What is it like to be a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back to the point about how the kids feel. We are solidly middle class and DC goes to Sidwell and is now a Sr. DC and I have talked about not having the money of others many times, and it is really not has never been a problem. DC has been included in lavish parties in Georgetown and to simple backyard picnics with smores. DC's friends are in all different economic brackets. My US the kids form groups of friends based on shared interests and personalities. I really don't see money as a big factor day to day, and the parents I have gotten to know don't seem to care either. I know people on this forum sneer at the idea at Quaker values at Sidwell but they really do exist, at least in the US. If a kid bragged about fancy vacations or owning an expensive cars, they wouldn't many friends. Of course the rich kids have these things but in my experience they downplay it.

TBH I think that's they way you see things as the adult.

But I don't even need to bet that your kid sees things differently and feels differently about it. If you have a nice kid, they aren't likely to tell you though because they don't want you as the parent to feel bad. I posted upthread, my kid is younger, but yes, money and wealth is a factor of everyday conversations and it's not in a showy way usually but it's just in the everyday way. For example, right now my DD's friends kids are all talking about the upcoming summer camps they will attend this summer. None have said my child is too poor to attend, they just don't even know that that could be an issue because in their world "we can't afford it" is never an issue. My child knows why she can't go , keeps quiet and feels bad about it. She knows the reason is we can't afford it. It's this kind of thing over and over that can really bother some kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the point about how the kids feel. We are solidly middle class and DC goes to Sidwell and is now a Sr. DC and I have talked about not having the money of others many times, and it is really not has never been a problem. DC has been included in lavish parties in Georgetown and to simple backyard picnics with smores. DC's friends are in all different economic brackets. My US the kids form groups of friends based on shared interests and personalities. I really don't see money as a big factor day to day, and the parents I have gotten to know don't seem to care either. I know people on this forum sneer at the idea at Quaker values at Sidwell but they really do exist, at least in the US. If a kid bragged about fancy vacations or owning an expensive cars, they wouldn't many friends. Of course the rich kids have these things but in my experience they downplay it.

TBH I think that's they way you see things as the adult.

But I don't even need to bet that your kid sees things differently and feels differently about it. If you have a nice kid, they aren't likely to tell you though because they don't want you as the parent to feel bad. I posted upthread, my kid is younger, but yes, money and wealth is a factor of everyday conversations and it's not in a showy way usually but it's just in the everyday way. For example, right now my DD's friends kids are all talking about the upcoming summer camps they will attend this summer. None have said my child is too poor to attend, they just don't even know that that could be an issue because in their world "we can't afford it" is never an issue. My child knows why she can't go , keeps quiet and feels bad about it. She knows the reason is we can't afford it. It's this kind of thing over and over that can really bother some kids.

This was our experience too. It comes up in natural ways. Like when DD wore a winter coat that didn't have a zipper for her ski lift tags. It was an innocent question: "but where do you put your ski lift stickers?". Everyone else seemed to winter in Vail. DD asked why we don't ski...and go to Vail for Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to do this to yourself?

[Anonymous]

It all depends on you. There are many magnificent mansions, diamonds, gorgeous handbags at my DC school. There are less affluent families as well. I might be -while we are high-middle class- on of the poorest families there (all is relative!) I definitely do not feel bad about my simple leather hand-bag. Is being a hard-working professional something to be ashamed of? I don't think so. I cannot throw Pump it Up birthday parties -not if I want to be able to afford tuition!- but that is OK. Really, it is all on you.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]It all depends on you. There are many magnificent mansions, diamonds, gorgeous handbags at my DC school. There are less affluent families as well. I might be -while we are high-middle class- on of the poorest families there (all is relative!) I definitely do not feel bad about my simple leather hand-bag. Is being a hard-working professional something to be ashamed of? I don't think so. I cannot throw Pump it Up birthday parties -not if I want to be able to afford tuition!- but that is OK. Really, it is all on you.[/quote]

+1. It's all about how you want to and choose to spend your money. I value good food and education. Diamonds, fancy clothes, expensive shoes and handbags aren't really my thing. That doesn't mean I don't own any, but if I have to choose between the material stuff and an education for my DC education wins out every time. And the first time my DC looks at me and utters the word "poor" and "us/we" in the same sentence she will have earned her self a day trip to the various projects and low-income housing in DC and MD so she can exactly what poor looks like and what it doesn't. Poor is not knowing if you will have dinner to eat or a warm coat to wear in the winter. Poor is NOT not being able to afford a Range Rover, a million dollar house, a LV bag or any other material thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to do this to yourself?

+1 sounds like child cruelty. Is the education really worth damaging a child's feeling of self worth?
Not sure if pretending it makes children strong and resilient Would be worth it to me.

[Anonymous]

Most people don't equate wealth with self-worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to do this to yourself?

+1 sounds like child cruelty. Is the education really worth damaging a child's feeling of self worth?
Not sure if pretending it makes children strong and resilient Would be worth it to me.

Jajaja! We are sooo culturally different. Really? Child cruelty? Get over yourself please. If this would be cruelty for your child is that it would be cruelty for you. WT...! We are so privileged. Cruelty? Why? For vacationing with his parents and family in a rural house instead of a expensive skiing resort? Give. Me. A. break. Poor kids. What are the values you are teaching them that going to a superb school and having parents that sacrifice their own well-being -or materialistic well-being- for their kid's education would meant cruelty to them? I can believe it. Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to do this to yourself?

+1 sounds like child cruelty. Is the education really worth damaging a child's feeling of self worth?
Not sure if pretending it makes children strong and resilient Would be worth it to me.

I didn't mean it this way. I meant that unless your child had special needs of some kind, why would you condemn yourself to 12 years of incredibly high-priced education you can just barely afford? Surely you have something better to do with that nearly $40K per year over the next 12 years.

[Anonymous]

The best districts where I live have very high levels of wealth at the public schools too. It is normal to see BMWs, Mercedes, Range Rovers for 16 yr olds. People move there for the schools -is that child cruelty if the parents are wealthy too? There isn't a huge difference in the level of wealth between between the public schools and private schools in some areas.

[Anonymous]

*are NOT wealthy too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best districts where I live have very high levels of wealth at the public schools too. It is normal to see BMWs, Mercedes, Range Rovers for 16 yr olds. People move there for the schools -is that child cruelty if the parents are wealthy too? There isn't a huge difference in the level of wealth between between the public schools and private schools in some areas.

The only area where I see this to be true is Mclean. It's almost as though the public school parents go nuts with the luxuries they provide their kids because they don't have to pay tuition. That to me is worse. A family friend said Langley highschool runined her daughter and that she should have kept her at the Potomac school, where she hung out with mostly middle-class kids, but by the time she hit junior year at Langley, she was asking for cosmetic surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best districts where I live have very high levels of wealth at the public schools too. It is normal to see BMWs, Mercedes, Range Rovers for 16 yr olds. People move there for the schools -is that child cruelty if the parents are wealthy too? There isn't a huge difference in the level of wealth between between the public schools and private schools in some areas.

The only area where I see this to be true is Mclean. It's almost as though the public school parents go nuts with the luxuries they provide their kids because they don't have to pay tuition. That to me is worse. A family friend said Langley highschool runined her daughter and that she should have kept her at the Potomac school, where she hung out with mostly middle-class kids, but by the time she hit junior year at Langley, she was asking for cosmetic surgery.

I have seen it in Texas and in California. There are public schools like this in many places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to do this to yourself?

+1 sounds like child cruelty. Is the education really worth damaging a child's feeling of self worth?
Not sure if pretending it makes children strong and resilient Would be worth it to me.

Jajaja! We are sooo culturally different. Really? Child cruelty? Get over yourself please. If this would be cruelty for your child is that it would be cruelty for you. WT...! We are so privileged. Cruelty? Why? For vacationing with his parents and family in a rural house instead of a expensive skiing resort? Give. Me. A. break. Poor kids. What are the values you are teaching them that going to a superb school and having parents that sacrifice their own well-being -or materialistic well-being- for their kid's education would meant cruelty to them? I can believe it. Truly.

You hit the nail on the head! Clear cultural differences!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to do this to yourself?

+1 sounds like child cruelty. Is the education really worth damaging a child's feeling of self worth?
Not sure if pretending it makes children strong and resilient Would be worth it to me.

I didn't mean it this way. I meant that unless your child had special needs of some kind, why would you condemn yourself to 12 years of incredibly high-priced education you can just barely afford? Surely you have something better to do with that nearly $40K per year over the next 12 years.

The issue is your choice of words. Condem? It's far from that. No I can't think of anything better to spend it on. The one thing no one can ever take from you is your education. Being educated is priceless. Does it require $40K a year? Maybe not, but what else is really worth $40K either? I can't think of anything else...