Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with this post. Your 20s are for getting to know yourself, establish your career.

I think love and romance are just as important as "establishing a career." Sometimes I think the DC mindset is seriously f*cked. There's more to life than your resume!

+1 my relationship with my DH has given me more happiness than my " highflying" career ever did. You can still have fun in your relationship, we travel and do fun activities together.

You don't get "happiness" from a career. Happiness is not the ultimate goal in life. If it was, why go to college and grad school and work a zillion hours a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP says it all.

Gals, if you're young.. Or not young, get the hell out early,

I've wasted 11 years. No children, no ring, and the only career that has thrived is his as I've allowed myself to be the "trailer" during a relocation.

I did it for love, but truth is, he gives a flying fuck. From the gals perspective: Don't do it. Now, extracting myself means paying the dues I've lost, without realizing all (or any) of dreams I had.

Don't be an idiot. He doesn't put a ring on it? Give yourself 2 years. Then get the fuck out. It will hurt less, and you will have less invested.

Wow. I'm sorry, but that was colossally dumb. No family OR a career? Oh my.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP says it all.

Gals, if you're young.. Or not young, get the hell out early,

I've wasted 11 years. No children, no ring, and the only career that has thrived is his as I've allowed myself to be the "trailer" during a relocation.

I did it for love, but truth is, he gives a flying fuck. From the gals perspective: Don't do it. Now, extracting myself means paying the dues I've lost, without realizing all (or any) of dreams I had.

Don't be an idiot. He doesn't put a ring on it? Give yourself 2 years. Then get the fuck out. It will hurt less, and you will have less invested.

So he marries you and leaves 11 years in... That is better?

You are on better financial footing, at least, and maybe got some kids out of the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with this post. Your 20s are for getting to know yourself, establish your career.

I think love and romance are just as important as "establishing a career." Sometimes I think the DC mindset is seriously f*cked. There's more to life than your resume!

+1 my relationship with my DH has given me more happiness than my " highflying" career ever did. You can still have fun in your relationship, we travel and do fun activities together.

You don't get "happiness" from a career. Happiness is not the ultimate goal in life. If it was, why go to college and grad school and work a zillion hours a week?

Exactly. That's why I chose not to do so. Good thing I realized there was more to life than a high flying career before it was too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with this post. Your 20s are for getting to know yourself, establish your career.

I think love and romance are just as important as "establishing a career." Sometimes I think the DC mindset is seriously f*cked. There's more to life than your resume!

+1 my relationship with my DH has given me more happiness than my " highflying" career ever did. You can still have fun in your relationship, we travel and do fun activities together.

You don't get "happiness" from a career. Happiness is not the ultimate goal in life. If it was, why go to college and grad school and work a zillion hours a week?

What, then, is the ultimate goal in life, wise master?

Because we come from nothing, end as nothing. If squeezing some happiness in between, during our short years of existence, isn't the point; then I have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Love and romance you experience in your twenties is not likely to be there in your thirties and forties (statistically speaking). In the meantime, I do believe there are careers that make people genuinely happy.

You trying to come up with a hard rule for everybody every time. It's an exercise in futility. What works for you may be disastrous for someone else and vice verse. It's funny how people never get tired to trying to teach others how to live correctly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

+100

I haven't read past the first page of this thread yet, but I suspect the poor OP has gotten flamed already. Oh well, I completely agree with the OP (and I actually think the OP is the author of a site I've read a few times, because the language is VERY similar). And I'm in my 40s, been married for 23 years, am a liberal and a feminist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh Good Lord! And I say this as someone who married my husband at 26 and who didn't move in with him until we were engaged.

It all depends on what you want in life. Sure, if you want a traditional marriage and 2.5 children, it's good to get hitched in your late 20s.

However (and I know it's a shock!), not all women want that! Not even all straight women (because the OP is definitely leaving out all the lesbian ladies in his/her comments about snaring a man). I have plenty of friends who simply do not want children. They did not want them when I met them back in college and they do not want them now, in their late 30s-early 40s. Some are married, some are not but they are consistently child-free. In that case, there is no biological clock ticking so when (if ever), you get a man becomes immaterial. That's not even getting into the fact that some of them don't want any sort of commitment at all and like casual relationships (and if they are that way at 40, chances are they are not going to have an epiphany that they want a commitment asap).

Seriously, it's not 1955.

Dear fucking god, the OP acknowledged that not all women want that. Fuck off with your fake feminist bullshit! And I call it fake feminist because you seem to equate anything involving women wanting marriage and kids to woman-hating anti-feminism. Newsflash: the Notorious RBG got married in her twenties and had kids in her twenties. She's way more feminist than you are, and she saw the wisdom of not wasting her most eligible years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

+100

I haven't read past the first page of this thread yet, but I suspect the poor OP has gotten flamed already. Oh well, I completely agree with the OP (and I actually think the OP is the author of a site I've read a few times, because the language is VERY similar). And I'm in my 40s, been married for 23 years, am a liberal and a feminist.

This is just close-minded, traditional bullshit.......and you NEED to read all the pages despite what you think. You could be married 100 years and a Western radical feminist for all I care (hope you got the memo on Feminism).

The world today is much different especially for millennials, and you can't use traditional standards to legislate what ppl should and should not do today!

BULL SHIT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

+100

I haven't read past the first page of this thread yet, but I suspect the poor OP has gotten flamed already. Oh well, I completely agree with the OP (and I actually think the OP is the author of a site I've read a few times, because the language is VERY similar). And I'm in my 40s, been married for 23 years, am a liberal and a feminist.

This is just close-minded, traditional bullshit.......and you NEED to read all the pages despite what you think. You could be married 100 years and a Western radical feminist for all I care (hope you got the memo on Feminism).

The world today is much different especially for millennials, and you can't use traditional standards to legislate what ppl should and should not do today!

You don't speak for millennials either. My friends and I are millennials and I know a majority of us hope to end up with life partners and children. You sound bitter and angry.
BULL SHIT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

+100

I haven't read past the first page of this thread yet, but I suspect the poor OP has gotten flamed already. Oh well, I completely agree with the OP (and I actually think the OP is the author of a site I've read a few times, because the language is VERY similar). And I'm in my 40s, been married for 23 years, am a liberal and a feminist.

This is just close-minded, traditional bullshit.......and you NEED to read all the pages despite what you think. You could be married 100 years and a Western radical feminist for all I care (hope you got the memo on Feminism).

The world today is much different especially for millennials, and you can't use traditional standards to legislate what ppl should and should not do today!

BULL SHIT!

You don't speak for millennials either. My friends and I are millennials and I know a majority of us hope to end up with life partners and children. You sound bitter and angry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

+100

I haven't read past the first page of this thread yet, but I suspect the poor OP has gotten flamed already. Oh well, I completely agree with the OP (and I actually think the OP is the author of a site I've read a few times, because the language is VERY similar). And I'm in my 40s, been married for 23 years, am a liberal and a feminist.

This is just close-minded, traditional bullshit.......and you NEED to read all the pages despite what you think. You could be married 100 years and a Western radical feminist for all I care (hope you got the memo on Feminism).

The world today is much different especially for millennials, and you can't use traditional standards to legislate what ppl should and should not do today!

BULL SHIT!

You don't speak for millennials either. My friends and I are millennials and I know a majority of us hope to end up with life partners and children. You sound bitter and angry

I am not sure why you are disagreeing with me, but there....I have highlighted what I am referring to and what the PP quoted, just to make things clearer for you (see the very top post).

Almost EVERYONE want to end up with "...life partners and children..." but the HOW and WHEN will ALWAYS be different for millenials than others before. Too much data out there to corroborate that millenials will take longer to gain financial stability in order to settle down to the same degree their parents did. It doesn't mean millenial women should now pressure men into doing so when we are living in much different times where rents, mortgages, and childcare are no less than 60%-80% of average HHI.

I may sound bitter and angry to you, but the operative word here is SOUND and fortunately, after two graduate degrees later, I don't speculate. I rely on data, not BULL SHIT anecdotal opinions!

[Anonymous]

^^ I should add to that women need to see the thread on the age of 1st time dads: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/472566.page The fact is men don't think about settling down and starting families until they are financially stable and secure; responsible men, that is. With millennials that will now mean between 38-45

So if you women are in such a rush to capitalize on your most 'eligible years' DATE OLDER MEN and stop pressuring us with your bullshit!

[Anonymous]

What really surprises me is how badly many posters think of men. Granted there is genuine trash out there, but I think the majority of men are decent human beings not looking for a roommate to have sex with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

+100

I haven't read past the first page of this thread yet, but I suspect the poor OP has gotten flamed already. Oh well, I completely agree with the OP (and I actually think the OP is the author of a site I've read a few times, because the language is VERY similar). And I'm in my 40s, been married for 23 years, am a liberal and a feminist.

-100

I moved in with my girlfriend at the 4 month mark when she suggested it: best decision I ever made. Tremendous experience, learning how to coexist. With sex! (And todo lists...) Umpteen years of marriage followed, and now I'm about to shove our daughter out of the nest.