She wants a very high-quality man—what are her chances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking for someone you know?

Yes, a cousin. Forgot to add that she’s never worked and doesn’t plan to ever work.

Do you not like her? Some rivalry going on? Odd to post this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking for someone you know?

Yes, a cousin. Forgot to add that she’s never worked and doesn’t plan to ever work.

Do you not like her? Some rivalry going on? Odd to post this

Not odd and I think op is an older relative. Aunt or uncle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

Sure, but normally these women are functioning members of society even if their focus is on the home. They are on the board of the library, part of the local women’s club, volunteering in schools. In many cases they have traveled and worked a bit before focusing on home life. They’re not 22 year old passenger princesses who seem to lack interest in all basic adulting skills, but claim they will figure everything out for a ‘high quality’ man.

PP you’re not following. The example you cite are what these women often look like in the future. But my examples are true and match what op posted. An attractive, smart, fairly educated woman from a nice MC/UMC family who wants to marry, not have a career and is willing to cater to her husband as her primary focus.

It’s not the worst thing in the world and in many ways these relationships are easier than when two professionals match up.

You read it perfectly. Many wealthy and successful men want a beautiful wife who is going to stay in the background and cater to them.

But they're not fool enough to believe someone with zero motivation is going to do it excellently. And they'll see the not-driving, can't-be-out-by-myself thing for the mental health problem that it is. They want a WIFE who is discreet and low-drama but is actually a highly capable partner in implementing their life agenda. Not a passenger princess who adds very little, especially when her beauty fades.

I’m the PP who knows a number of couples like this. You are wrong. Of course the women are educated and had some stated interests - art, music etc- but it was very clear they never intended to support themselves with these endeavors. Fwiw these couples are still together.

DP. I know a few of the couples, but the men themselves were low ambitious trust fund types in the first place
. They were generally happy to marry a woman who cared less about education/career - but she went to an elite school and effectively came with a dowry (ie, a high earning father who would help fund a home, etc).

It doesn’t sound like OP is that type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking for someone you know?

Yes, a cousin. Forgot to add that she’s never worked and doesn’t plan to ever work.

Do you not like her? Some rivalry going on? Odd to post this

Not odd and I think op is an older woman relative. Aunt or uncle

I think it’s the Mom, hence some of the “will be excellent in the future” language. Sounds like a Mom telling her daughter what’s up.

This strategy (non career minded woman goes to an elite college and snags a rich husband) likely worked well for Mom 25/30 years ago and she’s assessing her daughter’s potential future. She’s realizing that the world of dating has changed/she got super lucky.

If I’m right OP, your daughter best chance of snagging this guy is grad school. Maybe she considers law school with the understood goal of finding a husband and quitting practice 2-3 years in. It’s not an uncommon strategy for aspiring UMC girls who can’t land the guy in college.

[Anonymous]

She sounds dead boring. I guess the best way to attract this kind of man is go to some ultra conservative college. BYU comes to mind.

[Anonymous]

I have a cousin who was clearly never very interested in having a career. Fortunately for her she looked like a model and was able to marry a responsible man at a young age.

I wouldn’t call her lazy either. She was always tidy and a caring mother and family member. Very responsible and mature and willing to drop everything to help you.

[Anonymous]

It always strikes me that these are the only threads where men are portrayed as thoughtful and considerate. The men discussed in this thread are thinking about their future children, considerate of their wives career ambitions and how they will align with their own, proactive and wanting to be involved in their community, and thoughtful about how their marriage will work within their family and larger community. The men portrayed here seem to really know what they want and to have given a lot of thought to marriage, children, and family.

What’s that about? Why are men given so much credit in the “can this person attract a man like this” threads when they are kind of torn apart in just about every other thread.

[Anonymous]

Some of you have such messed up opinions. Young women change and evolve so judging someone at 21 and writing them off for next 60+ years of their lives is absurd at minimum. As far as SAHM vs WFH vs WOTH etc goes, there is no one absolute way of life which is superior to others and works perfectly for every family. Live your lives and let other women carve their own lives. They don't need our judgement nor do we need theirs.

[Anonymous]

In a country where First and Second Ladies with best of the resources are supposed to be SAHMs, you expect middle class young moms with limited resources and no support to juggle it all by themselves and do it well? Yes, many Alpha ones can but that doesn't mean everyone else needs to stretch themselves super thin and live a fragile life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always strikes me that these are the only threads where men are portrayed as thoughtful and considerate. The men discussed in this thread are thinking about their future children, considerate of their wives career ambitions and how they will align with their own, proactive and wanting to be involved in their community, and thoughtful about how their marriage will work within their family and larger community. The men portrayed here seem to really know what they want and to have given a lot of thought to marriage, children, and family.

What’s that about? Why are men given so much credit in the “can this person attract a man like this” threads when they are kind of torn apart in just about every other thread.

I'll field this question. The OP is describing a "very high quality" man, and specifies it in her first post. They are different than the ones women are complaining about in every other thread, which are low quality or average men (statistical note: male quality is not a bell curve, the median man is actually low quality). The OP describes a man who is young, handsome, and either wealthy or potentially wealthy, and has a relatively high status occupation (eg. doctor). Since the OP's relation wants to be a SAHM, we have to rule out very high quality men who use their youth, handsomeness, wealth and status to be "fuccbois", as they won't be interested in marriage. So that leaves the men who carefully thing about marriage, children and family. The OP is wondering, what are the requirements her relation would need to meet to have a chance in wooing and marrying this kind of man.

Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking for someone you know?

Yes, a cousin. Forgot to add that she’s never worked and doesn’t plan to ever work.

Do you not like her? Some rivalry going on? Odd to post this

Not odd and I think op is an older relative. Aunt or uncle

This really detailed and with odd language. Why would someone take all the time to write this about their cousin? It’s either a troll or OP is the girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

Sure, but normally these women are functioning members of society even if their focus is on the home. They are on the board of the library, part of the local women’s club, volunteering in schools. In many cases they have traveled and worked a bit before focusing on home life. They’re not 22 year old passenger princesses who seem to lack interest in all basic adulting skills, but claim they will figure everything out for a ‘high quality’ man.

PP you’re not following. The example you cite are what these women often look like in the future. But my examples are true and match what op posted. An attractive, smart, fairly educated woman from a nice MC/UMC family who wants to marry, not have a career and is willing to cater to her husband as her primary focus.

It’s not the worst thing in the world and in many ways these relationships are easier than when two professionals match up.

You read it perfectly. Many wealthy and successful men want a beautiful wife who is going to stay in the background and cater to them.

But they're not fool enough to believe someone with zero motivation is going to do it excellently. And they'll see the not-driving, can't-be-out-by-myself thing for the mental health problem that it is. They want a WIFE who is discreet and low-drama but is actually a highly capable partner in implementing their life agenda. Not a passenger princess who adds very little, especially when her beauty fades.

I’m the PP who knows a number of couples like this. You are wrong. Of course the women are educated and had some stated interests - art, music etc- but it was very clear they never intended to support themselves with these endeavors. Fwiw these couples are still together.

DP. I know a few of the couples, but the men themselves were low ambitious trust fund types in the first place
. They were generally happy to marry a woman who cared less about education/career - but she went to an elite school and effectively came with a dowry (ie, a high earning father who would help fund a home, etc).

It doesn’t sound like OP is that type.

Pp in the cases I know, the men were pursuing decent careers although they all came from UMC families with money.

Sounds like OPs cousin is also UMC and family would help funds things as well. The cousin is an English major and smart just not ambitious. This exactly fits the profile of the women I know. I think it’s far more common among UMC/UC than people on here realize. The women are well educated and pretty with some interesting hobby or ‘career’ that will never make $ and that they don’t pursue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

Sure, but normally these women are functioning members of society even if their focus is on the home. They are on the board of the library, part of the local women’s club, volunteering in schools. In many cases they have traveled and worked a bit before focusing on home life. They’re not 22 year old passenger princesses who seem to lack interest in all basic adulting skills, but claim they will figure everything out for a ‘high quality’ man.

PP you’re not following. The example you cite are what these women often look like in the future. But my examples are true and match what op posted. An attractive, smart, fairly educated woman from a nice MC/UMC family who wants to marry, not have a career and is willing to cater to her husband as her primary focus.

It’s not the worst thing in the world and in many ways these relationships are easier than when two professionals match up.

You read it perfectly. Many wealthy and successful men want a beautiful wife who is going to stay in the background and cater to them.

But they're not fool enough to believe someone with zero motivation is going to do it excellently. And they'll see the not-driving, can't-be-out-by-myself thing for the mental health problem that it is. They want a WIFE who is discreet and low-drama but is actually a highly capable partner in implementing their life agenda. Not a passenger princess who adds very little, especially when her beauty fades.

I’m the PP who knows a number of couples like this. You are wrong. Of course the women are educated and had some stated interests - art, music etc- but it was very clear they never intended to support themselves with these endeavors. Fwiw these couples are still together.

DP. I know a few of the couples, but the men themselves were low ambitious trust fund types in the first place
. They were generally happy to marry a woman who cared less about education/career - but she went to an elite school and effectively came with a dowry (ie, a high earning father who would help fund a home, etc).

It doesn’t sound like OP is that type.

Pp in the cases I know, the men were pursuing decent careers although they all came from UMC families with money.

Sounds like OPs cousin is also UMC and family would help funds things as well. The cousin is an English major and smart just not ambitious. This exactly fits the profile of the women I know. I think it’s far more common among UMC/UC than people on here realize. The women are well educated and pretty with some interesting hobby or ‘career’ that will never make $ and that they don’t pursue.

How old are these women you’re talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weirdly this actually describes the last 3 women who have lived across the street from me. (Except for the non driving thing.) I've been working from home for years so have an upfront view of the parade of sahms who have lived across from me. About 8 years ago there was a male attorney married to sahm. He did corporate law. I actually tried to make friends with her because I'm work from home and she said she had attended one of my schools. (She did attend but hadn't graduated.) She was basically a human houseplant. Her hobbies consisted of day drinking and screaming at the nanny. That couple eventually moved to some distant suburb so they could by a house near his mother. Second couple moved in. He was a tech exec with some family money. (I know about his family money because his parents literally bought the house and we're always around.) She had some kind of degree from somewhere. Her hobby was ignoring her very young toddler children as they wandered free around the neighborhood and yelling at the gardener. We're currently at third couple. He's a surgeon. Works all the time. She's a stay at home mom whose hobby is yelling at the nanny and the gardener, and shopping. I think despite his surgical career they're financially pressed because she apparently has no plans of ever getting a job. I know this because on the rare occasions he's home she yells at him about moving to a bigger house and he yells back about their debt loan. To be fair, none of the 3 women were physically very pretty. They all have the personalities of nagging houseplants, and 2 of the 3 probably qualified as semi neglectful mothers. And, they all managed to score husbands capable of supporting them in a neighborhood where the median home is 1.4 million. Not sure how any of them will do long term, but if the goal is to find a husband, have a few kids, never work, and day time drink, it is obviously possible.

This is completely opposite to what I have on my street. I am married to a doctor, work full time plus 3 other doctors on the same street with wifes working full time plus a lawyer with working wife plus an architect also with a working wife. Now that I think about it, I dont know a single neighbor that isn't working, wife or husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

Sure, but normally these women are functioning members of society even if their focus is on the home. They are on the board of the library, part of the local women’s club, volunteering in schools. In many cases they have traveled and worked a bit before focusing on home life. They’re not 22 year old passenger princesses who seem to lack interest in all basic adulting skills, but claim they will figure everything out for a ‘high quality’ man.

PP you’re not following. The example you cite are what these women often look like in the future. But my examples are true and match what op posted. An attractive, smart, fairly educated woman from a nice MC/UMC family who wants to marry, not have a career and is willing to cater to her husband as her primary focus.

It’s not the worst thing in the world and in many ways these relationships are easier than when two professionals match up.

You read it perfectly. Many wealthy and successful men want a beautiful wife who is going to stay in the background and cater to them.

But they're not fool enough to believe someone with zero motivation is going to do it excellently. And they'll see the not-driving, can't-be-out-by-myself thing for the mental health problem that it is. They want a WIFE who is discreet and low-drama but is actually a highly capable partner in implementing their life agenda. Not a passenger princess who adds very little, especially when her beauty fades.

I’m the PP who knows a number of couples like this. You are wrong. Of course the women are educated and had some stated interests - art, music etc- but it was very clear they never intended to support themselves with these endeavors. Fwiw these couples are still together.

DP. I know a few of the couples, but the men themselves were low ambitious trust fund types in the first place
. They were generally happy to marry a woman who cared less about education/career - but she went to an elite school and effectively came with a dowry (ie, a high earning father who would help fund a home, etc).

It doesn’t sound like OP is that type.

Pp in the cases I know, the men were pursuing decent careers although they all came from UMC families with money.

Sounds like OPs cousin is also UMC and family would help funds things as well. The cousin is an English major and smart just not ambitious. This exactly fits the profile of the women I know. I think it’s far more common among UMC/UC than people on here realize. The women are well educated and pretty with some interesting hobby or ‘career’ that will never make $ and that they don’t pursue.

How old are these women you’re talking about?

My suspicion is that women PP knows are all 55/60+.