Please let me shamelessly brag here: I am so happy I only have 1 child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I actually don’t do that many things sans kid, but I can do things with him and for him which I wouldn’t be able to do if I had two (and many of my wealthier friends can’t also).

I think your perspective is skewed because you are a single parent.

And there’s nothing inherently wrong with spending time with two kids. Imagine hanging out on the sidelines with one kid while watching the other kid play. It’s all good.

I have friends with two who are married and are richer than me. They are tired of always being with the other kid if one is busy at an activity; also they don’t sign them up for camps since it makes little financial sense.

[Anonymous]

I think I figured it out. I can actually afford more (financially and in terms of time) than my richer and married friends with 2’kids.

That’s what strikes me as odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I actually don’t do that many things sans kid, but I can do things with him and for him which I wouldn’t be able to do if I had two (and many of my wealthier friends can’t also).

I think your perspective is skewed because you are a single parent.

And there’s nothing inherently wrong with spending time with two kids. Imagine hanging out on the sidelines with one kid while watching the other kid play. It’s all good.

I have friends with two who are married and are richer than me. They are tired of always being with the other kid if one is busy at an activity; also they don’t sign them up for camps since it makes little financial sense.

That’s strange. We have 4 kids who have all gone to camp. We know very few families with just one kid. Most families have 2 or more kids, and the kids go to camp. I mean, what’s the alternative for working parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I figured it out. I can actually afford more (financially and in terms of time) than my richer and married friends with 2’kids.

That’s what strikes me as odd.

Your anecdotal evidence flies in the face of reality.

[Anonymous]

OP it’s ok that you are happy wit your only child. It’s great that you are since many families want more and can’t have them.


Now please, stop trying to compare your life to your friends and families with multiple kids. I am sure they would never want to be you as you would never want to be them.

I LOVE my 3 kids and while it’s much more chaotic and busy than if we only had 1, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole world.

My kids play ALL DAY together, they are the best of friends and are never alone. Yes, I would have more time and money to give if I only had 1. I would have more time for myself and my friends... I would probably waste more time as well because I would not be that busy.
Still... to me nothing beats the relationships my 3 kids have. If when they grow up they hate each other, at least they had several years having had someone that understands them like no friend/spouse ever could and someone in their corner. To me that’s worth more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

I am an only child. I loved being an only child growing up. I loved the attention, the resources, etc. I have two children now and I feel a little bit sorry for myself that I did not have this experience. My kids play with each other all the time. The love each other. They will have shared memories and eventually they will hopefully support each other once DH and I are gone.

[Anonymous]

I’m genuinely glad that you’re happy. For me my kids are each other’s best friend. They live for each other. I can’t imagine denying than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent years and did many rounds of IVF trying to have a second. Never happened and that was heartbreaking. But now that we're on the other side of the grief, life is so good. It's not just the money, though that is part of it, it's how enjoyable parenting is. I never feel overwhelmed and day to day life is fun, easy, and joyful. In hindsight, I don't know any 2+ child families that can say the same. I think life would have been richer if we had a second, but I don't know that it would have been better. Life with one feels like having our cake and eating it too.

The one thing that stuck with me was something I read about family memories. When there's only one child, all of those memories and history is on them. If they forget something, there's nobody else to remember. I think you can plan for elder care, cultivate relationships to give your child a full life, teach them to share (??), but for some reason that shared history thing really stuck with me.

This is my story too. Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone.

For years it hurt acutely, but I’ve started to appreciate the intimacy and ease of our little family. Our life is peaceful and generally fun. It’s not what I chose, but it’s lovely all the same.

[Anonymous]

The OP and like 70% of the replies are peak DCUM. "My choice is the best, I'm so grateful I don't have to be like you plebians who didn't make the exact same choice as me."

P.S. I also only have one child...and there are pros and cons, just like any situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I didn’t think my post through, didn’t realize it would be controversial.
I should have though!
I have one by choice and it just struck me how I keep forgetting that my suggestions will not work for friends because they have 2 kids... so every time I am reminded that I have one I feel... relieved?
But I can’t say anything irl (maybe it’s ok though? To say something?) I have two friends who are missing out on things because two kids and they still want more and I just don’t know what to say.... I say nothing, but I need an outlet.

I do not understand you. I am happily married with two kids. We have a good HHI and I am a WAHM. I have tons of help and support, so there is no hardship for us to do normal things like go on vacations, go on dates, live in a beautiful house, have a great social circle, go out and eat, pay for camps, EC, gears.

If given a choice between being single, seperated and having only one kid like you, and being happily married with two kids and a great lifestyle like I am, I would not choose to be in your shoes. Of course, I would not ever say anything to you IRL if I knew you. These thoughts are best shared on an anonymous forum.

[Anonymous]

What I have surmised from your post is
- you had a kid with a man you don't like
- you had a marriage that broke up
- you have only 1 kid and somehow you feel you dodged a bullet because there are not two of them.

Yes, you are happy and relieved that you only have 1 child. Do you love the one child you have to bits?

I had 1 kid and that experience was so amazing that I wanted another one. And my 1 kid was so loving that I wanted her to have a sibling to love.

There are lots of good reasons to have 1 kid. The environment thanks you. I am happy that you are happy with your life and your decision. It's all good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mom of 2 and I say congratulations! I'm glad you are happy.

I've got one really easy, high achieving, nice, helpful, hardworking kid, and then I've got one that is really difficult on a lot of levels. I spend so much extra time and money on the difficult one, and actually that isn't the tough part, the tough part is that it's really thankless and emotionally challenging and negative, and it's taken a toll on our marriage (but we'll survive it).

(Of course I love both, and am kind to both--just articulating that so as to stop the pot-stirrers) And also, to be clear, just like OP, I am talking about "the now," things can always change, and in fact, with Difficult Kid, I think the move to college will really help both that kid and the rest of the family.

Back to OP's point...DH and I were having a conversation the other day about how if we only had Easy Kid, our lives would be easier and frankly, much happier and fun in the present. However; if we only had Difficult Kid, it would be really joyless.

No matter how many or few kids one has, there is sort of a trap of "a parent is only as happy as her least happy kid." So the chances that you get a tough kid go up the more kids you have, because it only takes one to tank parental satisfaction.

So I think parents of 1 kid, if they get a little person who is fun, compliant, or otherwise easy (rewarding) to parent, you really can hit the jackpot. Sounds like you have, OP! But I also think it would be really rough to have one kid who has a difficult personality.

And one tangent is that I have two of the same gender and they have been very different since Day 1. If I had only Easy Kid I would be really smug and think it was my awesome parenting that created Easy Kid. Having Difficult Kid has sure kept me humble.

So true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I didn’t think my post through, didn’t realize it would be controversial.
I should have though!
I have one by choice and it just struck me how I keep forgetting that my suggestions will not work for friends because they have 2 kids... so every time I am reminded that I have one I feel... relieved?
But I can’t say anything irl (maybe it’s ok though? To say something?) I have two friends who are missing out on things because two kids and they still want more and I just don’t know what to say.... I say nothing, but I need an outlet.

I do not understand you. I am happily married with two kids. We have a good HHI and I am a WAHM. I have tons of help and support, so there is no hardship for us to do normal things like go on vacations, go on dates, live in a beautiful house, have a great social circle, go out and eat, pay for camps, EC, gears.

If given a choice between being single, seperated and having only one kid like you, and being happily married with two kids and a great lifestyle like I am, I would not choose to be in your shoes. Of course, I would not ever say anything to you IRL if I knew you. These thoughts are best shared on an anonymous forum.

Wow. Feel better?

You’re a nasty piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I didn’t think my post through, didn’t realize it would be controversial.
I should have though!
I have one by choice and it just struck me how I keep forgetting that my suggestions will not work for friends because they have 2 kids... so every time I am reminded that I have one I feel... relieved?
But I can’t say anything irl (maybe it’s ok though? To say something?) I have two friends who are missing out on things because two kids and they still want more and I just don’t know what to say.... I say nothing, but I need an outlet.

I do not understand you. I am happily married with two kids. We have a good HHI and I am a WAHM. I have tons of help and support, so there is no hardship for us to do normal things like go on vacations, go on dates, live in a beautiful house, have a great social circle, go out and eat, pay for camps, EC, gears.

If given a choice between being single, seperated and having only one kid like you, and being happily married with two kids and a great lifestyle like I am, I would not choose to be in your shoes. Of course, I would not ever say anything to you IRL if I knew you. These thoughts are best shared on an anonymous forum.

Wow. Feel better?

You’re a nasty piece of work.

Not PP, but honestly, in OP’s case, who would want to have more kids? Her marriage did not work out, she is a single parent, maybe money is an issue. I have three kids, but in OP’a situation I would prefer to have only one. Maybe for her son it might be nice to have a sibling... not sure.

[Anonymous]

We are one and done as well, but not by choice. Got pregnant easily with my daughter, and then tried for 5 years to have a second child, and nothing was successful.

I think having one child is harder in some ways than having multiple kids. I am my child's main source of entertainment. She goes to school of course, but after school she is bored and wanting to get together with other kids. I am constantly trying to arrange playdates and most families are busy, so I end up entertaining her. When we do host a playdate, it's never reciprocated, so we're always the ones hosting, which gets annoying. Weekends are tough too, it's hard to entertain one child all weekend, I feel like I rarely get a break. I also have to hear her complain about being bored all the time.

It is a lot easer to travel with one child. It's also easier to afford all the extra-curriculars with one.

I wish we had two, but infertility had other plans.