What is a Tiger Mom? If you are one how are you different from everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Finland and China are both homogenous. Finland invests in its people, China invests in its government. Why do you think the Chinese come here? Its not because they are able to be themselves, or trust their government, for two examples.

In China, being "first" is what matters. These are not happy people. Why should they want their children to be happy? They are not here to experience life, they are here to take what their government can not give them.

China is homogeneous? China? Almost 1.4 billion people, 3.7 million square miles, multiple languages, multiple ethnic groups, multiple climates, and everybody's pretty much all exactly the same? Really?

Didn't you read the thread? The whole of Asia is homogeneous according to many posters here (both Asian and non-Asian).

We all look the same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as an older Asian parent, who has four adult children, I assure you that tiger parenting does not produce the listless, robotic progeny that some claim is the end result.

My children have all done very well by almost any definition and are well adjusted, independent, adults who are able to interact with just about anyone. They don't need me to advise them or get my consent before they make decisions.

I would advise you - since you interact with Asians - is to meet a few older children who have perhaps gone to college or are employed and see what you think of them and whether they are the withdrawn, diffident individuals, lacking in initiative that some are portraying is what happens to the products of tiger parenting.

The extent of stereotyping that I have seen on this thread is beyond belief. Some of it is plain racism, some are preconceived notions of what happens to Asian children and some represents just plain ignorance.

PP- OP here. I really appreciate your response as well as many of the other thoughtful ones throughout this thread. The types of activities my kids participate in have taught both leadership and creativity but by design they would attract "tiger" leaning families. Our friends seem very balanced and successful in many different ways.

I'm keeping this posting very short. Before I post each time, I debate whether I should do it again as I've felt really horrible/ deeply embarrassed reading the negative stereotypes posted/ outright racism too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually had a mom tell me her daughter was going to eat my daughter FOR lunch!

LOL! People take it too far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...the original tiger moms - the Jewish mothers...

i don't know, i think the mother of ancient Chinese philosopher Mencius (or Mèng Z?; 372 – 289 BC) is probably the true original tiger moms: read the story on why she moved her family three times, quite fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PP- OP here. I really appreciate your response as well as many of the other thoughtful ones throughout this thread. The types of activities my kids participate in have taught both leadership and creativity but by design they would attract "tiger" leaning families. Our friends seem very balanced and successful in many different ways.

I'm keeping this posting very short. Before I post each time, I debate whether I should do it again as I've felt really horrible/ deeply embarrassed reading the negative stereotypes posted/ outright racism too.

OP, if I were you, I would seriously do some self-examination about my positive stereotypes about "Asians" (all 4.4 billion of them, plus at minimum the 14.4 million Asian-Americans), which are also outright racism.

[Anonymous]

20:12 your comment hurt me more than any other. I definitely didn't mean for my comments to come across that way and for that I apologize. I realize that Asia has billions of people all with different ideas. Obviously, tiger moms can be from any ethnicity as can permissive parents. In real life, I judge each individual based on who they are. Social scientists and people like Amy Chua do make generalizations but I'm not one just a SAHM trying to understand another perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:12 your comment hurt me more than any other. I definitely didn't mean for my comments to come across that way and for that I apologize. I realize that Asia has billions of people all with different ideas. Obviously, tiger moms can be from any ethnicity as can permissive parents. In real life, I judge each individual based on who they are. Social scientists and people like Amy Chua do make generalizations but I'm not one just a SAHM trying to understand another perspective.

OP, I have no idea the point the PP who apparently upset you is making. FWIW, I think you have been sensitive and open-minded.

[Anonymous]

OP - someone posted this article in a different thread. The article is about Asian kids, but it may apply to "tiger parenting in general.

http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-why-do-asian-american-students-perform-better-than-whites-20140505-story.html

Parts you might be interested in:

"However, the study authors say the high performance of Asian American students comes at a cost. Studies show that Asian American youth are less psychologically adjusted and socially engaged in school than their white peers. They may experience more conflict in relationships with parents because of the high educational expectations their parents place on them," authors wrote.

... and

"Asian American students scored lower than whites in terms of positive feelings toward themselves, and spent less time with friends compared to white peers."

While these traits may not be important to most Asian parents, and possibly to you, I do think it affects how kids perceive themselves and how happy they are with themselves. I know.. there are plenty of people here that have posted how they are well-adjusted adults that had tiger parents. But according to this study, there is a cost to parenting in this manner.

I think a good balance between the two styles is the optimal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Finland and China are both homogenous. Finland invests in its people, China invests in its government. Why do you think the Chinese come here? Its not because they are able to be themselves, or trust their government, for two examples.

In China, being "first" is what matters. These are not happy people. Why should they want their children to be happy? They are not here to experience life, they are here to take what their government can not give them.

China is homogeneous? China? Almost 1.4 billion people, 3.7 million square miles, multiple languages, multiple ethnic groups, multiple climates, and everybody's pretty much all exactly the same? Really?

Didn't you read the thread? The whole of Asia is homogeneous according to many posters here (both Asian and non-Asian).

We all look the same!

And Asians don't feel that way about Americans? Really? Not so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - someone posted this article in a different thread. The article is about Asian kids, but it may apply to "tiger parenting in general.

http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-why-do-asian-american-students-perform-better-than-whites-20140505-story.html

Parts you might be interested in:

"However, the study authors say the high performance of Asian American students comes at a cost. Studies show that Asian American youth are less psychologically adjusted and socially engaged in school than their white peers. They may experience more conflict in relationships with parents because of the high educational expectations their parents place on them," authors wrote.

... and

"Asian American students scored lower than whites in terms of positive feelings toward themselves, and spent less time with friends compared to white peers."

While these traits may not be important to most Asian parents, and possibly to you, I do think it affects how kids perceive themselves and how happy they are with themselves. I know.. there are plenty of people here that have posted how they are well-adjusted adults that had tiger parents. But according to this study, there is a cost to parenting in this manner.

I think a good balance between the two styles is the optimal.

Could the fact that they are less socially engaged comes from the fact that they are a minority? Could it be because the majority of corporate leadership is white? After all even Blacks are accused of not integrating with their white peers?

The same article says "
"Asian Americans continue to occupy a complicated position in a racially stratified United States," the study authors wrote. "They are simultaneously recognized for their work ethic and intelligence and marginalized for seeming less patriotic and civically engaged. Their 'outsider' status may undercut their achievement success and prevent their full integration into American society."

I think the real reason Asian Americans work so hard is because they know racism exists. They get employment only because they are superbly qualified, they have no "old boy's network" to fall back upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - someone posted this article in a different thread. The article is about Asian kids, but it may apply to "tiger parenting in general.

http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-why-do-asian-american-students-perform-better-than-whites-20140505-story.html

Parts you might be interested in:

"However, the study authors say the high performance of Asian American students comes at a cost. Studies show that Asian American youth are less psychologically adjusted and socially engaged in school than their white peers. They may experience more conflict in relationships with parents because of the high educational expectations their parents place on them," authors wrote.

... and

"Asian American students scored lower than whites in terms of positive feelings toward themselves, and spent less time with friends compared to white peers."

While these traits may not be important to most Asian parents, and possibly to you, I do think it affects how kids perceive themselves and how happy they are with themselves. I know.. there are plenty of people here that have posted how they are well-adjusted adults that had tiger parents. But according to this study, there is a cost to parenting in this manner.

I think a good balance between the two styles is the optimal.

Could the fact that they are less socially engaged comes from the fact that they are a minority? Could it be because the majority of corporate leadership is white? After all even Blacks are accused of not integrating with their white peers?

The same article says "
"Asian Americans continue to occupy a complicated position in a racially stratified United States," the study authors wrote. "They are simultaneously recognized for their work ethic and intelligence and marginalized for seeming less patriotic and civically engaged. Their 'outsider' status may undercut their achievement success and prevent their full integration into American society."

I think the real reason Asian Americans work so hard is because they know racism exists. They get employment only because they are superbly qualified, they have no "old boy's network" to fall back upon.

I'm Asian, and I can tell you that a lot of Asians I know are not active in their community. It's not because they feel that they are discriminated against, but rather, they don't think the government will or should do anything for them directly, and culturally, they don't make waves. They do self-segregate themselves, by and large. Of course, there are outliers. As the Asian population grows and becomes more part of the American tapestry, you will probably see it change. For example, a lot of the Japanese in CA are 4th generation and beyond. They are more engaged in the community, and not just the Japanese community. It's cultural.

Any kid of tiger parents would have a limited social life. Doubly so for Asian kids of tiger parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the real reason Asian Americans work so hard is because they know racism exists. They get employment only because they are superbly qualified, they have no "old boy's network" to fall back upon.

They get employment through networking, just like everybody else. Bring in one Indian "consultant", in six months there will be ten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the real reason Asian Americans work so hard is because they know racism exists. They get employment only because they are superbly qualified, they have no "old boy's network" to fall back upon.

They get employment through networking, just like everybody else. Bring in one Indian "consultant", in six months there will be ten.

No, what you are referring to is probably H1Bs in high tech. Most Asians don't have a lot networking contacts in the corporate world with other Asians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - someone posted this article in a different thread. The article is about Asian kids, but it may apply to "tiger parenting in general.

http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-why-do-asian-american-students-perform-better-than-whites-20140505-story.html

Parts you might be interested in:

"However, the study authors say the high performance of Asian American students comes at a cost. Studies show that Asian American youth are less psychologically adjusted and socially engaged in school than their white peers. They may experience more conflict in relationships with parents because of the high educational expectations their parents place on them," authors wrote.

... and

"Asian American students scored lower than whites in terms of positive feelings toward themselves, and spent less time with friends compared to white peers."

While these traits may not be important to most Asian parents, and possibly to you, I do think it affects how kids perceive themselves and how happy they are with themselves. I know.. there are plenty of people here that have posted how they are well-adjusted adults that had tiger parents. But according to this study, there is a cost to parenting in this manner.

I think a good balance between the two styles is the optimal.

I find it interesting how the PP who posted the link chose to select only the aspects that were somewhat critical of Asians - quite apart from the fact the study focused on Asians generally as opposed to the children of tiger parents, unless the assumption is that all Asians parents use the same approach to parenting.

I encourage people to read the entire article which focuses on a number of positives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - someone posted this article in a different thread. The article is about Asian kids, but it may apply to "tiger parenting in general.

http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-why-do-asian-american-students-perform-better-than-whites-20140505-story.html

Parts you might be interested in:

"However, the study authors say the high performance of Asian American students comes at a cost. Studies show that Asian American youth are less psychologically adjusted and socially engaged in school than their white peers. They may experience more conflict in relationships with parents because of the high educational expectations their parents place on them," authors wrote.

... and

"Asian American students scored lower than whites in terms of positive feelings toward themselves, and spent less time with friends compared to white peers."

While these traits may not be important to most Asian parents, and possibly to you, I do think it affects how kids perceive themselves and how happy they are with themselves. I know.. there are plenty of people here that have posted how they are well-adjusted adults that had tiger parents. But according to this study, there is a cost to parenting in this manner.

I think a good balance between the two styles is the optimal.

I find it interesting how the PP who posted the link chose to select only the aspects that were somewhat critical of Asians - quite apart from the fact the study focused on Asians generally as opposed to the children of tiger parents, unless the assumption is that all Asians parents use the same approach to parenting.

I encourage people to read the entire article which focuses on a number of positives.

I'm PP that posted the link. I didn't quote the "good" parts in the article because I think pretty much everyone knows that, in general, Asian Americans do well in school. I also only quoted the parts that I think addresses OP's interest in tiger parenting. The assumption is that most Asian parents are tiger parents to some degree or another. I am Asian, BTW, and my parents were not the typical tiger parents, but they did have some aspects of tiger parenting. The term is mostly applied to Asian parents because a lot of Asian parents are like this, again, to some degree or another. And yes, I agree, people should read the article in its entirety. You will see there are good and bad parts to this style of parenting. That is why I posted, along with the link, that you need balance.