not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

[Anonymous]

It's a hard one. I have a male friend that confessed he just isn't attracted to his overweight wife. He loves her but he isn't sexually attracted to her. I think that would be very hard, especially if you watch your spouse make poor choices (I am not talking about the extra 10lbs after a baby kind of thing). My husband is very fit and I am kind of in the middle. I see other women look at him a lot and I realize while I am pretty, I am not the hard body he is. It's ok, but I think he is attracted to thinner women. It's a complicated thing weight and marriage.

[Anonymous]

It's not complicated at all. It's actually soooo ridiculously simple!!
In general, weight gain is just not attractive, regardless of gender, age, or marital status.
So if you've gone from thin to overweight, do not be surprised or angry if your spouse loses attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry guys. The biochemical reactions that keep you alive require a certain amount of energy to make them occur. Studies of large cohorts of adults show that that amount of energy is north of 1500 kcal for individuals weighing more than 60 or so kg. you cannot maintain a body weight of 70kg on 1200 kcal per day. You will wind up burning all of your adipose tissue as well as muscle.

Explain that to MY body. I am a veteran of calorie tracking. If I eat a tic tac, I record it. I hate this, because it borders on disordered, but I need to keep such careful track to face skeptics like you, pp. I eat 1200-1300 calories a day and I work out daily and take 10k-15K steps, 1/2 of which are stairs and vigorous dog walks.

Not only do I not maintain weight, or lose, I have been gaining steadily for three years.

My thyroid is perfect. I have muscle mass (not as much as I would have if I could eat more calories and not blow up). I suspect it is some combo of early menopause, by BCP, and my SSRI. I have no idea.

But you may want to believe your 1200 cal starvation theory, but it is simply not true for everyone. I used to be able to cut out a latte a week, work out for 15 minutes more and lose weight, but not anymore.

And all yours, and others', skepticism in the world doesn't change that and doesn't help me find a solution. Or others like me to find one.

I would be willing to bet that your lean muscle mass is low. Add heavy strength training - not body pump or whatever - and don't rely on the walking, and I bet your metabolism will improve dramatically.

You'd be wrong, but more tired assumptions that don't help. I do Cross fit 4X a week, run 2 of those days in addition, one day of rest, one day of strength- core yoga, and a day of whatever other cardio I feel like doing. I mentioned the walking to illustrate that outside of working out, I am not sedentary.

But if it makes you feel better to see everything so simply, go for it. I'll keep looking for solutions.

Good god. Calm down. If you had said you were doing cross fit I wouldn't have said that. When you suggest you only do walking for exercise, a suggestion that you have low muscle mass is not a "tired assumption." Have you tried eating more to increase your muscle mass

[Anonymous]

^ I said I work out daily AND walk in my first post.

And also, try not to be so condescending with your "Good god, calm down." Nowhere was I worked up--and you know it. But people like you are the problem. You want things to be so black and white, you refuse to consider that situations and metabolisms vary.

You were also condescending with your dismissive with the "body pump or whatever" comment. Do you think that is helpful to anyone, really? Even if that is what I were doing, or the OP, being such a prat serves no purpose.

My point is, I think there are factors at work in our environment, food, and medications that we don't quite fully understand.

MY SSRI and my stacked BCP, as well as early menopause, are the most likely culprits for my formerly fit and trim body blowing up. I have been a whole foods, all natural organic, minimally processed eater for the better part of 20 years so diet isn't really an issue.

I think it used to be a simple equation of calories in, calories out, but we are finding out is more complex.

Regardless, the OP's husband is doing no one any favors by monitoring her calorie intake. Even if for OP it is just a matter of cutting back, her husband's approach is NOT going to work.

[Anonymous]

husband was wrong for pointing out your flaws the way he did.

if you want to lose weight, you can. im not going to discuss those options. if youve allegedly tried everything, maybe its time to talk to someone and see what the issue is. to me when someone goes to the extreme of explaining why they are big with all technical talk and continued rants about life, kids, and so forth, i get the impression that they have tried more to find ways to excuse their weight gain more than they have trying to fix it. unless you have a true medical condition that is making you gain weight (and even then talking to a doctor to figure out how to fix it is still an option), you can maintain a healthy weight or get back to one you feel is right for you.

your husband is still a jerk for the way he chose to call you out on your weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I said I work out daily AND walk in my first post.

And also, try not to be so condescending with your "Good god, calm down." Nowhere was I worked up--and you know it. But people like you are the problem. You want things to be so black and white, you refuse to consider that situations and metabolisms vary.

You were also condescending with your dismissive with the "body pump or whatever" comment. Do you think that is helpful to anyone, really? Even if that is what I were doing, or the OP, being such a prat serves no purpose.

My point is, I think there are factors at work in our environment, food, and medications that we don't quite fully understand.

MY SSRI and my stacked BCP, as well as early menopause, are the most likely culprits for my formerly fit and trim body blowing up. I have been a whole foods, all natural organic, minimally processed eater for the better part of 20 years so diet isn't really an issue.

I think it used to be a simple equation of calories in, calories out, but we are finding out is more complex.

Regardless, the OP's husband is doing no one any favors by monitoring her calorie intake. Even if for OP it is just a matter of cutting back, her husband's approach is NOT going to work.

I think you are confusing me with the multitudes of people who are being harsh on the OP. Not everyone is built to have low body fat.

I struggle with my own weight, too, and have realized that limiting my caloric intake and sticking to high reps/low weight was doing me zero favors. I am so sorry for suggesting that what worked to improve my metabolism might be of assistance to someone else. I started dropping fat and adding muscle when I added recovery days - working out 3-4 days max - and ate a bit more than I thought I needed to in order to lose fat. Insufficient recovery doesn't allow for muscle growth. More muscle, higher metabolism. You are not going to be that special person that can work out every single day, eat very little, and build muscle as effectively as someone who rests and fuels appropriately.

The vast majority of women are not lifting heavy and/or are not eating enough to fuel their workouts. This is science. Will you ever be able to eat 2500 calories a day and not gain weight? Probably not. Could you maybe improve your situation incrementally by fueling muscle gain? Maybe. I don't believe it's calories in/calories out at all. This is obviously a sore topic for you, and I am sorry I upset you.

[Anonymous]

How much better you would feel if he just loved you unconditionally! This is abusive.

Your weight is for you to worry about. This isn't good for you or your kids.

I'm sorry your husband is such a shallow person.

[Anonymous]

Physical attraction is an important part of a happy marriage. It is not shallow to want your spouse to remain at an attractive weight.