Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

OMG so ugly. Reminds me of Thanksgivings past at the New Jersey cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

Isn't this where the Cap One guy lives? This neighborhood? Doesn't he buy houses for his kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

Isn't this where the Cap One guy lives? This neighborhood? Doesn't he buy houses for his kids?

But they go to private school - so according to PPs, it is "acceptable".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

OMG so ugly. Reminds me of Thanksgivings past at the New Jersey cousins.

Racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

Isn't this where the Cap One guy lives? This neighborhood? Doesn't he buy houses for his kids?

No. His house is lovely. As are all of his family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, people are going to claim all kinds of things like “values”.

The crux of it is, yes, yiu have more than they do, and they don’t like that. Most people want someone they can compete with, usually mostly so they can feel better about their own choices and “position” in life.

Serious question (I'm not one of the people involved in the tetchy back-and-forths over the last several pages, I'm not trying to start something here): do you truly not believe that what a person spends their money on reflects their values? I don't think it's a smokescreen to say "you've spent $15M on an enormous house that you mostly don't use, and send your kids to public school; I don't understand your priorities." (And I say that as someone who truly values and boosts public schools.) It's not that OP is a bad person, and it's not that she's too rich, it's that there's something confusing and unsettling about her advertised priorities.

I have friends with much bigger houses than mine, and one set of friends with not only a much bigger/more expensive house than mine but also two amazing vacation homes, and I understand why they bought them. Location, functionality, travel, etc. I can't afford their lifestyle but it makes sense to me. If they threw that all over to buy one megamansion for the 5 of them I'd not understand what they were thinking or doing. Maybe it sounds moralistic to call that a difference in values but it mostly is a difference in values -- what do you value enough to spend most of your money on?

Wondering if these people quiz other potential playdate moms: "how many houses do you own"?" "and how did you acquire that?" If the answer (whether or not it is the entire truth) meets their "specifications", then you might go on the playdate, or not? What if the person is a lobbyist for a cause you don't believe in? What if they inherited a small fortune once all of their parents died? I don't understand people who think they have the entire picture, when people only tell you what they want you to know. It makes me think that some people are not nearly as smart as they think they are. Funny.

Same applies - your values do not align with mine - not going to be your friend. Your actions have consequences.

Values? Like judging people?

You mean judging people who choose to knowingly destroy the Earth (either by living in an excessively large home or working as a oil lobbyist)? Yup!

What if the house is made from recycled materials? What if they make their living curing cancer? Or are all large houses owned by your criteria only?

[Anonymous]

My best mom friend is extremely wealthy. Their estate consists of a 27,000 sq ft home plus a separate theater and gym. We met in a Mommy & Me class when our oldest kids were babies. She is so generous in always hosting play dates and inviting us over for swimming. I reciprocate often but not every time because her play areas are just so amazing and huge. She also has a full time housekeeper, chef, gardener and a nanny for each child so she doesn’t have to do any clean up herself.

She is warm, down to earth and welcoming. I would suspect that maybe OP is off putting in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

Isn't this where the Cap One guy lives? This neighborhood? Doesn't he buy houses for his kids?

No. His house is lovely. As are all of his family members.

HAHAHAHA. They go to Potomac, so he is disqualified from any of the PPs "logic".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best mom friend is extremely wealthy. Their estate consists of a 27,000 sq ft home plus a separate theater and gym. We met in a Mommy & Me class when our oldest kids were babies. She is so generous in always hosting play dates and inviting us over for swimming. I reciprocate often but not every time because her play areas are just so amazing and huge. She also has a full time housekeeper, chef, gardener and a nanny for each child so she doesn’t have to do any clean up herself.

She is warm, down to earth and welcoming. I would suspect that maybe OP is off putting in other ways.

Tell us how OP is off putting. She has only posted once or twice. I am intrigued by this topic. PP here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the PP’s talking about schools. I have attended public and private schools and have taught and volunteered in both. I value public schools and will likely send my kids to them, but if I can afford private I would do it in a heartbeat They provide a lot that public schools cannot, and I say that as a huge supporter of public schools with 5 educators in my immediate and extended family. No public school can provide the high level of individualized instruction and small class size that a good private school can. They just can’t. And yes, having access to their college counselors and graduating from a private school can help your kids into a better college.

So as someone who prioritizes education and also the environment and judicious use of resources, I would not have anything in common with the OP, who prioritizes a gaudy McMansion over her children’s educations and doesn’t even see or acknowledge the good fortune of her life or seem to own her choices. I don’t understand the disconnect from her—she justifies her house size like it’s totally normal for a 5 member family to live in that size of a house and is acting surprised that it’s off putting. OP seems out of touch with reality so it’s no wonder most average moms aren’t connecting with you and your lavish, privileged lifestyle.

DH and I are both Ivy League educated. The reason we want our kids to attend public is so they can be friends with normal kids. We want them to be friends with kids like us when we were younger.

I am not trying to make this a public or private school debate.

Then enjoy all that comes with it. And don’t be angry when thy don’t get into Ivy League schools because they didn’t go to the right high school.

So much knowledge from one person! Ivy league schools only accept applicants from private schools. Check.

[Anonymous]

I went to school (not here) with some incredibly wealthy people who lived in 15,000 sg. ft. houses. One of them was the nicest, friendliest families we have ever known. In fact, my parents were shocked to find out how rich they were. They had a 10-car garage but huge hearts and I loved playing at their house (although I did find it weird that we weren't allowed in the "formal" part of the house).

My thoughts on seeing your house would be (1) it's way bigger than anything I would want (just from a practical point of view, I guess I'm not enough of an environmentalist to be offended by the size), (2) you obviously like it or you wouldn't live there, and (3) I hope I (or my kids) don't get lost on the way to the bathroom. Otherwise, if you are nice and we click, I wouldn't care what size your house was.

I honestly find it very odd that your house size is so offensive to so many people on here. I imagine that shock is what led some people to assume it's jealously since the responses were so vehement and didn't really make sense to me. I couldn't afford a 15,000 sq. ft. house but I also can't afford to have vacation homes or new cars every year or multiple international trips for every school holiday. That doesn't mean I'm not friends with the people who do have those things. I guess I also don't judge my friends based on whether or not they think the same way I do about things. I find it possible to disagree with people about things but still be friends. I'm actually sort of puzzled by people who can't/don't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

Isn't this where the Cap One guy lives? This neighborhood? Doesn't he buy houses for his kids?

No. His house is lovely. As are all of his family members.

HAHAHAHA. They go to Potomac, so he is disqualified from any of the PPs "logic".

Never mind how he makes his money.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to school (not here) with some incredibly wealthy people who lived in 15,000 sg. ft. houses. One of them was the nicest, friendliest families we have ever known. In fact, my parents were shocked to find out how rich they were. They had a 10-car garage but huge hearts and I loved playing at their house (although I did find it weird that we weren't allowed in the "formal" part of the house).

My thoughts on seeing your house would be (1) it's way bigger than anything I would want (just from a practical point of view, I guess I'm not enough of an environmentalist to be offended by the size), (2) you obviously like it or you wouldn't live there, and (3) I hope I (or my kids) don't get lost on the way to the bathroom. Otherwise, if you are nice and we click, I wouldn't care what size your house was.

I honestly find it very odd that your house size is so offensive to so many people on here. I imagine that shock is what led some people to assume it's jealously since the responses were so vehement and didn't really make sense to me. I couldn't afford a 15,000 sq. ft. house but I also can't afford to have vacation homes or new cars every year or multiple international trips for every school holiday. That doesn't mean I'm not friends with the people who do have those things. I guess I also don't judge my friends based on whether or not they think the same way I do about things. I find it possible to disagree with people about things but still be friends. I'm actually sort of puzzled by people who can't/don't do that.

x10000

Maturity and not being insecure enough to judge others is all I ask, so I am easy to please. People who can't/won't do that are not either of those things. Bonus points if you know how to have fun without anyone else's expense, and have a great sense of humor. I hope I don't know any of the judgy byotches IRL, but I suspect I do - everyone does. You can smell them a mile away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best mom friend is extremely wealthy. Their estate consists of a 27,000 sq ft home plus a separate theater and gym. We met in a Mommy & Me class when our oldest kids were babies. She is so generous in always hosting play dates and inviting us over for swimming. I reciprocate often but not every time because her play areas are just so amazing and huge. She also has a full time housekeeper, chef, gardener and a nanny for each child so she doesn’t have to do any clean up herself.

She is warm, down to earth and welcoming. I would suspect that maybe OP is off putting in other ways.

Well, except that it's quite possible that the mom friend was like many of the PPs on this thread who are just so distraught by the size of OP's house they can't see straight (in which case, they've actually done OP a favor by not being her friend because who needs judgmental people like that in their life?). The other option is as you've stated, that they can handle people who live life differently but there's something else either OP said or did that bothered them.