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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit. [/quote]

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school.  There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day.  You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice.  You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day.  If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career.  You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance.  When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days.  Sure, people can say this is life.  The kids should understand.  But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it.  I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority.  I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child.  I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared.   I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it.  But I would and it bothered me.  And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll.  I knew my job was not to work FT.  It was to be a mom FT.  It was the more important job.  We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back.  It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids.  I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms[/quote]

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school.  For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue.  We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time.  So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her.  This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous.  All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members.  This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people.  The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.  [/quote]

You do realize that not everyone gets home by 4:30. Many people don't get off work until 5:30 and then they have to commute home. That's great that you have those hours but don't assume everyone else does too. For many others, they need 2 hours of before care and then 3 hours aftercare per day so now they are outsourcing 25 hours per week to work a full time job. I would say that is more the norm. I have 2 kids in different schools and they are in school 6.5 hours per day. You are not factoring in time to drop off, commute time and the biggest factor of all - traffic![/quote]

I think a big point in this thread though is that many families are opting to have both parents stay in the workforce because they don't have to deal with these things. We both have good telecommuting options - not every day but between the two of us 3-4 days a week of non commute days. DH covers the mornings and gets the kids on the bus at 9 so avoids the worst part of rush hour (he bikes and takes metro most days he goes in anyway) and on my commute days I go in early to get back by 5.

Perhaps if we were both dealing with long hours, inflexible jobs and horrible commutes, I would stay home. I can see why some families choose this. But what many posters are saying in this thread is that many of us aren't dealing with those things and that is why we are doing what we are doing. I'm not sure why people don't get that it or are upset by it. [/quote]

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