not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

[Anonymous]

I am so bummed. I was so looking forward to this trip to recharge and rekindle. And DH keeps mentioning the calories count of everything I eat. It hurts my feelings so much. I am trying so hard but it is difficult. Three kids including a 9 month old. Full time job. I know I am fat. I bought a few cute new things to wear for the trip. I thought it would make me feel better. But I cant get his comments out of my head.

[Anonymous]

Why not eat low-calorie items then?

[Anonymous]

Have you told him? Why are you telling us, and not him?

[Anonymous]

I would be sad too, OP. Ignore him and just try to enjoy the trip. Do activities that you want to do, alone if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to stop and that it isn't helping.

[Anonymous]

I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

[Anonymous]

Is he insulting your appearance or reminding you that you need to watch your total calorie count? If seriously the latter is not helpful then tell him that you are trying to trim down, but he's not helping. Suggest other ways he could help you lose weight.

Honestly, if you are overweight it's not a pleasant situation and losing weight will probably not be pleasant either. However it's something you have to do if you want to live a long and healthy life, right?

As for the trip, you could totally enjoy it without thinking about your appearance 24/7. Just the "not working" part would do it for me!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

You need to get into therapy. No one, and certainly no man, should be able to change your feelings about yourself and your self-worth to this point. His opinion doesn't matter- only yours does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

You can take it.

I used to be fat. You know what helped me not be fat anymore? Standing up for myself. It really helps a whole lot, because you learn to express and assert yourself, instead of eat it (feeling, food, whatever).

I get that it can be hard, but your body image, self worth, weight, and relationship will not be improved here. Not even a bit. You gotta communicate and talk and be strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

Tell him. If he truly insults you, end the vacation and go home. It's not acceptable for your spouse to treat you like that, regardless of how fat you are. Let him know that. Do not allow him to treat you this way, which is essentially what you're doing if you don't stand up for yourself. Sorry this is happening to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

You can take it.

I used to be fat. You know what helped me not be fat anymore? Standing up for myself. It really helps a whole lot, because you learn to express and assert yourself, instead of eat it (feeling, food, whatever).

I get that it can be hard, but your body image, self worth, weight, and relationship will not be improved here. Not even a bit. You gotta communicate and talk and be strong.

+1 You really are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I used to be fat as well but then I stopped looking outward for my self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Why did he wait to start this on vacation? Or does he do it at home too? Have you been complaining to him about your weight or lack of clothes that fit? If so, this may be his way of "helping" you. Tell him to back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

Tell him. If he truly insults you, end the vacation and go home. It's not acceptable for your spouse to treat you like that, regardless of how fat you are. Let him know that. Do not allow him to treat you this way, which is essentially what you're doing if you don't stand up for yourself. Sorry this is happening to you

I agree. And I hate when people say "Well if you don't want to be made fun of or picked on for being fat then slim down." No. Unacceptable. Nobody deserves to be shamed for their body. OP tell him to cut it the fuck out. Right now. Before dinner. His doing this only makes you feel bad, it does not "help." If he wants to help he needs to ASK you what would be helpful. Watch the kids while you go to the gym? Get you a trainer? Clean the house so you can have the money for a gym membership? I'm sorry your husband is an asshole about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

That doesn't give him the right to be an ass. Tell him to STFU, you know how many calories are in what you eat, and tell him what kind of encouragement you need. If he can't do that, you have a bigger problem on your hands.