What is a Tiger Mom? If you are one how are you different from everyone else?

[Anonymous]

I saw an interview with Amy Chua and she said you must know your kids and be responsive their needs but you must also work hard with them and have high expectations. I know some of her book excerpts have been overplayed like the piano incident. Any parent who works hard with their child knows they make up excuses for getting up and that's the sense I got..rather than her daughter was really thirsty/ had to use the bathroom. I don't understand the no playdate rule. How are you different from other parents who have high expectations for their kids?

[Anonymous]

Someone called me a tiger mom, more than once. I'll take dd to the park to practice gymnastics and over and over say "again, this time with locked elbows/pointed toes/straight legs." Or at the skating rink I'll call her over and tell dd how to do her back crossovers better. If she falls i don't coddle her and buy her a hot chocolate. I make sure she's not bleeding, we figure out why she fell and how to avoid falling again, and I send her back on the ice.

I find most American parents who accuse me of being a tiger mom tend to be their children's cheerleaders. I am more dd's coach.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the coach analogy.

But to be frank, I have a problem with the tiger mom philosophy and ideology, for many reasons. Not least of all, it does not tend to raise a confident, experienced, well rounded individual. It tends to raise an exhausted child with issues and tremendous lack of socialization. In addition, products of tiger moms tend to think that life requires little, if anything, other than rote memorization. Of course, tiger moms and their offspring would be the last to admit this. Anyone would be hard pressed to find a product of a tiger mom come forward and disrespect "everything their parents did for them".

There is a tremendous price to pay for lack of socialization and scheduling of a young person's life. Young people should not be subjected to workbook exercises in lieu of playdates, for example. The young products of tiger moms I knew, when my children were younger, were very unhappy, even as small children. There are enormous voids in their lives that can not be taught or programmed. There is no denying, they miss out.

Products of tiger moms that I knew were encouraged to spend any little extra time they may occasionally have - with other asian children only. It was no secret with the school administration, and it was/is frowned upon. It is racist behavior, call it what you want.

As young professionals, products of tiger moms are encouraged to pursue only certain professions, and the individual and their innate nterests are completely suffocated. For example, there is no reason for a young person to want to take dance lessons - and possibly (egads!!!) be a dancer. How shameful and offensive would that be??!!

"We don't pursue a living to enjoy what we do, we pursue a living to take care of our parents when they are old."

As adults, products of tiger moms are most often not leaders; they need more than usual direction, and employing them can be a nightmare. I speak from experience.

[Anonymous]

Being called a Tiger Mom is NOT a compliment, by anyone, to anyone. Ever. If only certain mothers would cease and desist striving to be one, for the sake of their children's well being. Literally and figuratively.

[Anonymous]

I actually had a mom tell me her daughter was going to eat my daughter FOR lunch!

[Anonymous]

Tiger Moms (of all races) see their children as an extension of their own narcissism. They want them to be super-de-duper terrific at everything so they can bask in the reflected glory. To achieve this they have to control their kids in ways that deprive them of the opportunity to engage in their differentiation and identity-seeking. Either they walk away completely or grow to be stunted adults.

I am not my children's coach, I am their mother. Someone else, say a coach, should be their coach. It is developmentally necessary for kids to make mistakes, to screw things up, otherwise they become risk averse. As a mother I can make room for them to make mistakes. As a coach I can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tiger Moms (of all races) see their children as an extension of their own narcissism. They want them to be super-de-duper terrific at everything so they can bask in the reflected glory. To achieve this they have to control their kids in ways that deprive them of the opportunity to engage in their differentiation and identity-seeking. Either they walk away completely or grow to be stunted adults.

I am not my children's coach, I am their mother. Someone else, say a coach, should be their coach. It is developmentally necessary for kids to make mistakes, to screw things up, otherwise they become risk averse. As a mother I can make room for them to make mistakes. As a coach I can't.

+100000

Well said! I hope TM's see this. They should really be more aware.

[Anonymous]

When non-tiger moms produce well balanced, high achieving, contented children, I will give more credence to their approach to raising children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When non-tiger moms produce well balanced, high achieving, contented children, I will give more credence to their approach to raising children.

PP, I think it's a balance, not one way or the other. Just find balance people, just like you want your kid to be balanced. A bit of pushing the kid can work wonders, but find the line and don't cross it. An encouraging word, and lots of free time to imagine and be creative can also produce wondrous kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When non-tiger moms produce well balanced, high achieving, contented children, I will give more credence to their approach to raising children.

President Barack Obama's mother, Jonah Salk's mother, Bill Gates' mother, Oprah Winfrey's mother... how many millions of more non-tiger mothers do you want me to mention before you give credence to their approach to raising children.

Your comment is patently ridiculous and laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When non-tiger moms produce well balanced, high achieving, contented children, I will give more credence to their approach to raising children.

President Barack Obama's mother, Jonah Salk's mother, Bill Gates' mother, Oprah Winfrey's mother... how many millions of more non-tiger mothers do you want me to mention before you give credence to their approach to raising children.

Your comment is patently ridiculous and laughable.

How many Nobel Prize winners and Pulitzer Prize winners were raised by non-tiger moms? ALL OF THEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When non-tiger moms produce well balanced, high achieving, contented children, I will give more credence to their approach to raising children.

President Barack Obama's mother, Jonah Salk's mother, Bill Gates' mother, Oprah Winfrey's mother... how many millions of more non-tiger mothers do you want me to mention before you give credence to their approach to raising children.

Your comment is patently ridiculous and laughable.

In Indonesia Barak Obama's mother woke him up early every morning and tutored for 3 hours a day in English before he went to a local school. I will gladly admit I am a tiger mom. I believe in a growth mindset. I don't believe one's academic potential is a fixed trait.

[Anonymous]

In a way, tiger moms are carrying out what they are supposed to be doing by raising offspring that can better compete for limited resources and propagate the species with their gene pool. As for the Nobel Prize winners, most if not all of them are truly gifted and did not need the push average people need to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a way, tiger moms are carrying out what they are supposed to be doing by raising offspring that can better compete for limited resources and propagate the species with their gene pool. As for the Nobel Prize winners, most if not all of them are truly gifted and did not need the push average people need to succeed.

They had intrinsic motivation, which came from inside, not from a tiger mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a way, tiger moms are carrying out what they are supposed to be doing by raising offspring that can better compete for limited resources and propagate the species with their gene pool. As for the Nobel Prize winners, most if not all of them are truly gifted and did not need the push average people need to succeed.

Ee gads, those people sound like loads of fun. Not everything is a competition, so that seems like setting kids on a lonely road. The most successful people are those who know how to lead, cooperate and get along with others. When all these tiger kids start running things, get back to us.