SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok crazies.

Personally, I don't see this trend you speak of. Quite the opposite.

However, I have no idea how families handle evenings when they get home past 5ish and dont have help. For our family, both DH & I WFH a significant amount and have flexibility even if we go into the office. We do have a housekeeper from 1-6pm M-F who does all of our errand running, grocery shopping, laundry, tdying, organizing and basic meal prep. She helps out with the kids if we have to be at 2 places at the same time. Plus not having to do all the tedious domestic household duties frees up a tremendous amount of time.

I have posted this on other threads but I personally think 2 working parents where both parents have flexible schedules work. It actually works quite well.

When 1 or both parents have very demanding schedules with limited to no flexibility, that is when it gets difficult. I had a very flexible job but I was responsible for drop off and pick up. DH earns a 7 figure income and had no flexibility and often traveled. We had a PT housekeeper/cook, landscaper, put our kids in aftercare, had babysitters, etc. I really felt like I was outsourcing out my life and decided to quit my flexible well paying job because I wanted to spend more time with the kids and not be so stressed out all the time.

Disagree. My Dh has a high power job that pays well enough that I don't have to work. I have a government job. Really not hard to juggle at all, my kids go to a great private school, are picked up nanny at 4, go home, have snacks, do homework, and are taken to sports practice by 5 or so. I pick up. Often, they go to play dates right from school or bring a friend home. Nanny does many household chore (arrives two hours before kid get out of school), can meet work men, and cover snow/sick days. The more household income you have, even if it cocan
I am very aware of the fact that the juggle is much harder for those who make less money and aren't able to even consider having a parent sah.

I honestly don't understand this. You rather work a government job and pay a Nanny to raise your kids? I feel like some couples just have kids because it is the PC thing to do. Not because they really want them. They spend more time daily with someone you pay than yourself. That is just really weird.

Can you do basic math? My kids are with nanny for a grand total of one to one point five hours a day. I did stay home with them when they were younger actually, but found it boring once they were school age.

[Anonymous]

Can you do basic math? My kids are with nanny for a grand total of one to one point five hours a day

How did you find a nanny who only wants to work 1.5 hours a day?

[Anonymous]

To set the record straight, many men and women with families just like me have jobs in IT. Many of us work for companies that have gone IPO and have made a killing. I can name quite a few in recent years, such as Splunk, Nutanix (any day now), ServiceNow, PaloAlto, Bluecoat (any day now). I work for one such company, as does my DH. We got loads of restricted stick that we got for pennies and have cashed in, some held. We both still work. Not only do we work, we are constantly on the look out to land a job with the next hot chick at the bar.

People who build wealth and have anbition, don't do so by not working. Working for said PROGRESSIVE IT companies lends itself to job flexibility and all of these companies have Tele work options or are nearly 100% telework.

It is absolutely false that just because people have money and a lot of it, that we somehow yearn for days filled with maincures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Can you do basic math? My kids are with nanny for a grand total of one to one point five hours a day

How did you find a nanny who only wants to work 1.5 hours a day?

Not that poster, but our nanny of 10yrs stayed on in a 25hrs a week housekeeper role and works to help with the kids still 1-1.5hr a day.

I'm the ok crazies poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

You do realize that not everyone gets home by 4:30. Many people don't get off work until 5:30 and then they have to commute home. That's great that you have those hours but don't assume everyone else does too. For many others, they need 2 hours of before care and then 3 hours aftercare per day so now they are outsourcing 25 hours per week to work a full time job. I would say that is more the norm. I have 2 kids in different schools and they are in school 6.5 hours per day. You are not factoring in time to drop off, commute time and the biggest factor of all - traffic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To set the record straight, many men and women with families just like me have jobs in IT. Many of us work for companies that have gone IPO and have made a killing. I can name quite a few in recent years, such as Splunk, Nutanix (any day now), ServiceNow, PaloAlto, Bluecoat (any day now). I work for one such company, as does my DH. We got loads of restricted stick that we got for pennies and have cashed in, some held. We both still work. Not only do we work, we are constantly on the look out to land a job with the next hot chick at the bar.

People who build wealth and have anbition, don't do so by not working. Working for said PROGRESSIVE IT companies lends itself to job flexibility and all of these companies have Tele work options or are nearly 100% telework.

It is absolutely false that just because people have money and a lot of it, that we somehow yearn for days filled with maincures.

So you have worked for one company that has been profitable in the past decade? What is your plan when tech bubble pops, have you cashed in about $2M I hope? VC funding is changing and looking at bottom line much harder. So you will get a chance to sit back and get manicures!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

But there are so many days they are not in school. Summer, Spring break, winter break. In fact there are only 180 or so school days. So, half the days of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

PP again. I had a flexible job that let me leave at 4:30. I got home around 5:30. Our old full time nanny said she would work for us PT until she got another FT gig. Then I scrambled to get kids in aftercare. I then hired a PT babysitter/cook who would sometimes pick up kids and get dinner started. Then I needed someone to help DS with homework, social and fun enough to host play dates and take kids to the pool. I decided I want to be that person. It is really hard to find someone to do it all - cook, clean, do hw, laundry, host play dates, etc. At one point, I had a cook, a separate cleaner, our old PT nanny who would tidy up and do laundry, landscapers, tutor and 3 babysitters for back up and date night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Can you do basic math? My kids are with nanny for a grand total of one to one point five hours a day

How did you find a nanny who only wants to work 1.5 hours a day?

If you read original post, you would see she came a few hours before kids got home to do stuff around house, walk dogs, and errands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

But there are so many days they are not in school. Summer, Spring break, winter break. In fact there are only 180 or so school days. So, half the days of the year.

I quit my job when my child started kindergarten. There were so many breaks on top of school events during the work day and I absolutely hated putting my child in daycare during spring break because I burned so many PTO days on snow days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

But there are so many days they are not in school. Summer, Spring break, winter break. In fact there are only 180 or so school days. So, half the days of the year.

Most camps go to 3. My kids went to full day camp,even when I was a sah because that is what all their friends do. We take several
Week long family vacations, and several three to four day ones over holiday weekends. I get all federal holidays off, and have a generous leave policy, plus compressed work week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Can you do basic math? My kids are with nanny for a grand total of one to one point five hours a day

How did you find a nanny who only wants to work 1.5 hours a day?

If you read original post, you would see she came a few hours before kids got home to do stuff around house, walk dogs, and errands.

Are we reading the same original post? OP wanted to know if it got harder when kids went to elementary school.

I posted that it was harder for me. When kids were in daycare, I only had to worry about sick days. Daycare doesn't have spring breaks, teacher work days and don't have so many events during the middle of the day. When my child started kindergarten, he had a ton of snow days, early dismissals, 2 hour delays, middle of the day events on top of the planned days off like teacher work days and breaks. It isn't so easy to find sporadic care.

We do know dual working families who keep FT nannies/housekeepers or au pairs. Families where a parent works from home or both parents have flex jobs could probably make it work with relative ease. If you have a full time job without much flexibility and can't telework, it is hard to get coverage for all that time off of school. We looked into white house nannies but just couldn't bring ourselves to leave our kids with a complete stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

But there are so many days they are not in school. Summer, Spring break, winter break. In fact there are only 180 or so school days. So, half the days of the year.

Most camps go to 3. My kids went to full day camp,even when I was a sah because that is what all their friends do. We take several
Week long family vacations, and several three to four day ones over holiday weekends. I get all federal holidays off, and have a generous leave policy, plus compressed work week.

DC seems to filled with flexible flex jobs that pay decently. $100-150k. No one is earning 500k-$1million+ working these flex jobs with generous leave policies.

DH used to be a military physician. He came home by 3pm everyday. Now he works until 7. He also earns 5x what he earned in the military.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

You do realize that not everyone gets home by 4:30. Many people don't get off work until 5:30 and then they have to commute home. That's great that you have those hours but don't assume everyone else does too. For many others, they need 2 hours of before care and then 3 hours aftercare per day so now they are outsourcing 25 hours per week to work a full time job. I would say that is more the norm. I have 2 kids in different schools and they are in school 6.5 hours per day. You are not factoring in time to drop off, commute time and the biggest factor of all - traffic!

I think a big point in this thread though is that many families are opting to have both parents stay in the workforce because they don't have to deal with these things. We both have good telecommuting options - not every day but between the two of us 3-4 days a week of non commute days. DH covers the mornings and gets the kids on the bus at 9 so avoids the worst part of rush hour (he bikes and takes metro most days he goes in anyway) and on my commute days I go in early to get back by 5.

Perhaps if we were both dealing with long hours, inflexible jobs and horrible commutes, I would stay home. I can see why some families choose this. But what many posters are saying in this thread is that many of us aren't dealing with those things and that is why we are doing what we are doing. I'm not sure why people don't get that it or are upset by it.