sh1t himself when you turn 70.

I didn't say a 50-year body is disgusting, you made that part up.

Forty pounds of fat on a short body isn't attractive. A guy is allowed to think that. He's not a jerk for thinking this.

I think a 50 yr old body is like crazy unsexy. And ugh, one of my ex boyfriends has a huge bald spot and I’m so glad I dodged that bullet. DH has a big beer gut that sorta gets in the way during sex but oh well. That’s aging.

[Anonymous]

My suggestion is that you admit that your sexuality is built on totally unrealistic impressions of women’s bodies and take responsibility for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Good thing people choose their mates for many reasons. Following your logic, your spouse (if you have one) will become disgusted by you because you dared to reach 50 years of age. He'll probably puke his guts out when you turn 60 and sh1t himself when you turn 70.

I didn't say a 50-year body is disgusting, you made that part up.

Forty pounds of fat on a short body isn't attractive. A guy is allowed to think that. He's not a jerk for thinking this.

Guess what? Shallow men are disgusted by old broads, too.

[Anonymous]

Eeeek I’m 40 lbs more than I was when we got married. And am short. Five babies later (including twins and kids another year apart) I haven’t been able to get back in shape. I’ll never reach that gold standard, but I know I need to lose some weight. Guess what? My husband doesn’t judge me and make me feel disgusting (I do that enough for myself). He shows unconditional love and constantly tells me I am beautiful and makes me feel wonderful. I am trying and have been doing better. Right now is a very hard and stressful time. There’s nothing my DH could say or do to make me lose weight. I need to do that on my own. I feel so thankful and fortunate to him after reading this. FWIW he isn’t the exact same either. Love your partner MORE right now and you might see her love herself more and start to change.