What is a Tiger Mom? If you are one how are you different from everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP Do you know how racist you SOUND? Was your point, that yes I'm a racist and I'm going to escalate because that's what I got out of your posting. BTW- I'm not Asian.

My posting was directed at 20:18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Asian high achieving daughter married a non-Asian American and mainly because of pressure from him they brought up their eldest child in a decidedly different approach from tiger parenting.

It has not worked out, at least, in terms of his academic success though I will acknowledge that he is very popular and liked by his peers. Contrary to the general belief about tiger moms, I have pointedly refused to interfere or offer any advice and left it to them although I am convinced that he is bright and would have done very well with a more structured approach. Sadly, he is even talking about not going to college at all much to the angst of his parents.

My daughter has sought my advice on how to motivate him to go to college and focus more on his studies. I have refrained from offering any advice because quite honestly, I think it is a little late at this point to make a difference though I do encourage him to go to college.

Inevitable. As the blending continues they will also become part of the C performers who will be viewed as achievers. And the sub par performance will be blamed on the teachers and schools and lack of funding.

No. The subpar performance will be blamed on the white parent, aren't you following MIL's reasoning?

I really think there is racism on both sides. People can be racist against whites, too. "Oh you have this or that in your house..." We know a Tiger Mom who is very frustrated with her child with issues. Big issues, behaviorally, academically and yes, socially. The Tiger Mom approach simply is not working. The dad is white. It sounds very similar to what MIL PP described. The child's issues are escalating, and the Tiger Mom is truly puzzled. I wanted so badly to tell her to lay off. You can't push ALL kids in one direction. It doesn't work that way. Didn't you escape a communist country for that very reason?

No one has disproved this. I am surrounded by Tiger Moms, and it is hell because frankly, all Tiger Moms care about is the kid making money. The Tiger Moms I know enjoy assuming the worst about the white kids. Guess what? Tiger Moms came here, no one asked them to come here (except maybe their own parents who wanted more money - you notice how many Asian parents live with their grown children? How is this a good thing to that extent?)

How many white parents care to go to China and tell Chinese parents how to do things? And pretend they are not? And be smug about "their way" being superior? And have the audacity (look it up) to criticize the majority?

I mean really, I have heard Tiger Moms claim to know it all about topics they know nothing about. It's laughable. If you are a top world brain surgeon, and you come here, and try to tell me how to do brain surgery, that's one thing. But that has yet to be the case, with the hundreds of Tiger Moms I know. They are experts in...you guessed it....nothing. LEAST of all, child rearing and applying one theory to all children. This isn't China. Not every child is expected to learn one way. Get over it. Get over yourself.

PP - I don't agree with all the Tiger Mom style, but you are showing your ignorance on some topics here. It is cultural for Asians to live with three or more generations in one house. In the traditional Asian cultures, parents are taken care of in their old age by the kids, not shuttled off to old folks home. That is why they live together. This is all changing, unfortunately. But this is why you see multi-generation households.

As for being money-hungry, you'd probably be a bit obsessed with money, too, if you came from a really poor country and your family was always poor. People who come from poverty and manage to escape it tend to look for stability in their finances in the form of a good and stable job. That is why so many immigrant Asian parents are so obsessed with their kids doing well.

I'm not condoning the extreme tiger parenting, but you need to be a bit more educated in this area before you start spewing ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Asian high achieving daughter married a non-Asian American and mainly because of pressure from him they brought up their eldest child in a decidedly different approach from tiger parenting.

It has not worked out, at least, in terms of his academic success though I will acknowledge that he is very popular and liked by his peers. Contrary to the general belief about tiger moms, I have pointedly refused to interfere or offer any advice and left it to them although I am convinced that he is bright and would have done very well with a more structured approach. Sadly, he is even talking about not going to college at all much to the angst of his parents.

My daughter has sought my advice on how to motivate him to go to college and focus more on his studies. I have refrained from offering any advice because quite honestly, I think it is a little late at this point to make a difference though I do encourage him to go to college.

Inevitable. As the blending continues they will also become part of the C performers who will be viewed as achievers. And the sub par performance will be blamed on the teachers and schools and lack of funding.

No. The subpar performance will be blamed on the white parent, aren't you following MIL's reasoning?

I really think there is racism on both sides. People can be racist against whites, too. "Oh you have this or that in your house..." We know a Tiger Mom who is very frustrated with her child with issues. Big issues, behaviorally, academically and yes, socially. The Tiger Mom approach simply is not working. The dad is white. It sounds very similar to what MIL PP described. The child's issues are escalating, and the Tiger Mom is truly puzzled. I wanted so badly to tell her to lay off. You can't push ALL kids in one direction. It doesn't work that way. Didn't you escape a communist country for that very reason?

I am the PP who wrote about my grandson. I have no idea where the racism is in what I wrote. There are different parenting methods and we clearly differ about the best parenting method. But I certainly don't view it as a racial issue but more a cultural one. After all, even the OP who is white has indicated that she is trying to incorporate the best elements of tiger parenting in how she raises her children.

As far as blaming my non-Asian American son-in-law, for their son's academic issues frankly, if I assign any blame it is more on my daughter who decided to acquiesce to her husband's wishes although she had misgivings. But that is for them to resolve and as I said I stay out of it. As I have told my children, we raised them in the way that we thought was best and now it is for them to decide how they want to raise their children.

My grandson may well end up taking a more meandering route as he makes his way into adulthood. To the extent that he could have done it differently it is for him and his parents to have figured it out.

A couple of other points: I never said my son-in-law is white - that is a conclusion you reached as you made your accusation of racism. Also, don't make the assumption that all Asians in the US "escaped a communist country": the term Asian includes Chinese from the mainland and also Hong Kong, Singapore and Taiwan. It also includes Asians from India, Pakistan, Phillipines, Sri Lanka, South Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia and Japan. Out of these countries only mainland China is communist.

[Anonymous]

PP here. You don't know me or whether I grew up poor or not. But I am not "money hungry" like certain recent immigrants. And yes, I grew up poor. So don't pretend to know me.

Really, anyone so "money hungry" should be embarrassed that their lives revolve around money; and how it makes them treat their children, as a consequence. The attitude inevitably includes, but is not limited to, paying undue attention to what the next guy has. The next guy often being white, and automatically be open for criticism, in my experience.

And you don't know if I am white or not, so don't pretend to know that, either. BTW, I am first generation. Get a hold of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. You don't know me or whether I grew up poor or not. But I am not "money hungry" like certain recent immigrants. And yes, I grew up poor. So don't pretend to know me.

Really, anyone so "money hungry" should be embarrassed that their lives revolve around money; and how it makes them treat their children, as a consequence. The attitude inevitably includes, but is not limited to, paying undue attention to what the next guy has. The next guy often being white, and automatically be open for criticism, in my experience.

And you don't know if I am white or not, so don't pretend to know that, either. BTW, I am first generation. Get a hold of yourself.

Lives that revolve around money? Have you taken a peek at other forums on DCUM? A lot of it has to do with money and most posters are not Asian. It is the American way and we fit right in.

Actually, I sense resentment that you cannot do as well as Asians. To which I say tough shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. You don't know me or whether I grew up poor or not. But I am not "money hungry" like certain recent immigrants. And yes, I grew up poor. So don't pretend to know me.

Really, anyone so "money hungry" should be embarrassed that their lives revolve around money; and how it makes them treat their children, as a consequence. The attitude inevitably includes, but is not limited to, paying undue attention to what the next guy has. The next guy often being white, and automatically be open for criticism, in my experience.

And you don't know if I am white or not, so don't pretend to know that, either. BTW, I am first generation. Get a hold of yourself.

Lives that revolve around money? Have you taken a peek at other forums on DCUM? A lot of it has to do with money and most posters are not Asian. It is the American way and we fit right in.

Actually, I sense resentment that you cannot do as well as Asians. To which I say tough shit.

"Yes, you got me, in fact *I am* ALL posters on DCUM". Idiot.

Nice try. Wrong on all points. In fact, thank you for proving me right.

Now you think people actually *aspire* to be Asian??!! Are you out of your head??!! Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. You don't know me or whether I grew up poor or not. But I am not "money hungry" like certain recent immigrants. And yes, I grew up poor. So don't pretend to know me.

Really, anyone so "money hungry" should be embarrassed that their lives revolve around money; and how it makes them treat their children, as a consequence. The attitude inevitably includes, but is not limited to, paying undue attention to what the next guy has. The next guy often being white, and automatically be open for criticism, in my experience.

And you don't know if I am white or not, so don't pretend to know that, either. BTW, I am first generation. Get a hold of yourself.

Lives that revolve around money? Have you taken a peek at other forums on DCUM? A lot of it has to do with money and most posters are not Asian. It is the American way and we fit right in.

Actually, I sense resentment that you cannot do as well as Asians. To which I say tough shit.

"Yes, you got me, in fact *I am* ALL posters on DCUM". Idiot.

Nice try. Wrong on all points. In fact, thank you for proving me right.

Now you think people actually *aspire* to be Asian??!! Are you out of your head??!! Wow.

+1000

Are all Asians this crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. You don't know me or whether I grew up poor or not. But I am not "money hungry" like certain recent immigrants. And yes, I grew up poor. So don't pretend to know me.

Really, anyone so "money hungry" should be embarrassed that their lives revolve around money; and how it makes them treat their children, as a consequence. The attitude inevitably includes, but is not limited to, paying undue attention to what the next guy has. The next guy often being white, and automatically be open for criticism, in my experience.

And you don't know if I am white or not, so don't pretend to know that, either. BTW, I am first generation. Get a hold of yourself.

PP you are addressing.

I grew up poor, too, and I'm an immigrant. My family is not obsessed with money, but we seek financial security and stability. I don't live my life "keeping up with the Joneses." My car is 10+ yrs old, I shop at Target for my clothes, but I make six figures. I knew education was the way out. As I said, my parents were somewhat typical Asian parents, but they didn't push us to excel academically or control who our friends were.

I agree, there are many Asian immigrants, as well as white, black, and others, that are obsessed with money. Being money-hungry is certainly not exclusive to recent Asian immigrants. But most immigrants seek financial stability, and for Asian immigrants, this takes form in getting the best education possible. Also, for Asians, they see their kids as part of a family unit, not as individuals. So, the kid is expected to do his/her duty to the family. Individuality takes a backseat.

As I said, I don't agree with the Tiger style approach. But my argument doesn't revolve around their motives because I get why they do it. My argument against it revolves around 1). In the US, you can have a great life without getting straight A's, 2400 SAT scores, and going to the best college
2). EQ is as important as IQ
3). mental and emotional well-being is important

You are right.. I don't know you. I don't know if you are Asian or not. But my sense is that you have great hostility towards recent Asian immigrants for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

does anyone else also think it's time for Jeff to lock this one down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. You don't know me or whether I grew up poor or not. But I am not "money hungry" like certain recent immigrants. And yes, I grew up poor. So don't pretend to know me.

Really, anyone so "money hungry" should be embarrassed that their lives revolve around money; and how it makes them treat their children, as a consequence. The attitude inevitably includes, but is not limited to, paying undue attention to what the next guy has. The next guy often being white, and automatically be open for criticism, in my experience.

And you don't know if I am white or not, so don't pretend to know that, either. BTW, I am first generation. Get a hold of yourself.

Lives that revolve around money? Have you taken a peek at other forums on DCUM? A lot of it has to do with money and most posters are not Asian. It is the American way and we fit right in.

Actually, I sense resentment that you cannot do as well as Asians. To which I say tough shit.

"Yes, you got me, in fact *I am* ALL posters on DCUM". Idiot.

Nice try. Wrong on all points. In fact, thank you for proving me right.

Now you think people actually *aspire* to be Asian??!! Are you out of your head??!! Wow.

Not the PP you responded to but your attitude - as reflected in prior posts - is needlessly confrontational. And your comprehension is clearly lacking. I would not have responded the way the PP did but your anger at Asians comes through loud and clear.

There was no reference to whether you personally are materialistic but PP is correct that a lot of the discussion on DCUM centers around money, private schools, family income, etc. Also, there was no suggestion that you or anyone else aspire to be Asian but it is clear that there is a lot of resentment by some at the success that Asians have achieved in this country. Take a look at the threads on TJ and the constant disparaging of Asian kids on this thread about their lack of creativity, leadership skills, etc.

[Anonymous]

"As I said, I don't agree with the Tiger style approach. But my argument doesn't revolve around their motives because I get why they do it. My argument against it revolves around 1). In the US, you can have a great life without getting straight A's, 2400 SAT scores, and going to the best college
2). EQ is as important as IQ
3). mental and emotional well-being is important"

Other PP here. As long as you mean what you say, which I doubt, then I agree.

To doubt there are extremely successful non-Asian parents who do NOT push their kids to the brink, is *extremely* naive, at best.

As for the other PP, you have no idea what you are talking about, nor what kind of racism I have experienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:does anyone else also think it's time for Jeff to lock this one down?

What? Why? Is this China?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:does anyone else also think it's time for Jeff to lock this one down?

What? Why? Is this China?

your post just proved my point. but be my guest, keep trolling away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Are all Asians this crazy?

We are, we are! Especially when we drive.

The rest of the time we are crazy like a fox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As for the other PP, you have no idea what you are talking about, nor what kind of racism I have experienced.

If you don't mind sharing, I am curious PP as to what is your ethnic background given that you have apparently experienced racism in the US.