Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?

[Anonymous]

We found out my 20 year old dd was pregnant earlier this year. She goes to community college and still lives with out. Not a good situation with the father of the child. She ended up getting an abortion. I was so thankful for the good care she received at Planned Parenthood. She felt she wasnt ready to have a child and for very complicated reasons (with our blessings) did not tell the father about the pregnancy. OP- i wish you and your daughter the best and peace with your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should have an abortion

Try hard to convince her OP. That is what would be best for a 21 year old.

Turn this around to "try hard to get her to give birth" and what would your reaction be? What part of choice do you not understand?

You’re living in la la land if you think the average 21 yo is financially or emotionally prepared to be a parent.

Go read the parenting boards.

People in their thirties with college, graduate school, and years of life and job experience still find it overwhelming and often claim it is “the hardest thing” they’ve ever done, emotionally speaking.

And these are typically UMC people who have lots of surplus money to throw at their problems (seriously, how often do you see “go hire a house cleaner” as a solution to an OP?)

These are people who wanted and planned on their babies and have all their ducks in a row. And it’s still hard AF!

If you can't see what serious potential future problems you'd be setting yourself up for by pushing your adult daughter to have an abortion....we can't help you.

And if you can’t see the problem with pressuring someone to put a baby up for adoption, we can’t help you.

Or if you can’t with having a baby at 20 with no degree, no partner for support, and no money or means of financial support— at a time when Medicaid is being dismantled, CHIP is being defunded, TANF and SNAP are being severely cut, etc, we can’t help you. We get it, you are pro-birth. But poor-Birthers like to end the story as soon as the beautiful white bay is born. If they didn’t, they would have to explain why. There is no social safety net for a young girl, alone with a screaming infant, worried that the kid is sick and unable to take them to the doctor because it is too expensive. Plus, if the kid is sick, the crappy daycare they could afford won’t take them, so they cam’t atrend class. And they can’t afford to fix the car or pay for gas, so they need to take the baby on the bus. And they don’t know how they can afford to feed the kid after the second week of the month, so they are skipping meals.

If you think this is okay... we can’t help you.

There are no great options.

FYI you're responding to more than one person. But: yes, there absolutely are no great choices. The thing is that the daughter needs to make this decision HERSELF, and then deal with the consequences - which, again, exist no matter what she chooses (...yes, apparently some of you are able to get abortions and then never give it a second thought or feel a morsel of guilt, but OP's daughter obviously is not like you). If, however, her parents make the decision for her or push her into one, she will then blame THEM for the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should have an abortion

Try hard to convince her OP. That is what would be best for a 21 year old.

Turn this around to "try hard to get her to give birth" and what would your reaction be? What part of choice do you not understand?

You’re living in la la land if you think the average 21 yo is financially or emotionally prepared to be a parent.

Go read the parenting boards.

People in their thirties with college, graduate school, and years of life and job experience still find it overwhelming and often claim it is “the hardest thing” they’ve ever done, emotionally speaking.

And these are typically UMC people who have lots of surplus money to throw at their problems (seriously, how often do you see “go hire a house cleaner” as a solution to an OP?)

These are people who wanted and planned on their babies and have all their ducks in a row. And it’s still hard AF!

If you can't see what serious potential future problems you'd be setting yourself up for by pushing your adult daughter to have an abortion....we can't help you.

And if you can’t see the problem with pressuring someone to put a baby up for adoption, we can’t help you.

Or if you can’t with having a baby at 20 with no degree, no partner for support, and no money or means of financial support— at a time when Medicaid is being dismantled, CHIP is being defunded, TANF and SNAP are being severely cut, etc, we can’t help you. We get it, you are pro-birth. But poor-Birthers like to end the story as soon as the beautiful white bay is born. If they didn’t, they would have to explain why. There is no social safety net for a young girl, alone with a screaming infant, worried that the kid is sick and unable to take them to the doctor because it is too expensive. Plus, if the kid is sick, the crappy daycare they could afford won’t take them, so they cam’t atrend class. And they can’t afford to fix the car or pay for gas, so they need to take the baby on the bus. And they don’t know how they can afford to feed the kid after the second week of the month, so they are skipping meals.

If you think this is okay... we can’t help you.

There are no great options.

FYI you're responding to more than one person. But: yes, there absolutely are no great choices. The thing is that the daughter needs to make this decision HERSELF, and then deal with the consequences - which, again, exist no matter what she chooses (...yes, apparently some of you are able to get abortions and then never give it a second thought or feel a morsel of guilt, but OP's daughter obviously is not like you). If, however, her parents make the decision for her or push her into one, she will then blame THEM for the consequences.

NP: I agree with the sentiment that the daughter needs support to see all the consequences of her decision and then be permitted to make those choices--whether to raise the baby, put up for adoption or abort the pregnancy. Your passive-aggressive framing that those who get abortions should feel guilt is unneeded in this conversation that has otherwise been fairly constructive. In my worldview it is more ethical to opt not to carry a pregnancy to term when one is not ready to care for a child. I would feel far more guilt if I chose to have a baby when I was in an uncommitted relationship, emotionally and financially unready or if I gave a baby up for adoption and gave up responsibility for knowing his/her well-being. You have a different view that I can understand because you have a different belief system about our responsibilities to a fetus vs. my views on our responsibilities to a child. I am fine with this as long as everyone has their ethics and choices respected.

[Anonymous]

My brother and his now wife had a baby when he was a sophomore in college. They are married still 40 years later and have 2 more kids. All 3 kids are very successful. The one born while he was in college is a genius electrical engineer.

[Anonymous]

My boss and his wife got pregnant their freshman year of college. They finished school (scrambling to get childcare but made it work), got married, had several more kids. Very successful multi-millionaires now, and the child they had in college is now about to start college himself and is a happy, successful kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

You are seriously out of touch with reality.

[Anonymous]

As amazing as adoption is for people who can't have biological children I think it's shitty for the kids and the bio parents. If it were my daughter I'd do anything I could to help her parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

You are seriously out of touch with reality.

NP. I'll put it this way. The bigger question is why these girls are having sex with boys who are for the most part unacceptable matches?

[Anonymous]

My daughter, whom we adopted, was given up by a college girl who found herself pregnant. I thank God every day she came into our lives and on her birthday, say a prayer to the birth mother hoping she is OK and to let her know that her daughter is well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

You are seriously out of touch with reality.

NP. I'll put it this way. The bigger question is why these girls are having sex with boys who are for the most part unacceptable matches?

My college boyfriend was a fine “match” but thank god I didn’t marry him or have a kid as a kid myself.

When I got pregnant (on accident) in my mid 20s it was again with a fine match. We felt ready to get married though, so we did. Had the baby. Have a wonderful life now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

You are seriously out of touch with reality.

Maybe she just didn't get laid in college. Issues, or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

You are seriously out of touch with reality.

NP. I'll put it this way. The bigger question is why these girls are having sex with boys who are for the most part unacceptable matches?

Because sex is fun. And birth control is not that complicated.

Do you only have sex for the potential "match?" I have some very hard news for you. Are you sitting down?

You are not the heroine in a Jane Austin novel.

You're not even the cook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immediate PP. Same holds true if she wants to put the baby up for adoption -- as the birth father, he may be able to contest that adoption. He has just as much of a parental right to decide the baby's future as your DD does. There have been cases where birth fathers have contested adoptions and won the right to their biological children even if those children have been living with their adoptive families for months or years. Think about the trauma involved in that scenario.

Again, you and she need to talk to a family lawyer well-versed in custody, child support, and adoption law to understand the ramifications of either keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption.

These cases are few and far between except I hope more happen. Most of those are shady adoptions where they didn't ask the birthfather and went to a state where birthfathers have little rights or have to do things in order to have rights (except they don't know the woman is pregnant or they hide her so he cannot find her).

In Virginia at least, you are supposed to notify the father. You can pretend you don't know, or put a tiny notice in the newspaper, but is that ethical?
If she is firm on not aborting, she must tell the father as soon as possible. She will not be able to relinquish the child unilaterally. The father could be raising the child instead of an adoptive family.

[Anonymous]

what tier school does your DD attend and baby daddy attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you can't see what serious potential future problems you'd be setting yourself up for by pushing your adult daughter to have an abortion....we can't help you.

And if you can’t see the problem with pressuring someone to put a baby up for adoption, we can’t help you.

Or if you can’t with having a baby at 20 with no degree, no partner for support, and no money or means of financial support— at a time when Medicaid is being dismantled, CHIP is being defunded, TANF and SNAP are being severely cut, etc, we can’t help you. We get it, you are pro-birth. But poor-Birthers like to end the story as soon as the beautiful white bay is born. If they didn’t, they would have to explain why. There is no social safety net for a young girl, alone with a screaming infant, worried that the kid is sick and unable to take them to the doctor because it is too expensive. Plus, if the kid is sick, the crappy daycare they could afford won’t take them, so they cam’t atrend class. And they can’t afford to fix the car or pay for gas, so they need to take the baby on the bus. And they don’t know how they can afford to feed the kid after the second week of the month, so they are skipping meals.

If you think this is okay... we can’t help you.

There are no great options.
Don 't forget that the father is a college student. He is going to graduate and will be forced to pay child support. His income could be very good in a few years

Adoption is an option for the poor people who cannot support a high school student finish school

There is no need for doom and gloom in this scenario. The worst thing you can do is demonize single parenthood. It really is not that bad, plenty of people do it.