S/O - Why does DCUM hate this kind of woman so much?

[Anonymous]

Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

ETA - I posted this in Relationships because I would also love to get a male perspective.

[Anonymous]

For me it’s a childhood thing. This is the kind of girl and woman that my mom always wanted me to be, and I could never really pull it off.
People act like this is easy, but it’s kind of hard to pull off. Your hair has to be expensively, tastefully, and recently highlighted, and your lulu pants have to hit at the right place on your ankle over the right kind of shoes. If you don’t do it right, you look like a cheap knock-off.

I don’t know that it’s jealousy, although it definitely was when I was a teenager. It’s more like I spent a lot of formative years consciously deciding that this isn’t someone that I really want to be, and it’s hard to reevaluate as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Your post is confusing. Who is getting hated on? The OP who left? The cousin in question, who posters defended? Or the person saying they liked the cousin's style?

[Anonymous]

Not that it matters, but I wouldn’t recognize the bracelet and necklace mentioned in the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not that it matters, but I wouldn’t recognize the bracelet and necklace mentioned in the post.

Me either. I still don't understand what a tennis bracelet is. I played tennis and took off my watch when I played - can't imagine wearing any sort of fancy bracelet!

[Anonymous]

Because DCUM (the people who use it, not the site itself) hates women! It's just a reflection of our society

[Anonymous]

I think your highlighted paragraph is hilarious. Whoever wrote that is funny.

[Anonymous]

It just comes off as so basic and materialistic. Too each her own, but just not my kind of person.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a dog in that game. I have a very different life, and that's not really in my life vocabulary.

However, I think it's about what goes with this matrix, not really the goods themselves. There's a ladder of accepted things and ways to be. If you march up that ladder in pretty much perfect order, one of two things is true:

1. You just happen to be naturally drawn to this particular ladder of an aesthetic, regardless of anything else, and in remarkably exact detail

or

2. You are deliberately making those choices (as PP said, it's a real commitment) and for whatever reason, buy into this very rigid hierarchy of what is acceptable. Maybe you want to win, maybe you want to fit in and not get hurt, or maybe it's something else -- but you buy into it, live it, and promote it by engaging in it. And that's fine, but people who would rather see more diversity and acceptance of a less rigid and hierarchical social structure are not going to be drawn to you.

But that's for the women who are checking off all the tick-tack boxes in a row. More power to them, but it's not my thing. I like a different style of being in the world, and that's fine, too.

[Anonymous]

This site is full of hypocrisy OP, I've stopped trying to make sense of it. There are posts after posts about how evil men are and misogyny and yet there are posts after posts of women being vile to each other.

The people who judge someone because of how they dress or what they look like are insecure nitwits. For whatever reason, the stereotypical wealthy soccer mom seems to set people off the most. I mean just look at 1622, it's still a dig at people who wear a tennis bracelet and pp is trying to be all "I'm not like other girls".

I have no dog in this fight. I don't own any of the things mentioned. I just find it ridiculous how grown adult women behave on this site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It just comes off as so basic and materialistic. Too each her own, but just not my kind of person.

I just don't get why you're judging someone based on what they are wearing. Aren't we old enough to know not to do that? My friends have varying degrees of styles. Some are no make up shop at Target types and others have a bunch of designer stuff. I can't imagine just immediately deciding someone "wasn't my kind of person" based on how they dressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that it matters, but I wouldn’t recognize the bracelet and necklace mentioned in the post.

Me either. I still don't understand what a tennis bracelet is. I played tennis and took off my watch when I played - can't imagine wearing any sort of fancy bracelet!

Because Chris Evert liked to play tennis wearing a diamond bracelet, which she once lost during a match.

https://www.borsheims.com/blog/what-is-a-tennis-bracelet/

[Anonymous]

Because the women who wear “the uniform” are oftentimes also the ones who judge the ones who don’t. It starts in middle school and never ends.

Clothing, accessories, cars - they are all chosen to send a certain message about how much social capital one has or wants to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This site is full of hypocrisy OP, I've stopped trying to make sense of it. There are posts after posts about how evil men are and misogyny and yet there are posts after posts of women being vile to each other.

The people who judge someone because of how they dress or what they look like are insecure nitwits. For whatever reason, the stereotypical wealthy soccer mom seems to set people off the most. I mean just look at 1622, it's still a dig at people who wear a tennis bracelet and pp is trying to be all "I'm not like other girls".

I have no dog in this fight. I don't own any of the things mentioned. I just find it ridiculous how grown adult women behave on this site.

I'm the PP above you, and I don't disagree with any of this. I just believe it is understandable.

I'm myself "not like other girls," but that's not a cool thing. I'm socially awkward, probably ASD adjacent, have very niche skills, and built a life for myself around work and specific interests. It's fine. I like it. It works for me, but it's not cool or enviable. It's just the space where I can do best for myself -- I couldn't climb that particular ladder if I dedicated my life to it.