not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

The woman works, has three kids, including a 9 month old. I think she likely has plenty on her plate right now. Should she be giving him digs on this vacation that he doesn't make enough money for her to stay home and have time to exercise?

Sounds like he also works, has three kids, including a 9 month old.
I don't understand why does working and kids have anything to do with eating less calories?
Just eat less!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

Tell him. If he truly insults you, end the vacation and go home. It's not acceptable for your spouse to treat you like that, regardless of how fat you are. Let him know that. Do not allow him to treat you this way, which is essentially what you're doing if you don't stand up for yourself. Sorry this is happening to you

This is the answer. this is the only answer here, but predictably enough, many of the first comments thought this topic was actually about food, or nutrition, or "calories."

It's not.

The whole fat n' calories n' "healthy eating" thing is just noise. Let's not have a 37 page thread with miss-the-point tips about low-cal recipes, and cute workout tops, and "asking your DH to take long walks with you after dinner" and "hiring a sitter to watch the kids so you ...."

.... can comply with someone else's parameters of what your body should and should not look like.

X 1,000!!!

[Anonymous]

My first thought is, as others have said, your partner should never be cruel and it sounds like that is exactly what he is doing. Saying unkind things about your weight that will only make you feel worse about yourself and do nothing to help you get to a healthier place is not right. But, I would be interested in knowing OP, is he generally a supportive spouse? Does he encourage and support your dreams and goals, do his share of the housework and parenting, provide emotional support when needed? Help you to find time for your own needs? If the general answer to these questions is yes, then maybe you need to consider where he is coming from with his comments about food. Admittedly they seem unhelpful and are hard to hear, but if you have unhealthy habits (and only you can answer that) and he is generally a loving and supportive spouse then maybe what comes across a hurtful is genuine concern and perhaps a frustration that you have not been taking ownership of your health. If you just have a few extra pounds of baby weight and he doesn't help you to find time and balance to take care of yourself then your problems in the relationship are much bigger Han some hurtful remarks.

[Anonymous]

So what if you are fat. Better that than a skinny, unhappy, unfeeling asshole.

[Anonymous]

OP, sometimes being on vacation is an opportunity to break some bad habits and routines. Try to take advantage of different meals and foods to explore some new low-cal options. Take advantage of a more relaxed schedule to work in exercise opportunities or workouts that you've never tried before. Just take advantage of the opportunity to work on and feel better about yourself in general.

[Anonymous]

See here is the problem: you weren't fat back when he became attracted to you. Long term, the odds are poor for a marriage between a self accepting fat person and a partner who finds fatness unattractive. I certainly have lost attraction for my spouse who is over 45 pounds bigger than when we met and were married.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to corral all three kids while you hit the gym and the spa the next time he says a comment like that. Good god, that's horrific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See here is the problem: you weren't fat back when he became attracted to you. Long term, the odds are poor for a marriage between a self accepting fat person and a partner who finds fatness unattractive. I certainly have lost attraction for my spouse who is over 45 pounds bigger than when we met and were married.

So if a guy loses his hair over the years, is it okay for his wife to dump him because she finds bald men unattractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes being on vacation is an opportunity to break some bad habits and routines. Try to take advantage of different meals and foods to explore some new low-cal options. Take advantage of a more relaxed schedule to work in exercise opportunities or workouts that you've never tried before. Just take advantage of the opportunity to work on and feel better about yourself in general.

Here. Here is another post that is missing the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See here is the problem: you weren't fat back when he became attracted to you. Long term, the odds are poor for a marriage between a self accepting fat person and a partner who finds fatness unattractive. I certainly have lost attraction for my spouse who is over 45 pounds bigger than when we met and were married.

And when the man, who stays the same weight but has saggy skin, jowly cheeks, droopy eyelids, saggy dangling scrotum, thinning wispy hair ....

when the man looks that like that -- not if, but when -- what then?

I think by your reasoning, he should not be self-accepting about this. The prognosis for their long marriage are poor, and his woman is justified in finding all this saggy, grey, crepey low-hanging balls "unattractive." He did not look like this when she became attracted to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See here is the problem: you weren't fat back when he became attracted to you. Long term, the odds are poor for a marriage between a self accepting fat person and a partner who finds fatness unattractive. I certainly have lost attraction for my spouse who is over 45 pounds bigger than when we met and were married.

So if a guy loses his hair over the years, is it okay for his wife to dump him because she finds bald men unattractive?

Well the big difference is that hair loss is not within his control whereas weight control is 100% within her power.
Nonetheless, if she seriously is not attracted to his unavoidable hair loss, then she should clearly tell him and ask him to explore options for "treating" hair loss. If he refuses and she is just plain in attracted, then Yes she should leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See here is the problem: you weren't fat back when he became attracted to you. Long term, the odds are poor for a marriage between a self accepting fat person and a partner who finds fatness unattractive. I certainly have lost attraction for my spouse who is over 45 pounds bigger than when we met and were married.

Did your vows say, "Till death or fat do us part?"

Did you disclose your refusal to love and respect her if her body shape would change?

Have you ever actually observed, say, human beings to see how people typically age? What percentage of people look as attractive after 30 years? Why would you marry someone for life assuming they would look even remotely the same after decades?

[Anonymous]

You have a nine month old. Sorry but to recharge with three kids is not going to happen. You are tired. Stick him with the kids and hit the SPA. You deserve it.

[Anonymous]

OP, that sucks. What sucks even more is that you are afraid to call him on it because you think he'll be even meaner. That's a sucky way to live. I'm 40 pounds heavier right now than when we got married 3 years ago. That's a big difference on me. If my H even started to mention calories to me, I would shit that down so fast his head would spin. Totally not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

You can take it.

I used to be fat. You know what helped me not be fat anymore? Standing up for myself. It really helps a whole lot, because you learn to express and assert yourself, instead of eat it (feeling, food, whatever).

I get that it can be hard, but your body image, self worth, weight, and relationship will not be improved here. Not even a bit. You gotta communicate and talk and be strong.

+1 You really are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I used to be fat as well but then I stopped looking outward for my self esteem.

Not OP, and I'm asking seriously, how did you do this? Like the very first step? Did you lose weight and then start feeling better about yourself.

For me, stressful times, especially at work = Diet Coke and M&Ms.

To OP, I'm so sorry.