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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  She's here.  She brought her husband for some reason.  She knows it is awkward and they are avoiding me.  I am fuming.

Yes, it is my fault for saying yes.  I am horrible with conflict and am I am going to be a more selfish person in the future.  [/quote]

OP again.  Can I just reiterate how irritated I am that she brought her husband and the two of them are now in the room with the treadmill, watching them dismantle it.  He didn't even greet me; they walked past me as if I am the help.  So, yeah, I guess the PP who observed earlier that the "friendship" is just one of convenience to her was correct.

Anyway, thanks for those who commented here, even to tell me I'm irresponsible (I probably am).  This is something I've known I need to work on with myself (learning to back away from friendships that are one-sided).  I lost my parents young (in college) and I've long had a tendency to hold onto relationships I should let go because of that, I think.  I'm working on it with my online therapist.  I'm going to be more selfish and more guarded in my new location.  [/quote]

I think you seem abnormally angry at your friend. If I were picking up some large item, I would take my husband.

I have a treadmill and rower in my basement I want to get rid of. I would gladly give it to a friend.

You seem to think your treadmill is worth more than it is worth. You should have just sold it for $50 or $200 or whatever price someone would have paid for it. $200 seems very petty to be this upset and angry over.[/quote]

Because the "friend" is an a-turd.

She should have at least offered to take OP out for a nice meal, or given her a couple hundred dollars, or done something. OP didn't tell the friend that she'd be doing a favor to take the treadmill off her hands. The friend was being a vulture. (No offense to actual vultures, who are fine animals and an important part of the ecosystem.)[/quote]

I must have read OP’s post differently. The friend seemed to want to continue the friendship, visit OP, asked OP what is wrong, etc.

OP seems hyper focused on the treadmill that she is seething with resentment. Maybe I’m missing something.

I had a friend who moved out of the country recently. Her family were vultures. I guess it is ok if it is family but not a friend. She had furniture she spent thousands of dollars on that she would get hundreds for (10%).

I went and took a bunch of stuff.

This is what happens when people move. My friend absolutely was annoyed at how “greedy” her family was. They still are family.[/quote]

You sound confused. The friend was hyper focused on the treadmill, to the point that the moment she heard OP's original buyer had pulled out, she was on the phone with a company to come dismantle it and move it. OP was focused on her move, and the treadmill was part of that -- she had to figure out what to do with it one way or another, because it was HER treadmill. She wanted to sell it, told the friend that, and the friend pestered her about it for months anyway.

Your example of your friend and her "vulture" family is totally irrelevant. Was your friend trying to sell her furniture when the family can to take it? And even if she was, family is different than friendship -- if your friend is rude enough to you, you can just stop being friends, but if your parents are rude to you, they are still your parents. It's just a totally different situation that has nothing to do with OP's situation.

Also it doesn't sound like Friend B is invested in the friendship so much as she's invested on keeping OP around. Friend B sounds lonely and I sense she doesn't really care about Friend A one way or the other, but views her as useful given that they are both ex pats, so keeps her around in case she needs something -- a companion for an outing, a free treadmill, someone to text when her husband is working late. Those would be fine things to turn to a friend for, but only if you are willing to return the favor and be there for the friend when she needs you. Friend B apparently could care less about what Friend A needs. Not a true friend (and not family either, so... see ya).[/quote]

I’m not confused at all. I have a lot of friends. I don’t care about money or items when it comes to friends and family. [b]We have money though. I would just give the treadmill to my friend or sell it. [/b]

I don’t know anything about OP’s relationship with this friend. Is the friend a good host? Has she invite op over for coffee or meals? Has she been a good friend before this treadmill incident? Op seems focused on friend’s expensive bags and ponies so it seems more about money and this treadmill.[/quote]

So you don't understand how OP, who doesn't have money, might feel differently about this than you would? Are you able to consider that others are not the same as you? Or is that too much to ask?[/quote]

I grew up poor. My parents were immigrants and the immigrant community often took household items when others moved. I never thought it was taking advantage of others.

I guess the main difference is that I used to be the receiver. I am now the giver. I have been in many phases and income levels in my life including the free lunch kid who got bags of free clothes from church to now living in a multi million dollar home.

I do know that people come from different financial backgrounds. I also know there is a price and market for everything and it doesn’t sound like this city has much of a demand for used treadmills.

We live in an area with lots of state dept and diplomats. the moves are covered by their governments. They still leave lots behind and it is a mix of selling and giving it away. [/quote]

Oh for gd's sake - you and OP are not the same people.

If OP were $10k/year richer, she might have told her friend to just take the treadmill. She might even have told her friend to take it if she had been the least bit gracious! But her friend acted like a jerk, and it drove OP into a corner - and now she feels bad about what happened. Who can blame her?[/quote]

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