Please let me shamelessly brag here: I am so happy I only have 1 child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep forgetting how expensive it is with 2+.
Told my friend about a cheap camp for spring break - she reminded me she had to pay a lot for 2 kids.
Now I see a topic where parents won’t shell out money for assigned seats on airplane because the family is so large.
It is so, so easy to have only one, especially when they are 9+ yo.
I might of course get my karma when he is a teen but for now I just enjoy it so much.
Thank you for listening! I can’t say that in real life as my friends all have 2.

Remember this post when you are old and infirm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s ok that you are happy wit your only child. It’s great that you are since many families want more and can’t have them.


Now please, stop trying to compare your life to your friends and families with multiple kids. I am sure they would never want to be you as you would never want to be them.

I LOVE my 3 kids and while it’s much more chaotic and busy than if we only had 1, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole world.

My kids play ALL DAY together, they are the best of friends and are never alone. Yes, I would have more time and money to give if I only had 1. I would have more time for myself and my friends... I would probably waste more time as well because I would not be that busy.
Still... to me nothing beats the relationships my 3 kids have. If when they grow up they hate each other, at least they had several years having had someone that understands them like no friend/spouse ever could and someone in their corner. To me that’s worth more than anything else.

That “they are never alone” bit is interesting. I think it’s important for kids to experience being alone — lonely, even — and to develop inner resources so their sense of self is not entirely derived from other people. Loneliness is part of the human condition, and sometimes people make bad choices because they can’t bear to experience it. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think it’s useful to develop a sense of that.

Then we should all have 1 child because it’s so much better for them... said nobody ever

That’s not what I said, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s ok that you are happy wit your only child. It’s great that you are since many families want more and can’t have them.


Now please, stop trying to compare your life to your friends and families with multiple kids. I am sure they would never want to be you as you would never want to be them.

I LOVE my 3 kids and while it’s much more chaotic and busy than if we only had 1, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole world.

My kids play ALL DAY together, they are the best of friends and are never alone. Yes, I would have more time and money to give if I only had 1. I would have more time for myself and my friends... I would probably waste more time as well because I would not be that busy.
Still... to me nothing beats the relationships my 3 kids have. If when they grow up they hate each other, at least they had several years having had someone that understands them like no friend/spouse ever could and someone in their corner. To me that’s worth more than anything else.

That “they are never alone” bit is interesting. I think it’s important for kids to experience being alone — lonely, even — and to develop inner resources so their sense of self is not entirely derived from other people. Loneliness is part of the human condition, and sometimes people make bad choices because they can’t bear to experience it. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think it’s useful to develop a sense of that.

Then we should all have 1 child because it’s so much better for them... said nobody ever

That’s not what I said, PP.

You did say that it’s important to learn how to be alone. This is not easy to do when you have siblings. It happens of course when one is sick at home. In my case, my three kids have to think of new games to do together if they don’t want to get bored

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you had one kid with a man that since left you and isn’t involved so of course you’re happy to be one and done. It would be incredibly difficult to be a single parent of 2, you have an easy 1 but you may have had more if things worked out different with your husband. You’re making the best of the circumstances that you’ve been dealt and trying to spin it as your life choice all along. Couples who choose to be one and done don’t feel the need to post like you did because they are not trying to put a spin on their life circumstance- theirs is a conscious choice.

No no no I disagree
As I said I immediately felt “no more” once I had my first
And now I am looking at my friends who are married, have more money, some of the dads are pretty involved, and still they seem to be less “free” to do things than I am.
I fully realize that there are people who have even more than 2 yet they aren’t limited in their choices by that fact. I am just talking about people I know.

With two kids, money and an involved husband, your friends are choosing not to do certain things because they are not their priority. If they really wanted to do something without the kids, they would hire a nanny, if they wanted to travel with the kids (unless still took young) they very much could.
You have one kid and one parent, they have 2 kids and 2 parents. Same ratio with the bonus that often the kids play by themselves so actually 2 is easier than one.
Either your friends don’t have the money, or they just don’t want to do the things they don’t do... trust ne

Maybe you are right...

[Anonymous]

yikes sorry you're poor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s ok that you are happy wit your only child. It’s great that you are since many families want more and can’t have them.


Now please, stop trying to compare your life to your friends and families with multiple kids. I am sure they would never want to be you as you would never want to be them.

I LOVE my 3 kids and while it’s much more chaotic and busy than if we only had 1, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole world.

My kids play ALL DAY together, they are the best of friends and are never alone. Yes, I would have more time and money to give if I only had 1. I would have more time for myself and my friends... I would probably waste more time as well because I would not be that busy.
Still... to me nothing beats the relationships my 3 kids have. If when they grow up they hate each other, at least they had several years having had someone that understands them like no friend/spouse ever could and someone in their corner. To me that’s worth more than anything else.

That “they are never alone” bit is interesting. I think it’s important for kids to experience being alone — lonely, even — and to develop inner resources so their sense of self is not entirely derived from other people. Loneliness is part of the human condition, and sometimes people make bad choices because they can’t bear to experience it. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think it’s useful to develop a sense of that.

I totally understand what that poster was saying. Ex: You go out to dinner and there is an arcade area in the restaurant. Your 2 (or 3) kids go together to play the games. When they need to go to the bathroom, they go together. When you get home, the kids run downstairs and watch a show or play video games or play with toys - together.

If you have one child your normal is going to be different. Maybe you go with them to play arcade games, go to the bathroom and then hang out with them in the playroom. Maybe your kid does it all alone. Maybe they bring a friend along.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you had one kid with a man that since left you and isn’t involved so of course you’re happy to be one and done. It would be incredibly difficult to be a single parent of 2, you have an easy 1 but you may have had more if things worked out different with your husband. You’re making the best of the circumstances that you’ve been dealt and trying to spin it as your life choice all along. Couples who choose to be one and done don’t feel the need to post like you did because they are not trying to put a spin on their life circumstance- theirs is a conscious choice.

No no no I disagree
As I said I immediately felt “no more” once I had my first
And now I am looking at my friends who are married, have more money, some of the dads are pretty involved, and still they seem to be less “free” to do things than I am.
I fully realize that there are people who have even more than 2 yet they aren’t limited in their choices by that fact. I am just talking about people I know.

DP here. As soon as I had my first one, DH and I wanted another one. I have had great parenting experience and it has made our small family of 4 people very happy. You said you did not enjoy parenting your 9 year old from 3 years to 8 years old. Poor kid. You have socialized him into not expecting anything from you.

You don't actually have an easy kid, you just have an introverted kid who is also anxious. This truly cuts down on what interaction they need.

Op, your koolaid makes you happy with a broken marriage and an anxious and introverted kid? I pity you but your milage certainly varies.

[Anonymous]

I think if her ex gets sole custody, she will be happier. Does not seem that she wants the kid, and the kid knows.

[Anonymous]

PPs are being really mean... how can you say these things to internet strangers. I don’t agree with much the OP said, but she does not deserve this type of bullying. How do you know her kid does not expect anything from her? How do you know he is anxious? Also, being an introvert is not a bad thing... it’s a personality trait and that is probably why he does not care much about always having friends to play with. I think it’s lucky when only children are introverts.

[Anonymous]

The number of only child families (families who have one child at the end of their reproductive years) is steadily rising, up to 22% as of 2015 (and much higher in places like San Fran and NYC). And it's not just one child families that are rising, it's single parents, same sex parents, cohabitating parents, etc. Family structures are becoming more diverse and that trend is just going to continue. As it does, society will see that only children have different experiences, but not necessarily better or worse. All family experiences depend on the people that are in the family - someone can have siblings and be lonely or spoiled, someone can have no siblings and be a well socialized and perfectly happy.

Truthfully, a lot of us default into having a second child, or oops get a third by accident. I do wonder if the number of only children families was more like 50/50, if more families wouldn't default into the 2 kid family. Societal expectations and cultural norms are powerful things! I think it's helpful for people like OP to share their perspectives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The number of only child families (families who have one child at the end of their reproductive years) is steadily rising, up to 22% as of 2015 (and much higher in places like San Fran and NYC). And it's not just one child families that are rising, it's single parents, same sex parents, cohabitating parents, etc. Family structures are becoming more diverse and that trend is just going to continue. As it does, society will see that only children have different experiences, but not necessarily better or worse. All family experiences depend on the people that are in the family - someone can have siblings and be lonely or spoiled, someone can have no siblings and be a well socialized and perfectly happy.

Truthfully, a lot of us default into having a second child, or oops get a third by accident. I do wonder if the number of only children families was more like 50/50, if more families wouldn't default into the 2 kid family. Societal expectations and cultural norms are powerful things! I think it's helpful for people like OP to share their perspectives.

You might be into something... however I do believe there are more couples that have one because of infertility or money concerns than families of 4 because that is what is expected...
People are having kids later in life and are more conscious of what they want to offer their children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s ok that you are happy wit your only child. It’s great that you are since many families want more and can’t have them.


Now please, stop trying to compare your life to your friends and families with multiple kids. I am sure they would never want to be you as you would never want to be them.

I LOVE my 3 kids and while it’s much more chaotic and busy than if we only had 1, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole world.

My kids play ALL DAY together, they are the best of friends and are never alone. Yes, I would have more time and money to give if I only had 1. I would have more time for myself and my friends... I would probably waste more time as well because I would not be that busy.
Still... to me nothing beats the relationships my 3 kids have. If when they grow up they hate each other, at least they had several years having had someone that understands them like no friend/spouse ever could and someone in their corner. To me that’s worth more than anything else.

That “they are never alone” bit is interesting. I think it’s important for kids to experience being alone — lonely, even — and to develop inner resources so their sense of self is not entirely derived from other people. Loneliness is part of the human condition, and sometimes people make bad choices because they can’t bear to experience it. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think it’s useful to develop a sense of that.

I totally understand what that poster was saying. Ex: You go out to dinner and there is an arcade area in the restaurant. Your 2 (or 3) kids go together to play the games. When they need to go to the bathroom, they go together. When you get home, the kids run downstairs and watch a show or play video games or play with toys - together.

If you have one child your normal is going to be different. Maybe you go with them to play arcade games, go to the bathroom and then hang out with them in the playroom. Maybe your kid does it all alone. Maybe they bring a friend along.....

You should be playing with your kids and taking them to the bathroom regardless of how many you have. Siblings or friends aren't substitute babysitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s ok that you are happy wit your only child. It’s great that you are since many families want more and can’t have them.


Now please, stop trying to compare your life to your friends and families with multiple kids. I am sure they would never want to be you as you would never want to be them.

I LOVE my 3 kids and while it’s much more chaotic and busy than if we only had 1, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole world.

My kids play ALL DAY together, they are the best of friends and are never alone. Yes, I would have more time and money to give if I only had 1. I would have more time for myself and my friends... I would probably waste more time as well because I would not be that busy.
Still... to me nothing beats the relationships my 3 kids have. If when they grow up they hate each other, at least they had several years having had someone that understands them like no friend/spouse ever could and someone in their corner. To me that’s worth more than anything else.

That “they are never alone” bit is interesting. I think it’s important for kids to experience being alone — lonely, even — and to develop inner resources so their sense of self is not entirely derived from other people. Loneliness is part of the human condition, and sometimes people make bad choices because they can’t bear to experience it. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think it’s useful to develop a sense of that.

I totally understand what that poster was saying. Ex: You go out to dinner and there is an arcade area in the restaurant. Your 2 (or 3) kids go together to play the games. When they need to go to the bathroom, they go together. When you get home, the kids run downstairs and watch a show or play video games or play with toys - together.

If you have one child your normal is going to be different. Maybe you go with them to play arcade games, go to the bathroom and then hang out with them in the playroom. Maybe your kid does it all alone. Maybe they bring a friend along.....

You should be playing with your kids and taking them to the bathroom regardless of how many you have. Siblings or friends aren't substitute babysitters.

Unless there is a big age gap between kids (over 5 years) no child is going to babysit. My kids are 2 and 2.5 years apart. I would not send my 2 year old with his 6.5 year old sister to the bathroom... but they definitely play together without me

[Anonymous]

Op here, it’s fine, people are trying hard to find grounds for bullying, whatever.
I do enjoy my kid and always have, but I don’t enjoy limitations that come with parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, it’s fine, people are trying hard to find grounds for bullying, whatever.
I do enjoy my kid and always have, but I don’t enjoy limitations that come with parenting.

I think a lot of people are just triggered by someone they perceive as judging their choice of number of children, something everyone is kind of insecure about. Especially if you have young kids and are overwhelmed, you probably question the choice and have to remind yourself of the good parts all the time.