Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry I don’t have time to read all the responses before posting my own. It sounds like she is going to have the baby. It’s not the end of the world if she takes a semester off. If she gives the baby up, she will go back and catch up. I had to take a semester off for medical issues and still graduated on time by taking a few summer classes. If she wants to keep the baby, things can work without her getting off track too. She should meet with a therapist to sort out her options. One option is for the baby to stay with you while she returns to college. It’s a sacrifice for you but may be the best possibility to stay on track. If she doesn’t want to be apart, she could possibly transfer to a school near home and she and the baby could live with you. I know this isn’t how you or she planned it but she will figure it out. If she wants to continue at her current school, can you help her with childcare expenses?

I know several successful women who had babies in college. Family support was key for them as it allowed them to finish college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoptions are now mostly handled privately through lawyers, not agencies. The birth mother is often able to choose the adoptive couple and set some "terms" including annual updates on the child and possibly even visits as the child ages. I don't personally think it's a great idea but that is how adoption happens these days. There are many couples who are desperate to adopt healthy infants and they will agree to almost any terms.

Yes, but... once the baby is born, it is hard to make the adoptive parents stick to the terms. People move. Circumstances change, and what is the birth mother going to do? Take the baby back. These situations often don’t go the way the birth mom planned.

A woman I went to college with told me the couple she gave her baby to send her and the sperm provider (not involved beyond college hookup) pictures and invitations to holidays and vacations. They seemed genuinely eager to have the bio parents in the picture, which seemed beyond weird to me. The woman thought it was too much to bear and distanced herself, literally, after college - moving to the other side of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoptions are now mostly handled privately through lawyers, not agencies. The birth mother is often able to choose the adoptive couple and set some "terms" including annual updates on the child and possibly even visits as the child ages. I don't personally think it's a great idea but that is how adoption happens these days. There are many couples who are desperate to adopt healthy infants and they will agree to almost any terms.

Yes, but... once the baby is born, it is hard to make the adoptive parents stick to the terms. People move. Circumstances change, and what is the birth mother going to do? Take the baby back. These situations often don’t go the way the birth mom planned.

A woman I went to college with told me the couple she gave her baby to send her and the sperm provider (not involved beyond college hookup) pictures and invitations to holidays and vacations. They seemed genuinely eager to have the bio parents in the picture, which seemed beyond weird to me. The woman thought it was too much to bear and distanced herself, literally, after college - moving to the other side of the country.

There is some evidence that an open adoption is best for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did. Had an abortion.

had a couple scares, was prepared to do that as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. Had an abortion.

had a couple scares, was prepared to do that as well.

Same. That was my plan til about....30. I have several friends who did get pregnant in college, but all had abortions.

[Anonymous]

I did. Had an abortion. I'm adopted myself and I have experienced firsthand the many difficulties with adoption on the part of the adoptee, the adoptive parents and the biological parents. I never regretted the abortion, have had a good career, and have two lovely children now that I'm of an age/life situation to raise them well. But I never told my parents about the abortion (to this day) as I knew they were opposed to abortion. Their views were definitely a wedge in my ability to go to them for support so I'm glad to hear you are supporting your daughter in her decision even if it doesn't align with your preferences (and that she trusted you to go to for support).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread just reinforces that I will make sure my daughter is on reliable birth control. Has bags of condoms available.
And knows that if by some chance an accident still happens while young we will help her terminate no questions asked.

We’re still in a free country. Quick trip to the doc, and life goes on. And hey Canada’s a quick drive or flight too.

Er, bags of condoms? When was the last time you purchased condoms? They don’t come in bags.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant my junior year. I married my husband, had an amazing daughter and over the next five years I finished my degree, got a masters, and had two more kids. My husband and I worked hard to be good parents. He graduated that year and worked a supported us while I finished me education. After I got my masters I got a job and when my kids were old enough for school I began working full time and had a great career. Next year we will have been married 50 years. We have seven teenage/ college agre grandkids whom we adore. When we married everyone thought it was a huge terrible mistake.

[Anonymous]

Very sweet story PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very sweet story PP!

+1 Love this story!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got pregnant my junior year. I married my husband, had an amazing daughter and over the next five years I finished my degree, got a masters, and had two more kids. My husband and I worked hard to be good parents. He graduated that year and worked a supported us while I finished me education. After I got my masters I got a job and when my kids were old enough for school I began working full time and had a great career. Next year we will have been married 50 years. We have seven teenage/ college agre grandkids whom we adore. When we married everyone thought it was a huge terrible mistake.

50 years later, the world is a wildly different place. What sort of jobs exist these days for someone straight out of college that will not only allow them to support a family on a single income, but also have enough left over money to pay for a spouse to finish their undergrad degree and then pursue a master's? And then spouse can put off working full time until the kids go to school? Plus, good luck finding decent employment with a gap on your resume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got pregnant my junior year. I married my husband, had an amazing daughter and over the next five years I finished my degree, got a masters, and had two more kids. My husband and I worked hard to be good parents. He graduated that year and worked a supported us while I finished me education. After I got my masters I got a job and when my kids were old enough for school I began working full time and had a great career. Next year we will have been married 50 years. We have seven teenage/ college agre grandkids whom we adore. When we married everyone thought it was a huge terrible mistake.

This is a great story, PP! The only thing is, you had a boyfriend who you married. This OP's daughter had a fling, sounds-like.

OP, can you come back and comment? How is it going; did you have any discussions with your DD? And as a PP said, she might be more than 5 weeks along so have you taken her to a doctor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. Had an abortion.

+1 Best decision I ever made

That’s pretty sad.

It’s true.

Ending the pregnancy let her get a degree and possibly graduate school which probably led to a good job and meeting her spouse. The kids she has now are a product of that healthy and happy union.

Childbearing is something that affects everything else in your life - usually in a prohibitive way. Read any thread on here about new moms having a hard time with self care, or dealing with work and family. These women already have established lives - just imagine how much harder it would be to date, to job hunt AND take care of a baby. All this when you can’t afford a babysitter and are constantly broke.

Most people can’t truly grasp what it means to have a child until it happens. Of the women I know who have had abortions in college, many felt conflicted about it - until they got married and had children. It was then that they understood that it truly was the best decision they could have made. A child turns your life upside down - life circumstances are the determining factor if it’s a huge blessing or an enormous obstacle. Maybe if we lived in Europe, this wouldn’t be the case, but there is no social safety net in this country. For anyone who is not wealthy, an unplanned pregnancy in college means a significant drop in living standards for you AND your child. It’s a lifetime of hardship for both of you.

PP could have placed the baby for adoption instead. And I know woman who have had abortions who had a very difficult time dealing with it later after having children.

I'm adopted--my biological mother was clinically depressed for 10 years after putting me up for adoption and 40 years later still mentions how much she regrets the decision every time she talks to me (she contacted me in adulthood). I had an abortion and have never regretted it before or after having my children. People are different.

[Anonymous]

My cousin found out that she was pregnant her junior year of HS. They married during the summer, graduated, went to college, and both have had successful careers and are nearing retirement. Their two children are also very successful. It was hard for a few years, but they've just celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary. Encourage your daughter to continue her education if she decides to keep the baby instead of going the adoption route, because although it may be difficult, nothing is impossible when you work hard and apply yourself.

[Anonymous]

Single motherhood sucks! Even when you are not a college student.

What if the father is a terrible father? What if he lets his terrible parents parent the baby? What if he marries a horrible woman?

Best options, 1) abortion 2) adoption 3) do not tell the father if she can possibly afford it.

The situation is going to be messy and difficult and the last thing she needs is to share a child with some stranger across the country.