What is a Tiger Mom? If you are one how are you different from everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Our DCs are awesome - on nationally ranked sports teams, have taken SATs at age 12 to qualify for Johns Hopkins SET, etc. Never once have I goaded them to do more. Rather, I engage with them in discussions about life, philosophy, why it's important to be engaged in what you do. And I do NOT shield them from anything in the popular culture - no matter how vulgar. But I do make clear I disapprove of some things (like tattoos), and explain why. They can eat what they want, go to bed when they want, watch what they want on TV. I never hid candy or anything from them, and as a result they are not interested. And I never coach them - that's for professionals, which I am not. And we take them everywhere we can for travel - safari, Europe, all over US (you can see a lot of it on top travel teams). Just for exposure to other places, people, experiences. Education is way more important than mommy guidance. In fact, at the top level of any sport there are jokes about "daddy" and "mommy" coaches being inadequate.

[Anonymous]

What is really interesting is that tiger parents hardly ever question how non-tiger parents choose to raise their kids. It is invariably the non-tiger parents who seek to question how tiger parents raise their kids. I can't believe it is some sort of altruistic concern that causes them this angst.

Leave us to do things our way. We are perfectly happy with how our kids are turning out and if you think your approach works for you then all power to you.

BTW, the tiger parenting approach extends beyond Asians. You will find the same approach among Indians and some children whose parents came from Africa.

In the meantime, you can win all the Nobel prizes, produce super creative children, the future leaders, etc. We'll do it our way and, trust me when I say that if we believe that your approach works better then we'll embrace it. We are not wedded to our way of raising children. We do it because in our opinion it is the best way.

[Anonymous]

Kids hate their Tiger moms and usually end up hating themselves too. They constantly have to strive to be better for Tiger Mommy so realize he/she is not satisfied with what she sees in them now. It is humiliating but those kids would never ever admit it.

I don't coddle my kids but I love them for who they want to be. Not what I want them to be. Tiger moms created their kids lives before they were born.

[Anonymous]

21:53 Tiger mom. I am OP am not Asian and was raised by parents who were very uninvolved. My parents NEVER helped me with a single paper, math problem, or took me to the library etc. Despite this, I went to good schools and earned an advanced degree. I know if I had had parents who pushed me, I would have done better. Don't think other American parents can't learn too from Asian parents in areas where we think you do it better.

I have the opposite parenting philosophy of my parents and have been called a Tiger mom countless times in my life because my kids are required to do extra math, reading etc. I see my kids friend's doing similiar things including my Asian friends. All the parents that I know who engage in these activities are some of the nicest most caring people I know and are so nice to me


49 I wouldn't be so smug. The friends that I know who pushed their kids hard all went to top schools and best I can tell they are pretty well balanced amazing people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:53 Tiger mom. I am OP am not Asian and was raised by parents who were very uninvolved. My parents NEVER helped me with a single paper, math problem, or took me to the library etc. Despite this, I went to good schools and earned an advanced degree. I know if I had had parents who pushed me, I would have done better. Don't think other American parents can't learn too from Asian parents in areas where we think you do it better.

I have the opposite parenting philosophy of my parents and have been called a Tiger mom countless times in my life because my kids are required to do extra math, reading etc. I see my kids friend's doing similiar things including my Asian friends. All the parents that I know who engage in these activities are some of the nicest most caring people I know and are so nice to me


49 I wouldn't be so smug. The friends that I know who pushed their kids hard all went to top schools and best I can tell they are pretty well balanced amazing people.

PP, I appreciate your comments. This harangue against tiger parenting gets old especially given that tiger parents rarely choose to laud over others who adopt a different approach.

I will let you into a little secret: there are academic avenues that mostly tiger parents channel their kids into that are dominated by their progeny. When I say dominated, I mean something like 90% of those enrolled are non-whites. But because of the ingrained bias against this sort of "guidance", qualified and eligible white students never even apply. I make this assumption because even with tiger parenting, there is no way that there should be such a disparity in the rates of admission.

In the meantime, congrats to you for having an open mind and absorbing the best tiger parenting with what may be deemed a more conventional approach.

[Anonymous]

Tiger moms absolutely do judge others. That's the whole point of competitive parenting.

What this approach does not do is teach kids how to think and create. It does produce good little soldiers. My kids are successful academically but are also creative and willing to take intellectual risks, the result being more innovative thinking. This is not what you see in the kids of tiger parents who can analyze but not think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tiger moms absolutely do judge others. That's the whole point of competitive parenting.

What this approach does not do is teach kids how to think and create. It does produce good little soldiers. My kids are successful academically but are also creative and willing to take intellectual risks, the result being more innovative thinking. This is not what you see in the kids of tiger parents who can analyze but not think.

I am not a fan of tiger parenting. My experience is tiger parenting produces kids that are really good at addressing the identified task: solving a math problem, writing an essay, playing a musical piece, etc. However, because the children, from an early age, are forced to be so focused, they do not develop the sense of individualism and creativity. So, they can solve the engineering problem, but they will not make the scientific breakthrough. They can treat cancer, but they won't cure cancer. They play beautiful music, but do not create the music....

[Anonymous]

7:24 Thank you again. I am familiar with some of these programs. As I am a minority in that group, I don't want to write much more or I might as well write my name considering how much of a minority my kids are there.

So much vitriol on this thread signing off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tiger moms absolutely do judge others. That's the whole point of competitive parenting.

What this approach does not do is teach kids how to think and create. It does produce good little soldiers. My kids are successful academically but are also creative and willing to take intellectual risks, the result being more innovative thinking. This is not what you see in the kids of tiger parents who can analyze but not think.

I am not sure what competitive parenting constitutes. I don't seek to compete with any other parent - not even Asian parents. My goal is to provide the environment to enable my children to excel and to channel them so that they do excel.

As far as judging others, show me a thread which a tiger parent has started that seeks to establish its superiority to other types of parenting. You will find tiger parents occasionally defending their approach on threads that are critical of tiger parenting. The truth is that we don't really care how you raise your children. If you think it produces the best results then so be it.

If you believe that tiger parenting produces "good little soldiers" believe me when I say it does not bother us one iota. If you think the products of tiger parenting are incapable of creativity, willingness to take intellectual risks and being more innovative feel free to believe whatever you wish.

I am a product of tiger parenting and have done just fine; my siblings are also products of tiger parenting and everyone of them are highly successful in just about every respect - and I don't mean in just a material sense. My children and my nephews and nieces are products of tiger parenting to varying degrees and they are extremely successful in multiple fields including a couple whose names you would recognize because they are quite well known and visible and in leadership positions.

"Good little soldiers" indeed! LOL!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DCs are awesome - on nationally ranked sports teams, have taken SATs at age 12 to qualify for Johns Hopkins SET, etc. Never once have I goaded them to do more. Rather, I engage with them in discussions about life, philosophy, why it's important to be engaged in what you do. And I do NOT shield them from anything in the popular culture - no matter how vulgar. But I do make clear I disapprove of some things (like tattoos), and explain why. They can eat what they want, go to bed when they want, watch what they want on TV. I never hid candy or anything from them, and as a result they are not interested. And I never coach them - that's for professionals, which I am not. And we take them everywhere we can for travel - safari, Europe, all over US (you can see a lot of it on top travel teams). Just for exposure to other places, people, experiences. Education is way more important than mommy guidance. In fact, at the top level of any sport there are jokes about "daddy" and "mommy" coaches being inadequate.

I am also against the tiger-mom way, but you sound smug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When non-tiger moms produce well balanced, high achieving, contented children, I will give more credence to their approach to raising children.

How do tiger moms produce well balanced high achieving contented children? High achieving yes, but not well balanced nor contented IME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:24 Thank you again. I am familiar with some of these programs. As I am a minority in that group, I don't want to write much more or I might as well write my name considering how much of a minority my kids are there.

So much vitriol on this thread signing off.

OP, I realized that I did not answer the basic question you asked in the title to this topic.

If I had to compress my answer in a single sentence, I'd say that I use a kinder, gentler version of the Amy Chua approach.

[Anonymous]

Being a Tiger mom in my opinion is working with your child so that they can achieve their potential. It also means that you have to make sure they are balanced and happy individuals.

Happy, balanced, hard working, moral and high achieving kids - do not happen without parental involvement and support from home. And so, if you are an involved parent and devote time on your kids and in creating a conducive home environment - you are a Tiger parent in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a Tiger mom in my opinion is working with your child so that they can achieve their potential. It also means that you have to make sure they are balanced and happy individuals.

Happy, balanced, hard working, moral and high achieving kids - do not happen without parental involvement and support from home. And so, if you are an involved parent and devote time on your kids and in creating a conducive home environment - you are a Tiger parent in my opinion.

But is that potential just being able to test well and follow a recipe for success? It does seem to work though. Read that they are the first ones to tell you their kids are not gifted. High achievement is just expected.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of the angst and even resentment that is voiced about tiger moms emanates from the recognition that it entails a lot of work and this does not sit well with some parents. It also involves potential confrontation with their children inherent in the discipline that is integral to tiger parenting.

But they cannot voice those sentiments and so it defaults to criticizing the style of parenting and the children who are the products of tiger parenting.

So those who are critical of tiger moms will argue - with little in the way of any real evidence - that the result is high achieving children who lack individualism, creativity, etc.