Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it worked out. Mom and Dad eventually married other people and raised separate families and co-parented well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- she will be fine. i went a hyps and there were three women who went through this. Ones parents literally raised her kid until she finished college so she was pregnant, gave birth and was back in school with no obligations. After college she went back home. I'm sure it was a hard decision but she was able to get her degree and is now a teacher. The other girls took a year off and came back with their babies. It will work out.

So you're saying it's alright, it'll work out, because OP will be raising the child?

[Anonymous]

Can you parent the baby with her while she goes to a local college? We adopted. The industry is very corrupt and shady. Its all about the money. Many adoptive parents don't hold up their promises in terms of contact as once the adoption is finalized the adoption agreements are just agreements and not legal documents. We would have loved to adopt again but given what adoption truly is we choose not to. I'd never support my child choosing adoption. We'd parent the child till they were able if they choose to give birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would have had an abortion but my daughter said she cannot do that - need to respect her choice even if it is a different one that I’d have made.

Not to be hard hearted, but I would be clear with her about the degree to which you’re willing to suppport her financially and provide childcare now while it’s still early. Make sure your expectations are honest and see if they are aligned. Our college-student sitter got pregnant (and told us, she was planning to continue the pregnancy.) Her expectation was that her mother would provide full-time childcare since she had retired. Her mom was much less up for it than she expected and she ended up terminating—kind of late, IMO. Rough situation, but last I heard she was OK. Anyway, there is time to really make a plan and think about what it will look like.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant in law school. Kept the baby. Baby is 10 now. My parents were wonderfully supportive, and have stayed that way throughout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would have had an abortion but my daughter said she cannot do that - need to respect her choice even if it is a different one that I’d have made.

Not to be hard hearted, but I would be clear with her about the degree to which you’re willing to suppport her financially and provide childcare now while it’s still early. Make sure your expectations are honest and see if they are aligned. Our college-student sitter got pregnant (and told us, she was planning to continue the pregnancy.) Her expectation was that her mother would provide full-time childcare since she had retired. Her mom was much less up for it than she expected and she ended up terminating—kind of late, IMO. Rough situation, but last I heard she was OK. Anyway, there is time to really make a plan and think about what it will look like.

+1. How does your DD see this working? Her staying in college and you renting an apartment for her, and sending her a lot more money so she can raise the child can pay for childcare? Leaving the baby with you and going back to college unencumbered? Moving home and having you do the child care while she finishes at GMU or similar? Fact is, a kid finishing college would likely have to spend more per hour for childcare than she would make working? And the money to raise the kid has to come from somewhere. If she continues with college, who is babysitting? Late teens/ early 20s are often not great at seeing long term consequences.l

Frankly, the idea of returning to college and just not dealing until next semester makes it sound like the reality of becoming a parent has not hit her. She needs to not realize this is real and life changing at 30 weeks. And you need to make sure she isn’t assuming that you will bear. The financial burden or Rae the child— unless you can and want to.

She may not want to have this discussion until January, but she needs to have it with you now.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know a girl this happened to, first semester of freshman year. Very Catholic family, abortion not an option. She attended college close to home, and her mom was SAH. Girl moved back home, but did not miss any semester of school, as child was born during the summer, and her mom assumed care of the baby. Girl graduated from college 4 years after graduating from high school. Today, 10 years later, she is married, has a fantastic job, and the child is the most adorable kid in the world. Grandma loves this child like nothing on earth. Kid is everyone's sunshine child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. Had an abortion.

+1. It was a good decision for me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would have had an abortion but my daughter said she cannot do that - need to respect her choice even if it is a different one that I’d have made.

Good for you, mom. She can do this, especially with such a supportive, loving mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell the father until next summer. Seriously, you don't need a custody battle during infancy and he can't provide child support yet and you don't want him to not complete college so he can provide support later.

This is an excellent way to make sure the dad is not involved with the child. Which ultimately hurts the child.

+1, it's not about child support but the relationship. You don't do that to a child.

[Anonymous]

If you haven’t already, maybe arrange for her to talk with women who had babies in college and parented, who placed for adoption, or had an abortion? Just to gather info and think about it from a longer-term perspective? I also think it may be a blessing that she and the father aren’t together, in the sense that that’s not coloring her decision making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell the father until next summer. Seriously, you don't need a custody battle during infancy and he can't provide child support yet and you don't want him to not complete college so he can provide support later.

You are horrific.

[Anonymous]

A lot of colleges have Offices of Student Life Counseling (or something with a similar name). That might be a good place to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you haven’t already, maybe arrange for her to talk with women who had babies in college and parented, who placed for adoption, or had an abortion? Just to gather info and think about it from a longer-term perspective? I also think it may be a blessing that she and the father aren’t together, in the sense that that’s not coloring her decision making.

Yes...what a blessing.
God forbid the kid's FATHER have any input or influence at all on whether his child has a life or if he gets to be a part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP— I’m the PP whose Aunt is raising the don’s kid. I would encourage you and your husband to have a serious discussion, and figure out what you can reasonably do to support DD if she keeps her child. Maybe you are planning to work another 15 years in order to comfortably retire, and are breaking the bank to pay for college. Or maybe the time and money are there to support her and the child while she finishes college and starts her career. You need to be very clear upfront what you can and cannot do.

I would also encourage you to push your DD to look at the practicalities. Can she afford to stay at her college? Will she need to move near where you live? Where will she live once the baby is born? How will she support it? Heath insurance? Childcare?

I know it must be overwhelming for her and you. She needs as much info as possible.

+1
My friend had a baby in college and needed very significant financial, emotional, and physical (baby sitting) help from her family - both her parents and her bf parents plus some child support from the bf he was also in college and had to work and go to school - to stay in college and finish and take care of her child.

also, make sure she goes to a doctor and has a pregnancy to test to confirm.