Reply to S/O - Why does DCUM hate this kind of woman so much?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

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An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too. [/quote]

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.[/quote]

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now? [/quote]

I think the sensitivity stems from buying these items thinking it says something positive about them, and discovering that it may actually convey something negative.

Like I think women will covet a Cartier love bracelet thinking "if I get one of those I will look sophisticated and stylish." And then they get it and read online that many people associate that specific item with being a sheep and having no style. It's upsetting because it has the exact opposite effect they had hoped.

But that how fashion trends work and why the best advice is to never buy a trend unless you would like it even if no one else was wearing it. Because trends can turn and then you're just a fashion victim with a very expensive bracelet that seems generic and basic.[/quote]

This. 
But do we honestly think women buying a neverfull or a love bracelet or lulu think they are signaling style and sophistication? I have lulu leggings and just assume when I wear them people think I am being a basic b***h and that’s fine. Then have more interesting items for when I want to be more interesting [/quote]

I do think women think that, actually. I think a lot of these things are aspirational. Not Lululemon but the designer stuff especially. It's a safe way to buy into a brand like LV or Cartier without making a real affirmative style choice (which could go wrong) but to still feel like you get that aura of this highly recognizable luxury brand. I think people are buying that aura when they buy these items. And it's very similar to when I was in college and a lot of women I knew would ask for those Tiffany heart lock necklaces and bracelets as gifts for birthdays and holidays. They weren't even that expensive, but they were Tiffany and that mattered to people. And in my 20s the diffusion lines of really recognizable designers were big because it was a way to get a piece of the designer pie for less -- a Marc by Marc Jacobs bag offered you a little of the coolness of MJ without the price tag. I think the love bracelet and the Neverfull is just a continuation of those same impulses, but on a bigger budget for an older woman with kids. If at every level of your life there has been these brand items that say "I belong, I've arrived," it becomes this security blanket and it's hard to let go of.

But it's only a certain kind of person who experiences this kind of life. If you don't have wealthy or UMC parents, you probably never get those Tiffany heart lock pendants. Marc by Marc might be cheaper than Marc Jacobs but it's not cheap -- you need enough disposable income in your 20s to spend a few hundred on a purse (or, again, parents who will pick that up for you). Then you have to have the income, or the spouse with the income, to spend 3k on a Neverfull or 5k on a Cartier love bracelet. It's not a large group of people who fall into this category, but if you do fall into this category, it's all you've ever known so it just seems normal to you.

And that's the disconnect. From the outside, that looks [accurately] like deep privilege -- to have always lived with so much that there is always money to buy these status symbols and keep up with your peers. But from the inside, it's just "hey my friend has the cutest purse, I want one too." It is absolutely about buying status, sophistication, style either way, but depending on which side of that line you grew up on, that's either totally expected and normal or tacky AF. Both takes are right. Both takes are wrong. It's very subjective.[/quote]

I own multiple LV bags because I love the look of them. I think the people who have the Neverfulls are sort of "entry level" and clearly can't afford the "real" LV bags. [/quote]

I think most people like to look like they fit in. They may not have that as their conscious motivation - though they may - but it's also a matter of picking up cues from people in your ambit about what looks good, what signifies being part of the in group, what is "normal," what is pretty, etc. The group influences each other. I think that gets diluted a bit by "influencers" convincing everyone around the country to buy and wear the same thing - but take a look at a bunch of girls or women walking down the street together. They will almost always be dressed very similarly, if not exactly like each other. You can make fun of it, or just recognize that it's a normal human impulse to try to belong - and that outward appearance is a part of that.

The women dressed head to toe in this designer stuff are trying to belong - or do belong - in groups where that's the uniform. It's not really more complicated than that. They think they "like" these things - but they like it because they've been socialized to like it, for the most part. 
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