not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe the studies that show very few people can sustain weight loss, but I don't think it's for any physiological reason. I'm hypothesizing that the reason is because people who are inclined to let themselves gain a great deal of weight have personality qualities (e.g., lack of self-discipline, tendency toward emotional eating) that prevent them from losing weight sustainably. For those who've seen the literature, has this been disproven?

What you say is valid and the other factor that comes into play is that most significant weight loss is done through what I will call fads. It involves making drastic changes like giving up carbs or going paleo or relying on shakes, etc. It is not sustainable and sooner or later it falls apart and then all of those harmful eating habits come back into play and people gain back all the weight they lost plus more.

I speak from experience since I have gone through all of these fads at various times. The only thing that works and is sustainable is to be able to eat everything but to emphasize the healthy foods, exercise portion control, recognize that calories in vs out matters, exercise, strength train and it will work over time and will be sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe the studies that show very few people can sustain weight loss, but I don't think it's for any physiological reason. I'm hypothesizing that the reason is because people who are inclined to let themselves gain a great deal of weight have personality qualities (e.g., lack of self-discipline, tendency toward emotional eating) that prevent them from losing weight sustainably. For those who've seen the literature, has this been disproven?

Eating patterns are a huge part of why people regain weight, even after drastic stomach and intestinal mutilation in order to lose weight. But there are also really powerful hormonal and metabolic shifts when fat cells become "activated". You never actually lose the fat cells themselves (except during liposuction). They continue to excrete hormones, even after you have lost weight, that are screaming for a person to eat more and that dramatically alter hunger/satiation signals.

More recent groundbreaking research comparing the gut bacteria of obese vs. thin individuals shoes that intestinal flora have a profound effect on how substances are digested and how nutrients are absorbed. On a simple level, many really obese people can eat the exact same food as a thin person - precisely the same calories - but convert more of the food to energy. I used to marvel that my skinny college roommate could eat three times more pizza than me and never get fat. Well, I wasn't imagining things, or so recent studies suggest. In mouse studies, obese mice were colonized with "skinny" gut bacteria and quickly became thin. The opposite has also been shown. So, if a fat person's fat cells are generating hormones that say keep eating keep eating more than a thin person's do, and on top of that the gut is actually processing the food much more efficiently, then a fat person will get fatter eating the same calories but will also feel much more hungry than a thin person. It's not necessarily lack of willpower...they may actually feel way, way more hunger than you do, so need far more willpower than you do.

As a fat person, all of this new research makes me way more passionate about preventing people from becoming fat in the first place. I desperately wish that "common knowledge" and media hype would catch up with actual scientific research and be really honest with us that once you become really fat, it is almost impossible to lose the weight, so don't be so casual about gaining it assuming that if you just work really harder you can take it off. Your body turns against you in a profound way. Which for me stresses the importance of being honest with fat people that the goal of healthy behaviors should be better health and fitness, not primarily weight loss. Don't stop going to the gym if you are still fat after 6 months. Don't give up eating well, because eating well is the goal in itself. It's really, really hard to accept yourself and continue healthfully if weight loss is not happening, though, because society heaps so much loathing and recrimination on us for not losing weight despite efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

The woman works, has three kids, including a 9 month old. I think she likely has plenty on her plate right now. Should she be giving him digs on this vacation that he doesn't make enough money for her to stay home and have time to exercise?

+1 OP should really be staying at home if she has a 9 mo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of excuse makers you fatties are.

How many millions did you make from nothing? How many advanced degrees do you have? If you don't have millions and an advanced degree, why not? What is your excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attention all self-accepting fatties: if you were overweight when dating, then obviously your spouse is also "accepting" and has no reason (or right) to complain later.

But... and this is pretty important for you to understand ... if you've gained a bunch of weight during the marriage, just because YOU accept this, does not mean your SPOUSE accepts this (or that you can ever make him/her accept this).

Many of us are just NOT attracted to overweight partners, so this is not a sustainable marriage. So the choice is yours: lose the weight to save the marriage, or "self-accept" into a divorce so each can find a more compatible partner.

Neither view is right, neither is wrong, just different.

No matter what your beliefs on any of this is, you've no right to call anyone a "fattie". What a mean, first grade name to call someone. If I caught my teenager saying that, I'd ground her for a month. We are all humans with feelings, try acting like an adult.

Wonderful! But does that extend to other mean things that your teenager might say to someone else or is it only limited to people who are fat?

I refused to raise a bully. I was beaten and bullied as a kid. She was raised to be empathetic and kind. Seeing as she just cooked dinner after my long day, I don't have to worry. But yes, I'd clamp down on her like she'd never believe if I caught her being cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am originally from India though I have lived most of my life in the US.

Obesity is a growing problem in India and it is brought about by fast food, eating out frequently, families with two and more cars who drive everywhere. When I go there, I sometimes see kids who are overweight and look like overweight American kids and what they have in common is frequent fast food and lack of exercise. Keep in mind this is very much a problem with the affluent and the middle class. The ordinary person who may be a laborer or someone used to physical labor eats more common fare - lots of carbs and veggies - in large quantities and they are not overweight.

Anecdotal information admittedly but it is difficult to ignore the commonalities with the West.

This is a good point. I have seen this change elsewhere in Asia too and these are very small framed people, genetically speaking.

I think if the average overweight person moved more and ate better, they would see some weight loss. I firmly believe that convenience foods and junk food are behind this weight gain. Eat whole foods, avoid additives, eat good fats and grass fed meat (avoid that corn!!) and you will find it hard to overeat.

I do think the additives in processed food do have an impact on us feeling full. When I eat cheese or something simple, I don't eat too much and get full quickly. Give me flavoured corn chips and I am like a wolf who hasn't eaten for a year. There is something to it. Examine your diets and remove any fake foods...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the studies that show very few people can sustain weight loss, but I don't think it's for any physiological reason. I'm hypothesizing that the reason is because people who are inclined to let themselves gain a great deal of weight have personality qualities (e.g., lack of self-discipline, tendency toward emotional eating) that prevent them from losing weight sustainably. For those who've seen the literature, has this been disproven?

Eating patterns are a huge part of why people regain weight, even after drastic stomach and intestinal mutilation in order to lose weight. But there are also really powerful hormonal and metabolic shifts when fat cells become "activated". You never actually lose the fat cells themselves (except during liposuction). They continue to excrete hormones, even after you have lost weight, that are screaming for a person to eat more and that dramatically alter hunger/satiation signals.

More recent groundbreaking research comparing the gut bacteria of obese vs. thin individuals shoes that intestinal flora have a profound effect on how substances are digested and how nutrients are absorbed. On a simple level, many really obese people can eat the exact same food as a thin person - precisely the same calories - but convert more of the food to energy. I used to marvel that my skinny college roommate could eat three times more pizza than me and never get fat. Well, I wasn't imagining things, or so recent studies suggest. In mouse studies, obese mice were colonized with "skinny" gut bacteria and quickly became thin. The opposite has also been shown. So, if a fat person's fat cells are generating hormones that say keep eating keep eating more than a thin person's do, and on top of that the gut is actually processing the food much more efficiently, then a fat person will get fatter eating the same calories but will also feel much more hungry than a thin person. It's not necessarily lack of willpower...they may actually feel way, way more hunger than you do, so need far more willpower than you do.

As a fat person, all of this new research makes me way more passionate about preventing people from becoming fat in the first place. I desperately wish that "common knowledge" and media hype would catch up with actual scientific research and be really honest with us that once you become really fat, it is almost impossible to lose the weight, so don't be so casual about gaining it assuming that if you just work really harder you can take it off. Your body turns against you in a profound way. Which for me stresses the importance of being honest with fat people that the goal of healthy behaviors should be better health and fitness, not primarily weight loss. Don't stop going to the gym if you are still fat after 6 months. Don't give up eating well, because eating well is the goal in itself. It's really, really hard to accept yourself and continue healthfully if weight loss is not happening, though, because society heaps so much loathing and recrimination on us for not losing weight despite efforts.

Have they tried doing those "gut colonizing" experiments on humans?

[Anonymous]

FWIW, beyond a certain age I don't think that an extra 20, 30 or even 40 pounds looks all that bad. If I dropped down to my 25 year old weight I would probably instantly age too because that would not be a natural weight for my body at this age. Attaining such a low weight would be physically stressful..

[Anonymous]

Follow this thread for ideas:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/458332.page

Any quick fixes will not work. You have to fundamentally change your way of eating and your lifestyle. It is not easy but it is doable.

[Anonymous]

I'm certainly not in as good shape as I was when I met my husband. Sometimes I get sensitive about whether he's judging me and I call him out on it. The thing I would suggest is telling him specifically that this is not helpful and is just hurting you, but then pair that with telling him what WOULD help you. It sounds like you're unhappy with your weight and want to lose weight, what if you said, "I came on this vacation to enjoy the vacation and your comments are not helping and are just making me resent you. What I would appreciate is if you could enjoy this vacation with me and then when we get home, I'd like you to help me find time to get to the gym and find time to do more healthy cooking (or whatever you think would help you)." He doesn't know how to help you but he sees that you're struggling -- help him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the studies that show very few people can sustain weight loss, but I don't think it's for any physiological reason. I'm hypothesizing that the reason is because people who are inclined to let themselves gain a great deal of weight have personality qualities (e.g., lack of self-discipline, tendency toward emotional eating) that prevent them from losing weight sustainably. For those who've seen the literature, has this been disproven?

Eating patterns are a huge part of why people regain weight, even after drastic stomach and intestinal mutilation in order to lose weight. But there are also really powerful hormonal and metabolic shifts when fat cells become "activated". You never actually lose the fat cells themselves (except during liposuction). They continue to excrete hormones, even after you have lost weight, that are screaming for a person to eat more and that dramatically alter hunger/satiation signals.

More recent groundbreaking research comparing the gut bacteria of obese vs. thin individuals shoes that intestinal flora have a profound effect on how substances are digested and how nutrients are absorbed. On a simple level, many really obese people can eat the exact same food as a thin person - precisely the same calories - but convert more of the food to energy. I used to marvel that my skinny college roommate could eat three times more pizza than me and never get fat. Well, I wasn't imagining things, or so recent studies suggest. In mouse studies, obese mice were colonized with "skinny" gut bacteria and quickly became thin. The opposite has also been shown. So, if a fat person's fat cells are generating hormones that say keep eating keep eating more than a thin person's do, and on top of that the gut is actually processing the food much more efficiently, then a fat person will get fatter eating the same calories but will also feel much more hungry than a thin person. It's not necessarily lack of willpower...they may actually feel way, way more hunger than you do, so need far more willpower than you do.

As a fat person, all of this new research makes me way more passionate about preventing people from becoming fat in the first place. I desperately wish that "common knowledge" and media hype would catch up with actual scientific research and be really honest with us that once you become really fat, it is almost impossible to lose the weight, so don't be so casual about gaining it assuming that if you just work really harder you can take it off. Your body turns against you in a profound way. Which for me stresses the importance of being honest with fat people that the goal of healthy behaviors should be better health and fitness, not primarily weight loss. Don't stop going to the gym if you are still fat after 6 months. Don't give up eating well, because eating well is the goal in itself. It's really, really hard to accept yourself and continue healthfully if weight loss is not happening, though, because society heaps so much loathing and recrimination on us for not losing weight despite efforts.

Have they tried doing those "gut colonizing" experiments on humans?

Not an experiment but a case study:

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/woman-becomes-obese-after-fecal-transplant-overweight-donor

"At the time, the woman was a healthy 136 pounds with a normal BMI of 26. Her daughter weighed 140 pounds at the time, with a BMI of 26.6, but became overweight shortly afterward. Following the therapy, the woman’s symptoms vanished and she no longer experienced recurrent infections.

Sixteen months later, however, the woman reported unintentional weight gain of 34 pounds and met the criteria for obesity. Two and a half years after the transplant, the woman weighed 177 pounds with a BMI of 34.5, despite a medically supervised liquid protein diet and exercise program."
.


My physician friend had a fecal transplant and was insistent that her donor be naturally thin, like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Adult fattie here. I need to lose about 30 lbs. 50 and I would be at my high school weight. Calories are too easy to access, and we don't expend enough energy. Chick Fil-a wrap with no dressing and a small fry is 650 calories. That's not much food, and if you are trying to lose weight that is over 1/3 of your allowable calories. Add a medium coke and you are over 800. A quarter pounder w cheese and large fry is 1000 calories. Terrible for you in so many ways, but also over half your day's intake. Sit down restaurants are even worse simply due to portion size. You eat out 3 meals a week or more and you are likely going way over what want.

It really is as simple as calories in < calories out, but simple does not mean easy.

Weight loss is about calorie restriction, which is about hunger control, which is about a million different things.

Your post was likely ignored by those who complain about how they cannot lose weight.

People repeatedly claim that they do watch what they eat and consume very limited amounts of food. But as you outlined above, a wrap or a quarter pounder meal can quickly amount to half the probably allotment of calories for the average adult. Then you have breakfast and dinner/lunch, coffee, snacks, dessert, an alcoholic drink, soda, etc and it does not take much to exceed 3000 calories without really going overboard.

Yet people will insist that they are eating very little or watching what they are eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Adult fattie here. I need to lose about 30 lbs. 50 and I would be at my high school weight. Calories are too easy to access, and we don't expend enough energy. Chick Fil-a wrap with no dressing and a small fry is 650 calories. That's not much food, and if you are trying to lose weight that is over 1/3 of your allowable calories. Add a medium coke and you are over 800. A quarter pounder w cheese and large fry is 1000 calories. Terrible for you in so many ways, but also over half your day's intake. Sit down restaurants are even worse simply due to portion size. You eat out 3 meals a week or more and you are likely going way over what want.

It really is as simple as calories in < calories out, but simple does not mean easy.

Weight loss is about calorie restriction, which is about hunger control, which is about a million different things.

Your post was likely ignored by those who complain about how they cannot lose weight.

People repeatedly claim that they do watch what they eat and consume very limited amounts of food. But as you outlined above, a wrap or a quarter pounder meal can quickly amount to half the probably allotment of calories for the average adult. Then you have breakfast and dinner/lunch, coffee, snacks, dessert, an alcoholic drink, soda, etc and it does not take much to exceed 3000 calories without really going overboard.

Yet people will insist that they are eating very little or watching what they are eating.

And you are ignoring the scientist.

[Anonymous]

Well, the scientist is ignoring the laws of thermodynamics so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, the scientist is ignoring the laws of thermodynamics so...

You don't know much about science, do you?