Please let me shamelessly brag here: I am so happy I only have 1 child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The number of only child families (families who have one child at the end of their reproductive years) is steadily rising, up to 22% as of 2015 (and much higher in places like San Fran and NYC). And it's not just one child families that are rising, it's single parents, same sex parents, cohabitating parents, etc. Family structures are becoming more diverse and that trend is just going to continue. As it does, society will see that only children have different experiences, but not necessarily better or worse. All family experiences depend on the people that are in the family - someone can have siblings and be lonely or spoiled, someone can have no siblings and be a well socialized and perfectly happy.

Truthfully, a lot of us default into having a second child, or oops get a third by accident. I do wonder if the number of only children families was more like 50/50, if more families wouldn't default into the 2 kid family. Societal expectations and cultural norms are powerful things! I think it's helpful for people like OP to share their perspectives.

NP here. Completely agree. We have 1 kid only and are happy with it. Felt a lot of pressure to go for a second but decided against it. Still a hard reconciliation to make with yourself and your environment. In my mind I feel like I need to have a "reason" ready-to-use just in case I'm asked "why an only". It's not the norm. People don't get asked "why did you go for 2".
An only has been wonderful for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, it’s fine, people are trying hard to find grounds for bullying, whatever.
I do enjoy my kid and always have, but I don’t enjoy limitations that come with parenting.

Agree. More power to you, OP. Ignore the haters. Next time add a "trigger alert" to the post. Jeeeesus...

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else find Op's post kinda sick?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, it’s fine, people are trying hard to find grounds for bullying, whatever.
I do enjoy my kid and always have, but I don’t enjoy limitations that come with parenting.

I think a lot of people are just triggered by someone they perceive as judging their choice of number of children, something everyone is kind of insecure about. Especially if you have young kids and are overwhelmed, you probably question the choice and have to remind yourself of the good parts all the time.

This is why I avoid these conversations IRL
because to be honest yes I feel like my choice is “smarter” (I know I know)

[Anonymous]

Op here: maybe I am overthinking this but it would be good if people who feel smug about having 2 knew that some people who have one also feel smug from time to time...
But, probably not a great feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: maybe I am overthinking this but it would be good if people who feel smug about having 2 knew that some people who have one also feel smug from time to time...
But, probably not a great feeling.

How about not feeling smug about the number of children you have...period! WTF is wrong with you people? Are you all so insecure that you have to find ways to be smug in the first place?

Honestly, get over yourselves. Who cares how many kids you have? If you are happy with your choices, just be grateful...and humble. And preferably quiet.

[Anonymous]

In response to your first post, OP, no, you can't use this board to reflect on how happy you are about having one child. Because every single parent of more-than-one will take YOUR happiness as a referendum on THEIR choices and be deeply insulted. Accordingly, they will feel the need to inform you that:

1) Your kid will be maladjusted and lonely;
2) You're poor;
3) Your kid might die of cancer;
4) You cannot possibly understand the richness of the joy that THEY experience by having multiple children.

Welcome to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In response to your first post, OP, no, you can't use this board to reflect on how happy you are about having one child. Because every single parent of more-than-one will take YOUR happiness as a referendum on THEIR choices and be deeply insulted. Accordingly, they will feel the need to inform you that:

1) Your kid will be maladjusted and lonely;
2) You're poor;
3) Your kid might die of cancer;
4) You cannot possibly understand the richness of the joy that THEY experience by having multiple children.

Welcome to DCUM.

Yep. I’m a new poster who only had one. I really wanted two but it’s not possible for a few reasons. Some of you are unbelievably cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In response to your first post, OP, no, you can't use this board to reflect on how happy you are about having one child. Because every single parent of more-than-one will take YOUR happiness as a referendum on THEIR choices and be deeply insulted. Accordingly, they will feel the need to inform you that:

1) Your kid will be maladjusted and lonely;
2) You're poor;
3) Your kid might die of cancer;
4) You cannot possibly understand the richness of the joy that THEY experience by having multiple children.

Welcome to DCUM.

It’s ok. I would not trade with any of my friends who have more than one. Just wanted to let it out that yes, I am happy about my choice and there is no reason to pity me if you do. But I don’t think many people care irl to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In response to your first post, OP, no, you can't use this board to reflect on how happy you are about having one child. Because every single parent of more-than-one will take YOUR happiness as a referendum on THEIR choices and be deeply insulted. Accordingly, they will feel the need to inform you that:

1) Your kid will be maladjusted and lonely;
2) You're poor;
3) Your kid might die of cancer;
4) You cannot possibly understand the richness of the joy that THEY experience by having multiple children.

Welcome to DCUM.

Yep. I’m a new poster who only had one. I really wanted two but it’s not possible for a few reasons. Some of you are unbelievably cruel.

It doesn’t bother me here on an anon board but if they think that in real life, being unprovoked so to speak, then it is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here: maybe I am overthinking this but it would be good if people who feel smug about having 2 knew that some people who have one also feel smug from time to time...
But, probably not a great feeling.

How about not feeling smug about the number of children you have...period! WTF is wrong with you people? Are you all so insecure that you have to find ways to be smug in the first place?

Honestly, get over yourselves. Who cares how many kids you have? If you are happy with your choices, just be grateful...and humble. And preferably quiet.

Seriously!!! Such a strange thing to judge others about!

[Anonymous]

I have three and I think many posters here were cruel against OP. I think (maybe because I have three) that there are many more women that wished they could have more, but couldn’t than women who had multiples and regretted that decision.
So I think it’s cruel for women that like me have many kids to tell everyone how amazing it is to have a bunch of kids... we had them so obviously we prefer that to having only one or we would have stopped at 1.

Several women are happy with 1 and they made the conscious choice of stopping (like OP), but others did not have a choice... life chose for them... because I was more fortunate than those women, I need to think about their feelings before I write about how amazing it is to have 3 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting how expensive it is with 2+.
Told my friend about a cheap camp for spring break - she reminded me she had to pay a lot for 2 kids.
Now I see a topic where parents won’t shell out money for assigned seats on airplane because the family is so large.
It is so, so easy to have only one, especially when they are 9+ yo.
I might of course get my karma when he is a teen but for now I just enjoy it so much.
Thank you for listening! I can’t say that in real life as my friends all have 2.

Are you married or a single parent?

Separated, and happy about it

Sorry for your kid. It is not fun to be from a broken home.

+1000

I was that kid. OP, could the breakup of your marriage have anything to do with your kid's anxiety?

And yes, I'm sure it was easier on my mom to have just one kid to deal with as she was beginning her new life.

[Anonymous]

I have an older friend with one lovely child and it's been a great experience for her. He's a dear young man starting his own family now.

I'm pregnant with number 3, but I have a 7-year gap between DC1 and DC2. As my son got older, he started struggling more socially, so we had him tested. Now I understand why he was so difficult when he was little and why I didn't enjoy much of parenting. Now that I have a different kind of kid, I'm so grateful for experiencing more of what parenting has to offer.

But you know what? Your kids are their own people. There are no frickin' guarantees for happiness. People on this forum think there is a magical formula and that they can control things. Well they can't, and most would be much happier if they could accept that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here: maybe I am overthinking this but it would be good if people who feel smug about having 2 knew that some people who have one also feel smug from time to time...
But, probably not a great feeling.

How about not feeling smug about the number of children you have...period! WTF is wrong with you people? Are you all so insecure that you have to find ways to be smug in the first place?

Honestly, get over yourselves. Who cares how many kids you have? If you are happy with your choices, just be grateful...and humble. And preferably quiet.

Eh, I have one due to infertility and get a LOT of comments about how I need to give my DC a sibling, how I better hurry up before DC is too old, etc. It’s not something you see unless you experience it, but everyone I know with one gets a ton of judgement. It is really exhausting and painful when it’s not something you chose. I can’t blame OP at all for wanting to find some smugness/confidence in her choice. Better than telling all of those rude commentators exactly what they can do with their opinions on your family size!