S/O - Why does DCUM hate this kind of woman so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

I think the sensitivity stems from buying these items thinking it says something positive about them, and discovering that it may actually convey something negative.

Like I think women will covet a Cartier love bracelet thinking "if I get one of those I will look sophisticated and stylish." And then they get it and read online that many people associate that specific item with being a sheep and having no style. It's upsetting because it has the exact opposite effect they had hoped.

But that how fashion trends work and why the best advice is to never buy a trend unless you would like it even if no one else was wearing it. Because trends can turn and then you're just a fashion victim with a very expensive bracelet that seems generic and basic.

This.
But do we honestly think women buying a neverfull or a love bracelet or lulu think they are signaling style and sophistication? I have lulu leggings and just assume when I wear them people think I am being a basic b***h and that’s fine. Then have more interesting items for when I want to be more interesting

I do think women think that, actually. I think a lot of these things are aspirational. Not Lululemon but the designer stuff especially. It's a safe way to buy into a brand like LV or Cartier without making a real affirmative style choice (which could go wrong) but to still feel like you get that aura of this highly recognizable luxury brand. I think people are buying that aura when they buy these items. And it's very similar to when I was in college and a lot of women I knew would ask for those Tiffany heart lock necklaces and bracelets as gifts for birthdays and holidays. They weren't even that expensive, but they were Tiffany and that mattered to people. And in my 20s the diffusion lines of really recognizable designers were big because it was a way to get a piece of the designer pie for less -- a Marc by Marc Jacobs bag offered you a little of the coolness of MJ without the price tag. I think the love bracelet and the Neverfull is just a continuation of those same impulses, but on a bigger budget for an older woman with kids. If at every level of your life there has been these brand items that say "I belong, I've arrived," it becomes this security blanket and it's hard to let go of.

But it's only a certain kind of person who experiences this kind of life. If you don't have wealthy or UMC parents, you probably never get those Tiffany heart lock pendants. Marc by Marc might be cheaper than Marc Jacobs but it's not cheap -- you need enough disposable income in your 20s to spend a few hundred on a purse (or, again, parents who will pick that up for you). Then you have to have the income, or the spouse with the income, to spend 3k on a Neverfull or 5k on a Cartier love bracelet. It's not a large group of people who fall into this category, but if you do fall into this category, it's all you've ever known so it just seems normal to you.

And that's the disconnect. From the outside, that looks [accurately] like deep privilege -- to have always lived with so much that there is always money to buy these status symbols and keep up with your peers. But from the inside, it's just "hey my friend has the cutest purse, I want one too." It is absolutely about buying status, sophistication, style either way, but depending on which side of that line you grew up on, that's either totally expected and normal or tacky AF. Both takes are right. Both takes are wrong. It's very subjective.

I own multiple LV bags because I love the look of them. I think the people who have the Neverfulls are sort of "entry level" and clearly can't afford the "real" LV bags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

That’s not my post, but what I don’t understand is the endless DCUM insistence that everyone is “jealous.” Designer brands are a waste of money. I would never buy them even if we were multimillionaires. Yes, really. No, it’s not “cope because you can’t afford it.”

“They’re just jealous” is the line your mom feeds you in middle school when the other girls are being “mean” to you and she says “oh honey, they’re just jealous of you.” You were supposed to grow out of believing it when you became an adult.

+1, "you're just jealous" is like "I'm rubber and you're glue." It's a childish retort to avoid actually addressing a valid criticism.

I can afford these items but would not buy them because I'd rather spend that money on almost anything else. A vacation. A piece of art. My kid's college fund. Concert tickets. I do not understand spending thousands on a basic gold bangle and a tote bag.

It's the female version of men who spend money on cars and watches. Do what you want but yes I do judge you for being shallow and bad with money.

Why are your preferences for how you spend/waste your money more valid than another woman’s?

NP but I’ll respond here by saying that the thing people object to is that folks are buying these items purely for the optics to others. They’re spending money to be seen differently, as opposed to perhaps something they actually like. Now are those things confounded, sure, but honestly why else is someone buying an easily recognizable designer item? It’s a status symbol plain and simple

This is crazy to me. We’re talking about a pretty small potatoes spending category. Like the whole “designer clothing” category could only add up to what, $50k? You’re all living in houses that differ in price by way more than that. Driving cars that differ by more than that. Paying for schools that differ by more than that. It doesn’t make sense for clothing to be a status symbol. You can buy a $20k Chanel bag if you have $21k in the bank. This is a terrible way to signal or measure “status.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

That’s not my post, but what I don’t understand is the endless DCUM insistence that everyone is “jealous.” Designer brands are a waste of money. I would never buy them even if we were multimillionaires. Yes, really. No, it’s not “cope because you can’t afford it.”

“They’re just jealous” is the line your mom feeds you in middle school when the other girls are being “mean” to you and she says “oh honey, they’re just jealous of you.” You were supposed to grow out of believing it when you became an adult.

+1, "you're just jealous" is like "I'm rubber and you're glue." It's a childish retort to avoid actually addressing a valid criticism.

I can afford these items but would not buy them because I'd rather spend that money on almost anything else. A vacation. A piece of art. My kid's college fund. Concert tickets. I do not understand spending thousands on a basic gold bangle and a tote bag.

It's the female version of men who spend money on cars and watches. Do what you want but yes I do judge you for being shallow and bad with money.

Why are your preferences for how you spend/waste your money more valid than another woman’s?

NP but I’ll respond here by saying that the thing people object to is that folks are buying these items purely for the optics to others. They’re spending money to be seen differently, as opposed to perhaps something they actually like. Now are those things confounded, sure, but honestly why else is someone buying an easily recognizable designer item? It’s a status symbol plain and simple

Why can't they like it? I mean, what kind of car do you drive? Does one have to drive a basic Honda in order to not be striving? What if they want to drive a Maserati because it's a fantastic piece of machinery? Can they do that or not because you think they're only doing it so that people see them driving a Maserati?

I don't have a Cartier love bracelet and I'm not sure if I could identify one but I do think it's possible that someone loves the way it looks and that's why they want it. I think the opposite is also true, but I don't think everyone who has designer stuff is a lemming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

I think the sensitivity stems from buying these items thinking it says something positive about them, and discovering that it may actually convey something negative.

Like I think women will covet a Cartier love bracelet thinking "if I get one of those I will look sophisticated and stylish." And then they get it and read online that many people associate that specific item with being a sheep and having no style. It's upsetting because it has the exact opposite effect they had hoped.

But that how fashion trends work and why the best advice is to never buy a trend unless you would like it even if no one else was wearing it. Because trends can turn and then you're just a fashion victim with a very expensive bracelet that seems generic and basic.

This.
But do we honestly think women buying a neverfull or a love bracelet or lulu think they are signaling style and sophistication? I have lulu leggings and just assume when I wear them people think I am being a basic b***h and that’s fine. Then have more interesting items for when I want to be more interesting

I do think women think that, actually. I think a lot of these things are aspirational. Not Lululemon but the designer stuff especially. It's a safe way to buy into a brand like LV or Cartier without making a real affirmative style choice (which could go wrong) but to still feel like you get that aura of this highly recognizable luxury brand. I think people are buying that aura when they buy these items. And it's very similar to when I was in college and a lot of women I knew would ask for those Tiffany heart lock necklaces and bracelets as gifts for birthdays and holidays. They weren't even that expensive, but they were Tiffany and that mattered to people. And in my 20s the diffusion lines of really recognizable designers were big because it was a way to get a piece of the designer pie for less -- a Marc by Marc Jacobs bag offered you a little of the coolness of MJ without the price tag. I think the love bracelet and the Neverfull is just a continuation of those same impulses, but on a bigger budget for an older woman with kids. If at every level of your life there has been these brand items that say "I belong, I've arrived," it becomes this security blanket and it's hard to let go of.

But it's only a certain kind of person who experiences this kind of life. If you don't have wealthy or UMC parents, you probably never get those Tiffany heart lock pendants. Marc by Marc might be cheaper than Marc Jacobs but it's not cheap -- you need enough disposable income in your 20s to spend a few hundred on a purse (or, again, parents who will pick that up for you). Then you have to have the income, or the spouse with the income, to spend 3k on a Neverfull or 5k on a Cartier love bracelet. It's not a large group of people who fall into this category, but if you do fall into this category, it's all you've ever known so it just seems normal to you.

And that's the disconnect. From the outside, that looks [accurately] like deep privilege -- to have always lived with so much that there is always money to buy these status symbols and keep up with your peers. But from the inside, it's just "hey my friend has the cutest purse, I want one too." It is absolutely about buying status, sophistication, style either way, but depending on which side of that line you grew up on, that's either totally expected and normal or tacky AF. Both takes are right. Both takes are wrong. It's very subjective.

I own multiple LV bags because I love the look of them. I think the people who have the Neverfulls are sort of "entry level" and clearly can't afford the "real" LV bags.

Can you recommend a few nice, practical styles/pieces? I'd like to purchase one for my mom. She's the type who would appreciate a LV and lugs around a large bag, but would probably appreciate something other than a neverfull. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

That’s not my post, but what I don’t understand is the endless DCUM insistence that everyone is “jealous.” Designer brands are a waste of money. I would never buy them even if we were multimillionaires. Yes, really. No, it’s not “cope because you can’t afford it.”

“They’re just jealous” is the line your mom feeds you in middle school when the other girls are being “mean” to you and she says “oh honey, they’re just jealous of you.” You were supposed to grow out of believing it when you became an adult.

+1, "you're just jealous" is like "I'm rubber and you're glue." It's a childish retort to avoid actually addressing a valid criticism.

I can afford these items but would not buy them because I'd rather spend that money on almost anything else. A vacation. A piece of art. My kid's college fund. Concert tickets. I do not understand spending thousands on a basic gold bangle and a tote bag.

It's the female version of men who spend money on cars and watches. Do what you want but yes I do judge you for being shallow and bad with money.

Why are your preferences for how you spend/waste your money more valid than another woman’s?

NP but I’ll respond here by saying that the thing people object to is that folks are buying these items purely for the optics to others. They’re spending money to be seen differently, as opposed to perhaps something they actually like. Now are those things confounded, sure, but honestly why else is someone buying an easily recognizable designer item? It’s a status symbol plain and simple

This is crazy to me. We’re talking about a pretty small potatoes spending category. Like the whole “designer clothing” category could only add up to what, $50k? You’re all living in houses that differ in price by way more than that. Driving cars that differ by more than that. Paying for schools that differ by more than that. It doesn’t make sense for clothing to be a status symbol. You can buy a $20k Chanel bag if you have $21k in the bank. This is a terrible way to signal or measure “status.”

Agree with this. Not to mention if yo work in certain fields you know everyone makes enough to afford this stuff if they wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That original thread was about women who wear obvious status symbols — designer bags and belts and jewelry that “if you know you know” and is meant to exhibit a certain amount of wealth and status.

I don’t hate those types but feel sorry for them. They obviously feel like they need to prove something to someone by wearing something that is recognizable as wealthy. Even worse are those who buy those things off somewhere like dhgate… (there’s a whole thing on TikTok right now about two sisters who were bragging about all the designer stuff they got for Christmas being called out for it being fake). What exactly are the trying to prove and to whom? Why are they wasting their money on that crap?

It’s a pretty bad sign to know about that though isn’t it

DP but the whole point of this stuff is that it's easy for anyone to know about it. I've never owned a Neverfull or a Tiffany love bracelet but I've just kind of absorbed what they are by osmosis. Just like 20 years ago I'd never owned a pair of Tory Burch flats or a Coach bag or a pair of 7 for all Mankind jeans, but I could recognize any of them on sight because they were so ubiquitous.

Even my mom, who has never owned designer anything and thinks it's all a waste of money (she can afford it and then some, she just doesn't care and wear Lands End and clothes from Target mostly) knows what some of the more well known branded items are.

The whole point of wearing this stuff is that everyone knows what it is, where it came from, and how much it cost.

I disagree to a certain point. What if I simply find an item appealing so I want it because I like the way it looks?

For example, I love Aviator Nation sweats. They're stupid expensive but they're insanely comfortable and cute. I generally wear them around the house so it's not like I'm trying to make a statement in my expensive sweats at the store or something, but I didn't buy them so that people would recognize the brand, although they're very easily identifiable.

THis isn't about one or two items...it's about a head to toe "look."

That's fair I guess. But if I see a woman and I think she looks really good, I might want to copy her look without understanding that her Golden Goose tennis shoes are a hot ticket item to some people. I have definitely seen women before who I thought looked amazing and I would have copied their look head to toe whether it cost $50 or $5000. In other words, I liked how it looked without knowing how much it costs or what the brands were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That original thread was about women who wear obvious status symbols — designer bags and belts and jewelry that “if you know you know” and is meant to exhibit a certain amount of wealth and status.

I don’t hate those types but feel sorry for them. They obviously feel like they need to prove something to someone by wearing something that is recognizable as wealthy. Even worse are those who buy those things off somewhere like dhgate… (there’s a whole thing on TikTok right now about two sisters who were bragging about all the designer stuff they got for Christmas being called out for it being fake). What exactly are the trying to prove and to whom? Why are they wasting their money on that crap?

It’s a pretty bad sign to know about that though isn’t it

DP but the whole point of this stuff is that it's easy for anyone to know about it. I've never owned a Neverfull or a Tiffany love bracelet but I've just kind of absorbed what they are by osmosis. Just like 20 years ago I'd never owned a pair of Tory Burch flats or a Coach bag or a pair of 7 for all Mankind jeans, but I could recognize any of them on sight because they were so ubiquitous.

Even my mom, who has never owned designer anything and thinks it's all a waste of money (she can afford it and then some, she just doesn't care and wear Lands End and clothes from Target mostly) knows what some of the more well known branded items are.

The whole point of wearing this stuff is that everyone knows what it is, where it came from, and how much it cost.

I disagree to a certain point. What if I simply find an item appealing so I want it because I like the way it looks?

For example, I love Aviator Nation sweats. They're stupid expensive but they're insanely comfortable and cute. I generally wear them around the house so it's not like I'm trying to make a statement in my expensive sweats at the store or something, but I didn't buy them so that people would recognize the brand, although they're very easily identifiable.

this shows exactly why you aren't this "kind of woman" we're talking about. This "kind of woman" has moved on from Aviator Nation already.

Well that is excellent news to me because that means I won't be confused for that kind of woman!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS: But don't horse people mostly welcome other people who want to join? The more people who are into horses, and thus the more horses, the better.

I get the sense that horse people would be just fine if everyone became a horse person. No problem there -- it's not an identity that relies on an out group to establish the in group. It just isn't that, at its core.

First, not really, because the more people the more competition. I know a mom whose daughter is dying to get into pony finals so she wants the division to be as small as possible (while still having the 3 ponies required for points to count). When a new family moved here and their daughter rode in the same division she was not nice to them because she viewed her as competition.

Also, there are horse people (who ride) and then there are pony moms (also horse moms, but the pony moms are the worst). It's like Dance Moms (which I've never watched but am familiar with) except with animals.

I have a lowly OneK and don’t do horsey fashion, but that is the least of my extravagance. I built a barn and large indoor so my trainer could move her business to my place, got sick of all the drama and fired her, and now have a lovely big Euro stall barn and indoor with perfect $$$$$ footing all for myself and my 2 riding horses. I take lessons from my new GP trainer by Pivo and nobody bothers me. I could buy out an Hermes store for what this cost me, no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is funny because the truth is people don't hate this kind of woman and especially not on DCUM. Her entire look is designed to be broadly pleasing.

I have genuinely unique style. I wear a lot of oversized menswear. I love Japanese brands. I love a severe haircut, statement glasses, and weird purses. I do not dress for men (a lot of my clothes totally conceal my body even though I'm in great shape) nor do I dress for other women. I dress for myself, for comfort, to make myself smile when I look in a mirror, to experiment with colors or shapes or patterns, to evoke a mood or to remind myself of a favorite movie or work of art.

Lots of people HATE the way I dress. It actually makes some people visibly angry. I have had total stranger or acquaintances challenge me on my appearance. "Why would you cut your hair like that?" "Why do you wear such baggy clothes?" I've also had people I know criticize me endlessly -- "can't you just wear a regular dress?" or "why do you dress like a man?"

I don't care. This is who I am, I like it. It brings me joy.

The idea that a thin, rich white woman wearing this-season Lululemon, and Cartier bracelet, and with long highlighted blonde hair and Kardashian-inspired contouring is somehow a fashion pariah is laughable. Are you seriously so sensitive to criticism that you can't deal with the occasional eye roll about your totally unoriginal and trend-following style being... well, unoriginal and trend-following? You need a thicker skin.

How do you feel about a woman who feels just as empowered and awesome as you do in your unique style who wears trendy/brand name clothes and jewelry? Because what if she likes the way she looks in those clothes just as much as you do in yours?

Then, like me, she shouldn't care if people dislike it. Literally people will tell me, to my face, that they don't like my clothes or hair. I do not care. It's not for them.

I think the whole Lulu/Neverfull/Cartier/highlights/manicure/etc lol I'd boring. I'm not a jerk so I don't run around confronting anyone about it, but that's just my personal, immediate reaction -- dull, unoriginal. I don't dislike the woman wearing, it is just not my style cup of tea. But I also know my opinion doesn't matter. I would hope the woman wearing this outfit would know that too.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is a "thing" around here the way it is elsewhere...my friends who moved to Salt Lake City, they all look like they could be a lost Skalla sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

That’s not my post, but what I don’t understand is the endless DCUM insistence that everyone is “jealous.” Designer brands are a waste of money. I would never buy them even if we were multimillionaires. Yes, really. No, it’s not “cope because you can’t afford it.”

“They’re just jealous” is the line your mom feeds you in middle school when the other girls are being “mean” to you and she says “oh honey, they’re just jealous of you.” You were supposed to grow out of believing it when you became an adult.

+1, "you're just jealous" is like "I'm rubber and you're glue." It's a childish retort to avoid actually addressing a valid criticism.

I can afford these items but would not buy them because I'd rather spend that money on almost anything else. A vacation. A piece of art. My kid's college fund. Concert tickets. I do not understand spending thousands on a basic gold bangle and a tote bag.

It's the female version of men who spend money on cars and watches. Do what you want but yes I do judge you for being shallow and bad with money.

Why are your preferences for how you spend/waste your money more valid than another woman’s?

NP but I’ll respond here by saying that the thing people object to is that folks are buying these items purely for the optics to others. They’re spending money to be seen differently, as opposed to perhaps something they actually like. Now are those things confounded, sure, but honestly why else is someone buying an easily recognizable designer item? It’s a status symbol plain and simple

This is crazy to me. We’re talking about a pretty small potatoes spending category. Like the whole “designer clothing” category could only add up to what, $50k? You’re all living in houses that differ in price by way more than that. Driving cars that differ by more than that. Paying for schools that differ by more than that. It doesn’t make sense for clothing to be a status symbol. You can buy a $20k Chanel bag if you have $21k in the bank. This is a terrible way to signal or measure “status.”

Agree with this. Not to mention if yo work in certain fields you know everyone makes enough to afford this stuff if they wanted to.

I don't hate someone who dresses this way but I do often think "do better." And that's specifically because I know what this stuff costs and I know the person in question can afford it. And I also know that of you can afford to do this look head to toe, you cabe the money and resources to dress soooo much better.

I like fashion and I like seeing people in interesting and stylish clothes. I don't consider the look being discussed on this thread to be interesting or stylish, so to me it's a missed opportunity. Here's a person with the money, time, and interest to look truly stylish, but they are defaulting to these generic rich lady items and style choices.

Basically I want this women to trade in her bracelets for a decent stylist and find a look that is more original and stylish. I'd never say that out loud but I'm also not going to gush over someone's generic, label-heavy and style-light outfit. Sorry not sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

I think the sensitivity stems from buying these items thinking it says something positive about them, and discovering that it may actually convey something negative.

Like I think women will covet a Cartier love bracelet thinking "if I get one of those I will look sophisticated and stylish." And then they get it and read online that many people associate that specific item with being a sheep and having no style. It's upsetting because it has the exact opposite effect they had hoped.

But that how fashion trends work and why the best advice is to never buy a trend unless you would like it even if no one else was wearing it. Because trends can turn and then you're just a fashion victim with a very expensive bracelet that seems generic and basic.

This.
But do we honestly think women buying a neverfull or a love bracelet or lulu think they are signaling style and sophistication? I have lulu leggings and just assume when I wear them people think I am being a basic b***h and that’s fine. Then have more interesting items for when I want to be more interesting

I do think women think that, actually. I think a lot of these things are aspirational. Not Lululemon but the designer stuff especially. It's a safe way to buy into a brand like LV or Cartier without making a real affirmative style choice (which could go wrong) but to still feel like you get that aura of this highly recognizable luxury brand. I think people are buying that aura when they buy these items. And it's very similar to when I was in college and a lot of women I knew would ask for those Tiffany heart lock necklaces and bracelets as gifts for birthdays and holidays. They weren't even that expensive, but they were Tiffany and that mattered to people. And in my 20s the diffusion lines of really recognizable designers were big because it was a way to get a piece of the designer pie for less -- a Marc by Marc Jacobs bag offered you a little of the coolness of MJ without the price tag. I think the love bracelet and the Neverfull is just a continuation of those same impulses, but on a bigger budget for an older woman with kids. If at every level of your life there has been these brand items that say "I belong, I've arrived," it becomes this security blanket and it's hard to let go of.

But it's only a certain kind of person who experiences this kind of life. If you don't have wealthy or UMC parents, you probably never get those Tiffany heart lock pendants. Marc by Marc might be cheaper than Marc Jacobs but it's not cheap -- you need enough disposable income in your 20s to spend a few hundred on a purse (or, again, parents who will pick that up for you). Then you have to have the income, or the spouse with the income, to spend 3k on a Neverfull or 5k on a Cartier love bracelet. It's not a large group of people who fall into this category, but if you do fall into this category, it's all you've ever known so it just seems normal to you.

And that's the disconnect. From the outside, that looks [accurately] like deep privilege -- to have always lived with so much that there is always money to buy these status symbols and keep up with your peers. But from the inside, it's just "hey my friend has the cutest purse, I want one too." It is absolutely about buying status, sophistication, style either way, but depending on which side of that line you grew up on, that's either totally expected and normal or tacky AF. Both takes are right. Both takes are wrong. It's very subjective.

I own multiple LV bags because I love the look of them. I think the people who have the Neverfulls are sort of "entry level" and clearly can't afford the "real" LV bags.

I think most people like to look like they fit in. They may not have that as their conscious motivation - though they may - but it's also a matter of picking up cues from people in your ambit about what looks good, what signifies being part of the in group, what is "normal," what is pretty, etc. The group influences each other. I think that gets diluted a bit by "influencers" convincing everyone around the country to buy and wear the same thing - but take a look at a bunch of girls or women walking down the street together. They will almost always be dressed very similarly, if not exactly like each other. You can make fun of it, or just recognize that it's a normal human impulse to try to belong - and that outward appearance is a part of that.

The women dressed head to toe in this designer stuff are trying to belong - or do belong - in groups where that's the uniform. It's not really more complicated than that. They think they "like" these things - but they like it because they've been socialized to like it, for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is funny because the truth is people don't hate this kind of woman and especially not on DCUM. Her entire look is designed to be broadly pleasing.

I have genuinely unique style. I wear a lot of oversized menswear. I love Japanese brands. I love a severe haircut, statement glasses, and weird purses. I do not dress for men (a lot of my clothes totally conceal my body even though I'm in great shape) nor do I dress for other women. I dress for myself, for comfort, to make myself smile when I look in a mirror, to experiment with colors or shapes or patterns, to evoke a mood or to remind myself of a favorite movie or work of art.

Lots of people HATE the way I dress. It actually makes some people visibly angry. I have had total stranger or acquaintances challenge me on my appearance. "Why would you cut your hair like that?" "Why do you wear such baggy clothes?" I've also had people I know criticize me endlessly -- "can't you just wear a regular dress?" or "why do you dress like a man?"

I don't care. This is who I am, I like it. It brings me joy.

The idea that a thin, rich white woman wearing this-season Lululemon, and Cartier bracelet, and with long highlighted blonde hair and Kardashian-inspired contouring is somehow a fashion pariah is laughable. Are you seriously so sensitive to criticism that you can't deal with the occasional eye roll about your totally unoriginal and trend-following style being... well, unoriginal and trend-following? You need a thicker skin.

How do you feel about a woman who feels just as empowered and awesome as you do in your unique style who wears trendy/brand name clothes and jewelry? Because what if she likes the way she looks in those clothes just as much as you do in yours?

Then, like me, she shouldn't care if people dislike it. Literally people will tell me, to my face, that they don't like my clothes or hair. I do not care. It's not for them.

I think the whole Lulu/Neverfull/Cartier/highlights/manicure/etc lol I'd boring. I'm not a jerk so I don't run around confronting anyone about it, but that's just my personal, immediate reaction -- dull, unoriginal. I don't dislike the woman wearing, it is just not my style cup of tea. But I also know my opinion doesn't matter. I would hope the woman wearing this outfit would know that too.

And she probably finds you high maintenance and exhausting. But as you said, it doesn't matter what she thinks.

[Anonymous]

our looking for a male perspective? Men don't care about your jewelry and most of us don't know a $20 handbag from a $1,000 designer purse. We do notice your clothes, heels, figure, face, eyes and attitude. Wear that crap to impress, or piss off your women friends. We don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our looking for a male perspective? Men don't care about your jewelry and most of us don't know a $20 handbag from a $1,000 designer purse. We do notice your clothes, heels, figure, face, eyes and attitude. Wear that crap to impress, or piss off your women friends. We don't care.

Actually we do all kinds of things all day that aren’t about trying to get you to want to f$& us! It’s amazing to think about.