Please let me shamelessly brag here: I am so happy I only have 1 child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are one and done as well, but not by choice. Got pregnant easily with my daughter, and then tried for 5 years to have a second child, and nothing was successful.

I think having one child is harder in some ways than having multiple kids. I am my child's main source of entertainment. She goes to school of course, but after school she is bored and wanting to get together with other kids. I am constantly trying to arrange playdates and most families are busy, so I end up entertaining her. When we do host a playdate, it's never reciprocated, so we're always the ones hosting, which gets annoying. Weekends are tough too, it's hard to entertain one child all weekend, I feel like I rarely get a break. I also have to hear her complain about being bored all the time.

It is a lot easer to travel with one child. It's also easier to afford all the extra-curriculars with one.

I wish we had two, but infertility had other plans.

Where is your partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I didn’t think my post through, didn’t realize it would be controversial.
I should have though!
I have one by choice and it just struck me how I keep forgetting that my suggestions will not work for friends because they have 2 kids... so every time I am reminded that I have one I feel... relieved?
But I can’t say anything irl (maybe it’s ok though? To say something?) I have two friends who are missing out on things because two kids and they still want more and I just don’t know what to say.... I say nothing, but I need an outlet.

I do not understand you. I am happily married with two kids. We have a good HHI and I am a WAHM. I have tons of help and support, so there is no hardship for us to do normal things like go on vacations, go on dates, live in a beautiful house, have a great social circle, go out and eat, pay for camps, EC, gears.

If given a choice between being single, seperated and having only one kid like you, and being happily married with two kids and a great lifestyle like I am, I would not choose to be in your shoes. Of course, I would not ever say anything to you IRL if I knew you. These thoughts are best shared on an anonymous forum.

Wow. Feel better?

You’re a nasty piece of work.

Not PP, but honestly, in OP’s case, who would want to have more kids? Her marriage did not work out, she is a single parent, maybe money is an issue. I have three kids, but in OP’a situation I would prefer to have only one. Maybe for her son it might be nice to have a sibling... not sure.

BINGO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I didn’t think my post through, didn’t realize it would be controversial.
I should have though!
I have one by choice and it just struck me how I keep forgetting that my suggestions will not work for friends because they have 2 kids... so every time I am reminded that I have one I feel... relieved?
But I can’t say anything irl (maybe it’s ok though? To say something?) I have two friends who are missing out on things because two kids and they still want more and I just don’t know what to say.... I say nothing, but I need an outlet.

I do not understand you. I am happily married with two kids. We have a good HHI and I am a WAHM. I have tons of help and support, so there is no hardship for us to do normal things like go on vacations, go on dates, live in a beautiful house, have a great social circle, go out and eat, pay for camps, EC, gears.

If given a choice between being single, seperated and having only one kid like you, and being happily married with two kids and a great lifestyle like I am, I would not choose to be in your shoes. Of course, I would not ever say anything to you IRL if I knew you. These thoughts are best shared on an anonymous forum.

Wow. Feel better?

You’re a nasty piece of work.

Ehh! Not nastier than OP's post that I responded to. Her post makes me actually feel bad for the poor guy who fathered her child.

[Anonymous]

OP you had one kid with a man that since left you and isn’t involved so of course you’re happy to be one and done. It would be incredibly difficult to be a single parent of 2, you have an easy 1 but you may have had more if things worked out different with your husband. You’re making the best of the circumstances that you’ve been dealt and trying to spin it as your life choice all along. Couples who choose to be one and done don’t feel the need to post like you did because they are not trying to put a spin on their life circumstance- theirs is a conscious choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I didn’t think my post through, didn’t realize it would be controversial.
I should have though!
I have one by choice and it just struck me how I keep forgetting that my suggestions will not work for friends because they have 2 kids... so every time I am reminded that I have one I feel... relieved?
But I can’t say anything irl (maybe it’s ok though? To say something?) I have two friends who are missing out on things because two kids and they still want more and I just don’t know what to say.... I say nothing, but I need an outlet.

I do not understand you. I am happily married with two kids. We have a good HHI and I am a WAHM. I have tons of help and support, so there is no hardship for us to do normal things like go on vacations, go on dates, live in a beautiful house, have a great social circle, go out and eat, pay for camps, EC, gears.

If given a choice between being single, seperated and having only one kid like you, and being happily married with two kids and a great lifestyle like I am, I would not choose to be in your shoes. Of course, I would not ever say anything to you IRL if I knew you. These thoughts are best shared on an anonymous forum.

Yes I get it, there are people with multiple kids who have “better” lives than I do.
I think maybe my selection is skewed... my friends with 2, I don’t see them having big benefits of having 2.
Except maybe one whose kids play together? But she always complains how noisy and messy they are so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I didn’t think my post through, didn’t realize it would be controversial.
I should have though!
I have one by choice and it just struck me how I keep forgetting that my suggestions will not work for friends because they have 2 kids... so every time I am reminded that I have one I feel... relieved?
But I can’t say anything irl (maybe it’s ok though? To say something?) I have two friends who are missing out on things because two kids and they still want more and I just don’t know what to say.... I say nothing, but I need an outlet.

I do not understand you. I am happily married with two kids. We have a good HHI and I am a WAHM. I have tons of help and support, so there is no hardship for us to do normal things like go on vacations, go on dates, live in a beautiful house, have a great social circle, go out and eat, pay for camps, EC, gears.

If given a choice between being single, seperated and having only one kid like you, and being happily married with two kids and a great lifestyle like I am, I would not choose to be in your shoes. Of course, I would not ever say anything to you IRL if I knew you. These thoughts are best shared on an anonymous forum.

Wow. Feel better?

You’re a nasty piece of work.

Not PP, but honestly, in OP’s case, who would want to have more kids? Her marriage did not work out, she is a single parent, maybe money is an issue. I have three kids, but in OP’a situation I would prefer to have only one. Maybe for her son it might be nice to have a sibling... not sure.

I knew I didn’t want more once I had my first and really understood what parenting was.
It wasn’t an issue of a husband or money then.
OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are one and done as well, but not by choice. Got pregnant easily with my daughter, and then tried for 5 years to have a second child, and nothing was successful.

I think having one child is harder in some ways than having multiple kids. I am my child's main source of entertainment. She goes to school of course, but after school she is bored and wanting to get together with other kids. I am constantly trying to arrange playdates and most families are busy, so I end up entertaining her. When we do host a playdate, it's never reciprocated, so we're always the ones hosting, which gets annoying. Weekends are tough too, it's hard to entertain one child all weekend, I feel like I rarely get a break. I also have to hear her complain about being bored all the time.

It is a lot easer to travel with one child. It's also easier to afford all the extra-curriculars with one.

I wish we had two, but infertility had other plans.

This is OP
I get what you are saying
Luckily my son is more of an introvert
Maybe once your daughter is a bit older it will all work out too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you had one kid with a man that since left you and isn’t involved so of course you’re happy to be one and done. It would be incredibly difficult to be a single parent of 2, you have an easy 1 but you may have had more if things worked out different with your husband. You’re making the best of the circumstances that you’ve been dealt and trying to spin it as your life choice all along. Couples who choose to be one and done don’t feel the need to post like you did because they are not trying to put a spin on their life circumstance- theirs is a conscious choice.

No no no I disagree
As I said I immediately felt “no more” once I had my first
And now I am looking at my friends who are married, have more money, some of the dads are pretty involved, and still they seem to be less “free” to do things than I am.
I fully realize that there are people who have even more than 2 yet they aren’t limited in their choices by that fact. I am just talking about people I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting how expensive it is with 2+.
Told my friend about a cheap camp for spring break - she reminded me she had to pay a lot for 2 kids.
Now I see a topic where parents won’t shell out money for assigned seats on airplane because the family is so large.
It is so, so easy to have only one, especially when they are 9+ yo.
I might of course get my karma when he is a teen but for now I just enjoy it so much.
Thank you for listening! I can’t say that in real life as my friends all have 2.

I'm glad you're happy, but it seems weird to focus on the money. I doubt on your deathbed you will care at all about how much money you saved on camps and airline seats.

And the only child will have to deal with aging parents and death and probate on their own.

I am not an only child, and none of my friends who have dealt with these issues are only children, and you just have no idea....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had four but we're rich so whatever. As adults we are all very close. Many people we know are jealous of our family relationship. We wouldn't have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really weird thread.

OP, are you the poster who's always trying to influence everyone else to either have no children or only one child?

What's with your obsession on number of children anyway?

Not OP, but certainly with all of the sustainability humble brags on this board, having one child is probably top of the list of sustainability actions, right?

It actually is at the very top of the list, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting how expensive it is with 2+.
Told my friend about a cheap camp for spring break - she reminded me she had to pay a lot for 2 kids.
Now I see a topic where parents won’t shell out money for assigned seats on airplane because the family is so large.
It is so, so easy to have only one, especially when they are 9+ yo.
I might of course get my karma when he is a teen but for now I just enjoy it so much.
Thank you for listening! I can’t say that in real life as my friends all have 2.

I'm glad you're happy, but it seems weird to focus on the money. I doubt on your deathbed you will care at all about how much money you saved on camps and airline seats.

And the only child will have to deal with aging parents and death and probate on their own.

That's what I always think when I meet families with one child. Sucks for that kid to have to shoulder aging parent issues alone.

Hopefully, we'll be a lot better off financially and can afford elder care provided by specialists so we don't have to burden our kid.

It’s not just elder care. It’s the stress and grief. My siblings and I debriefed daily when our mom was battling cancer and passed away. And now we’re struggling with comforting our dad. He doesn’t need elder care, he just needs company. Plus, emptying and selling a house, planning a funeral, etc. Siblings help you get through these things. And they help by simply having a shared history and memories. Family is typically a good thing.

It depends, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s ok that you are happy wit your only child. It’s great that you are since many families want more and can’t have them.


Now please, stop trying to compare your life to your friends and families with multiple kids. I am sure they would never want to be you as you would never want to be them.

I LOVE my 3 kids and while it’s much more chaotic and busy than if we only had 1, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole world.

My kids play ALL DAY together, they are the best of friends and are never alone. Yes, I would have more time and money to give if I only had 1. I would have more time for myself and my friends... I would probably waste more time as well because I would not be that busy.
Still... to me nothing beats the relationships my 3 kids have. If when they grow up they hate each other, at least they had several years having had someone that understands them like no friend/spouse ever could and someone in their corner. To me that’s worth more than anything else.

That “they are never alone” bit is interesting. I think it’s important for kids to experience being alone — lonely, even — and to develop inner resources so their sense of self is not entirely derived from other people. Loneliness is part of the human condition, and sometimes people make bad choices because they can’t bear to experience it. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think it’s useful to develop a sense of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you had one kid with a man that since left you and isn’t involved so of course you’re happy to be one and done. It would be incredibly difficult to be a single parent of 2, you have an easy 1 but you may have had more if things worked out different with your husband. You’re making the best of the circumstances that you’ve been dealt and trying to spin it as your life choice all along. Couples who choose to be one and done don’t feel the need to post like you did because they are not trying to put a spin on their life circumstance- theirs is a conscious choice.

No no no I disagree
As I said I immediately felt “no more” once I had my first
And now I am looking at my friends who are married, have more money, some of the dads are pretty involved, and still they seem to be less “free” to do things than I am.
I fully realize that there are people who have even more than 2 yet they aren’t limited in their choices by that fact. I am just talking about people I know.

With two kids, money and an involved husband, your friends are choosing not to do certain things because they are not their priority. If they really wanted to do something without the kids, they would hire a nanny, if they wanted to travel with the kids (unless still took young) they very much could.
You have one kid and one parent, they have 2 kids and 2 parents. Same ratio with the bonus that often the kids play by themselves so actually 2 is easier than one.
Either your friends don’t have the money, or they just don’t want to do the things they don’t do... trust ne

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s ok that you are happy wit your only child. It’s great that you are since many families want more and can’t have them.


Now please, stop trying to compare your life to your friends and families with multiple kids. I am sure they would never want to be you as you would never want to be them.

I LOVE my 3 kids and while it’s much more chaotic and busy than if we only had 1, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole world.

My kids play ALL DAY together, they are the best of friends and are never alone. Yes, I would have more time and money to give if I only had 1. I would have more time for myself and my friends... I would probably waste more time as well because I would not be that busy.
Still... to me nothing beats the relationships my 3 kids have. If when they grow up they hate each other, at least they had several years having had someone that understands them like no friend/spouse ever could and someone in their corner. To me that’s worth more than anything else.

That “they are never alone” bit is interesting. I think it’s important for kids to experience being alone — lonely, even — and to develop inner resources so their sense of self is not entirely derived from other people. Loneliness is part of the human condition, and sometimes people make bad choices because they can’t bear to experience it. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think it’s useful to develop a sense of that.

Then we should all have 1 child because it’s so much better for them... said nobody ever