S/O - Why does DCUM hate this kind of woman so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just plain jealousy. Sorry, if OP had tried harder they too could have married well and had all those "designer" things that they clearly value (though they pretend to not!)

When you are sitting in your own pool of urine, I guess everything smells like pee to you.

Some of the posters have admitted jealousy. It may not be the only reason but it is definitely a reason.

Sure. Jealousy exists. Some people here are probably jealous, just like some people offline. But it's not true that it's all just jealousy, as that PP indicated -- god, sometimes it's just so tedious and tiresome. Why would I be jealous of something my gut core tells me is inane?

I'm not going to rant at someone IRL, of course, and my eyerolls will be controlled. But ye gods, enough with the "mommy told me the others girls are all just jealous!" schtick. Ew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just plain jealousy. Sorry, if OP had tried harder they too could have married well and had all those "designer" things that they clearly value (though they pretend to not!)

When you are sitting in your own pool of urine, I guess everything smells like pee to you.

Some of the posters have admitted jealousy. It may not be the only reason but it is definitely a reason.

Sure. Jealousy exists. Some people here are probably jealous, just like some people offline. But it's not true that it's all just jealousy, as that PP indicated -- god, sometimes it's just so tedious and tiresome. Why would I be jealous of something my gut core tells me is inane?

I'm not going to rant at someone IRL, of course, and my eyerolls will be controlled. But ye gods, enough with the "mommy told me the others girls are all just jealous!" schtick. Ew.

+1

And why would I be jealous of something I could easily have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

That’s not my post, but what I don’t understand is the endless DCUM insistence that everyone is “jealous.” Designer brands are a waste of money. I would never buy them even if we were multimillionaires. Yes, really. No, it’s not “cope because you can’t afford it.”

“They’re just jealous” is the line your mom feeds you in middle school when the other girls are being “mean” to you and she says “oh honey, they’re just jealous of you.” You were supposed to grow out of believing it when you became an adult.

+1, "you're just jealous" is like "I'm rubber and you're glue." It's a childish retort to avoid actually addressing a valid criticism.

I can afford these items but would not buy them because I'd rather spend that money on almost anything else. A vacation. A piece of art. My kid's college fund. Concert tickets. I do not understand spending thousands on a basic gold bangle and a tote bag.

It's the female version of men who spend money on cars and watches. Do what you want but yes I do judge you for being shallow and bad with money.

Why are your preferences for how you spend/waste your money more valid than another woman’s?

NP but I’ll respond here by saying that the thing people object to is that folks are buying these items purely for the optics to others. They’re spending money to be seen differently, as opposed to perhaps something they actually like. Now are those things confounded, sure, but honestly why else is someone buying an easily recognizable designer item? It’s a status symbol plain and simple

IMO this is no different than the typical DCUM poster’s obsession with status (and status signaling) wrt their kids’ college choices. And that probably costs a hell of a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

That’s not my post, but what I don’t understand is the endless DCUM insistence that everyone is “jealous.” Designer brands are a waste of money. I would never buy them even if we were multimillionaires. Yes, really. No, it’s not “cope because you can’t afford it.”

“They’re just jealous” is the line your mom feeds you in middle school when the other girls are being “mean” to you and she says “oh honey, they’re just jealous of you.” You were supposed to grow out of believing it when you became an adult.

+1, "you're just jealous" is like "I'm rubber and you're glue." It's a childish retort to avoid actually addressing a valid criticism.

I can afford these items but would not buy them because I'd rather spend that money on almost anything else. A vacation. A piece of art. My kid's college fund. Concert tickets. I do not understand spending thousands on a basic gold bangle and a tote bag.

It's the female version of men who spend money on cars and watches. Do what you want but yes I do judge you for being shallow and bad with money.

Why are your preferences for how you spend/waste your money more valid than another woman’s?

NP but I’ll respond here by saying that the thing people object to is that folks are buying these items purely for the optics to others. They’re spending money to be seen differently, as opposed to perhaps something they actually like. Now are those things confounded, sure, but honestly why else is someone buying an easily recognizable designer item? It’s a status symbol plain and simple

IMO this is no different than the typical DCUM poster’s obsession with status (and status signaling) wrt their kids’ college choices. And that probably costs a hell of a lot more.

In this wild, wide world, we can indeed call both pretty inane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

That’s not my post, but what I don’t understand is the endless DCUM insistence that everyone is “jealous.” Designer brands are a waste of money. I would never buy them even if we were multimillionaires. Yes, really. No, it’s not “cope because you can’t afford it.”

“They’re just jealous” is the line your mom feeds you in middle school when the other girls are being “mean” to you and she says “oh honey, they’re just jealous of you.” You were supposed to grow out of believing it when you became an adult.

+1, "you're just jealous" is like "I'm rubber and you're glue." It's a childish retort to avoid actually addressing a valid criticism.

I can afford these items but would not buy them because I'd rather spend that money on almost anything else. A vacation. A piece of art. My kid's college fund. Concert tickets. I do not understand spending thousands on a basic gold bangle and a tote bag.

It's the female version of men who spend money on cars and watches. Do what you want but yes I do judge you for being shallow and bad with money.

Why are your preferences for how you spend/waste your money more valid than another woman’s?

NP but I’ll respond here by saying that the thing people object to is that folks are buying these items purely for the optics to others. They’re spending money to be seen differently, as opposed to perhaps something they actually like. Now are those things confounded, sure, but honestly why else is someone buying an easily recognizable designer item? It’s a status symbol plain and simple

IMO this is no different than the typical DCUM poster’s obsession with status (and status signaling) wrt their kids’ college choices. And that probably costs a hell of a lot more.

I agree it's no different and both exhaust me.

This area can be incredibly status-conscious in a lot of ways and it's all kind of BS. I don't have an issue with anyone calling it out however it manifests. I don't have a problem with people calling me out on it when I engage in it, which I do sometimes when I'm feeling insecure or threatened. It's a bad impulse.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is full of bitter, unhappy people who are not representative of anyone I know in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is full of bitter, unhappy people who are not representative of anyone I know in real life.

That you know of… I bet you that your friends are on here, too. Anonymous forums let people say what they really think without the pleasantries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Horsey people are a different beast entirely, and there's a lot of quirk accepted there.

This made me laugh. There are two types of horsey women (in the hunter world, I can't speak to the others) - those who ride and those whose daughters ride. I actually commented upthread about a group of women I know who all dress similarly and they are those whose daughters ride. We actually joked the other day about a "Hollybrook Farm starter kit" (not the actual barn's name) that would contain the necessary items to fit in there. It was spot on. I am much happier being a mom who also rides and therefore isn't concerned with wearing $600 sneakers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS: But don't horse people mostly welcome other people who want to join? The more people who are into horses, and thus the more horses, the better.

I get the sense that horse people would be just fine if everyone became a horse person. No problem there -- it's not an identity that relies on an out group to establish the in group. It just isn't that, at its core.

First, not really, because the more people the more competition. I know a mom whose daughter is dying to get into pony finals so she wants the division to be as small as possible (while still having the 3 ponies required for points to count). When a new family moved here and their daughter rode in the same division she was not nice to them because she viewed her as competition.

Also, there are horse people (who ride) and then there are pony moms (also horse moms, but the pony moms are the worst). It's like Dance Moms (which I've never watched but am familiar with) except with animals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Horsey people are a different beast entirely, and there's a lot of quirk accepted there.

I bought a samshield even though I know it’s dumb so I’m not here to shade anyone’s handbag choices.

I have two. They're good looking helmets! And honestly, a Charles Owen is even more expensive (and I think they're ugly).

My daughters just asked for Samshields and I caved only because they needed new helmets and I found some on a good deal online because at that point the price differential between the OneKs they have now and the Samshields wasn't that big.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That original thread was about women who wear obvious status symbols — designer bags and belts and jewelry that “if you know you know” and is meant to exhibit a certain amount of wealth and status.

I don’t hate those types but feel sorry for them. They obviously feel like they need to prove something to someone by wearing something that is recognizable as wealthy. Even worse are those who buy those things off somewhere like dhgate… (there’s a whole thing on TikTok right now about two sisters who were bragging about all the designer stuff they got for Christmas being called out for it being fake). What exactly are the trying to prove and to whom? Why are they wasting their money on that crap?

It’s a pretty bad sign to know about that though isn’t it

DP but the whole point of this stuff is that it's easy for anyone to know about it. I've never owned a Neverfull or a Tiffany love bracelet but I've just kind of absorbed what they are by osmosis. Just like 20 years ago I'd never owned a pair of Tory Burch flats or a Coach bag or a pair of 7 for all Mankind jeans, but I could recognize any of them on sight because they were so ubiquitous.

Even my mom, who has never owned designer anything and thinks it's all a waste of money (she can afford it and then some, she just doesn't care and wear Lands End and clothes from Target mostly) knows what some of the more well known branded items are.

The whole point of wearing this stuff is that everyone knows what it is, where it came from, and how much it cost.

I disagree to a certain point. What if I simply find an item appealing so I want it because I like the way it looks?

For example, I love Aviator Nation sweats. They're stupid expensive but they're insanely comfortable and cute. I generally wear them around the house so it's not like I'm trying to make a statement in my expensive sweats at the store or something, but I didn't buy them so that people would recognize the brand, although they're very easily identifiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That original thread was about women who wear obvious status symbols — designer bags and belts and jewelry that “if you know you know” and is meant to exhibit a certain amount of wealth and status.

I don’t hate those types but feel sorry for them. They obviously feel like they need to prove something to someone by wearing something that is recognizable as wealthy. Even worse are those who buy those things off somewhere like dhgate… (there’s a whole thing on TikTok right now about two sisters who were bragging about all the designer stuff they got for Christmas being called out for it being fake). What exactly are the trying to prove and to whom? Why are they wasting their money on that crap?

It’s a pretty bad sign to know about that though isn’t it

DP but the whole point of this stuff is that it's easy for anyone to know about it. I've never owned a Neverfull or a Tiffany love bracelet but I've just kind of absorbed what they are by osmosis. Just like 20 years ago I'd never owned a pair of Tory Burch flats or a Coach bag or a pair of 7 for all Mankind jeans, but I could recognize any of them on sight because they were so ubiquitous.

Even my mom, who has never owned designer anything and thinks it's all a waste of money (she can afford it and then some, she just doesn't care and wear Lands End and clothes from Target mostly) knows what some of the more well known branded items are.

The whole point of wearing this stuff is that everyone knows what it is, where it came from, and how much it cost.

I disagree to a certain point. What if I simply find an item appealing so I want it because I like the way it looks?

For example, I love Aviator Nation sweats. They're stupid expensive but they're insanely comfortable and cute. I generally wear them around the house so it's not like I'm trying to make a statement in my expensive sweats at the store or something, but I didn't buy them so that people would recognize the brand, although they're very easily identifiable.

THis isn't about one or two items...it's about a head to toe "look."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is funny because the truth is people don't hate this kind of woman and especially not on DCUM. Her entire look is designed to be broadly pleasing.

I have genuinely unique style. I wear a lot of oversized menswear. I love Japanese brands. I love a severe haircut, statement glasses, and weird purses. I do not dress for men (a lot of my clothes totally conceal my body even though I'm in great shape) nor do I dress for other women. I dress for myself, for comfort, to make myself smile when I look in a mirror, to experiment with colors or shapes or patterns, to evoke a mood or to remind myself of a favorite movie or work of art.

Lots of people HATE the way I dress. It actually makes some people visibly angry. I have had total stranger or acquaintances challenge me on my appearance. "Why would you cut your hair like that?" "Why do you wear such baggy clothes?" I've also had people I know criticize me endlessly -- "can't you just wear a regular dress?" or "why do you dress like a man?"

I don't care. This is who I am, I like it. It brings me joy.

The idea that a thin, rich white woman wearing this-season Lululemon, and Cartier bracelet, and with long highlighted blonde hair and Kardashian-inspired contouring is somehow a fashion pariah is laughable. Are you seriously so sensitive to criticism that you can't deal with the occasional eye roll about your totally unoriginal and trend-following style being... well, unoriginal and trend-following? You need a thicker skin.

How do you feel about a woman who feels just as empowered and awesome as you do in your unique style who wears trendy/brand name clothes and jewelry? Because what if she likes the way she looks in those clothes just as much as you do in yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That original thread was about women who wear obvious status symbols — designer bags and belts and jewelry that “if you know you know” and is meant to exhibit a certain amount of wealth and status.

I don’t hate those types but feel sorry for them. They obviously feel like they need to prove something to someone by wearing something that is recognizable as wealthy. Even worse are those who buy those things off somewhere like dhgate… (there’s a whole thing on TikTok right now about two sisters who were bragging about all the designer stuff they got for Christmas being called out for it being fake). What exactly are the trying to prove and to whom? Why are they wasting their money on that crap?

It’s a pretty bad sign to know about that though isn’t it

DP but the whole point of this stuff is that it's easy for anyone to know about it. I've never owned a Neverfull or a Tiffany love bracelet but I've just kind of absorbed what they are by osmosis. Just like 20 years ago I'd never owned a pair of Tory Burch flats or a Coach bag or a pair of 7 for all Mankind jeans, but I could recognize any of them on sight because they were so ubiquitous.

Even my mom, who has never owned designer anything and thinks it's all a waste of money (she can afford it and then some, she just doesn't care and wear Lands End and clothes from Target mostly) knows what some of the more well known branded items are.

The whole point of wearing this stuff is that everyone knows what it is, where it came from, and how much it cost.

I disagree to a certain point. What if I simply find an item appealing so I want it because I like the way it looks?

For example, I love Aviator Nation sweats. They're stupid expensive but they're insanely comfortable and cute. I generally wear them around the house so it's not like I'm trying to make a statement in my expensive sweats at the store or something, but I didn't buy them so that people would recognize the brand, although they're very easily identifiable.

this shows exactly why you aren't this "kind of woman" we're talking about. This "kind of woman" has moved on from Aviator Nation already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like being a sheep, so I seek out things I actually like. I tend to favor items that are unique, hard to find. Other women seem to admire that.
Women who feel they have to wear the label everyone else is wearing are just obviously trying to ft in and show off, why not be yourself?

I think the issue is that a lot of women don't have a unique self to be. This is who they are -- sheep who will buy and wear what they were told by the powers that be, which in this case are other women who similarly are risk averse and unoriginal.

Let the lemmings run.

I love unique jewelry but am otherwise pretty basic in my style.

I don’t think women are “sheep,” exactly. But having “unique” style takes a pretty high investment of time and energy and experimentation. Even fairly wealthy women may not be interested in that. It’s like dressing for work- sometimes I want a uniform type outfit because I want my morning routine to be quick. For a lot of women that basic look is attractive enough and quick enough to figure out. I don’t begrudge anyone that.

Sure. I have a work uniform. It consists of blouses from Nordstrom, dress pants and skirts and cardigans and blazers etc. Not. Single one of them is from an “It” brand or conspicuously displays a label. Going out of one’s way to wear the coveted items is different than just wanting to simplify.

That’s not what I mean by simplify. I mean that when I travel I go out of my way to find expensive hand made jewelry that catches my eye. I want it to be seen on me and I love when I get compliments.

Another woman will buy a Cartier bracelet because she wants to be seen and she wants people around her to be aware of her social standing. She doesn’t want to wander around some market in the third world in 100 degree heat looking for a silver collar, she just wants to look pretty. She doesn’t want to search for some outfit that is “unique,” she just wants to buy something from lululemon that shows off that she doesn’t skip leg day.

None of this is a problem, none of this says anything particularly important about anyone.

I’d be surprised if you really believed this. There are tons of ways to be pretty and show you don’t skip leg day than buying lululemon leggings or whatever the latest in athleisure is. In fact, it was only about that, you would never need to go to whatever the next latest brand is.

I've tried multiple Lululemon pieces and never loved them. Maybe it's because I'm not a size 0, but for some reason I just don't think their clothes look fantastic on me so instead I've found other brands that are actually more expensive but that aren't as well known. I get compliments all the time and when people ask for the brand I tell them and they've never heard of it. I bought the leggings or the tops because I really liked the way they looked on me, period. I would have gone with the Lulu pieces had I liked how they looked.