not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

[Anonymous]

Here is an excerpt from an article by Dean Ornish:

"Although people have been told for decades to eat less meat and fat, Americans actually consumed 67 percent more added fat, 39 percent more sugar, and 41 percent more meat in 2000 than they had in 1950 and 24.5 percent more calories than they had in 1970, according to the Agriculture Department. Not surprisingly, we are fatter and unhealthier."

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/23/opinion/the-myth-of-high-protein-diets.html?action=click&contentCollection=Europe&module=MostEmailed&version=Full®ion=Marginalia&src=me&pgtype=article&assetType=opinion&_r=1

The entire article is worth reading and although I don't subscribe to some of Ornish's views mainly because I know it would be impossible for me to sustain the type of diet he recommends, he does make some legitimate points.

I have said this before and I will repeat it: many of those who lose weight and then regain it do so because they follow unsustainable diets. These diets produce quick results but once you are off them, you will just regain all the weight. The search for the quick fix is the bane of those who are trying to lose weight.

A diet where you can eat everything but in moderation with emphasis on portion control will yield results for most people - perhaps there are a few for whom it will not work. But for the vast majority of people they are flat out unable to moderate the quantity they eat and delude themselves that they are eating less than they really are.

[Anonymous]

What's his physical flaw? Why don't you respond by telling him to slather more sunscreen on his bald spot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's his physical flaw? Why don't you respond by telling him to slather more sunscreen on his bald spot?

Idiotic response and would make OP as much of a dick as her husband.

[Anonymous]

"Yes dear, you are absolutely right. I'm going to enjoy one last hurrah here on vacation, and when we get home, I'm going to start working out at the gym EVERY DAY. While I do this, you will be responsible for all three children, including shopping for/ preparing dinner for the family. I'm so glad you helped me see the importance of this!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Yes dear, you are absolutely right. I'm going to enjoy one last hurrah here on vacation, and when we get home, I'm going to start working out at the gym EVERY DAY. While I do this, you will be responsible for all three children, including shopping for/ preparing dinner for the family. I'm so glad you helped me see the importance of this!"

Stupid.

There are numerous ways to find balance. One does not need to work out daily to lose weight. One does not even need to dramatically change their diet. Small changes Go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry guys. The biochemical reactions that keep you alive require a certain amount of energy to make them occur. Studies of large cohorts of adults show that that amount of energy is north of 1500 kcal for individuals weighing more than 60 or so kg. you cannot maintain a body weight of 70kg on 1200 kcal per day. You will wind up burning all of your adipose tissue as well as muscle.

Explain that to MY body. I am a veteran of calorie tracking. If I eat a tic tac, I record it. I hate this, because it borders on disordered, but I need to keep such careful track to face skeptics like you, pp. I eat 1200-1300 calories a day and I work out daily and take 10k-15K steps, 1/2 of which are stairs and vigorous dog walks.

Not only do I not maintain weight, or lose, I have been gaining steadily for three years.

My thyroid is perfect. I have muscle mass (not as much as I would have if I could eat more calories and not blow up). I suspect it is some combo of early menopause, by BCP, and my SSRI. I have no idea.

But you may want to believe your 1200 cal starvation theory, but it is simply not true for everyone. I used to be able to cut out a latte a week, work out for 15 minutes more and lose weight, but not anymore.

And all yours, and others', skepticism in the world doesn't change that and doesn't help me find a solution. Or others like me to find one.

I would be willing to bet that your lean muscle mass is low. Add heavy strength training - not body pump or whatever - and don't rely on the walking, and I bet your metabolism will improve dramatically.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, OP. Your husband needs to check himself. You have given birth to three children, one of them only 9 months ago. I have only one kid and my entire world was so rocked after I had him, that it took a solid 8-9 months before I felt I had enough energy to focus on losing the rest of my pregnancy weight. He's 11 months and I still have about 3 pounds to go. I'm sure it only gets harder and harder when you have more kids.

What is your husband doing to help you? Does he do stuff around the house? Cook and clean for the family? Do laundry? Help with the kids in general? Losing weight requires you to first have space in your life for YOU. YOU MATTER. You count. He needs to give you the support you need so you can take care of yourself too.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow I can't believe how many responses this got.
We just got back and yes, the trip basically sucked. And yes, this is way more about my husband being a dick than about me being fat. I have no idea what to do. If I had no kids, I would be gone in a heartbeat. But I know that if I do leave, given the kids, I need to be able to tell myself that I tried my hardest. So how do I do that? I dont know

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it's equally about him being a dick and you fat.
you can either recognize that each spouse should actually invest some effort into maintaining his/her appearance (this includes maintaining weight). Or just leave the dick and good luck finding romance as an overweight divorced mom with an unrealistic and overly sensitive "he should love me at any size" attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry guys. The biochemical reactions that keep you alive require a certain amount of energy to make them occur. Studies of large cohorts of adults show that that amount of energy is north of 1500 kcal for individuals weighing more than 60 or so kg. you cannot maintain a body weight of 70kg on 1200 kcal per day. You will wind up burning all of your adipose tissue as well as muscle.

Explain that to MY body. I am a veteran of calorie tracking. If I eat a tic tac, I record it. I hate this, because it borders on disordered, but I need to keep such careful track to face skeptics like you, pp. I eat 1200-1300 calories a day and I work out daily and take 10k-15K steps, 1/2 of which are stairs and vigorous dog walks.

Not only do I not maintain weight, or lose, I have been gaining steadily for three years.

My thyroid is perfect. I have muscle mass (not as much as I would have if I could eat more calories and not blow up). I suspect it is some combo of early menopause, by BCP, and my SSRI. I have no idea.

But you may want to believe your 1200 cal starvation theory, but it is simply not true for everyone. I used to be able to cut out a latte a week, work out for 15 minutes more and lose weight, but not anymore.

And all yours, and others', skepticism in the world doesn't change that and doesn't help me find a solution. Or others like me to find one.

I would be willing to bet that your lean muscle mass is low. Add heavy strength training - not body pump or whatever - and don't rely on the walking, and I bet your metabolism will improve dramatically.

You'd be wrong, but more tired assumptions that don't help. I do Cross fit 4X a week, run 2 of those days in addition, one day of rest, one day of strength- core yoga, and a day of whatever other cardio I feel like doing. I mentioned the walking to illustrate that outside of working out, I am not sedentary.

But if it makes you feel better to see everything so simply, go for it. I'll keep looking for solutions.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow I can't believe how many responses this got.
We just got back and yes, the trip basically sucked. And yes, this is way more about my husband being a dick than about me being fat. I have no idea what to do. If I had no kids, I would be gone in a heartbeat. But I know that if I do leave, given the kids, I need to be able to tell myself that I tried my hardest. So how do I do that? I dont know

OP, as a woman, you need to look at your marriage with a bit of logic. What is your financial situation? Can you afford to raise your kids alone (putting aside child support. You will get it but it's never enough to make life easier). You need to put a plan in place for yourself and your children, OP. You should always have the option to leave. Put together a plan for what your life would be like without him. Maybe a smaller townhouse. Maybe working a bit more.

You can lose weight, OP. About 180 pounds worth.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry your husband ruined your vacation with his dickishness, and also sorry this thread devolved into a bunch of crazy people accusing anonymous other people of eating more calories than they say they do (!).

It seems like the standard advice for someone in this situation--"My husband is acting like a dickhead but I don't want to split up without giving it a solid try b/c of the kids"--is counseling. Couples counseling if he will go and just for you if he won't. Is that something you have already tried?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it's equally about him being a dick and you fat.
you can either recognize that each spouse should actually invest some effort into maintaining his/her appearance (this includes maintaining weight). Or just leave the dick and good luck finding romance as an overweight divorced mom with an unrealistic and overly sensitive "he should love me at any size" attitude.

OP doesn't seem to have that attitude at all. This is about him being a dick.

[Anonymous]

She apparently knows she is overweight, chooses high calorie meals, and gets upset that he would point out this choice. It sounded like she's well aware of her calories, meaning his "help" as food monitor is rather unwanted.

Conclusion: she is perfectly fine with continued weight gain, and he should STFU over it.

I'd call that a defensive attitude.

[Anonymous]

Read "You are a Badass:How to Stop Doubting your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" Jen Sincero. I would be hurt too. My husband has done things like this in the past. He is naturally very thin, is very healthy. I can look great when down in weight, but I tend to carry extra (Scandinavian build). He often comments about my food choices, etc. It's hard not to be resentful sometimes.