not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

[Anonymous]

"I understand that I am fatter than you would prefer, but all of this talk about calories is truly ruining my vacation. I need to relax and recharge here, which is part of taking better care of myself. I really need you to back off and stop the diet talk. It's having the opposite effect than I'm sure you intend. Making me feel awful about myself does not motivate me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

The woman works, has three kids, including a 9 month old. I think she likely has plenty on her plate right now. Should she be giving him digs on this vacation that he doesn't make enough money for her to stay home and have time to exercise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

Tell him. If he truly insults you, end the vacation and go home. It's not acceptable for your spouse to treat you like that, regardless of how fat you are. Let him know that. Do not allow him to treat you this way, which is essentially what you're doing if you don't stand up for yourself. Sorry this is happening to you

This is the answer. this is the only answer here, but predictably enough, many of the first comments thought this topic was actually about food, or nutrition, or "calories."

It's not.

The whole fat n' calories n' "healthy eating" thing is just noise. Let's not have a 37 page thread with miss-the-point tips about low-cal recipes, and cute workout tops, and "asking your DH to take long walks with you after dinner" and "hiring a sitter to watch the kids so you ...."

.... can comply with someone else's parameters of what your body should and should not look like.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe how many of the posters above are excusing and or justifying your husband's behavior. What he's saying is really not okay. A bunch of snide comments about your weight while you're on vacation? I don't care if you weigh 1000 pounds. he should have enough love and respect for you to not be cruel.

OP, please ignore the mean posters above. It's not okay for him to treat you like this. You obviously know you're overweight. Nobody LIKES being overweight, and you don't need it thrown in your face.

Please stand up for yourself and tell him to zip it. Probably also the only way that your vacation can be salvaged, if it isn't already ruined. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

The woman works, has three kids, including a 9 month old. I think she likely has plenty on her plate right now. Should she be giving him digs on this vacation that he doesn't make enough money for her to stay home and have time to exercise?

Yes. Because he deserves it. Fair comments given how he's treating her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

That actually isn't a "fact."

[Anonymous]

I can tell who on this thread has dealt with weight struggles and who hasn't. OP is a mother of three, including a baby, and she works FT. Those of you who parrot her husband's judgment are disgusting. Like many on here who have lost weight said, it's often about way more than calories in or calories out.

[Anonymous]

Cheat on him, that will send the correct message

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a jackass. Tell him it hurts you, or tell him that if you are so fat he can get another hotel room for himself; if you have to work and take care of three kids you could easily loose 180 pounds of ugly fat by cutting him loose.

[Anonymous]

You will also relax and recharge more by staying offline during a vacation. I cannot believe how people can go on a relaxing vacation but then still be online, checking facebook, and doing all of the usual crap they do every day in their normal lives. Turn all of that crap off and disconnect from the world for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a jackass. Tell him it hurts you, or tell him that if you are so fat he can get another hotel room for himself; if you have to work and take care of three kids you could easily loose 180 pounds of ugly fat by cutting him loose.

LOL !

That's what I'd say. Except I'd mean it and follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care if you weigh 1000 pounds. he should have enough love and respect for you to not be cruel.

Yet, it's pretty easy to lose respect for someone who is fat and wants to slim down, yet continues to stuff his/her face with treats and cakes and junk food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

You can take it.

I used to be fat. You know what helped me not be fat anymore? Standing up for myself. It really helps a whole lot, because you learn to express and assert yourself, instead of eat it (feeling, food, whatever).

I get that it can be hard, but your body image, self worth, weight, and relationship will not be improved here. Not even a bit. You gotta communicate and talk and be strong.

This is good advice. Good luck, wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

This is your body. It has carried youthrough life and done everything you have asked it to, including bearing three beautiful children. It and you are deserving of love and respect. Your husband is welcome to express any concerns about your health and well-being in a loving and respectful way, but he does not get to tear down your body or your self.

[Anonymous]

Op, tell him in no uncertain terms that what he says just isn't helping. Stand up for yourself!!!